Why I'm not a mom

Police arrest a drunk and tell him anything he says may be held against him. So he says, "Sophia Vergara".

A young man goes into a drugstore to buy cOndoms. The pharmacist tells him they come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 and asks which he'd like. "Well," the young man says, "I've been seeing this girl for a while, and she's really hot. I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, then we're going out afterward. I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky... and once she's had me, she'll want me all the time. Better give me the 12-pack." So he buys the cOndoms and leaves. Later that evening, he's sitting at dinner with the girl and her parents. He asks if he can say the blessing and they agree. He starts praying... and keeps praying..and praying... for several minutes. Finally, the girl leans over and whispers, "You never told me you were such a religious person." He whispers back, "You never told me your father was a pharmacist."

@donna_loomis, I made a couple of those scarves after you kindly sent me the pattern! Funny story- I was knitting one on the plane coming home from visiting my daughter. It was night, and most people were settling to go to sleep. There was a very inebriated (but also a friendly drunk) lady sitting across from me making interested comments about my knitting and asking if she could "have a go". You'll agree that it's not really a pattern you want a drunk person to have a go at: you could rip out the screwed up bit but it would be tedious. So I just kept putting her off. Finally the flight attendant came down and asked her to be quiet as people were trying to sleep. Whew!