--"How is it up to her? Is your dad in agreement with you not being there? If you really want to go, how is she going to stop you? Can't you stay in a hotel and go visit him? It doesn't make sense to me. And how long have they been together?"-- Well, this is the quandary Im currently in, trying to figure out what I should do, and if, in fact, I SHOULD just go up there regardless. I have gathered, from my dad being the one to tell me not to come for X-mas, even after my offer to sleep *wherever*, that he simply does not want me there. Or, to be more precise, SHE does not want me there, HE is ambivalent and for whatever reason he was chosen to be the mouthpiece (most likely chosen by HER, to hurt ME even more... To be quite honest, I am NOT 100% sure where HER wishes regarding this X-mas non-visit leave off and where HIS begin. Sadly, I do not think that HE even knows. (All this confusion is why I only maintain Âhalf anger at HIM in all this.) There is the other matter of me ---IÂll just put it bluntly--- just plain not having the money, especially with the airfares as they currently stand, to book a X-mas flight there now. IÂm a struggling student, and admittedly something of a "late bloomer" success-wise... However, money is not an issue for them, as I guess youÂve deduced. Or it shouldnÂt be, however I suspect that all the home improvements and mortgage payments for her may have cut into that. He has always paid for my plane tickets to visit him, yes, even though I am now over 30 and IÂm sure IÂll hear something from someone about how I shouldnÂt "expect that". But before anyone jumps on me for that, let me say that I basically AGREE and in other, more "normal" circumstances (i.e. him NOT currently DYING) I would agree that now that I have reached a certain age and am about to finish my education (after working full-time to pay for it all myself over several years) and thus be on my way to a better financial position, that it should ordinarily be my place to start paying for my own tickets. But I simply do not have it now, after giving up close to $5,000 with everything I had to pay for and take care of to make my summer stay with him possible. For him and/or her to suddenly cry poor (which I still think is not the case) or to expect me to shell out cash I donÂt have AT THIS TIME when the clock on his life is ticking fast, is just unfathomable. Unfathomably cruel on her part b/c she is not sick or drugged and should have a clearer head and a kinder heart... and unfathomable, for his part, that he is now living in some bizarro world where he does not feel itÂs "worth it" to pay for what could be one of the last visits with his only child. But I know that money isnÂt the real reason, because that wasnÂt his excuse. What he actually said was: "With [new-sister-in-law] and [new-brother-in-law] coming, there isnÂt any room for you." I should add that new-sister-in-law has been living there in their house for a few months (since around the time of the wedding, which I found out about on my voice-mail, after the fact, btw) and brother-in-law has apparently already made several trips between my dadÂs house and his home several states away. (I have NO IDEA what they are doing, or why THEY can't stay in a hotel, or who is looking after their own house, pets, etc.) I canÂt even get a call through to my dad 80% of the time. "SM" has tried to tell me several times that if I want to talk to him, I should call HER phone, not his (making her official gatekeeper of the flow of communications to him)... something I admit I have stubbornly refused to do for the most part but which I WILL do and have done in emergency situations. When he talks to me and she or her sister is present (which, b/n the 2 of them, is almost all the time, in shifts) he is curt and winds up saying these hurtful things like "thereÂs no room for you". I think here-and-there he has moments alone when "SM" is at work and sis-in-law is napping or showering or something. When these times coordinate with when he is awake and feeling up to it, I have received here and there the occasional earnest, loving call from him. But I know itÂs behind their backs b/c he apparently does not feel safe otherwise. He called me at 8:00 in the morning (VERY early for him) the day before Thanksgiving to wish me a lovely day (referred to the holiday as "tomorrow" so I know he wasnÂt confused what day it was) and I know this was because they were all going to be there on the holiday itself and he was not going to be "free" to call me. Sure enough, when I tried calling him on Thanksgiving, there was no answer all day, even though he had said they would all just be around the house. So, the jist is (and has been for several years): he confides in me privately and/or drops Âhints that all is not rosy. (Mind you I found out about her lack of household contributions, her massive credit card debt and the pressures from her and her family THROUGH HIM and not from pumping him for information at all... although I admit I have started to do that with him b/c I desperately want to know what is going on. Since "SM" has alienated him from his whole family and most of HIS friends, there are very few people near him that I feel I can even call to ask, and even with these few people I somehow feel awkward about doing it, afraid of coming across like IÂm "stirring s**t up" or slandering anyone.) To answer the 2nd question, theyÂve been together almost 18 years. I know, sounds like a good long time and is not the typical "2nd wife breezes in from nowhere to marry the dying man for his money". But regardless, she resents me, and it became worse every year that there wasnÂt a ring on her finger (which she also blames me for, merely for existing, as someone my father is ---I'm sorry--- morally obliged to protect the interests of besides her) and in fact in our situation, I believe this whole thing has been made even more poisonous as a result of the slow unfolding of time. When I first met her, at 13, I was completely open and welcoming to her (as was my bio-mom and her family: never was a snide remark or inappropriate question asked by anybody). Things were more-or-less okay, at least b/n she and I, for the first few years (besides the frequent day-long battles she and Dad fought on my visits, which would ruin any plans we might have had to do anything, time and time again... or the systematic destruction of my body image that she inflicted by pointing out every flaw in my body and how I could "fix it". Only years later have I been able to see in hindsight how damaging her "girl talk" was, and only years later did I find out she was addicted to diet pills so bad she had to go into detox; meanwhile I was a teenage anorexic because of her)... Then time came for me to go to college, and we have all seen the conflicts that occur b/c SMÂs often (but not always!) think the DH "no longer owes you a cent, now that youÂre 18" and want you to disappear. So, over the years, SHE became very snide, cold and manipulative of my relationship with my father. It had nothing to do with my mother, the divorce, or me being anything other than a normal and comparatively warm and well-behaved girl/teen/young adult. I think each year that went by that my dad did not budge and insisted on legally protecting my interests despite her many histrionic manipulations, she became more and more convinced that I was an obstacle, that she hated my existence, and that somehow or another I needed to be systematically shut out if she was ever going to "get anything out of all this". And it looks like all her carefully-honed efforts (all with a big smile on top, of course) are finally paying off for her and all her wishes are coming true. --"There is some truth to KKNY's warning but not all situations are like that. My dad is my step mom's third husband and ten years after they married, she became ill. She's terminal and he's cared for her the last ten years. Her own kids don't visit or call to see how she is. I help take care of my step mom. Yet, her children feel entitled to get an inheritance when she finally dies. She's still alive and they've already been to court twice. They apparently can't wait for her to die."-- I TOTALLY agree that this in no way represents how ALL SPÂs are. In fact, I grew up living in the house with my mom and stepdad, who has been nothing but a prince to me, treating me as if I were his blood. (We had our fights, of course, along with the "youÂre not my dad!!!"s but because he has a decent heart and an ability to communicate and compromise, we dealt with all of that with love. He did not make my mother "choose" nor fail to recognize normal teenage adjustment issues for what they were.) Sadly, though, I think it makes a difference and adds infinitely more pressures and tensions when itÂs a child-from-previous-marriage and step-parent figure who is also dependent. It tends to set up a sense of competition, especially if one party exacerbates it by being as grossly insecure and Machiavellian as my dear "SM" is. Not saying that even that "2 dependents" set-up is doomed, but it just requires some extra considerations and maturity and love that unfortunately in my particular situation (and that of too many others) has been lacking. I think this board is potentially a very good place to not only vent and compare notes but to truly try and reach understandings about the roots of these problems and what can be done to prevent them, so that at least others can learn from ALL of our heartaches. Thanks for reading my super-wordy posts, everyone, and to those Step-parents truly loving and caring for your step-kids, I salute you! You do have a hard job but as I've seen with my own stepdad, with the right attitude and an open heart you will be appreciated one day more than you even know.

A Banned Book Week can bring about discussion of censorship, pros and cons -- look what we're doing. :-) And for that reason, I can hardly object. Yes, it's the marketing of it that bothers me; but I agree that the plethora of "Weeks" we have here in the U.S. dilutes whatever message is intended. Most people either won't care or they will pick up and repeat superficial arguments, such as: "Little Red Riding Hood was banned! Isn't that stupid?!" I didn't mean to imply that the publishing industry sponsors Banned Books Week, instead of the American Library Association, so thanks for clarifying that, Cindy, for our non-American RPers. However, the publishing industry has taken it up and run with it. My local Barnes & Noble makes a big deal out of it, as do several other booksellers I've seen; their motives I suspect are not entirely altruistic. And all the bookselling promotions I've seen, lazily or intentionally, omit the "Challenged" part, which is nigh unto misrepresentation if you ask me. In my opinion, we should be far more concerned about media concentration and manipulation of the masses than what parents want to see on school shelves.I couldn't agree more, venusia. I have some problems with the American Library Association's statements at their site. For example, they cite John Stuart Mill's On Liberty with this: "If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind. Were an opinion a personal possession of no value except to the owner; if to be obstructed in the enjoyment of it were simply a private injury, it would make some difference whether the injury was inflicted only on a few persons or on many. But the peculiar evil of silencing the expression of an opinion is, that it is robbing the human race; posterity as well as the existing generation; those who dissent from the opinion, still more than those who hold it. If the opinion is right, they are deprived of the opportunity of exchanging error for truth: if wrong, they lose, what is almost as great a benefit, the clearer perception and livelier impression of truth, produced by its collision with error."The ALA, of course, is using J.S. Mill to bolster their argument against what they perceive as censorship; but they are ignoring the fact that beleaguering the act of challenging is also an attempt at censorship. In fact, their open statement is:Banned Books Week emphasizes the freedom to choose or the freedom to express one's opinion even if that opinion might be considered unorthodox or unpopular and the importance of ensuring the availability of those unorthodox or unpopular viewpoints to all who wish to read them.Yet, from the tone of their Q&As, it sounds as if they are deeming challengers as always wrongheaded.But because the history of the world is filled with banned books being the start...

Thanks for all your responses and here's an update. The book sale was a great success and we took in significantly more than last year. I bought lots of books for my children and here's what I found for myself: The Bookseller of Kabul by Asne Seierstad History of the English Speaking Peoples (whole set) by Winston Churchill Life of Elizabeth I by Alsion Weir The Essential Gesture by Nadine Gordimer Snow by Orhan Pamuk When You Lunch with the Emperor by Ludwig Bemelmans of Madeline fame The Gourmet Cookbook by Ruth Reichel Complete Book of Breads by Bernard Clayton Weird New England by Joseph A. Citro (my son and I had a grand time before Halloween reading this together) As for the children's books, I was most pleased with finding both hardback Christopher Paolini books and the Scribner Anthology for Young People. Also found a couple "You Were There.." histories that I remember reading as a kid. Now my problem is where to put all the books and what to read first.

I bought some books and gel pens last week when AC Moore had a sale 3 books for $10 (Creative Haven and more) so I picked up several. They also had a great set of 52 gel pens for $10 (reg. $24 - they have them now for $12.99 until ?) in a tin case so I got 4 sets. I colored my first pic and love the way it came out (I'll post a pic later). I get so engrossed in how to place the colors that it keeps my going for hours. I make copies of the prints so I always have the blank original. I'm giving some books and pens to family members for Christmas. Also, Staples has Sharpies fine and Xfine on sale 24 colors for $10 which is a good deal. I bought both as I can use them for my other paid art work. Suggestion: If you are buying coloring books for elder people, I'd find ones with larger spaces to color as some of the books are so intricate that someone with bad eyes and nervous or painful hands will have a difficult time, IMO. Many of the books have tiny spaces to color and it's hard on the eyes. I'm learning how to blend and add touches to give my pictures depth. FUN!!!