*^*^Starting fresh after a 13 year marriage^*^*
bdub2018
5 years ago
last modified: 5 years ago
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bdub2018
5 years agofifamom
5 years agoRelated Discussions
Starting fresh after bobcat grading. Pic.
Comments (9)Your first step is to get a heavy pine straw mulch on the disturbed area to keep it stabilized. Suggest you do this tomorrow. Let's give that Live Oak which has been freed from a concrete prison a bit of TLC. Call a certified arborist and request a treatment of Mycorrhizal fungus and fertilizer. This is injected around tree roots, is a bit expensive but well worth the dollars. I have closely watched Live Oaks treated in this manner around your area and am impressed with the results. Probably soil compaction is not a problem is this situation with the sandy soil and and fairly light weight bobcat. To be on the safe side, after the pine straw mulch has been installed, fill a hose end sprayer with baby shampoo, set the dial on 3 tablespoons per gallon and soak the area heavily with this. One treatment should be enough on your sand, but it would not hurt to repeat another time this winter. Print out your pictures and take them nursery shopping for ideas from staff members. We can suggest plants, the problem is locating them. Hilton Head has excellent nurseries so you should be able to find Cassia for late fall color. Keep an eye out for Wintersweet (Chimonanthus praecox), very fragrant yellow blooms in Feb. A single white blossom form of Camellia sasanqua, perhaps. Fatsia japonica, hydrangeas. All depends if you wish to stay with low plants or add height....See MoreAfter 20 years of marriage, no intimate life
Comments (19)My honest opinion is that your wife is not in love with you anymore (if she ever was) and is only staying with you "because of the children". Let's look at the facts; she shows no interest in you whatsoever (physically, sexually) and doesn't even want to sleep with you or spend any time with you. She told you straight out that you were third in the list of her priorities. She is making excuses as to why she won't have sex with you because she doesn't want to admit to the real reason. I think she wants you to stay around as long as the kids are still at home. The biggest indicator of all is that she will not attend marital counseling with you!! She obviously knows you aren't happy and are trying to work on the marriage, yet she is only willing to placate you by going to individual counseling. Not that she doesn't need that too, but the problems are with the marriage, yet she straight up is refusing to do maybe the only thing that would save the marriage. No matter what the reason is for the problem, the fact that she is unwilling to try and fix it clearly demonstrates how important the relationship is to her. I think you are too young to be spending your life in a "relationship" with someone who basically wants nothing to do with you. Nobody should have to endure a marriage where they are having sex a couple of times a year (unless both partners are fine with that arrangement) or when one partner obviously has no interest in the other. I think that unless she agrees to actually go to Marriage Counseling, with YOU, and talk about what is going on here, then don't bother. Why should you try if she isn't going to. Go find someone who is madly in love with you and wants to cuddle with you, have sex with you, spend time with you, and will communicate openly about problems when they come in your relationship....See MoreHusband wondering what marriage is like after 25 years?
Comments (49)I feel compelled to give you all an update. We talked some more today and she told me that part of the reason that she married me was to get out of her bad situation at home. She also told me that she would do anything for the kids but maybe not for me. The cincher she told me that we have nothing in common and the she thinks she may just want to live alone. She doesn't have a great relationship with her family, but what I noticed today is that we weren't sad talking about ending the marriage or anything like that. It was like planning a trip or something. It was very weird. As crazy as this sounds, I have always had to take care of her as well as the kids so I keep thinking that I need to fix this as well. Until today. I told her to make a decision and tell me how she feels and what she wants to do. I think it will probably end I just need to see a divorce lawyer and start to learn more about what I need to do. It's time for me....I'm tired of taking care of everyone else....may sound arrogant...but I'm exhausted and not going to stay with someone that doesn't want me around. I told her that there are times that I see her looking at me in disgust...she said sometimes she does. Being alone and enjoing my kids is better than wasting my time taking care of someone that doesn't want me around. I hope I meet someone too that wants to laugh, travel and enjoy life. Life isn't very enjoying to me right now and all the counseling in the world won't make me forget what she said to me. Take care everyone and thanks for all your advice....See MoreHelp! Was your first year of marriage really tough?
Comments (16)I am new to posting on the marriage forum. But this is my $.02. In every marriage, there is give and take. I can see that you have a very busy life and it was that way before you married. I am not sure that you and DH didn't have different ideas about what happens after you get married. I kind of get the feeling that you weren't expecting much of a change and that DH was expecting a lot. First, if you were doing these things before you got married, then DH knew what he was getting into. Second, if you were doing all of these activities, How did you have time to date the man who became your DH? You made time for him before, right? You need to make sure that you still do that now. Just because you are "married" doesn't mean that it will be there if you aren't. Married should be a verb and not an adjective. That is when the real work starts. Finally, IMHO, if you got married and want to stay married, it is time for a sit down meeting to hash out what both of you are expecting. If you knew enough to marry him then DH's expectations should not seem to come from no where, meaning that you should have noticed that some of these have been coming for a while. It is really hard to be in the adjustment phase of being married. No one really lets all of the baggage hit the floor until they are sure they are staying. You have to sort out what every one wants and still make sure you don't lose yourself in the process. Honestly, I think you are having a case of "I wish I were still there 'itis". Basically, you are still mourning a part of your life that you had to step away from. It is not unusual to miss your single life. I know for a fact that I did. It isn't wrong, but if you wanted to marry DH then, there were reasons and do they still hold up? If marriage is something that is REALLY important to you, then you have to make sure that you are willing- not to put his needs first- but to make sure he is being heard and to try to make sure he is hearing you. If he is making you uncomfortable about seeing your single friends every week, maybe you should compromise. Could you invite them over, on the week when the SD is not there of course? Being married means that he should be at the center of your life, not your whole life, and you will need to encourage him to meet you half way. Don't give up the things you love, don't lose your passion for life, but don't leave him behind like a long date you wish was over. He obviously still wants to be around you. Have you thought about why you don't have the need to be around him as much. I am pretty sure you saw him more when you were dating than you are now if he is complaining. Maybe you need to look more closely at the situation. Please feel free to tell me if I am way off base... I am a big girl, I can deal with it. LOL....See Morethreers
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