Helen

Hubby

my jim!! ;)

My Mom for a bit of advice she gave me.

A woman named Greta. She was the only black girl in my 8th grade class in about 1959. Kids called her those awful names. I never heard this language before. I would walk home with her and she was taunted until she reached her home. Her mom invited me in to have cookies and milk. I loved being there.

I asked my mom if I could have Greta over and she said no, what would the neighbors think.

I was startled by her answer. Why would she say something like that? We aren't one of "them" are we?

That day changed my life as I learned descrimination from my own family. I became active in social causes after high school and very much in college until this day.

As for my mom, she changed too. She supported my efforts for social change up until she died. She told me she was proud of me on her death bed. At that time I was working with people with AIDS. My dad only priased me for promotions I got in my job and was silent about the rest. My brother's words are reminiscent of that old era. He would say them only in front of me to stir the pot. He has worked for a large corporation where 'one just doesn't say that outloud.' We had not seen or talked to each other in 20 years until last year and nothing changed. He is in his 70s - an intolerant unhappy man with several social and mental diagnoses.
Greta remaines as she was then, a poised, quiet woman who never married but became a teacher and took care of her mother and sister.

My grandmother

My second grade teacher...she believed in me. I came from an abusive and neglectful family. At Christmastime when we were dismissed for the holidays she told me to stay after class. I thought I was in trouble and I was sooo scared. She brought out of her closet a beautiful blue willow tea set and a doll.(I sure wish I still had that blue willow tea set) She told me that I could have them, Santa had left them at her house to give to me...I was so afraid to take them home but she said it was o.k. that she had talked to my mom. I got her presents for Christmas and some oranges and a peppermint candy stick my mom gave me. I love giving to children, especially needy ones. I also will NEVER FORGET HER KINDNESS!!!!! so inturn I try to be kind to every child...you never know their history or circumstances.

My parents provided the foundation with their urging us to do well, and also with their expectation that we would do well and with kindness. The first day I walked into my own classroom, I was struck by my great good fortune in having the parents I did who set down the family message and expectations. I saw 25 teens in front of me, all perfectly capable, and realized that they were living out the expectations for them that had been expressed in their own homes. Some were positive and moving ahead in their lives, but some were sad, down trodden, hopeless, sure that they couldn't manage well. What strong messages we send to our children.

And my mother's family, when she died young, also lived and expressed the need to do well, respect yourself and others, and to do well in whatever task lies before you.

I have two people who literally changed my life. The first was my 1st grade teacher, who had me and my siblings removed from a very bad home situation and placed in foster care, where I learned responsibility, manners, etal.

The second person was my 2nd husband, who taught me how to really love someone unconditionally and express that love to them. He taught me that it's 'o.k.' to not comment on everything and that it's NOT o.k. to gossip and tear others apart to make yourself feel better.

DH.
His entry into my life changed me from a childless widow into a grandmother.
A whole new life that centers around family.

My DH is my hero. Met him at 15 and he truly changed my life. Together we have grown and learned so much (and continue to do so ).

It would have to be the counselor I had in college......she believed in me and got me headed down the path towards getting my RN degree.

My MIL. She gave me a sense of self worth that I had never had before.

Ralph

Mine is my third grade teacher, Mrs. Goldman. I used to be shy, felt left out even though I was good at sports I hung out with girls who weren't, and was just starting to notice boys. Mrs. Goldman, along with my parents, helped me realize what true friendship and kindness are.

My best friend was a girl a year older in an abusive home which I never realized or understood until I was older. Short story on Stephanie, we reconnected a few years ago, and we talked for several hours on the phone. My parents and Mrs. Goldman were the one who changed her life, I always wondered why the rules of not having friends spend the night on school nights didn't apply to Stephanie, and why she always seemed to have bruises and cuts and scrapes that I didn't remember her getting from rollerskating or skateboarding (we spent every waking hour we could on wheels). Her mom was a prostitute and left her and her older brother alone night after night (I think her brother molested her as well, she didn't want to talk about him but my parents eluded to that) but my parents apparently even offered to adopt Stephanie but her mom refused, so we took her in as often as possible.

Back to Mrs. Goldman, she changed my life by pulling me out of my shell, giving me all the "cool" jobs like running the mimeograph machine (ahhh, the smell of that purple ink!) and - gasp - giving ME the responsibility of taking Stinky the class gerbil home for the whole summer. That was an incredibly coveted position.

At any rate, Mrs Goldman had also been Stephanie's teacher the year before me, and she knew her circumstances and she and my parents teamed up to help Stephanie get into counseling at school, got her involved with the Big Brother/Big Sister program, and I was involved in all of it too. Mrs. Goldman frequently brought in bags of her daughter's clothes that she outgrew, and gave them to Stephanie. I got a few t-shirts that had those 70's iron-on patches that spelled out her daughter's name which was also Michelle. While I was too young to get the big picture, I came to realize Stephanie needed help, and made even more of an effort to be make her laugh when she was sad, to get a snack for us even if I wasn't hungry, to make an extra lunch in case Stephanie "forgot" her lunch money.

Thank you, Mrs. Goldman, for helping me do the random acts of kindness I so enjoy doing nowadays.

Jesus Need I say more?

For me, it was the people I met while working my way through college. They did not change my direction, but supplied inspiration for me to endure to graduation.

The first of these was a Thermodynamics Instructor. He was disabled with MS, but set a great example by soldiering on. Also, he he was one the best instructors for that difficult subject. There were times when he was in pain and shrugged it off to make it though a lecture. All of his lectures were delivered from a wheel chair. Extensive use of the chalk board was needed. He could reach only the bottom half and he made good use of it. He died a few years after I graduated in 1960, but his memory remains with me to this day. What an inspiring instructor!

The next are two students who lived in the Men's Residence Hall with me. The first was blind. He had to depend entirely on his memory. He could not pick a book off his shelf and refer to it to consult about a problem. He recruited fellow students who lived on his floor to help him. He needed help with the laundry and with his studies. We students read and recorded text from his books. I was one of those.

The next resident was born without any arms, and yet here he was taking college level courses. All of his manipulations were performed with his feet. His toes became his "fingers". He kept his physique very trim and limber to the point of being a contortionist. He wore slippers and kept his feet cleaner than many of our hands. At meal time, he'd sit in the chair and unnoticed, his foot came on top of the table. He could grab a fork or spoon with his toes and feed his face! This act was done so quickly and without fuss that one did not notice until you took a second look. He was amazing and very agile.

The University had a group of barracks left over from past wars. These were scheduled to be replaced, but meanwhile, these were used to house handicapped students. Many of these had lost limbs in war. They were the wheelchair brigade of the campus. What struck me was that they did not bemoan their situation and were always seeking ways and occupations to make a living and to become contributing individuals. Many became acrobats with their wheelchairs. Some could mount a street curb. The first time I saw it, I gasped. This person gathered speed as he crossed the street, tipped back in the chair raising the front wheels off the ground and raced toward the crub. The front wheels would clear the curb and when the rear wheels hit, he would lean forward and the chair would hop up up to the new elevation. These students played wheelchair basketball on Saturdays. That was sight to behold. I first thought it would be a mild game - Not so! It was as rough and tumble as you could imagine with plenty of crashes. Each player had a 'pit crew' of wheelchair mechanics on the sidelines who made repairs during a match.

These people inspired to to shut up, stop complaining, and finish my degree. These...

My senior year in high school, I had the mandatory appointment at the guidance office. The guidance counsellor Mr. gourlay asked my plans for the future. I said I had none, I didn't think I'd go to college. I would look for a job after graduation. He stood up and YELLED at me "You are college material." He then apologized for yelling and we sat down together; he told me about how to apply to college. I was accepted at every school I applied to, and it was only because of Mr. Gourlay. I then got a bachelors degree from Geneseo State University, and later got a great job in government that lasted 31 years. Along the way, I got married and had 2 great kids.

Have to name two.... my parents who adopted me! I got a chance to grow up in a loving, stable and secure environment that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

Although he died before I was born, my maternal grandfather's beliefs in the basic goodness of his fellow man have shaped my heart. My mother passed these tenets along to me by her words and her actions.

HUBBY-he saved my life basically.