No additional advice because what you've received already is spot on. This is a long story about my son in early grade school but I think you may find it of interest. My DS had a classmate who didn't quite fit the mold of the students from our town. His manners were lacking, his play was rougher, his entire demeanor was somehow 'coarse' even for an 8 year old. That may sound like harsh judgement, especially of a child, but the differences were obvious. The mother was the adult version of the son, with an added component of being pretty open about her pot use. Do what you want in your private time but if you make that part of your public persona, I don't want my young DS exposed at the tender age of 8. Yet the wild child continually asked my DS for play dates and the mom continually called to try and arrange things. At that point in my life I didn't have the cajones to speak my mind so always hemmed and hawed my way out of the dates. My DS then started asking to have the wild child come to our house to play and I had to do the 'we're busy dance' with him, too. It continued for a long time until I finally told the truth to my DS, that I didn't think this boy was good friend material, that he kept getting in trouble at school and I didn't want his actions to be part of my DS's life. My DS did not miss a breath and responded by saying, "Don't you think I might be a good influence in HIS life?" I felt about 2" tall. From then on, and with my supervision, the boys had periodic play dates. When the were old enough that a hovering mom was no longer appropriate, I decided to talk openly with the mom. She understood, respected my choices and we actually developed a peripheral friendship over the years. We'd take her son on camping trips or boating, she would take them to rock concerts that would have driven us nuts! When the boys entered high school their interests changed and they had only the very occasional contact. When my DS graduated a year early and went to college, contact fell off even more since the wild boy stayed in town after high school and started a series of minimum wage jobs. And then a few years ago, the mom called with one of those calls you never want to get - her son was dead, killed in a car accident 1/2 mile from home. Alcohol was involved. My DS came home for the funeral and the mom thanked him for the friendship he had shared with her son who had always been more of an outcast than an integral part of any social group. We all attended the service and my DS & DH were asked to be the witnesses for the cremation - she couldn't do it and believed her son thought of us as family. No real moral to this story, But you just never know....

Lowspark's comment got me thinking....I took the opposite approach, kind of like two sightless people touching the same elephant but in different locations....my kids (5 and 7) are usually well behaved but have had their moments when younger, particulary while grocery shopping. On the times they behaved badly at the grocery store, I absolutely did not leave the store with a cart full of groceries - after all, that's what the kids wanted...not to be at the grocery store! That would be like giving in to them! Rather, when they cried etc in the checkout line I let them know that sometimes we do kid stuff and sometimes we have to do "grown up stuff" like grocery shopping. And if they had a tantrum, we still had to finish the grown-up stuff regardless. Then when we got done the grown-up stuff - THAT's when the consequence would come - when they finally got home and thought they would get to do what they wanted. So I would caution judgmental people who think that just because you don't whack your kid in public or drag them out right then and there, means there are no consequences. Conversely when we are doing a fun kid thing (birthday party, movie, dinner out, etc) I agree that that's when it is super-easy to use the "we're leaving NOW if you don't behave" as a consequence!

I didn't say I had just one, haha. I meant I like to travel light - a smallish (relatively) bag and my carrier and I am good to go. I hate fighting a stroller and just in general do not carry a lot of "stuff" with me. Not even really toys when I am running errands, he is pretty happy with me chattering away at him and handing him the occasional item to look at before he turns around and drops it in the cart for me. I actually have a maya wrap that I bought while pregnant on the advice of friends that I never used because 1) I couldn't get the hang of it and 2) my son HATED being swaddled and by the time I had him encased in that thing he was screaming bloody murder and would not calm down until I took him out. We used a baby bjorn for a little bit (I know, the horror!) that was actually a gift too I think and he seemed to like that for a while until he started to realize "hey, where's mommy???" facing out and it seemed to be making him more anxious, not less when I had him by myself. It worked much better for DH because I was always there walking next to him so he knew where I was. It never fit me well or comfortably either, but he was so content being "on" one of us that I started looking at carriers in earnest at that point. Then I went down to a local shop that caters to pregnancy, breastfeeding, babywearing and cloth diapers and was able to really try various carriers out, get them fitted, get suggestions based on lifestyle and try them out for a couple of hours during a mom's group meeting before purchasing them and I settled on the beco and haven't looked back. DH loves it too. I don't use it as much anymore because I just pop him in a shopping cart (I am not a stroller fan because I can't see/interact with him) - it's easier on my back than carrying him but I can still interact with him. I also like to let him walk as much as he wants to even though it does slow me down a little bit. I started him in the beco kind of late though, and always wore him front (he was MUCH calmer that way) and now that he is pushing 26 lbs clothed, I can't carry him much longer than an hour or so on my front and he is not super happy on my back for very long because I just never got him used to it I suppose. I can wear him that way if I am taking a walk and on the move because he is distracted by everything around him but he wants out the second I get where I am going. I wish I had gone to the shop with my maya wrap way earlier but judging by how much he HATED to be swaddled, I am not sure even being less clumsy would have helped that situation - but with the next one maybe it will work and I will start way earlier. I've seen other moms carry their babies with the maya wrap and it looks soooo cozy. I have never gotten into cloth diapers. To tell you the truth I am a terrible housekeeper as it is and I have laundry piled to the gills - it was even worse when he was first born and I was TOTALLY overwhelmed, dealing with severe dairy intolerance (I had to cut all traces out of my diet) causing reflux and other issues, then once I got that under control he started teething really hard (at 2 months). I could not even think about taking on even more laundry so I just went with disposables. Maybe with number 2 I will give it a try. I bought one to try it out and just never got around to it and now I am so used to disposables that I haven't switched. My family already thinks someone hit me with the crazy stick for breastfeeding in the first place (let alone after a year), never letting him cry, wearing him even though he is bigger than my niece who is 9 months older etcetc, they might try to have me committed if I started using cloth diapers. I admit though, those beautiful mai tais in all of those gorgeous fabrics makes me want a different one for every day of the week and I also saw a combo buckle/strap mai tai with a waist buckle and then shoulder ties that someone posted once that looked really interesting but the beco really does the job for me and we have other priorities for money besides a collection of baby carriers.

So happy for you judithn...took me back to when my kids were in college in our city, but living on campus. Sounds like a great conversation, and something she needed to hear, and you were able to do it in such a way that she really listened, and matured enough to apologize. You obviously have a great daughter, there, and now you have practice for when your son leaves home...heh heh!! We Moms have to support one another...our kids are in their early 40's, so a lot of this type of thing is behind us, but there are always things to work out. We do have very thoughtful children now...they just weren't so much at your daughter's age!!