Just because they signed the agreement doesn't mean it will happen.

Don't bother with the contempt charge by the time it gets to court again summer will be over and you will be back in the same boat. Just going to cost you more money anyhow for the same result.

yeah you have a right to be pissed because of the money ... but its not going to fix it ... and before SS's return trip have hubby call them and meet him at the office to pick him back up. They won't bring him "all the way" home anyway.

There's worse things ... they could have decided not to visit with him at all.

laurels...I know exactly how you feel. We spent 6000 dollars last summer on an attorney to bascially re-write the custody agreement as the original one was heinous. Anyway, we spent all this money and my DH still let's ex run all over him. Example: She is supposed to meet us at our church (mid way point between our houses) to drop off and pick up. Half the time she doesn't have gas, or time, or whatever, and my DH still goes all the way to her house. It drives me crazy! He was entitled to half of Spring Break, but she didn't allow him any, instead allowing the children to go with her sisters and brother on different days to the beach, etc. but not allowing their dad to have them for even one day. DH said nothing. It is infuriating and a big waste of money. I am still in the same boat. And no so far it hasn't got any better. But, know someone else knows how you feel. At least in Florida, grandparents have no rights so we haven't been in court with them too.

Try not to let it get to you Laurels -- After all, your DH didn't cave totally by driving them out the night before. Instead, he agreed to bring the kids with him to his office -- a trip he was going to make anyway (I'm assuming), so it didn't cost you anything extra in terms of time or money.

Definitely don't file a contempt charge as that will only stir up a lot of anger and legal fees and accomplish nothing positive. Hopefully that was only anger talking...

It was a a trip DH would've made today anyhow, sweeby.

I'm PO'd be/c GPs filed the motion sneakily and it was completely out of line and nothing more than a worthless attempt to start trouble all over. My theory is, make the GPs stick to the order since they're the ones who wanted a court order in the first place. Now they've got a court order and they don't like it so they don't want to follow it? I say BS! Make them follow it or reimburse us in legal fees since it was a meritless motion in the first place, especially since they were already visiting with SS regularly.

And at this point, they know they have you right where they want you because DH will come get the kids if they refuse to bring them home. Obviously, he wants his children back so he will make the trip if they refuse. All I can say is document this occasion. Then, if you are brought back to court by them for any reason, you have some ammo. HUGS!

Your right lafevem be/c it's only ever been about where *THEY* want DH. They were po'd when he moved away from the den and are working on getting him back to it.

Do you know why men do this? Why do they go along with something they know they aren't going to follow through on? Why do they cater to the ex's or the people in their lives who make them miserable or look like a fool? Why do they spend so much time protecting those kinds when it should be their wives who actually care and love them. I don't get it and I'm having a hard time understanding.

Oh please tell me the answer when you find it!!! I'm in the same boat. It's easier for my husband to disappointment me and/or fight with me than to confront his ex-wife about her court ordered obligations (not even taking into consideration her parental obligations!!) to their children. My husband tells me that he feels so close to me that its easier and more comfortable for him to argue/confront me than it is with others!! Despite the fact that I'm always the loser of every situation!!!

Just a dumb question. But when filing for a contempt charge on a visitation order, can't you add to your contempt charge that the other party pay for all attorneys fee's? I mean in the state of florida anytime a parent has to take the other parent back to court due to contempt they can ask the court to grant temporary relief on a natural person or something to that effect.

lonepiper, my husband always tells me it's because the ex is just crazy, manipulative, etc. or the GPs aren't going to do anything else. DUH! The GPs already filed one motion for court ordered visitation so they'll do it again. As far as the ex goes, she and her atty have sent their fair share of threatening letters. Yes, I do realize that she was the first wife and mother of the SS, however, I am expected to put up with all of this crap, stay quiet about it with a huge smile, then do EVERYTHING in our house but all I get in return is DH mad at me, grief, misery, and disrespect? Something is really, really wrong with this picture.

I'm calm now about the GPs but if they refuse again to uphold their end of the CO that they demanded, I am calling our atty and having a letter sent to them or a call made to their atty reminding them of their legal obligations. This whole thing is just so ridiculous.

I completely feel for you!! I fulfill ALL "female head of household" responsibilities (not bragging, just a fact - thought I'd better put in that disclaimer.), make all attempts to be reasonable, curteous, not involve the children in any disputes, etc., and yet, when everything is said and done it is me that continues to give and give and give in order to accommodate my stepdaughters' mother. I am slandered, bashed and through it all the only consideration I am alloted is to lie on the ground with "DOOR MAT" written on my forehead and my mouth taped shut. And the funny thing is? I get more mad at my husband for allowing the circumstances to continue than at his ex-wife. She is unable to see past her own pursuit of pleasure and happiness and no one in her entire life has denied her self-absorbed wants. Better to keep the waters calm, take the high road, and forget the fact that she has no financial or emotional responsibility for my stepdaughters, until of course Mother's Day comes along... Out comes the cape, on goes the crown and ta, da, it's...SUPERMOM!! Despite the fact that my youngest stepdaughter is begging for one on one time with her and she can't pry herself from her current boyfriend long enough to assure her that mommy loves her before she starts french kissing him again in front of her. She actually told her that she didn't understand what "quality time" meant!!

Ugggh, guess I'm a little irritable today!!!

Do you think he went along w/ the agreement to pacify you in any way? I see this w/ my DH but soon, I once again learn that actions speak far louder than his words...

I'm so sorry for all this frustration, but in reality, he didn't totally cave in by jumping at their request. At least there was a slight bit of progress?

I feel for you. We who are a little on the outside see things more clearly. I've watched my H make poor choice after poor choice regarding his adult kids and, when the skids were younger, their mother.

All the best !

I think we can recoup attorney's fees, angelz. I wanted my DH to go after the GPs right off the bat for the $ since they filed that motion without merit. Of course, DH didn't pursue it.

Hi, vista, I realize DH didn't completely cave to their demands of driving SS half-way that eve. I firmly believe though that he should've stuck to the CO which clearly states that the GPs are responsible for picking up and dropping off the SS at this residence, not half-way according to my DH's work schedule. *They* wanted this CO now they don't want to follow it. DH certainly hasn't pacified me in any way with any of this, unfortunately, or else I wouldn't be venting. Actually, it was DH who said he wasn't transporting the son and that GPs had to get him at our house. DH already spends 6 hours EOW transporting SS to BM's, and he's tired of driving (in addition to the driving for work). I wish DH would pacify me for a change but he's too busy pacifying everyone else BUT me.

lonepiper, it's hard NOT to be irritable when thinking about all of this. Some days are better than others though! I hear ya on the Mother's Day thing - BM hounds SS on Mother's Day (if he's with us) on his cell phone, yet when Father's Day rolled around and SS was with her, NO phone calls to Dad. SS said the cell phone died. Go figure. When DH finally got hold of SS at BM's GP's house, SS said he didn't have a phone charger at the BM's which is BS be/c DH bought him one to keep when visiting her be/c this has happened before. Mysteriously, three days later the cell phone was working perfectly fine.

Anyhow.....I'd like to say I believe in the saying, "You reap what you sow," but I'm starting to believe it just isn't true.

Laurels:

I'm so sorry about all of this. Last week, DH had an office emergency (we are dentists, it was legitimate, lol) and the counselor asked me if I ever thought my H tried to pacify me. I gave a similar response to yours just now. I said, "My husband would always choose to INFURIATE me and deal w/ me later than to ever even somewhat minorly disappoint anyone else in our equation." Now, he'll strongly disagree w/ that statement, but it's the truth. And, as Dr. Phil says..."The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior..." I think coming to this realization is what has me depressed. I was thinking that "our" life was about to begin as we've afforded my steps every opportunity in life to succeed on their own. But, it's painfully apparent that he will allow them to draw our last dimes out of us rather than really work hard at anything. I still have hopes for the SDs. The one is working, and it's a good job. The other just arrived here w/ the bf - neither of whom has mentioned job-hunting...

Anyway, I'm sorry to get off on my own baggage again. Stay strong and vent here. It "should" be a safe place to do so, though I learned otherwise after my first post. Still, you have to sift through the criticism of those who really are very bitter towards SMs and cling to those of us who have given it our all, went into marriage believing love would conquer all obstacles, then have the sparkle leave our faces when the injustices - both big and small - slowly took their toll...

I also wonder about reaping what you've sown...

Dana

I truly believe there is justice in the world, but it just seems very slow in coming to some people, including my case. My husband picked up SD's on Sunday evening for our 2 week uninterrupted visit. Yesterday, we took the kids to a local theme park for the day. This was one of the only days all of us were going to be together because DH has to work some of the time, and my SD17 works now so she has to work some of the time also. So, I was really looking forward to a fun day with the whole family. Well, BM felt the need to call the girls 4 times (in a 5 hour period) to "check on them" and tell them "she missed them and loved them". PLEASE! This is the same woman who left a child running a 102 temperature with me before my DH and I were even married and she had never met me so she could go gambling with her DH and parents for a week in Biloxi. She called 1 time in the 1 week period to check on her child. Now, she feels the need to call 4 times in 5 hours? Give me a break. I told my DH she is doing it because she is still mad about a recent court issue, and she wants to make sure the kids aren't bonding with him. Before anyone jumps in saying "She has the right to talk with her children", etc., I completely agree. I have no problem with her calling the kids in the morning or at night and saying good night and asking about their day. But, I think calling 4 times in a 5 hour period while she knows we are out with the kids is intrusive and not allowing her kids to bond with their dad. I talked to DH about it and he just takes up for her. She's just worried, don't let her actions control you, blah..blah..blah, IT MAKES ME CRAZY! So, I know how you all feel. We do all the work, and then become the emotional punching bags.

Hi Dana! In all of my research and counseling, I have neglected to check out Dr. Phil's perspective on our situation. What you said about past behavior predicting future behavior is SO true. DH tells me all the time that this is the same BS that GPs pulled with him when he married the first time. So it really should come as no surprise then that it's happening now. I certainly don't mind you telling me your stories either and how you have handled them. It gives me ideas and perspective! I do have a good support system although my parents are married for 38 years and none of my friends are in a blended family situation. My friends and family are also biased in my favor yet love my husband tremendously but feel he needs to develop a backbone with SS, ex, and GPs. I also do individual counseling but even the counselor feels DH needs to start coming with me which would be awesome IF DH were home during the week.

lafevem, the ex's we deal with must be cut from the same cloth. SS's BM does the exact same thing. If SS or DH don't answer their cell phones when she's calling, then she starts calling the landline. Usually, DH is saying ignore her but it gets frustrating be/c she doesn't give up! I finally get mad and answer someone's phone and make them talk to her just to get her to stop calling. Yikes! She's usually at her worst when she doesn't have a BF or is transitioning between a new and old BF. I wish she's just find one and get married again - for the third time!

Have a nice 4th everyone. I'm going to enjoy this day alone in peace! DH is working, SS with GPs, and DD going to a party with friends. Woo hoo!!!!!!!

I feel your pain, I personally coughed up 20,000 dollars so my husband could get custody of his boys. We have a written visitation agreement which their biomom never honors, she never picks them up when she's supposed to or wants them during our time, and my hubby just lets her have her way whenever cause 'he doesn't want to fight with her'. It can be extremely frustrating.

The phone thing must be universal.....I've counted over 20 calls in less than half an hour...and of course, this is always at 10:30 at night when all the kids are sleeping and she just wants to fight or whine or 'talk' to her boys who went to bed at 8:30...

A monkey would've flown out of my behind before I would've handed an atty $20,000! That's outrageous. I thought a $500 order not being followed was ridiculous.

LOL!!!! Oh dear laurels, you have no idea! I use to work for an attorney as a receptionist. I once saw a bill for 127,000 dollars! That the father was required to pay because he had "money" and the mother was hard up. The case went on for 2 years actively, in court, out of court and everything in between. So much so that the judge had to pull in a guardian ad lideum, which was also tacked on to his bill. I will never complain about an another atty bill again! Be glad you don't have to deal with an ex like that. She had him paying for her BM medical bills saying that this was causing her mental distress along with phyc. bills. Just crazy I tell you!!!

Makes me feel better about the $6000 bill we are paying that nobody seems to honor. Guess it is par for the course. lol

$127,000 certainly trumps my gripe about a $500 atty bill!

I just had to tell all of you this story and then I swear I'm going to stop venting about this whole situation. Yesterday while washing kitchen rugs, the utility tub clogged and backed up something awful. DH comes home to try and fix it; he ended up breaking the drain so we have to buy a new one. He was furious and got online (Lowes, Home Depot) to research prices for new tubs then starts to rant and rave about the cost: $97! Not being able to let this one slide in all of my infinite words of wisdom, I let go with, "Honey, that tub costs four times less than the court order we had to pay for and at least it will be used properly and daily, unlike the CO which was a complete waste of our nest egg. So, I'd rather have paid for four more laundry tubs which won't deviate from their purpose, talk back, demand more from us, and wreak more havoc on our lives." :)

That being said, have a great weekend!

LOL, laurels! I'm not one to miss an opportunity like that, either, unfortunately! Every day, I go to my driveway and see $500/month being thrown down the drain in my SS's car. My husband finally got it back from him several months ago, but w/ the neg. equity and the condition it's in, we can't get rid of it. It's tough to ignore, esp. given our financial woes these past few years (fire - still no ins. paid), etc...

All the best,
Dana

Laurel...I hear you...that was an awesome response.