I'm so sorry about your loss. If you can find a grief counselor, you minister or a friend who can direct you right now I think it may be a good idea...not that I think you are ready to totally deal with your grief, but to help you get some semblence of order into your life. You NEED to get that Social Security started. Don't worry about touching his stuff, that can all wait. I'm sorry about giving the car away, and don't know your family dynamica, but doubt you can get it back. If you have life insurance you can collect on your husband you need to get that going also. Now the next thing I found from watching a friend go through the loss of a child is to remember that everyone grieves in their own way, so don't compare yourself to ANYONE ELSE. Don't hurry this, and don't worry if you are "not grieving correctly' (As you may find people telling you at some time, they are wrong, not you). Right now you need to take one day at a time, and within that one day, you will find that there are times you are taking one minute at a time. People will tell you it will get easier, and it will, the pain lessens. The love you had for your husband doesn't lessen! Don't worry about that. The guilt will lessen and go away (you can What if yourself to a nervous breakdown, but it wasn't your fault you didn't know!!) Come here often, there are so many wonderful people who can help you...Lulie-Wayne is the first one that comes to mind (and I know there are others, I apologize for not naming you as I've seen how special all of you are, I will lose this message if I go back to find other names). They have been where you are and can help in so many ways. Use they're shoulders to cry on, knowlegde they had to gain to help you, and their ears to just listen. Vickey-MN

Good question HH :). As to jewels....I found a pretty little pearl broach (antique) in a townhouse we purchased a few years ago. I still have it...they were drug dealers who were thrown out by the PO and they and the other six people who roomed in the place trashed an already trashed place. It took a six person cleaning crew a week to clean it up including all of the broken glass (because why not break the windows before you go right?). I don't care if it was the druggies grandmothers broach...karma left it in the place and I wasn't hunting down drug dealers. So that's a good and bad story. My other townhouse is more fun. We purchased within a few hours of listing despite the place being overpriced because I wrote the contract at asking price or bank approved appraised value, which ever was the lesser knowing that it would appraise about fifty grand lower than our offer. That man thought he was so smart lol he had his brother do the appraisal :). But it was not a huge town...people knew of the relationship so the bank rejected the appraisal and did another, coming in exactly where I said it would. He tried to get out if the contract so we sued for breach...ugly ugly but we won of course. So out if bitterness I guess he removed the horrific chandelier from the dining room which he said his wife carried on her lap on the plane from a castle in Hungary. I don't know why she bothered because you can buy them all day long at lows for about 22 bucks but whatever....it saved the price of removing it from our costs lol. They also left the new fridge and washer and dryer (not addressed in the contract either way). They didn't have time to take them because we had forced closing before they started packing the day prior to moving (they thought that we would give up). They came back two months later saying their kids wanted them for their new house so they would go ahead and take them now. I laughed and suggested they try a better storage facility and closed the door. Those appliances didn't come close to our legal fees and weren't going anywhere. Then there is this house....we purchased lock, stock and barrel. Not only did they bake a quiche and leave it in the fridge with juice, coffee and creamer but they left a dozen roses in a silver vase that belonged to the original owner on the dining room table with two glasses, a cheese plate and a bottle of wine. They also left a toy on the table for our son and a few others were hidden around the house for him. The house was spotless with freshly made beds and fully stocked bathrooms. If I ever buy a house again I'm going to pay someone to do that for me again lol. It was heaven!!!!

Jerica, You've written practically the story of my life, only it happened to me at 40 and not 18. I'm going to back up what some of the other posters say, in that you must tread softly in relation to how you talk about his wife. Keep in mind, though, that you may be getting the blame for things that you haven't said or done. My SM is good at making things up, to the point that my dad actually believed her. I believe you've sized the situation up correctly: Your SM is jealous of the closeness you have with your dad. Women like that (and it happens with biological mothers of sons, as well) can't seem to tell the difference between the love a man has for his wife and the love he has for his daughters. In other words, she may see you and your sister as a romantic rival for her husband's affections. Sick, but sometimes true. Talk to your dad, alone if at all possible, about the situation ... that you feel estranged from him and that you would like to spend more time with him. If he seems reluctant or won't look you in the eye or is evasive, ask him point blank if there's anything you've said or done that has made him or your SM mad. This is where you have to be careful. If your SM is inventing problems for him (things that she says you've done or said), it'll be hard to listen to it and not get really angry. I made that mistake a couple of times. Now that my father is actually talking to me again, I usually wait until he tells me what my "offense" is and then I, very calmly, tell him whether or not it actually happened. Be careful, though. Me and my siblings were really close to my dad until my SM came on the scene. He allowed her to estrange him from his family ... to the point that at one point, he didn't see or speak to any of his children or grandchildren for more than two years.

Found it!!! Finally got the step stool and looked up on the back of the top shelf of the "baking ingredients" upper cabinet. There it was behind something! When my kitchen was 80% finished, I was told I could put things in the cabinets and drawers. Since my DR table (and floor) had been in chaos for months, I jumped at the chance. Then I left town for nearly 5 weeks! When I got back, I could not remember where I'd put much of anything as I really hadn't cooked in the kitchen yet! Slowly but surely, I'm learning where I put things in my own kitchen! At least I need not order another plum pudding. Anyone who loves them but does not want to go to the bother of making one, should order from Mother Sperry Plum Pudding <http://mothersperrysplumpudding.com> "Mother" is a hoot - just a totally delightful woman with a great sense of humor (just read her web site!). She also donates most of her profit to a local charity.