Well, from what you have written, it seems that your husband got all that he wanted. Someone to cook, clean and take care of the house. He got his maid. That's all. What you are describing is not a marriage. I don't know if sitting down with your husband and having a frank talk with him about your feelings and how badly he makes you feel would do anything. Maybe try writing an honest letter and give it to him if you don't think talking would do the trick. You have to think of yourself, but more importantly your son. Do you want your son to grow up just like his dad? Thinking that it is perfectly fine to treat you like hired help and not a wife and mother. You need to grow a backbone and not let him walk all over you and demean you. If there are no changes in this "marriage" I would leave and file for divorce. You deserve to have someone that appreciates all that you do and allows you to be who you are (who is he to say you can't work if that is what you want to do). I would have been gone long ago. But then again I wouldn't have married this type of man. Best of luck to you. NancyLouise

"But then again I wouldn't have married this type of man"...

The secret that "this type of man" harbors is that he doesn't reveal himself until he has the hook firmly in his victim's mouth & can jerk her around as he likes.

If you're a woman who can't relate to OP's situation, you might get on your knees & thank your deity or guardian angel or fairy godmother that you didn't marry "this type of man".

OP, I'm sorry you're being treated so badly, &, sadly, with the exception of the suggestion to sit down & talk to him (you're already tried that, & it didn't work, & it'll never work; these guys view talking to their wives/girlfriends/victims much the same as talking to the lamb destined for their lamb chop dinner), nancylouise is right.

This is going to get worse & worse & worse, until your very personality is in shreds, until your husband has beaten you down so much that you can't function without him.

Do what you have to do, make plans, secure a safe place, & get yourself & your precious child out of there.

I wish you the best.

I was married to someone like that -- very verbally abusive. I got a divorce when my daughter was two -- it wasn't easy but I will never regret it.

Nobody should ever feel less than. If you choose to do nothing you will be in this same position 5 years from now, 10 years, for the rest of your marriage. If I were in your shoes I would ask my self if I would be living my best life allowing myself to be mis-treated. There is always the option of counseling which would allow you a safe place to express everything you've said here. You might also want to consider starting a plan to leave which would include setting aside finances if you don't have anyone that could help if you chose to leave.

Just remember you deserved to be happy and you deserve to be loved.

Actually Sylvia, I disagree with you on one point. I believe this type of man does show who they are and send red flags up while dating. Many, many women think they can change him after marriage, or they feel this man is the best they can do and go for the security of being married. I have dated men of this type in my younger years. Dumped them in a flash. What was that saying I read in a different post a while ago, "He showed me who he was. I should have believed him." Sage advice. But regardless, this women needs to remove herself and her son from this "marriage" if it does not change. No good can come of staying in this relationship. NancyLouise

Thank goodness you saw danger signals;

so many times they aren't apparant .

Wow, this guy sounds like a real prince. "I know he won't cheat or hit me." Well then, lucky you! Can you detect the sarcasm here?

He might not cheat or hit but he sure runs the gamut of pretty well every other abusive behaviour!

Go ahead, get a jab, move out and move on. Next time he asks you if you want a divorce say "yes" and get one. I'm serious. Don't you think you deserve better? You're not even being treated as well as the hired help. Any employee would walk if the boss acted as your husband does towards you.

As has been mentioned, don't stay and let your jerk of a husband be the role model for your son and create another monster.

And it's a good time to leave when he next says, "Do you want a divorce?"

He will have been the one who brought it up. You will have called his bluff.

A friend of mine once went out with a spoilt brat of a young man who did whatever he liked. Spent her money on things for himself, slept with whomever was available. My friend always thought that she and he would marry. (She didn't know about the sleeping around until one of her mad friends told her.) My friend loved this jerk of a man. One day when he pulled his usual stunt (I think he sometimes threatened to break up with her) she let him do it. It was easier for her then to make the break as he had made the first move. It was a little as though he could save face. With these egomaniac types, that is probably very important.

As has been said, yours is not a marriage. You are not equal to him. One of the reasons why he does not want to eat what you cook is to control you.

Yes, its about control - whatever you do- he won't find it to his liking. You can try and try - but do you really think he is trying to be a better person ?

Some sage advice here, read and act my dear girl.

Now let's see... he belittles you, controls the fact that you can't work and become independent, makes your life a living hell, etc, etc. and you say you "love so much". What's wrong with this picture? Does he act like he returns this love? Doesn't sound like it. You need a job and a plan. And save your love for somebody who deserves it. Oh - and the hitting will come later, once he's really sure you can't get away.

'you say you "love so much".'

can't remember when I last posted this reflection, so maybe it's time to do it again:
I've had the thought that men/love are addictive, they're drugs to which we women are particularly & peculiarly vulnerable.

We will do the most insane, self-destructive, pitiful things...because we "love him so much."

How the heck did this happen???

It happened the same way most addictions happen:

the "drug" made us feel so good that we just kept on mainlining it, & we didn't even notice when it became our master.

& the way to get clean & sober is the same:
Don't "imbibe";

tell him good-bye & enforce the good-bye.

Don't speak to him, don't listen to his voice mails or look at his texts.

Unfriend him on facebook etc.

If he sends flowers, give them to somebody else.

Don't listen to your favorite songs as a couple, don't go to your favorite restaurant, & *don't give yourself time to brood*.

Sign up for an exercise/dance/sign language/pottery/etc class, with a friend if possible so you'll have someone who will be looking for you at class.

Replace the empty spaces in your heart with something else.

Give yourself at least 30 days to get "clean & sober", & you'll be amazed & horrified at the way some toxic guy had you believing the unbelievable & accepting the unacceptable.

Take care of yourself!

And if you don't have any job skills, time to check out your nearest community college or adult school. Financial aid packages are available.

One thing stood out loud and clear in the OP's post. "Do you want a divorce"? Because he's saying he does. He's not happy in the marriage either. But he doesn't want to make the first step. In his mental state he is abusing the OP, mentally and emotionally. She says she loves him. But does she love him or the man she wants him to be? Does she love him, or the modicum of security in her life?

It's time to sit down at the kitchen table and ask him what he wants. Just why is he so unhappy? It will be the hardest question she'll ask in her entire life.

He's happy in the marriage. He uses the divorce threat to scare her because she is completely dependent on him. That;s why the anger when she says she wants a job. A job equals money equals independence equals divorce.

Ah, yes. I didn't tweak to that at first. He wants to be in control (every man and his dog wants to be in control) and so he loves to use the 'divorce' word. Instant panic and concern that it must induce.

Call his bluff, I say.

Heck my memory is even worse than I thought. I'd said that already. I'd even forgotten that I knew that he was a control freak.

'I feel like he doesn't deserve to get a massage after work or food cooked for him or a clean house when he comes home or communication.'

You are right, he doesn't. How are things going now?

So glad to hear that. You need to be safe and happy. Good luck.

So glad to hear you're out of that mess and happier now. You are strong, girl, and don't let anyone tell you different! Best wishes for the future.

Thank you guys