Okay, fed up, worn out and have had enough!!

13 years ago

Here it is a week before Christmas and I haven't gotten any shopping done, the tree is still in the basement, bills are due and 50 bucks in the bank. We got behind a couple of months ago and have been playing catch up and it just isn't working. I feel so down and am trying to keep up my spirits around the kiddos, don't want to ruin the holidays for them, they are 7,5,3 and 2 and are excited about Santa coming, but just don't know how Santa is going to get the presents. DH is being a crab about things, says if I was working even 200 bucks a month would help out, I am not about to have my kids raised by someone else, get paid a dollar an hour after daycare, and still have to do all the work on my own at home. I seriously just want to sit down and cry. I don't think with all the stress and struggles that I have been through I have never been this down before. Oh and DH lets me know that 1. the number one reason for his tired ness with his diabetes is stress, and that 2. I am the stresser in his life. Over drafts killed us, the electric bill is due and no gifts for the kids. I am just at a loss about what to do. Thanks for letting me rant, I really don't have anyone that I trust enough to let this crap off my chest!!

Stressing to the max

Stacie

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Comments (35)

User
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I am so sorry Stacie, There are no words to say.
You & your family will be in our Prayers.

((((((((((Stacie & Family))))))))))))
dirtundermyfingers
Original Author
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Thanks Joann, it means a lot to me and my family. It doesn't help that because of previous incidents with my brother, we won't be attending Christmas at my parents, so it will be a tough Christmas. But you know us Mama's we do what we gotta do, even if it is make do presents and cookies made with the kids we will try and make the best of things.

Stacie
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oldgardener_2009
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Stacie, there are jobs that you can do online at home to make extra money.

Try wahm.com and workplacelikehome.com.

I've worked at home for 15 years.
cheri2008
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Stacie, sorry to hear about your troubles...this can be a tough time of year. Have you thought about contacting area churches, or other community charities. I know in our area there are diffrent toy drives and help for families.
mariend
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Stacie I sent you a email. Hope it helps. Don't be afraid to ask for help and guidance both with the medical staff involving the diabetis and your health.
vala55
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Your children need gifts under the tree, they should not have to pay for or be involved in parent's problems. Our local newspaper if full of sources for people in your shoes, check that source out. Check your city for churches especially Lutheran who might help,check with the salvation army, etc.. The one you call may not be able to help, but can refer you to one that can. As young as your children they will be easy to please, they have a tendency to count packages and not content.
patti43
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Honey, there are agencies in even the smallest town that help people at Christmas. Call the police or fire department to find out where you may get help for presents for the little ones. And Christmas dinner, too. Like you said, Mama's do what they have to do. Please do it soon and don't be embarrassed. Think of the big picture.
juellie1962
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Stacie, I've been in your shoes!! Trust me, I feel your pain; but don't despair; ask for help. Do you have a church??

i was lucky enough to have a supportive, understanding husband, but I do know what you're going through and it SUCKS. It WILL get better!!!
lilliepad
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
((((Stacie)))) I know the feeling.I haven't bought any gifts yet either except for a couple of outfits for the twins and a little table and chairs set off Craigslist that I am refinishing for them.LOL DS and DDIL have the tree up but it isn't decorated yet but that's their job.We won't have any money for any other Christmas shopping until Dec.23rd. and then it will only be for the twins.
DO you have a local Craigslist? There are some amazing deals here on CL.Lots of toys and things that look like new and are really inexpensive.Your kids are young enough they wouldn't know if it was new or not.Do you maybe have something you can sell for some extra cash? Or check out some of the local charitable organizations that donate toys for kids.Salvation Army or something like that.Don't be embarrassed about it either.Everyone falls on hard times and it's not anything to be ashamed of to ask for help.It's for the kids after all! And even if they don't get what they asked Santa for,they will be thrilled with whatever Santa brought! They are young enough you can always explain why Santa didn't bring exactly what they asked for.Sometimes we are more bothered by things like that than they are! LOL
There are things you can do with the kids to make this a special time.Christmas is not just about all the toys they will get.It's the memories you make with them during the season that they will remember always.Maybe make Christmas cookies and let them help.Start a new "tradition".Bake something and take it to a shut in or elderly neighbor or friend.
I hope you are feeling better now and tell your DH (and that D can stand for whatever you want it to LOL) to get off his high horse and help you figure out what to do! He is after all the man of the house,right?? Dwelling on the "what if's" aren't doing anyone any good now,right? It's just as much HIS job to figure things out as it is yours! And by the way,his health is his responsibility! Tell "him" to take better care of "himself".LOL
Sorry,I know I'm sounding like your mother but I'm giving you the same advice I would give my kids.Just ask them! LOL
Anyway,I hope things work out and that you have a wonderful and Blessed Christmas Holiday!!
User
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I just checked out that workplacelikehome, STAY AWAY, its on the complaints board. I don't know about the other one.
I have never had any luck with a at home job, most are scams. These are very hard times. Make the most of what you have today. Make the kids some gifts, or cookies. check on line for Christams gift ideas for kids. Check out the holiday section on Our website too.

Here is a link that might be useful: Holidays
oldgardener_2009
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I've been a regular poster at the workplacelikehome board for many years, and I can assure you it's a legitimate site. So is wahm.com, and I've been a poster there since 1996.

Both sites have many forums for people who are working at home currently and for people who need to find a wah job. If you want to work at home and help support your family, it certainly can be done. All it takes is some research at those sites and many other work-at-home sites on the web.

I wouldn't post their names here if they weren't helpful places.
lilliepad
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Stacie-Sorry,I pretty much repeated what everyone else said! LOL When I started "composing" my long,drawn out post there were no others.Of course having to get up from the computer a couple of times,cleaning up the turned over trash can mess from the resident dog (which I vowed not to do but got tired of looking at it) and making myself a cup of hot chocolate didn't help.LOL From now on I will check again before posting.
Have a great day!
whidbeykathy
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
You can sign up with the Salvation Army, Toys for Tots and local charity. It is not published, no one need know and the kids would recieve plenty.Been there..
vala55
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
lilliepad, I don't have the excuse you have. Usually by the time I finish two or three poster have replied. Trying not to be offensive or make any one angry plus the aging thing takes forever. I often wonder why I bother. LOL
ravencajun Zone 8b TX
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
many do not know about Angel Food Ministries it is a life saver for many people who are on a tight budget. Everyone is in hard times, so it is do what you can and work hard to find options that can benefit the family.

for things for the kids check out your local freecycle site.
The Freecycle Network

and craigslist also has a free area.

Here is a link that might be useful: angelfood ministries
sylviatexas1
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Go in person to your bank & see if you can get some of those overdraft fees waived.

If the first person "can't" waive them, ask humbly & politely to speak to the manager;
tell them what you've told us.

sending you waves of good energy & wishing you & your family the best.
Pieonear
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Please don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. God bless.
pam_25f
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
(((hugs)))
Nita__AZ
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Stacie, your husband rides a motorcycle. Does he belong to a group? If so ask them for some help with gifts for the kids. Bikers have big hearts especially at Christmas. The Salvation Army does a lot for kids at Christmas so contact them too. How about the fire department, they do toy drives and also get food to give for the holidays.

Wishing you all the best and hope Santa makes Christmas happen at your house.
joyfulguy
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Some others have offered good suggestions about sources which may be able to help ... I don't recall anyone mentioning a Food Bank, but if there's one in your area, they may be able to provide some food to help free up some funds to get a few small things for the kids.

Is the possibility of some time with the grandparents' family/-ies, even if not during the main celebration, totally impossible?

Do you have a contact with a religious agency? Many people in those areas of life not only are really empathetic, but have had training and experience relating to such situations as you are coping with, and might be able to offer some useful help, or a referral.

At the very least, many are pleased to offer a listening ear ... and I'll bet that you'd find that really liberating, at the moment. Even a warm smile would warm your heart, at least a bit, I think.

If you don't have direct connection, is there someone whom you know and trust who could help you find such a connection?

I have one proviso - try to avoid the folk in that field that are less willing to listen than they are to offer ready-made answers, into which garment you are supposed to fit, even breaking into your story, only partially told, to offer their fancy solutions.

I offer my good wishes and hopes for a brighter future, early on, for you, so that you and hubby, with other family, if possible, can make a Christmas that'll make you all happier ...

... and some prayers for you and your family.

(((((Dirt under the fingers ... and family)))).

ole joyful
suzieque
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Hi Staci - I'm sorry you're going through this, and still going through it with your husband. I hoped that things were better. Others here have given good suggestions and support (which I send, as well). One other thing - please keep your strength and determination to steer clear of the things that have derailed you in the past; you know what that is. I hope that you have conquered that and can handle these home issues without them. I'm pulling for you.

Hug those little ones; they're precious.

Suzieque
maymo
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
You should also mention this to the school counselor; they know all the best resources and can also take the little ones "under her wing". There is no shame in asking for help once in awhile. When you get past this you will have opportunities to pay it forward.
dances_in_garden
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
What about freecycle for some toys for the kids?

Dances
Marcia Thornley
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Stacie, I totally understand your desire to be home with your children. What kind of hours does your DH work? Could you get a part time job when he is home with the kids? If he feels you need to work, surely he'd be willing to watch his children while you bring in that extra $200 or so that he says you need. Until then, there are services that can help you. Church groups, community services etc. Use that computer and check them out! Your children need you to do this for them. Don't let a grumpy DH stop you from giving your kids a Xmas.
mitchdesj
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
With only 10 days before Xmas, I would ask your parents and siblings to help out, even in a small way. so santa can leave something for the kids on xmas morning.

Then you could evaluate your financials in the new year and try to get in a better place, there is financial counseling available out there, don't despair.
azzalea
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Obviously, you're looking at your shortterm problems. As you should.

However, for the long term? if your husband is a school teacher, there's absolutely NO reason why you couldn't get a parttime job in the evening. Work a couple of nights a week at a store, or in a restaurant, WHILE your husband is a father to his children. Being a teacher, he has regular hours. You wouldn't be the first couple to work opposite shifts so that the family can be taken care of. My sister worked days, my brother worked the overnight shift for YEARS when my niece was little so that they DIDN'T have to use daycare. There's a huge added benefit, too--your children should have the enormous opportunity to spend time alone with their dad. It's a good thing for you to be out of the house several hours a week, so they can have that. Actually, whether or not you have a job, you SHOULD be making sure there are several opportunities a week for them to spend time alone with their dad--it's vital to them both.

And what about working from home? I know many, many women who have found ways to make money from home, so they can raise their children AND help with the family finances. I used to smock children's dresses that sold in upscale boutiques, some women I know make between $50,000-100,000 a year recipe contesting. Another woman was doing work at home on her computer for a local mortgage company. Others have done done things like: call the subs for the local school district or hospital; made crafts throughout the year and had a home sale before the holidays, in home childcare, yes--can collecting or picking up stuff from the trash on trash night to resell at flea markets or on E-bay. Assess your skills, and then put your thinking cap on and figure out a way to make them pay. You have to be a little creative to make it work, but it's definitely possible, and if being home with the kids is important, you have a lot of incentive to make something like that work.

Also, have you spoken to someone who can help you with your budgeting? I don't know what kind of expenses you have, but it does seem a little unreasonable that a teacher's family is in this desparate a financial situation. Teachers generally start at $50,000/year (around here, it's more like $60,000) and their salaries just go up and up---especially if they take on extras like clubs, independent studies, coaching and other activities. But in any case, teachers make good money--and many have other good paying jobs in summer. So it may be that having someone who can help you organize what you've got coming in would be a very important step for you to take at this point, so that you can get back on track.

Look, I totoally 'get' that you want to be there to raise your children yourself--that's admirable, and I think--very important. IF (and only if) it is doable. From what you're describing, right now, it's not for your family. You DO need more money coming in. You do need to sit down with your husband and brainstorm what solutions you can come up with that will let you make a little extra money, that will have minimal impact on the kids. They are out there. And once you get through the next 2 weeks, it is time to really figure out what you're going to do to prevent being in this same situation over and over and over. Good luck to you
susan_on
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I agree 100% with Azzalea, especially the part where staying home with your children is admirable IF you can afford it. If you have to seek local services to provide your family with any kind of a Christmas, and you don't have enough money to pay bills, then you cannot afford this luxury. There is nothing wrong with working part time when your husband is home with the kids- my DH and I did that for years when our kids were young so that we would always be their main caregivers. You can research learning how to do medical transcription from home, or other options for bringing in income. However, once you get past the next two weeks (I'll give you that you got into an unexpected situation), I think you have to realize that you have the resources and abilities to teach your children self sufficiency, independence and how to carve out a viable life for yourself. You need to teach them those things by modelling those things. Local resources are for crisis situations, and are not meant to be part of a life plan for a healthy person who could enter the work force.

I do not mean to be harsh, and I fear that my words may come across that way due to lack of inflection with the written word. I only mean well for you, but I fear you're on a path that will only bring more frustration to you and stress on your family and your marriage until you rethink your priorities. Providing basic needs (referencing the bills you may not be able to pay), is a top priority for your children, and it needs to happen as stress-free as possible, to allow for the most peaceful home life for your children. It is not noble to refuse to enter the work force and then live with this kind of stress. And it's not worth it.
dirtundermyfingers
Original Author
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Azzalea and Susan,

No your words aren't harsh by any means. As for teacher pay, Nebraska is 48th in pay and DH's pay is 40,000 a year. I would like to work nights or weekends,but at this time DH is also the Athletic Director and is gone until 10 o'clock at least 3 days a week. I agree we need to re look at things and make some adjustments. We got behind a few months ago and once we are on top of things again, it will be easier. It will make that pit in my stomach and headache from stress go away.

Stacie
mboston_gw
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
In Stacie's defense, teachers' salaries vary widely across the states. A starting teacher's salary in our county is still in the low $30,000 and the teachers are in their second year of having their salaries frozen, not even a step raise or cost of living adjustment. Also, if he is a classroom teacher, your hours don't end when you leave the school, most planning is done afterwards. Plus I think you are talking about a family of 6 so that's not alot of money. However, as she has admitted, they will need to look at making some changes in their fiancial situation.

I don't think she was looking for a handout and is just feeling the stress like alot of us do this time of the year. Sometimes and especially at this time of the year, we should give positive thoughts, not downers.

Good luck Stacie, I hope you are able to find some of the Christmas miracles this year. Take care of yourself for your children and yourself.
minnie_tx
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
If you get any cash why not get each kid a Gift Cert from Dollar Tree or similar store They can have a lot of fun picking out their own gifts even at that age
JMHO
azzalea
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Yes, teacher's salaries can vary--but so does cost of living. Nebraska is the 5th lowest cost of living state, so prices in her area are lower than 90% of the states.

$40,000 is more than a lot of people in my area (one of the highest cost of living states) are making right now. Yes, it can be a struggle, but it can be done if the family lives very frugally.

And Stacie--what about my very serious suggestion that you look into working at home? It begins to look as if you aren't that serious (or could this be a scam?) when you totally ignore a very practical, well-meant suggestion that could definitely be the difference between financial stability and financial ruin. I don't want to think someone would come here and spend the last 6 months becoming 'one of us' just to scam us over the holidays--but unfortunately it's been done before. Here and on other boards. I do hope that's not the case. And I truly hope you are able to work things out.
Jamie_LA
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Also, please just be fortunate you have your children, and all are healthy.
magic_arizona
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Azzalea, Stacy has been here for many years not just the last 6 months.
mamatoad
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Stacie has been around and posting at the KT since her oldest was very small, possibly six or seven years at least. She has used different names and has not posted often in recent months. Just got tired of the speculations, etc. that her children might not exist and wanted to clarify that Stacie is not a new member. Hope things turn around for you in the coming year, Stacie!
lydia1959
13 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Stacy do you have anything you could sell on Craigslist to make a little money for gifts? If you price an item right it could be sold the day you list it.

I wouldn't mention anything about the kids in the ad and do the transaction while your husband is home. Put 'Cash only' in the ad. I've met nothing by nice people through buying and selling on Craigslist and it is free. Sell just one $50. item that you no longer need and you can buy a couple small gifts for each of your children.

Okay, fed up, worn out and have had enough!!

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