16 year old daughter and boyfriend
samwithnoclue
14 years ago
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tracystoke
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoasolo
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
23 year old, going thru a divorce wants to date my 16 yr old
Comments (26)I once knew a popular girl in high school (16) who also dated a 23 year old. Then one day she told us she was getting married and Friday was her last day of school(at 16)! We never saw her again. As we graduated and moved on with our lives, every once in a while I would wonder why she was in such a hurry to grow up and how she missed so, so much. Those years were so much fun, especially into the 20's... and I imagined her at 16 living the life of everyone else's mom...doing laundry, cleaning the house, etc. I don't not know if she had kids right away of not. I imagine they lived in some dumpy place because they were too young to have any money, and since she never graduated, I do not imagine that there were any great job offers coming her way. I also imagine at some point she looked back and was furious at her parents for letting her do this, and not stopping her. She had so much going for her, and settled for so little....See MoreDealing with boyfriend depressed 15 year old daughter
Comments (4)Hi Jenn, Wow! I almost could have written this about 4 years ago. Many details are the same: depressed 15/16 year old (that started out cutting herself), then a suicide attempt, and bipolar & borderline personality disorder ex-wife. Eek! You have my heartfelt sympathies so my first advice is DON'T FEEL ALONE! :) and you are not crazy for feeling the way you do. It's hard for the best dad in the world to make up for the possible inherited emotional makeup and the influences of a psycho ex-wife. I dated my boyfriend for 3 years before we got married; after each being divorced once and knowing how hard it is to make blended families work we wanted to be careful. He had custody for 9 months out of the year, the mother had the summers. Most of our problems came to light after we were married. After the suicide attempt the SD stayed 9 days in a psyche hospital for troubled teens. My husband and I were blamed by some of his family and the ex-wife for his daughters problems. Her caseworker at this hospital was horrible as the ex-wife had convinced her we were the root cause of it all and I left in tears one day. Had he not stood up for me to his family I very well may have taken my son and left. But, he did stand up for me and he is a good, good man so we are still together and are now empty nesters. My second piece of advice is counseling - for everyone that will go; you and your boyfriend and especially the SD. But be careful, we had some bad ones during our troubles so make sure you get a good one. Don't be afraid to try another if the first one doesn't work. I guess it boils down to you weighing out what your relationship with him means to you, keeping the welfare of your daughters in mind of course as it seems like they are still young. Sounds like you jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire, so to speak. Not fun. However, kids grow up and (hopefully) start their own lives, so are you better with him or without him? My last piece of advice is pray. Pray and pray some more! Ask other people to pray for you and her as well. And find someone to talk to - a counselor, minister or the like, not just a friend. There is hope. Now at 21 my SD is really growing up and maturing. She has gotten off her anti-depressants and is beating her depression. She has moved away which means she's also far away from her mother who tends to cause problems. We have been taking small steps in the last year to building a new relationship and we are making good progress. Good luck to you!...See Moreboyfriend's 16 yr old daughter
Comments (4)I can relate. I have a adult SD now 26 years old, however, when she was 17-18 years old she sounds pretty much the same as your BF 16 year old daughter. I too felt she was not learning responsibilty and that she thought money grew on trees. She often threw money away on non necessary items and daddy picked up the bill, paying her credit card bills. DH over the last 7 years has been slowly weaning SD off daddy's pocket book. SD keeps attempted to get money from daddy but lately daddy says he can lend it to her but she has to pay it back. It seems to be working. Remember she is now 26 years old. It takes time and it has been a hard 7 years for me (and DH) watching these stepkids continuely attempt to get money from daddy to pay for their fun spending. DH admits it is his fault for always just giving in and paying for everything even when he knew it was wrong or not in their best interest. I think the OP had it right when she mentioned the divorce guilt and just wanting to he a good Dad by giving out money. About the hanging on BF. Yes, my SD did the same thing and even gave DH a picture of her hanging on him for a Christmas present. I just blew it off and it has decreased over the years. SD occassionally does it now but I have noticed DH is not as comfortable with it as when she was younger. He too feels she is getting to old for this kind of behavior. DH gives her a hello or goodby hugs but the hanging on daddy has decreased. Hope this helps. Just remember you have a few years to go with this. It will not go away if you marry. I know in our pre-marriage counceling the councelor asked DH (fiance at the time) when he planned to stop financial support for SD. The councelor said I had a right to know this. DH responded after 4 years of college. I occassionally reminded DH of this. Maybe some counceling or asking BF future plans for financial support of his daughter may help you decide if you want to stay in this relationship. Good luck....See Moreboyfriends daughter ?
Comments (9)Is your boyfriend receptive? Try approaching the subject in a round about way. Like at a store when you see something that may look cute on daughter then move into a How do you feel about the way she dresses? Are you worried about what signals it may be sending out to older boys or men? Are you worried about the self image you are approving of for your daughter? OR if you really really want to see a change offer to take her on a girls day ... get some clothes a hair do that doesnt require mousse (not a hair cut mom will be upset trust me) its a good way to turn a nice thing into a sort of this is how you should dress lesson ... been there done that with my sd... she didnt dress inappropriately just in really bad taste and mismatched and oh man just terrible so I started buying her clothes and then when her mom wouldnt match the clothes right for her I would match the whole outfit and tell her if you were these shoes with that skirt and this shirt and throw in that head band ...it will look super cute... and it worked. Otherwise, you will just have to deal. I wouldnt not go to functions ... it starts out on a bad foot and sets a bad precedent for the future. Ofcourse, all of this is assuming you feel you are in this for the long haul and want to be apart of bf life. Good luck...See Morekhandi
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