Every November 8th, we have Random Acts of Kindness day. I put a toonie on a table when an elderly lady was having breakfast, I also gave a toonie to a lady in a wheelchair in the grocery store, she was stunned and tickled pink.

I help others regularly.....hold doors open, let them ahead of me in line, I helped a frail woman bag her groceries (she was overwhelmed, and there was a lineup). Another gentleman was buying knick-knacks at the dollar store and was short money. I gave the necessary money ( a couple of bucks) to pay his bill. He was appreciative as was the clerk. She said he's the gentlest soul and comes in regularly.

I'm just adding that we were with a friend of ours and he was driving. A red light up ahead and he stopped his truck right in front of a business driveway, and someone was right there, waiting to get out. He blocked him. I could have crawled through the floor. We weren't going anywhere, and he wouldn't let him out? I was so embarrassed and ticked.

I don't get why it's wrong to treat someone who isn't in need. Certainly, it's a good thing to give to those in need, but why not also someone else? Certainly a little friendly gesture is appreciated and could make someone's day. Maybe that person didn't suffer from hunger, but was down or lonely and in need of the kindness if not the money.

Unfortunately, Snidely has a point. There are a lot of people who do things like this almost as a prank. It's a constructive prank, so the recipient is left happy, but it's done for the entertainment of the prankster. They post videos of it online. Part of that new social segment who feel like they don't exist if their lives aren't documented online. So I take heart that they're doing a nice thing rather than tricking or embarrassing someone.

I don't usually give money to people just because they're old and not flush. I would worry that I'd insult them. OTOH, years ago, I was at the supermarket behind an elderly man who had carefully counted out pennies rolled up in notebook paper and the checker was refusing to take them. I gave him the $5 for them. I couldn't believe how horrible that was. He was trying to pay with legal tender! I doubt he had any folding money to spend and probably raided an old penny jar. Made me want to cry. Or slap the checker (I wouldn't do that, but I've felt the urge).

Plllog, I understand what you are saying about pranks and I too look for the positive in it. I think those that prank are a very small part.

I didn't think it was a necessary addition to this thread by a certain poster. I felt his/her post was meant to deflate what was a very nice thing. The OP had something wonderful happen and wanted to share. No where in her post did she ask for advice or information. "I don't find it interesting to join mobs shouting "Hallelujah!" I never make posts like that in threads like that." So when someone shares good news, just how should one respond, so as not have the "mob" mentality?

Ellendi6161, my 93 year old father who recently passed away was a WWII veteran. He would often ask me if people still talked about WWII. He had his uniforms and medals and was so incredibly proud of them and his service to our country. He would often say "maybe I should wear my jacket so people don't forget".

matti, the conversation took a couple of turns. You can't read snippets and make sense of them all alone.

Someone asked me why I "always" pipe up with a disagreement with or a different explanation of what others have said in a discussion. My response was I don't find it interesting (personally) to offer agreeing views, there are enough others who do that. What I find interesting is to offer new or different explanations or information about what's being discussed. I'm going to bet that many of the readers weren't aware of the frequent prank nature of these "pay the bill" occurrences. Thanks to pillog for explaining it with more eloquence.

Feel free to make whatever comment you want. It isn't up to me or anyone else to tell you what to say or how to say it. The cop who monitors traffic looks only for civility and adherence to the rules, nothing more.

No snippets, I read each of your posts in their entirety.

I like what P Allen Smith says: "Share the bounty".

Whether it's something substantial like paying for groceries or coffee or just a gesture like telling a cashier that her nails are nice, I think everybody appreciates a little positive perk.

When I was sad a while back, my tendency was to stay in bed with the covers over my head.

I finally made a rule for myself:

I *had* to engage in some kind of positive interaction with someone, other than a business conversation, every day.

Some days I handed my leftover fast food *coupons*, (edited to say *coupons*, I didn't hand my leftovers to anyone!) to someone else in line or I shared plants from the garden.

Some days, I had to find a way to do it, but every person to whom I dished out some little positive thing smiled, some of them said thank you, & one said I had made her day.

*& it perked me up & made me feel good*.

Sylvia, I agree. It doesn't have to be about money, but it certainly was welcome in the posts mentioned. Yesterday I came down a flight of stairs and the door flew open - there was a young man (teens probably) who stepped aside and held the door for me. Really warmed my heart :-)

Duluth, thank you for the reminder for the PO food drive this Saturday! It sure isn't publicized much.

We participate in the PO food drive, but we deliver the goods to the local food pantry or post office truck in parking lot, instead of relying on the postal van to collect it. Our carrier services over 1,000 boxes daily. Add getting out of van, lifting and loading food donations and she becomes overwhelmed. She is 62 years of age. Last year, some donations were still on tree lawn the following Monday.

I happen to be one that enjoys snidely's take on things most times, even if it differs from mine. Makes life interesting. That being said, I think he's way off base this time (JMO, snidely). I'm sure if someone is generous enough to put a smile on a Senior Citizens face regardless of whether or not she can afford to pay for her own lunch, that same person is generous in contributions to charity, also. An act of kindness is just that, an act of kindness whether it involves a surprise pick up of someone's check or like the one I experienced the other day when a nice older gentleman saw me struggling to get a large bag of lime out of my cart to put in my car and he said I'll get that. An act of kindness makes both parties feel good and yes, very often the person on the giving end gets far more pleasure than the person on the receiving end. A good reason for acts of kindness to be offered more often. No need to try to figure out the motive, just enjoy the kindness when given.

I don't think Snidely is rude and snarky. He just makes his point of view clear. Cynic is the same; to the point that for a while I was thinking they were one and the same. I enjoy both of their comments.

Whether it's paying for someone's lunch or leaving a hefty tip....and we've seen plenty of those being posted on social media, or just taking a cart to the stall to help an older woman, it's just forms of niceties.

It's so blatant when people are greedy and rude and think their time is more important or that they are more important than anyone else. Case in point, the 2 lanes of the street were being narrowed into one because of construction.......the orange arrows were clearly visible and people were moving into the left. I had my blinker on and the drivers in the left were letting some of us in. There was an opening and I was angling my front over. The guy drove right up beside me so that I couldn't get in. I was so mad, and there he sat, because of traffic. I suppose he's better than everyone else because he was driving a Porsche. Blech.

The other day while walking from the parking lot to the grocery store in the rain, I said to another person making the same trek, "If you wander around out here for a while ... your friends'll say that you're all wet!".

"My friends have been saying that to me for years!", was his reply.

Each of us smiled a bit, I think.

o j

Hey, has anyone had someone not thank them for holding the door open??
I hold doors for men and women and I find that women will not always say thank you, whereas the men always do. Hmmm maybe that's why when I say thanks (and I always do) sometimes I get a look of surprise from the man, and always a "you're quite welcome."

Hey, has anyone had someone not thank them for holding the door open??

Yes. My experience has been that more often it is the men that do not say anything. On several occasions, men have actually reached over me and grabbed the door out of my hand. But I also have had them be pleasantly surprised when I expressed appreciation. I have found that women rarely act surprised, and just reply "You're welcome."

When I invite someone to go first, hold the door for someone, etc., I often say, "I'm retired - I have more time than you do!" and sometimes someone makes an interesting comment ... usually with a smile or equivalent.

ole joyfuelled

I'm always holding doors for people and often are not thanked. I always say "Youre Welcome" as they pass through...oblivious.

OJ, I use a similar phrase...I say "You have momentum on your side!" That usually gets a chuckle! ;)

Thx, jasdip and georgysmom, I don't usually intend rudeness when posting. Some people view any disagreement or difference of opinion as being rude/disrespectful. For them, I'll say "Sorry" in advance (this one time). You may not like my comments but you can be sure that I'm sincere and intend nothing personal in what I say. Most of the time.

Holding doors open? So here's the thing - going back to teenage years, it's puzzled me how some females have the odd habit of staring straight ahead and never moving their eyes or saying a word as they walk past. On the sidewalk, in a public place, in a store, anywhere. I don't look like a serial killer, nor do I usually have snot smeared on my face, so I don't get it. Those same females, 20-40 years later, still insist on walking by, even through a door I'm holding open, without looking at me or saying a word. You know who you are.

To them, understand I would gladly let go of the door and let it hit you if I thought it would give you a message. To the others who smile and wink at me flirtatiously, or say something, you know deep inside that your communication is received and very appreciated. For you, I'll hold doors open forever.

I think it's wonderful that people do things like picking up Glenda's lunch tab. Next time I have a few extra dollars, I'll do that for someone. I do hold doors open, run out and pick up packages from the delivery guys to save time on their route (now they honk the horn to let me know they're stopping - I spoiled them LOL), let people go ahead of me in line or whatever common courtesies I can do.

Jasdip,
I have to tell you my eyes were making mistakes faster than my brain could compensate for when I quickly scanned your comment "I put a toonie on a table..." Gosh, brain bowled a real gutter ball on that one, and I even know what a toonie is (assuming it's money :-)

Holding the door for someone else is just polite.

I once worked with a very young woman named Karen who always said, "Just 'cause I'm a lady doesn't mean I can't be a gentleman."

Snidely, YES......they walk right in, staring straight ahead without even acknowledging that someone (me) held the door open for them. I always make eye contact and say something to the person doing it for me.

Malna, our toonie is a $2 coin. Our loonie is a $1 coin. It has our national bird, the loon engraved on it....hence the 'loonie'.

Gyr_Falcon, I now know that you're female :>D

When I was in my early 20's my husband and I and our then 9 month old son went out to late lunch. It was the first dinner outting we had since our child was born. At the time it was a huge treat for us. We were living on a very modest income. There was one other couple in the dining room and the couple would smile at my son and he would smile back and giggle throughout the meal. The couple finished their meal before we did and left. When it came time for us to leave and pay we were told it was already taken care of. We were really taken aback that someone would do something so kind. It really made my whole entire day. It's actually something that has stayed with me even 15 years later. I've told so many people that story because it really was a moment that stood out for me. I'm sure they could tell we weren't well off, but I don't think they paid for our lunch because of that. I think they just wanted to do something nice for someone else and I'm sure my smilely son made their day a little brighter.
Chances are someone who does little random acts of kindness for those that aren't down and out, are hoping that it will make that person's day just a little brighter and that person then might in turn do something kind for someone else. I always hold doors for people or say thank you when someone does it for me. Often kindness is contaigious.

Jasdip, we have a local slang term around here that sounds really close to toonie in speech and, trust me, it has nothing to do with a nickname for a coin. Told you my brain was bowling gutter balls. Same brain did finally remember that you are Canadian - my mother was, so that's why the light bulb went off re: toonie and my mind wasn't in the gutter for more than a nanosecond :-)

It could be that glenda reminded them of someone or an event and just simply wanted to thank her for the memory.

Years ago my 2 sisters and I were out for a casual dinner and someone anonymously picked up our tab and we chose to view it as someone who was enjoying watching us laugh and have a good time. It is easy to see that we are sisters.

I just saw something on TV where a woman with a thick Southern accent was talking about how she wouldn't contradict her elders, because contradicting is rude, but would just go ahead and do her things her way. I don't get that. It feels like lying to me. It's possible to say "no" nicely, and in a discussion one can disagree civilly. There are other cultures in the world where saying "no" or disagreeing with someone is very wrong. In my culture, disagreeing during a discussion, even if it's just as the devil's advocate, is considered a good thing. The best way to test the thing that you fundamentally agree upon is to take the opposite side and see if you can't make it the better choice. Holding back and not engaging in the discussion is considered snooty and rude.

I think it's great that Glenda was the recipient of a random act of kindness. It doesn't matter if the person who paid her bill only paid it to get his/her own jollies. It made Glenda's day, and that's what matters.

However...

"Friend's husband who is turning 92, goes every Saturday with his best buddy to Waffle House for breakfast. They always wear their WWll military hats. Almost every time they go, someone picks up their tab as a "thank you" to them."

My father fought in World War II, and I am totally in favor of honoring and thanking ALL of our Vets. But these two gentlemen seem to be deliberately seeking free meals by wearing their WW II hats into the restaurant every Saturday. Or do they wear their military hats every day, everywhere they go?

I've said the rather emphatic "You're welcome!" when people don't thank me for holding a door open for them or when purchasing an item and receiving no thank you. Invariably the person is startled and a little sheepish. I've come to realize that they are less purposely rude than just completely turned in on themselves and tuned out of their environment. That is, they don't even see you. I think that is sad, and compounded by the fact that a lot of folk old and young are wired to their ipod.

I might remind you also that sometimes a RAK for someone who can well afford their own check might just bring some sunshine on a bad day. As a senior citizen I can tell you that there are certainly a few days in most of our lives where a little cheer from a RAK could certainly do a lot of good. Fighting my fourth battle with cancer, one thing that I have noticed since I mostly use a cart in the grocery store is that almost everyone around me is more than willing to take time to help me pick up something or reach something..Most people enjoy helping others....

I don't understand the comments that negate kind gestures to anyone other than the "needy". Aren't we all in need of a kindness? Even if we don't know we are? Doing something nice for someone - anyone - is .... um .... nice!

I agree, Suzieque. What difference does it make if the person can afford to buy his/her own meal. The one doing the RAK doesn't know that and I don't think that is a factor in doing so, it is just that.....a random act of kindness!

Well said Suzique!

RAK's should not be solely based on the age or appearance of someone. Kindness should be extended to all. I know some very wealthy people who most would think are in need based on the way they dress and I also know some very poor people who no one would ever suspect are homeless. We all deserve kindness.

It looks like this conversation may be over but I just wanted to add that buying someone who isn't in monetary need of a meal doesn't mean that it didn't them them a world of good in some other way. Perhaps they buried a relative that day or had difficult circumstances in another way? Just knowing that someone else was thinking of them can mean a lot.

This happened to me again, this past Saturday. In line at local cafeteria and couple in front of me took my tab. Special people!

Angela Id, I did not bring up the thread. I don't toot!

bengardening

I have to make a list of things that I volunteer to do for people. I have started driving people 40 miles to appointments and I am mostly with 80+ people and I always try to walk slower and hold the door for them. I think this is a good post to bring back. Does anyone else want to add to it.

A few years ago I was to attend a reunion of former missionaries that our denomination had sent to (south) Korea, after the Korean War.

It was understood that everyone would bring a contribution for lunch and someone suggested that I bring napkins, I had bought a pack each of dinner and lunch ones and had been in discussion with someone in the checkout line. When I was checking out, the cashier said that there was no charge, that the person ahead of me in line had paid my tab.

I've picked up part of the bill a few times, especially when someone was having trouble finding enough money, sometimes especially when they were saying that they'd have to leave one or a few items behind.

With regard to helping veterans, we send military people in top physical, mental and emotional condition into war zones. When the huge and prolonged stresses tear them apart so much that they come home broken, I believe that our countries should be honour bound to take care of them.

But often we have made qualifying for disability pension difficult.

Recently our government proposed to give those long,-term disabled veteransl a lump-sum settlement, a figure of $250,000. was publicized. When I told a local Member of Parliament that this figure was dishonourable, a disgrace, he said that it was to be on a sliding scale, up to a possible three million, I said that he and I both knew that few would qualify for the higher ranges. That if a recipient spent none, but invested the whole $250,000 at 2% ... s/he'd earn $5,000. per year, and I'd like him to show me how to live on such a princely sum.

Didn't get a satisfactory answer.

ole joyful

This is one of those goofy things that has become faddish in popular culture that makes no sense.

Someone who wants to give of themselves in an unselfish way, and be helpful for those less fortunate, can surely find better things to do than to pay for something for someone not in apparent need of the help. Worthy causes are easy to find - how about sharing their money and their time with an animal shelter, or a food bank, or a family shelter, or a college fund. Or buying a homeless person a meal. Paying for something anonymously for someone not in apparent need is pointless. Is it exhibitionism or voyeurism? Some form of showing off? I don't know, it's odd all the same.

I think doing something for anyone anytime is a good thing. Of course helping a cause or individual in need is a priority but all of us need a sign of kindness regardless of our financial standing. Kindness can never be a bad thing.

Elmer, you're confusing charitable giving with impromptu kindness. I do provide financial support for missionaries and my church. That is a planned choice. An act of kindness is random and unplanned. As for acts of kindness being a "new" thing, not where I'm from, it's been around for centuries, just read Luke 10:25-37. I've been on the giving and receiving end for decades. We only know more about instances due to social media.

As for kindness being without sense, you don't know what is going on in another life to decided that being kind is wrong. That couple at a restaurant may be spending what little they have to enjoy an anniversary or birthday or that person in front of you may have just had a family member die or they just received a terminal diagnosis. Is kindness a waste, not to me...

Kindness comes through compassion/empathy for others. I find it quite sad that anyone would object to it.

First of all, Glenda, that was so nice of that couple to make your day!!! I think that by concentrating on the monetary element of the act is completely missing the point. As Satine and Raye Smith said, it's the thought, the kindness that matters. It's thinking of someone else before yourself. Just doing nice things for others, no matter what that act is, is very rewarding to oneself. It feels good. It lifts your spirit. It makes you smile knowing you made someone else feel good. We could use a LOT more of this behavior in our world right now.

"Elmer, you're confusing charitable giving with impromptu kindness. I do provide financial support for missionaries and my church. "

Paying for the operations of a church you attend and for its proselytizing missionaries are hardly examples of charitable generosity. Not a case of giving financial support for an org you're disconnected from personally and not "benefiting" from. It's the opposite. If you want to be generous and you like to support religious activity, give to a church of a different denomination or creed or other religious and apolitical orgs you don't personally participate with.

The opportunities people have to share kindness with others rarely or never involve money and are rarely put on public display. It's a peculiar thing to do from my vantage point, all are welcome to feel differently.

Old thread, and so much still rings true. I rarely separate out by sex, but some men are just extremely weird about even the smallest of gestures.

I frequently offer to return a shopper's cart to the stall if I am going that way or I have a few minutes to kill. Earlier this week, I finished unloading at the same time as a young male customer with a car in the next stall. So I offered to return his cart for him at the same time. His reply was "No, I can do that myself." Okay. He didn't offer to take mine, so both of us pushed our carts over to the stall and returned to our respective vehicles.

Over the years, many men, and all of the women, I've offered cart service thank me, and seem pleasantly surprised at my offer. (One senior man said I must listen to Joyce Meyer, but no, atheists can be kind too.) I cannot figure out WTH the reasoning is behind that thought process with the males that are offended by it, except maybe they are so unused to tiny gestures of kindness from strangers that their knee-jerk response is to refuse.

"I cannot figure out WTH the reasoning is "

Here's a simple explanation - what you consider to be a gesture of kindness may not be seen the same way by the intended recipient, or may not be something they wish to accept for whatever reason that doesn't matter. Neither of you is wrong or right, but you shouldn't assume any random individual you encounter will see things the same way as you do.

Do you ever start to speak with a stranger and they ignore you or reply in a curt manner to indicate a conversation with you isn't on their list of things to do? Same thing.

I don't think gender has anything to do with it, except that some women can be rather passive in public and may not express or insist on their view.

"The opportunities people have to share kindness with others rarely or never involve money and are rarely put on public display."

My experience has been quite different with regards to the first part of that statement. While I agree acts of kindness do not have to involve money - and many times they do not - in many, many cases they do! As an example, I have some family members with considerable financial resources - enough to indulge themselves (and often ther family members) with whatever they want. But they are also very community involved and frequently take up the slack when some community project or other falls short financially....community fireworks display on the 4th, funding amateur theatrical productions, etc. And they have also set up trusts to finance the college education of each one of the family cousins (8 so far). All of this has been done completely anonymously - they neither want nor are comfortable with any acknowledgement of these actions of generosity.

"I cannot figure out WTH the reasoning is "

Here's a simple explanation - what you consider to be a gesture of kindness may not be seen the same way by the intended recipient, or may not be something they wish to accept for whatever reason that doesn't matter.

--------------

Your mansplaining skills are deficient in regards to insight.

Your attempt at a derisive comment says more about you than about me.

raye smith did you take your last comment off of here of did someone else?

No, I was commenting on the bizarre and stupid post from Elmer about giving to churches or missionaries is not charity.

As for the shopping cart thing, 2 days ago a young man and I were done about the same time. The shopping cart spot was full, no way to get them in without them just rolling out again. I offered to take his cart back to the store. He gave me a big smile and a “thank you ma’am” I am not getting the paying it forward thing (the one where you pay for the person behind you and it is supposed to form a chain), but I am trying to help, may it be with money or time whenever I can. Doesn’t matter if the other person has money or not.

I love RAKs! Out of the blue, unexpected, and so sweet. They put a smile on my face even when they're not for ME, but I was able to witness.

I work at a thrift store and many of the customers are shopping while they wait for their turn at the food pantry next door. When I started, if someone was "short" a little bit I'd make up the difference. Over time, I learned I just cannot sustain doing that.

Anyway, this past week, a lady who didn't speak much English was making a purchase and she was 55-cents short. She kept talking to her GF, who rolled her eyes and said it happened all the time as the first lady had trouble thinking in Dollars and Cents. Another food pantry customer heard the conversation, while the first lady was trying to figure what to put back and came up and paid the 55 cents. First lady was thrilled and thanked the stranger profusely.

An hour or so later, first lady and her GF came back through and bought a little more. This time, the GF paid and she took all her leftover change and put it in our Donations jar. In my eyes, that was TWO people paying it forward!

Elmer, I think you missed the point of Glenda's original post; it had nothing to do with money.

I agree with gyr falcon. As a sort of experiment, I have been holding the door for men to see what they do. I am pleased to say that they all say thank you and sometimes I even get a smile out of them.

I, too, will offer to return grocery carts when I'm heading into the store. The young mothers are very grateful so they don't have to leave their little ones unattended even for a moment. Men sometimes look surprised but I have never had someone refuse. That seems so odd to me. Someone is offering, why would you refuse? I don't get that. I'm retired and I look at it as I have lots more free time than most of the people shopping. And it's a nice thing to do.

Just in time for this thread! LOL!

KANSAS CITY, MO. (AP) — A random act of kindness has netted AFC Championship tickets for a man called Dave who helped dig a Kansas City Chief out of the snow.

Offensive linesman Jeff Allen posted on Twitter that his car got stuck as he was heading to Arrowhead Stadium to take on the Indianapolis Colts in Saturday's playoff. Allen says "a nice guy named Dave," who didn't know he is a Chief, got him back on the road.

The Chicago native asked his 21,000-plus followers to help him track down the Good Samaritan so he could reward him with tickets.

Hundreds of people replied — many claiming to be Dave — and thousands retweeted the plea.

On Sunday, Allen tweeted that he has found the real Dave "despite the recent influx in people changing their name to Dave in the KC area lol."

Copyright 2019 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Link to the AP story