Hello everyone, you all seem so sensible here, I have at times, when I've been at a loss googled this topic and read other forums, this is the best one I've seen! :)

I have a wonderful husband, we've been married 3 years. He is kind, sensible and loving. I have no children, he has a son 19 and a daughter 16. I've known them since they were 13 and 10 and their mother was years gone before I arrived. They've always accepted me and always been good kids. they do what their father tells them! now they're teenagers, they are doing/behaving in the usual way for most teenagers, a bit bratty, pretty selfish, the boy has been trying drugs etc. They're not perfect but I can handle most things (I remember how I was as a teenager!), but we have had issues over basic manners like needing to be reminded to say thanks for dinner, Dad giving the boy little bits of money all the time even though he's working and living with Mum for free, instead of teaching him to budget, this drives me a bit nuts. They don't come to our house much these days as obviously the boy is doing his own thing, the girl doesn't want to come as she can't bring her BF for the night as she can at Mum's place and that's just not our way!

My problem is I have always tried hard to include them and be kind to them. I've always encouraged my husband to spend time with them, talk to them, tell them he loves them. I had a good relationship particularly with the girl, she was very sweet. we would hold hands through the mall, I'd include her in my activities regularly and watch her in her activities. I enjoyed spending time together with her.

My mother died in August last year. they have both met my mother, stayed at her place several times with us etc. Their father told them she had died the day it happened. I have never had even one tiny acknowledgment from them. I kinda don't expect it from the boy but I myself and my sisters are shocked that the girl couldn't even manage to send a tiny message on FB for example. she could have done it that way if she was feeling shy or uncomfortable about it. I told their father off well and proper about it. He's not great at "conversations" so I told him it's too late and to forget about bringing it up with them. But ignored unresolved hurts don't go away and still months later, nothing from them. So now whenever the topic of the kids come up, my hackles immediately go up. I just don't want to know about them anymore/right now. Last night my husband told me about something they are doing and I just didn't respond at all. It makes me feel like a great big nothing at all to them, so why should I be interested in them what so ever. in fact I'm not and this makes me sad/guilty. The last few times they've come over, even on Christmas Eve eve to exchange presents, I purposefully went out as I don't want to see them at all...

I'm holding a grudge I know. Am I being silly? Thanks.