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Boyfriend has a teenage daughter?

11 years ago

I came across this forum when I was googling, and wondered if anyone here has been in a situation similar to mine. I'm a fish out of water!

I grew up in a very traditional family. My parents are still married, and there are actually no cases of step-children anywhere in my extended family. I am only 27 (very young by California standards!), been single for a long time and focusing on my career. At this point in my life, I would probably not consider dating a father. I want children in the future, but not until I get married and have been for a while.

I met a great man about a month ago, and the relationship became very serious very fast. We have a strong connection unlike either of us have experienced before, and seem to want the same things for our futures. However, I just learned that he has a daughter.

His daughter is 14, the result of a teenage pregnancy back in the 90's. She has been raised by the mother's family in another state, almost like an adoption but not technically. He supports her financially as she needs, but has little contact with her. The last time he saw her was six years ago. When he has made efforts to be more involved in her life, she lashes out and he pulls back. He says that he doesn't interfere with her family's life and they don't interfere with his. He claims that she would have no effect on our relationship and vice versa.

I'm aware that continuing this relationship would not make me a "stepmom". But I'm very confused about the entire situation. My imagination runs wild. What if she shows up at his place wanting to move in? Doubtful, but I suppose possible. And what happens once she turns 18? Do many of his responsibilities disappear?

I just don't want to get to deep into something that could be bad for anyone involved. But I also don't want to walk away from what could be a healthy and stable relationship just because I'm afraid of what I don't know. Thoughts?

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