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fedupin512

Fed up and frustrated

11 years ago

I feel very frustrated and fed up with my marriage. We have been married for 14 yrs and we have 3 children. He is 15 years older than me. I must admit I did fall in love with him, I was a nursing student at the time and in love. After the 2nd year I had my daughter. I started noticing that he spent a lot of time on the computer and didn't help me with the baby. I found some love letters he was writing to his girlfriend that he had when he was 16 years old telling her he will always love her. It hurt me and I didn't say anything. I was a virgin when I married him and never dated before him. This is something I have always regretted. Our sex life is boring I always initiate everything. I feel like this marriage started with a bad foundation. At home he says he has no desire but when he comes home from work he says that he has so much mojo and could sleep with everyone. I know he has no respect for me and I hate him. He spends days and nights on his I pad. He ignores our children and doesn't help me with them when it comes too homework and doesn't pay attention to them. One day he brought up the idea of swinging I was shocked when he told me. I was frustrated and open to the idea of going to check it out. We went to a party and I did hook up with a guy and my husband participated with me. I felt weird, but I liked it because I had never been with anyone else. My life with him has been frustrating he always wants me to find parties for us to go to. I always find websites that he has signed up to. He is always trying to find couples for me so he says. I am not interested in doing this with him. He has told me that he wants to have sex with the wife if we find a couple I like. I have told him that I am not interested, but he insists on doing it. He will chat with people pretending to be me. Everywhere we go people tell him that I am beautiful. I am attractive and take care of myself. I am not happy. I have told him, but he doesn't care. I am neglected I go to bed alone while he stays up watching tv or plying on his pad. I feel like I am dealing with a big kid. I take care of him and do what I have to do for him. My boys love him and I know I would hurt them If I leave. He tells me to leave that no one is stopping me. He doesn't want to do anything but sit there. If he wants to go out or take me out is just to swing and I reject the idea. He tells me that he wants to see me happy and that this is for me. He always tells me that I should arrange gangbangs or sex with other women. I have deleted accounts in the past that I find on swing sites. He won't stop and I feel like he sees me as a sex toy. We don't have a healthy sex relationship. When we do have sex I feel like it is an obligation not a desire. I work and take care of my priorities. I am fed up with him and I am ready to walk out. I didn't sign up for this. I cry out of anger and regret. I always ask myself how many men want to see or tell their women this. My mistakes have become regrets.

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