I have no patience with bullies. I wish your daughter would not give in to this woman.

Wow, my post just crossed with your last two posts! That mother is still a bully and she'll pick another target one day but I think it won't be your daughter!

no, would not pay and would ignore the texting. It is likely that bully mother will spread nasty rumors about DD and GS, but it will blow over, just as quickly as the love for the ski pants or whatever is a must have in today's shallow society.

"Bullying" is a trendy and overused word in my opinion.

I don't see any bullying involved - there was no persecution, subjugation or oppression involved.

The other mother was being pushy, obnoxious and rude. That's not bullying.

That woman would not be my friend after all these false accusations and extortion threats. I hope she felt like an idiot when she found them.

I am glad the kid found the pants but I think the bully mom needs to do a little more than just an apology text! Can't she even be bothered enough to give an in person apology! I think it should be even more than that actually, a hand written card from the kid and mom delivered in person to the mom and son she terrorized and bullied. This kind of behavior is going to influence that kid of hers, so it's OK to terrorize people and when you find out you are wrong just make nothing of it. Sorry this woman is not a person I would be dealing with in the future and the son may suffer for her behavior because I don't think I would be taking him along because you never know when she will go ballistic again. I agree your daughter needs to stand up to her about this situation!

BULLY: a blustering, quarrelsome,overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.

That's the meaning I found....

Redeeming quality is she admitted her error...but she is no "friend" material in my book.

The kid's mother revealed herself for the kind of person she is. She may have other things going on in her life which caused her to behave in such a way, but that's no excuse. I'd avoid her as much as possible.

I see that mom a little differently than Snidely does, but that's okay.

Holy cow; what a rude person is mom of money pants. Repeated texts,

She said that she is getting nasty texts from this kids mother saying that someone needs to either find them or pay for them.

Anemic 'apology' for such impugning allegations. Not to bother with common sense, but wouldn't you think the pushy drip mom would first look in the obvious places and grill her precious kid before such aggressive behavior towards a 'friend'? I hope DD has a delete button.

Would your daughter be willing to, perhaps not send the apology text back, which would indicate that she was refusing to accept it, but some other related message ... and, after having counted the number, possibly one of the angry texts, four or five, perhaps six times or so, and with the last one tell her that, as she had sent those messages such-and-such a number of times, would she be interested in having them returned an equal number of times?

If she isn't interested in copying the responses made here and sending them, which I agree to be a good idea, my thought is that she suggest to the mother that, as the jeans were so expensive and she hadn't taken the wise precaution of having written contact info to assist their return when they were new, that she bore a measure of responsibility and that she write the kid's name and phone number in the jeans, as was suggested here, and indicate to the mom that she felt that that 12 year old kid should take some responsibility, as well.

If she had insisted on covering part of the loss ... the mom being partly responsible, in not having foreseen this possibility and taken precautions, and the kid not having been more diligent about taking care of his things ... and the jeans being not exactly new any more, that the hosts of the gathering should be responsible for no more than, say, about 10 - 20% of the original retail "value"/cost.

In some people's eyes, it sure is different when it appears that someone else has committed an error/been rather short on diligence, and it turns out that the problem was on the other foot - you own!

ole joyful

Do you think it is possible the kid was panicked about not being able to find his expensive pants and started texting your DD from his mom's phone?

I only mention this possibility because I've seen something happen with one of my kids' friends -- he would text from his mom's phone to me without identifying himself and suggest play dates. It took several instances of this before the mom and I caught on.

I'm glad the other woman found the pants. However I am curious - after all of those obnoxious texts and then finally an apology - how did your daughter respond to this woman?

This thread reminds me of all the times years I had to track things for my daughters. "Where's your coat?" "We put it in a pile over there while playing basketball and someone took my coat, and left theirs." Luckily the coach was able to tell me who's coat was left and we went to get ours.

'Where's your coat.?" Oh, I left it on the floor in front of my locker. Okaaay. We go in and the janitor explains that they take coats off the floor and throw them in an empty locker, or they go to what is called the pit. The pit is no longer used showers and it is piled high with lost and found items. Good luck in finding it in there.

"Where's your coat?" I left it at M's house. Weather was unseasonably warm and so she "forgot it."

Glad they found the ski pants. I get the mom's frustration, but she was certainly way out of line.

ROTLFLOL @ Justlinda's suggestion.....

Oaktown - Do you think it is possible the kid was panicked about not being able to find his expensive pants and started texting your DD from his mom's phone?

No, he would have been at school when the texts came through to my DD.

Marie_cate - I'm glad the other woman found the pants. However I am curious - after all of those obnoxious texts and then finally an apology - how did your daughter respond to this woman?

I asked her that, she said she hasn't responded yet, she is too angry & wants to wait a day or so to cool off. I wish my DD would give me her number....(she knows me too well, lol)

Exactly what Socks said, I would avoid this woman like the plague. What a piece of work she is! No one needs that in their life.

That poor kid will never survive in the real world, as he's so used to someone looking out for his every concern.

>>> he would have been at school when the texts came through<<< Yep, so was my kid's friend, that was part of the reason it took so long for me to catch on.

Either way, someone was rude and out of line and it's too bad you and your DD had to deal with it.

Um... What kind of mom doesn't check the hamper for missing dirty clothes? Even kids who habitually throw their clothes on the floor hit the hamper one time in twenty, or so. Perhaps the kid was aware that these were special, expensive pants and had to be put away "right".

So. Is there any chance the mom is abused? Worried sick that she's going to take a beating if the expensive pants are lost. Going into that kind of panic over a pair of pants is outlandish, even for an addict, but makes some sense if it's fear driven. Lisa, since your daughter is wise enough to wait to cool down to say anything, perhaps when she does speak with the woman, perhaps she could ask, first, if everything is all right. Open the door to communication rather than confrontation.

There is evidently *something* wrong with this mother. Can your DD just avoid her from now on?

BTW, the person who should have had to pay for new ski pants is the boy who lost them.

I'm glad she found the pants and I'm rather shocked that she admitted it. I'm really sorry that your daughter was willing to pay for them when it was obviously not her fault that they were lost. That lady has an awful lot of nerve and she's going to end up making sure that her kid doesn't have any friends because everybody will be too scared to play with him.

I kinda like that idea, pillog, from the "get-go". It is usually 'wise' to think about what might be the 'motive' of others' behavior.....

I'd avoid that family like the plague.

I doubt the mother was abused.

It reads this way to me: zero humility and very self absorbed. Narcissist. And the boy is 12 years old -- surely capable of giving articulate answers to open ended questions. Calling Mr. Rogers! Someone needs a refresher course on how to "walk backwards in [their] mind.

expensive pants, smart phones -- I bet she could spring for a bouquet of fresh flowers.

bossyvossy, the badgering of this one woman will have ended with the discovery of the lost article. That's why (to me) it's not bullying, encounters of this nature are not typical between these two people. It's not "habitual" (the word contained in YOUR definition).

I have no doubt that this woman has episodes of being obnoxious and rude to various people she encounters in her life, but again, that's not bullying (as I understand the meaning of the word).

Still think you should make a copy of all these responses and send them to the neighbor so she won't pull a stunt like this again. Instead, she might think twice and realize where the responsibility lies. I also think the least the neighbor could do is send over a peace offering like a plate of home made cookies .....although I might be afraid to eat them. LOL

I think you should remind your daughter that she was about to cave in and pay the woman just to shut her up -- maybe she won't be so foolish next time. One of my sisters would have felt guilty and paid her too. Wrong!!!

I didn't read all the replies so I don't know if this was mentioned: What if your daughter pays the $100, and then the pants are found by the kid or mother eventually. I highly doubt that $100 would be refunded.

You can always call this woman (block your number *67) and tell her not to call your daughter anymore and let her know THE PANTS WERE NOT LEFT AT YOUR HOUSE because if they were, you'd happily return them as you have no need for them. End of story.

http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/badgering

Potato-potahto, unwarranted in any case.

Indeed. You're missing the essential sense in the definition - recurring and habitual.

I would absolutely NOT pay for them, and I would block her # from my phone. :)

The pants were found .... several texts up.

I called DD last night when I got home from work because she attempted to forward me the apology text from the bully neighbor but it wouldn't download.

Yes, I said "BULLY" because this is apparently not the first rude encounter DD has had with her.

No need to go into all the details of our conversation, although it was certainly "enlightening", lets just say this 12 yo boy is going to have a very rough life with a mother like that! He has also been known to be a bully himself, wonder where he learned that?

UGH

Georgysmom - Still think you should make a copy of all these responses and send them to the neighbor so she won't pull a stunt like this again. Instead, she might think twice and realize where the responsibility lies.

I did print off all these responses, I told my DD I was going to mail them to her & she asked me to just let it go....she is way more laid back than I am, more like her Dad in that way I guess...I would have to get one last point made, lol!

That lady has an awful lot of nerve and she's going to end up making sure that her kid doesn't have any friends because everybody will be too scared to play with him.

As I understand it, my GS is about the only friend he has, wouldn't you think his mother would have thought that thru before running her mouth & putting that at risk? DD did say they will be spending ALOT less time together outside of school. Who needs that drama?

So neighbor kid apologized to your kid? Really? After the mother did all the nasty txting? I would expect an apology to ME, from the other mom. I also would tell my kid that that neighbor kid isn't welcome here anymore.

I wouldn't punish the child over the mother's behavior. I do hope the mom apologizes to anyone she hurt.

Yes I think that saying the child isn't welcome there anymore is just returning bad for bad. If the grandson is the only friend the kid has, let it be. This issue is between the 2 moms.

I'm surprised neither the kid nor the mom checked the hamper earlier, especially when informed the pants were not left at the play date. Lazy? Prone to jumping to worst possible conclusions? The mom seems a little scary. Maybe the kid didn't remember putting the pants in the hamper and told mother he left them because he was afraid of her temper?

katlan- so neighbor kid apologized to your kid? Really? After the mother did all the nasty txting? I would expect an apology to ME, from the other mom. I also would tell my kid that that neighbor kid isn't welcome here anymore.

No, the neighbor's son didn't apologize to my GS or anyone, I don't see that he needs to...the mother texted an apology to my DD.

Susique -Yes I think that saying the child isn't welcome there anymore is just returning bad for bad. If the grandson is the only friend the kid has, let it be. This issue is between the 2 moms.

I agree. But, it will be some time before I care to have him at my house again. My DD lives just a quarter mile away, so I am sure she will continue to let the boys play together. Even if she is mad...it's not the boys fault after all. Although he is on the cocky side, quite a bragger & always trying to one up my GS and even adults at the party as well ....UGH

I hope that your grandson has other friends!

If not many ... maybe it'd be a good idea for him to work toward developing a few ... as who needs such a friend as this as pretty well the only string on his violin?!

(Don't need any of the "Monkey see - monkey do" kind of training, apart from other considerations, either).

ole joyful

I'd let the kids play together, for lots of reasons. Both can learn from one another. I trust that your GS is aware of pants' insecurity and need to boast. I hope you and DD will see to it that he can learn some techniques to gently and wisely correct any attempts pants boy might make to diminish him or others.

The pants mom over reacted. Lets hope she gets that and can self correct.

lol, pants boy, I like that :)

Oh my goodness does this bring back memories from my daughter's school days. Glad you received an apology and better yet, your DD and granddaughter know who to avoid in the future. My DD went to private schools and unfortunately we had a few of entitled parents who were amusing at best, annoying to down right psycho at worst. I agree with your DD that it is best in the long run to take the path of least resistance when dealing with such a person. Years later you get to see the fruits of their labor and usually it isn't pretty and sometimes down right sad.

Reading this thread makes me glad paying for those pants would never be in the cards..my money goes to RENT. Your daughter is INSANE if she thinks paying for them would have gotten her anywhere. The entire story is STUPID. What you daughter should have done is call the cops, show them the texts and let them talk to the wacko mom.