Holidays alone

13 years ago

I have spent a lot of holidays alone over the past few years for this reason or that. I actually used to love the holidays, but now I almost hate them. I was invited to go have Thanksgiving dinner with a friend's family, but I seriously don't want to be around that family all day. I'd rather eat turkey soup in my lounge chair. I was watching Parenthood tonight, and wishing I had had a family like that. Too late now.

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Comments (26)

jannie
13 years ago
When I was younger and single, I always managed to travel or come up with something to do for Thanksgiving. I didn't spend Thanksgiving with my parents because I didn't want to pay airfare for just a four-day visit. Sometimes I even had to work the Friday after Thanksgiving. Sorry you'll be alone. Try to make the best of it.
kayjones
13 years ago
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I understand completely! My husband died almost 4 years ago and I have had TG alone, except for last year, when I went to a 'family' dinner - left soon after eating. I don't drink, so don't want to be around those who do. I don't watch football - again, choose not to be around all the noise caused by the booze and t.v.

Unless someone stops by tomorrow, I will bake my turkey and trimmings and eat by myself. I started my TG early - tonight, I ate a piece of pumpkin pie instead of dinner! LOL

Being 60, a widow and retired, I don't 'party' anymore! Every day, I find myself mirroring the cartoon character, MAXINE, in more ways than one!!!
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Comments (23)
Thank you all so much for the many suggestions concerning Christmas this year. To those of you that have lost loved ones and are experiencing your first holidays without them, please know that you WILL get through this just fine. I remember when my mother passed away in 1998 and having to deal with the Thanksgiving and Christmas shortly afterwards. My father at the time lived alone in a little apartment and my main focus was on him at the time. You know, make sure that daddy was taken care of, etc. Being the eldest sibling I could not dwell on "my" loss, but instead make sure everyone else (dad, brother and sister, niece) would be okay and get through the rough spots. My mother was a doll artisan and had owned a studio in the midwest, leaving behind LOTS of beautiful porcelain dolls which I had inherited. Since brother and sister were coming over with dad and my niece I came up with an idea. We no longer had mom with us, but we had the dolls and she had put so much of herself into her work, sooooooo....I decided to wrap up one for each family member in large sized gift bags and chose someone to mix up the bags and place them near the front door in a row. Before we started unwrapping gifts, I sent one person at a time into the room and asked that they pick out a prezzie "from momma". Afterwards we lit a small candle, held hands and told her how much she was missed, followed by a simple prayer. I will never forget this as it really, REALLY helped get us through and everyone left with a little token of remembrance and the feeling that mom was there with us as we celebrated her favorite holiday. Now, on another note-----There's been a change in plans for the holidays! LOL! I received a phone call a couple of nights ago from my niece in Texas and it seems her fiance' purchased a bus ticket for her as a gift to come out and stay an entire month! She called to ask if it would be alright before actually completing her purchase online. How could I refuse? Her mother living in the same town (the sister I mentioned that was not celebrating at all this year is still sticking to her guns supposedly) and we will be taking her daughter in for a month. Sounds strange I know! I had had time after pondering over the many suggestions here on the board to talk to DH about getting away for the holidays even if only overnight and starting new traditions. He seemed rather receptive to the idea, but now it's changed again since niece will be coming...lol. So rather than leaving our home, we will just have an open door policy in effect. Whoever chooses to come celebrate is more than welcome to do so=)..=) The tree will be going up this week after DH helps me move furniture, etc. and dad's bedroom now will be turned into a guest room (this forces me to get busy and make some much needed changes rather quickly). Sorry this post is so long, but also need to make another comment before I forget-----Someone posted a reply here about losing her mother and spending the holidays with her father in the house that reminded her so much of when her mom was alive, so tried to create new traditions (playing Scrabble, etc.). On this note-----I know exactly the feeling you are referring to because the house my DH and I presently live in was purchased by my father and he lived here with us for the past 2 and 1/2 years up until he passed on Thanksgiving Day 2006 at home. His bedroom was dad's little private retreat and everyone knew pretty much to ask permission before entering even to clean, etc. Since his passing the room has been locked up and not used. There are so many reminders here in this house of my dad that sis feels strange coming over to visit, in fact she has only been here maybe once since then. It's going to be rather awkward for my niece to sleep in that room while a lot of dad's belongings are scattered about, so now I have to drastically make changes before her arrival. Don't have time to paint and do a major overhaul, but any suggestions as to where I might start? Other than the usual.....box up whatever belonged to dad and.....? OMG.......why do I panic over everything? LOL? ACK!@!
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Comments (16)
Good for you for looking out for your Mom. Your menu sounds delicious too. I have nearly always made the traditional holiday meals myself, from Easter to Thanksgiving to Christmas to New Year's Day. Guests can be anywhere from 10 to 40. This year we had three "Christmas" celebrations. One was at my son in law's, who lives three hours away and everyone brought something. The second was with my family, about 30 people, it was at the town hall and everyone brought a dish to pass, I provide the main dish and dessert. The third was yesterday with my girls and their families and I made everything. I've found that baked goods can be made a day ahead, I baked cheese rolls and made the cheesecake and the peanut butter pie the day before, as well as the pie crust for banana cream pie. I did assemble the banana cream the morning of the meal so the bananas didn't turn black. I made hoppin john the day before as well and sweet and sour greens two days before because my husband is from Tennessee and says you can't overcook greens, LOL. I had the steak marinating and stuffed and rolled it the night before so it was ready to pop into the oven. The mashed potatoes got done first thing in the morning and were put into the crockpot to stay warm, and the gravy was made a day ahead of time from beef stock which I'd canned the day before that. I just kept some in the fridge for gravy and didn't can it. I have a big Nesco roaster, a small Nesco and a crockpot. While the steak was baking, the potatoes were in the crockpot and the greens were in the small Nesco. The gravy and the green beans were in containers in the big Nesco and the rolls got wrapped in foil and put on top of those for warming. The hoppin John was in the microwave and the pies were in my "second refrigerator", which is my garage. It's Michigan and it's plenty cold, the only problem is that it might freeze. All cold drinks are also kept there. I have a very old freezer-on-the-top 17 CF refrigerator, so I just don't have usable space to spare, if it's not cold enough in the garage I use coolers for things like drinks and meat. I set the table the night before and always have a checklist of things that need to be done so I don't leave the sweet potatoes in the microwave or the fruit salad in the garage. This year's "casualty" was the fruit salad mother brought. She stuck it in the garage and it wasn't on my "list", so we both forgot it. (shrug) Many things freeze well, including unbaked cookie dough, so when I do 30 dozen cookies at Christmas I often make dough weeks in advance, portion it out and freeze it on sheet trays, then package in ziplock bags. That way I can take them out a dozen at a time and bake them as I want them. Everyone helps clean up, kind of. My husband will wash dishes left after my dishwasher is full. My girls clean the table, scrape plates, pick up glasses and coffee cups. That way I get to spend time visiting instead of hours in the kitchen cleaning up. At the end of the day I toss the tablecloth and napkins into the washer, have a cup of coffee and start planning the next time, what to do differently, what stays the same, while successes, failures and ideas are still fresh in my mind. Annie
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I am alone and very lucky in the sense that I don't care. I don't enjoy the family I have here, the friends are nice, but had rather be alone. The only thing I hate about is that everyone feels sorry for me when they find out I will be alone. I don't usually mention it.
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Comments (36)
Growing up, my family holidays were usually very small gatherings as both of my parents were relocated to an area that was 6 and 8 hrs away from their families. Thanksgiving and Christmas we typically spent at home, just the five of us, unless we invited friends with no where to go. Easter, we'd take turns traveling to my paternal and maternal grandparents, where we would get to see my extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins. I loved that growing up and always wished that we had the huge family gatherings I'd hear my friends talking about all the time. Now that I'm married, we live 3500 miles away from dh's large extended family (one of five kids, plus his aunts, uncles, cousins mostly live in that same general area). We live 20 minutes from my parents, 45 minutes from my brother and his family. My sister and her family, ironically, now live where all my paternal relatives live, 6 hours away. They used to come every other year for Christmas, but now they stay home. Sometimes they come for Thanksgiving. So my family holidays are still rather small - now that my kids are older and in school, we never fly out to visit dh's family for the holidays. So, it's just my family of six, my parents, and if my brother is not going to his inlaws, his family of four, and sometimes my nieces' boyfriends. This year, it's just my parents, not my brother. We invited a few friends, in case they didn't have plans, but they decided to travel. With my kids' busy schedules, we rarely have a weekend of downtime it seems. I'm somewhat introverted, or at least, I'm the type who appreciates some down time, curled up on my couch, reading a book. Every year, I secretly wish we could just stay home on Christmas, stay in our pjs all day if we want, and not entertain or be entertained. Just dh, me and my kids. Though I get along well with all of my family members, sometimes I just want to relax. Alone. Not have to make sure my house is completely clean and organized. Not have to worry about cooking all kinds of impressive dishes, and then all the time afterward washing crystal and silver, etc. But then I remember, my parents are getting older, my father is 80. One day they won't be here and I would regret having that selfish downtime. So instead, we entertain here or go to my parents for every single holiday. Every year, my parents come for dinner on Christmas Eve. It's tradition. We have homemade ravioli, my father then leaves for midnight Mass at the cathedral where he is a deacon, and my mother stays and goes to Mass with us then heads home. The next day, we go to my parents mid-afternoon. My mother, every year, says, "We don't have to come for Christmas Eve. I know how busy you are." But then I think, my mom will be sitting home alone on Christmas Eve! I know she actually probably wouldn't mind, but I know that it does mean a lot to my father - the tradition. He enjoys it. So I extend the invitation every year. I know one day, all my kids will leave, and I just might be spending a holiday home alone with dh, and I'm sure at that point, I will miss the days of having a formal holiday gathering! But every year, I look forward to the day *after* Thanksgiving and Christmas, not to shop, but to relax!
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sheilajoyce_gw
13 years ago
We are empty nesters. Before our daughter married, we always had the 3 kids and my sister and her husband with us for holidays. Our younger son lives in NYC, and earned his graduate and law degrees there. I told my husband that a plane ticket to bring our distant student home for Thanksgiving and Christmas was a gift to us, and he wholeheartedly agreed.

Then our oldest, and only daughter, married, and the trading with the in-laws for the holidays began. Her brothers were as sad as we were. One holiday was spent with his family, the other with us. Next, she brought one grandson with them, and now it is two.

Our older son has a sweet girlfriend, who joins us for Thanksgiving for 5 years now and goes to her parents several states away for Christmas. And our younger son is finally working at his profession and able to buy his own tickets home. So this year we will be 11, but by next year, we will experience not only our daughter but perhaps our older son too trading holidays with in-laws.

I don't look forward to the shrinking table, but that is a reality of life. My sister and her husband will always be able to join us. I think my younger son will too. And maybe some day, my brother and his wife and son can join us when their obligations to her family holidays diminish.

I like hosting a big meal for everyone, but as I get older, I do appreciate the help of others who will bring a dish with them too.
mariend
13 years ago
I took over years ago when my grandparents were unable to do so and had some great times. Then it started to downsize and we would spend Thanksgiving with with my parents (but at my house) and Christmas eve with DH's relatives. That is what his Mom wanted--all the kids together. Then Christmas day just the family. Worked out great.
linda_in_iowa
13 years ago
Thanksgiving has never meant much to me. I don't mind the years when I am home alone that day. I am looking forward to tomorrow. Christmas is a different story and I am always with DS that day.
JennaVaNowSC
13 years ago
DG... I am sorry you are alone. I too spent many many holidays alone. I don't blame you a bit for not wanting to be around activities that you don't enjoy. SO, pamper yourself, fix a nice dinner, enjoy some old movies or a favorite book.

And for what it is worth..... i doubt there are really many families like the one you mention. I for one, did not have it. Wishing you quiet joy and contentment and don't forget to count your blessings. (One being that you had the CHOICE not to be around the drinkers and the game watchers!)
Marilyn Sue McClintock
13 years ago
I am sorry you are all alone. I have never spent a holiday alone. Tomorrow there will be 11 of us for Thanksgiving. All four of our children have never been away from us for the holidays either. If I can't have a holiday meal one of the girls in our family will have it at their home. I love the holidays, but I am tired :)

Sue
lavon46
13 years ago
None of our family could come this year, so its just my husband and I, and I really miss the big get togethers in the years past, just doesnt seem the same...but I am going to cook a turkey, my husband can watch his football and we will get through it.
I am really sorry your alone, I think there will be few of us hanging out here tomorrow !
((( Hugs to you dirtygardener )))
sue36
13 years ago
I don't think I'd like being alone. I'd probably volunteer to serve food at a shelter or something. But that's me. DH would have no problem spending a holiday alone.
User
13 years ago
So far I have never been alone for a holiday. I know it may happen one day and I feel very sad for those that will be alone tomorrow.
KT friends.... get together tomorrow (right here at the kt) and have some fun.
mboston_gw
13 years ago
It will just be hubby and myself tomorrow. DS and DIL and grandson went to South Florida to see some of her relatives that came in from out of town. We usually go to her parents house (they live about 1/4 mile away) for dinner but they will be in South Florida also. So I will fix a small turkey and all the trimmings. I love the leftovers. I bought a Pecan Pie for DH and a pumpkin for me. Just made coffee and had a small slice tonight.
liljunkr
13 years ago
Holidays when I couldn't be with my family, I spent time serving meals at a shelter and talking with the folks who came for the food and comfort of human companionship. Sure there were places I could have gone to have a fancy meal and a few drinks but I got the message of Thankfulness with those experiences. I talked with many people with no homes, no food, no good clean clothing, not a pot to pee in or a window to toss it out. People who had lost jobs because of downsizing by a company, illnesses (mental and physical), Veterans who had their medals on strings around their necks, mothers and children who were living in cars that had no gas to move. Some kind, tired, intelligent people who for various reasons had no one and nothing other than the shelter and a few volunteers to share what blessing they felt they had to be thankful for with.
I'm sorry you are alone on the holidays for whatever reason. It can be painful and depressing but it is a choice you have to be alone and miserable or doing something that is good and satisfying to the soul. Rather than being miserable and Hate the holidays because you haven't got anyone to spend it with maybe you should try to give to those who have nothing in their lives to look forward to at all. I have friends and family I'll be sharing Thanksgiving with but we all have plans to share our bounty of food and love and time to talk and listen with others who have nothing before we celebrate our own Thanksgiving. We have many blessing to be thankful for, alone or with a stranger in need.

LIL
dirtygardener73
Original Author
13 years ago
I'd love to go volunteer somewhere, but I don't have a car, and I've been sick all week with a lupus flareup, so I'm really not up to it. I'll be fine. I just miss being with my mom and sons on holidays. We had our own little family thing going on Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas, and it was wonderful. Once she moved out of her house, and in with my sister (who I did not get along with) everything changed, and I had no place to go. I'm used to it now. I'll be fine.
samkaren
13 years ago
tomorrow it will be just me, DH and our furbabies. I made a big pot of spagetti & Italian sausage. We really don't do much on holidays so it's just another day for us.

DH is going to listen to his music tomorrow night and I am working on a new painting.

SamKaren
your resident DJ
phyllis__mn
13 years ago
Well, I'm going to be alone tomorrow, thanks to Mother Nature! DD#6 and hubby will come Friday, and we will do the big dinner then. DD#5 just showed up and they will go to his sister's (I was invited); DD#4 will go to her husband's sister's and then to visit with him in the hospital. I also was invited there! But I am going to finish the few things for the Friday feast, get my book, and hunker down for the day.
kathyg_in_mi
13 years ago
Home alone! Sent DH downstate to visit family for the next 2 days. I needed a few days respite alone at home.
Will go for Chinese tomorrow or have tuna fish sandwich for dinner.
Happy turkey day everyone,
Kathy G in MI
cynic
13 years ago
"Alone" has such a negative connotation to it. People too often confuse it with "lonely", and it's very, very different. The term doesn't seem to recognize how "me time" (remember the turtle in the cable commercial?) or by yourself can be very therapeutic, especially when you choose to be by yourself at that time. I learned over the years that just being with people isn't always good. Sometimes the small group of me, myself and I can be the best of times. People stress out this time of year. Too many won't relax. All because of the rush, hustle and bustle. Gotta shop for Thanksgiving, then make the big meal, what did I forget, then get up or not go to bed because you have to go "Black Friday" shopping for things you don't want or need and fight the crowds...

I don't think anyone should feel sorry for someone who chooses to be by themself at any time. In a way, it's kind of a slam and insult that they want to be what seems non-conventional. I say feel good for them for doing something others won't do.

Whether you're with a group or by yourself, enjoy the day, the week, the month, the year, the decade, the century... You don't have to have a holiday to have a good time, celebrate or enjoy a nice meal.
gardendoll
13 years ago
Hey Dirtygardener73, Join me, DH and Andy our cat in our trailer! I'm here all day, waiting for appliances to be delivered. I online if ya want to yak. And I get being alone - not wanting to be with a loud crowd. Make it a pamper day for yourself. Got any bubble bath? Music you enjoy? Movies? Sometimes over the years I hated getting 'politically correct' dragged to events. I hated the thought of going, hated driving on the worst travel days, hated being disturbed by it all. Sometimes I still feel that way. Just like you, I'd rather do my own thing. There is nothing wrong in that. Instead of thinking about having that perfect family....(do they really exist?)....be kind to yourself today. I'm here if you would like to email me and yak. I don't drive either and I'm at the mercy of my husband to teach me....another story....
I get being ill and in pain - my Mom suffered for years with severe arthritis. It's no fun at all and makes you really tired.
It does not matter to me why you are by yourself today - just know that I'm here if you want to yak about anything at all - anything.

Hugs to you,
Peggy
OklaMoni
13 years ago
I will share today with my oldest daughter. She is vegan, thus, no turkey. But that really isn't a big thing, as we will be packing up the rest of my stuff, and have a nice bowl of cabbage soup, all vegan. :)

Next year, who knows, I bet I will have friends that are also alone over.

Moni
nicole__
13 years ago
I've never seen a Waltons family in real life. Let me tell you a little story....

My GF married a guy 11 years younger than her, she was 41. The first year they bought a house, then acreage, then adopted 2 kids. Then her DH went away for a year to go to school, military paid for it. Then he went to Iraq for a year. Now.....in her 6th year of marriage....she has an STD. She now owns 3 properties, mortaged to the hilt, does not work, her DH makes $92K a year, she looks like she's living the perfect life....but not if you know everything....see....?

When it looks too good to be true it usually is.....

Enjoy life to it's fullest, but be true to yourself! Happy Thanksgiving!
ruthieg__tx
13 years ago
I have never met anyone whose company I preferred to my own. I like having company on the holidays but it is not something that I have to have. My DH and I opted out of family dinner today because he isn't feeling great and we felt like he was better off at home. I hope you are just alone and not lonely......
marry
13 years ago
For the last couple of years we (my husband, myself and our two daughters and one little granddaughter)go to the Eagles for a community wide Thanksgiving dinner. It's so nice and so much fun! The Arie provides the main course and the membership carries in all the rest of the meal. I usually take a couple of different desserts and maybe a salad or something.
This year tho our oldest daughter just had a new baby(a little girl) on Monday morning! She was expected this week so we made plans to have our family Thanksgiving on Saturday. Our older granddaughter is to spend today with her fathers family and the rest of us knew that we couldn't have Thanksgiving without her! So that's why Saturday.
My husband and I are home alone today. We went and did our shopping for for Sat. lastnight and I will start the prep work later this afternoon. We'll have some left overs for supper tonight and are just kind of snacking so far today!
So for dinner on Sat. we will have our two beautiful daughters,our youngest daughter, our oldest daughter and her boyfriend, and his younger brother and his little girl. Maybe some of our other family will come over later in the evening on Sat. and have dessert with us! Who knows!
marylmi
13 years ago
I had two Thanksgiving dinner invitations, but I choose to stay home & made my own small holiday dinner complete with candlelight! My husband passed away in the summer and I just wanted to stay home....it just felt 'right' for me. I am planning on having a Christmas get-together here for some neighbors and friends so looking forward to that.
country_sunshine
13 years ago
We were invited to the mountains to spend Thanksgiving with friends, and then another friend invited us to come spend the day with them and their family...both of which we declined. Bob just doesn't feel up to going and socializing in a group of people these days.. We had a large Thanksgiving gathering at church on Sunday and that was a delight.... and everyone had a really great time. There are so many folks we love to spend time with, and do on occasion, but with Bob's failing health, he prefers to stay home more and more..

So, today I have a turkey in the oven, complete with stuffing, and U have bread rising, a broccoli casserole ready for the oven, and butternut squash and mashed potatos ready.. and so all we need to do is make the gravy and put the bread in to bake. I have New england butternut squash pie and an apple pie made.... and the table is set with table cloth, napkins and candles...so it will be a wonderful day.

Our family used to have those "Norman Rockwell" Holiday dinners when I was growing up. We really enjoyed them, but then everyone now is scattered all over the country and so we don't see much of that anymore...tis a pity.....

We have so very much to be thankful for... our love for one another, and God's Grace and the bounty He blesses us with each and every day. That's what Thanksgiving is to us ...Praising our Lord.

Carolyn
jannie
13 years ago
It's just me and DH for Thanksgiving this year. I made a turkey breast, two kinds of potatoes, and 2 vegetables, all from scratch. Feeling nostalgic, I've been thinking of Thanksgivings Past, and the loved ones who've gone on to their reward. My Grandma, Godparents, Aunts and Uncles, both of DH's parents, my good friend Cynthia. I'm always Thankful for Life and Hope, two of God's greatest gifts to us.
blitzyblond_protege
13 years ago
My DF passed away in June, so I knew this would be my first TG without him. Then both DBs surprised me and announced that DM would be spending TG 10 hours away. Just me and DH for TG.

Holidays alone

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