If that soil in that geographical area doesn't have ANY worms and shouldn't have any worms because of naturally occurring conditions, then fine, it could be good soil without them,(and good for what?) but I find it hard to believe that there is soil that supports other insect life and plant life devoid of ANY type worms anywhere. And when I say worms, I mean just that, worms, not worm I.E. Eisenia foetida, there are many types of worms on this earth and as long as there is one type of life, there is almost always another. I have found that when a GARDEN is devoid of worms there is a reason. On the compost farm, I searched for weeks for Eisenia foetida and found none, I did find worms in the soil near by,(about 1/4 mile away) but not many. on the farm the soil was tilled and and compacted and all manner of farm chemicals were used for decades before I got there and I am sure this had a effect on all the life that would/could occupy that area. I would also say that if an area is completely devoid of ants or spiders or beetles/grubs or mice or rats or whateva that would naturally occur and if it is devoid of those creatures because of something happening, usually humans can be connected to the absence. AND I am not saying that Eisenia foetida are pure good creature that do no harm, imho they are just another example of an invasive species just trying to live and prosper like good ole Darwin sez. Just my two cents plus a nickle. IALBTC Here is a link that might be useful: A Note on Invasive Worm Species

I feel your frustration...and sadness. Always a well behaved kid, my DD is VERY well liked by kids as well as teachers and family members. She's friendly, outgoing, and kind. ... Elsewhere..... At home she is a chameleon. She'll be 'my daughter' for anywhere from a day to a couple of weeks. Then suddenly, she's sullen, easily angered, private and a stranger, for a few days. I worry about her constantly. Then I talk to people I work with and they assure me that they've all gone through the same things with their daughters. It's all 'normal'. They're creating the necessary distance they need to grow up. My DD started the pushing away phase this year. It was SO hard....on me! It's sad, but once you get past the hurt feelings (as unrealistic as they are) you'll be okay. Kids have to do this...and you just need to be there WHEN THEY NEED YOU...not when you need them. Just be there. The one area I still regulate with an iron fist is the computer. She has access to everything she needs/wants, but I don't allow visiting friends blogs (too obscene as anyone can post on them) and I don't allow AIM/Messenger/chatting. It's too easy for kids to get carried away when chatting online, and for things to be said that normally wouldn't be. Feelings get hurt, clashes occur, cliques form, etc....being a teen is hard enough...they don't need that extra source of stress. When I feel she's mature enough, then I'll allow these things. She has to prove to me that she's ready. Be patient... Understand it's not personal... Give them space... Although I don't care for some of the language in it, there is a good book called "Get out of my life!...but first can you take Cheryl and I to the mall?" This book is great....I had many "Aha!" moments while reading it. Good luck...

I find myself in a 'similiar' position. When I met my husband, he was upfront that he had no children, however he was with a young woman 12 years ago, 16 years now that became pregnant during their relationship. They were in a a rocky relationship. He didn't speak badly of her but just said it wasn't a good relationship and then all of a sudden came a baby. My husband was 23. The young lady was 19. He was with her through most of the pregnancy but close to the end, the relationship could not be saved. He moved out. She called when the baby was born. He went to the hospital and asked for a paternity test. (I don't begrudge him for this, he had walked in on her during the pregnancy with another man). She refused the test. She told him he was not the father. He told her when she changed her mind to contact him. He went on with his life. He called her a few times and was told by her mother they would file harrassment charges against him if he contacted them again. So he left her alone. He worked at the same school district where he had been working for the next 12 years. She never contacted him. Well I did some research (on my own) and I found the girl. I posted about this. She looks identical to my husband. I know in my heart this is his daughter. But at this point in her life, what good would it do to barge in And start using the 'I'm your daddy' phrase? He agreed she does look like him and his grandmother. But he doesn't believe she is his because he really believes her mom would have filed for child support or something. I used to worry about this all the time. What if she contacts us? What about our children? What about our future children? What about my child that is his stepdaughter? And what about my in laws? They were devastated when they found out they weren't really going to have a chance at being grandparents to this baby. As time went on, I have stopped dwelling on the what ifs. Sure this girl may show up one day but I can't waste today worrying about tomorrow. She is almost an adult at this point and who knows what she has been told. What she thinks. Where her mind is and her feelings along with emotions of not having a dad in her life. It's possible she HAS a dad in her life. She might have been raised by another man. It's just not worth dwelling over. I agree with mkroopy-- there are so many other factors that can be involved here. No one knows. My husband is an excellent father. He is an excellent stepfather. But 16 years ago, he didn't know that he could file for a court ordered paternity test. Well honestly I dont think he could. The laws have changed so much. He wasn't in a financial position to wage a custody battle against this you g woman. If it happened today, I have no doubt that he would pursue every legal avenue to make sure that he has the right to be a father to a child that might be his. But 16 years ago? I don't think he knew or had the ambition to go forth on that circumstance. He changed into a different person after that. He lived a more 'careful' life. He didn't put himself into that position again. He grew from that situation and became the man he is today. People grow. People change. Just as they can become 'bad' partners and become our ex's. They can become better people from the mistakes they make. I don't worry anymore about this child that may be my husband's. I can't worry until the day my doorbell rings. Then ... I'll be back posting about adult stepchildren that are distant and hateful :)

lonepiper its fine... its just that when KKNY and TOS get involved in a post it always goes back to children of divorce should be coddled for the rest of their lives and they are not held accountable for any of their actions its always the adult's fault never the child's fault. officer pulls you over ... You get out of the car "playfully swat" him on the shoulder and say hey buddy F U ... what is that officer going to do? Is he going to perceive it as "friendly behavior" or his he going to place you under arrest for assault? and disorderly conduct? Child forgets homework... teacher says you are going to stay after school for not doing your homework... child says "you can't tell me what to do ... you're not my mother!!" then "playfully swats" teacher on the shoulder what happens to that child? Children should be treated like children and taught be respectful of all adults within reason... they should be told that you can tell a stranger to go pound tar. Anyone who touches them in bathing suit area needs to be disrespected and they need to tell an adult. They need to be taught to be afraid of strangers and be on the look out for molesters ... they should be taught how to become decent adults... they cannot swear at you hit you or other wise disrepect you Yes respect is fear ... fear of the unknown... Everyone one has said ... I would never do "that" my mother would kill me!!! would your mom really kill you NO but you were never really sure. Babies momma = saint hood. Babies daddy = trust fund.