Try and say " I'm Sorry " more often
throu the teenage stage. Would have made a world
of difference to us Parent's.

I would have told our younger son "Don't be afraid", and insisted he be on medication before he was. He's ok now, but he had several hard years.

Don't be afraid to "just say no" not only to drugs, but to other questionable activity.
That's what I told my dd, my youngest sister and my young niece whom we have adopted.

Linda

Yes, I wish I could have fought for custody of my Niece and Nephew.

The tragedy is to painful to discuss.

Gayle

I should just focus on what I'm doing with my own kids day to day right now, since they are right in the middle of growing up.

But there is something I think about often. I have a "kid" cousin, 10 years younger than. She had a very tough time growing up, it's a wonder she still talks to her mother. The two of us have always been close, and I know there were times she reached out to me when she wouldn't reach out to anyone else. When she was a young teen, I was busy getting married, having children, and moving all over the place. I didn't stop to check in with her as often as I wish I had. She's OK now, but I know she still struggles with issues from her childhood. In a conversation w/her about a year ago she told me that as she was growing there was one person she knew would always be there for her, would always support her, cheer her on, be a soft place to fall... that was me. I felt so bad b/c I don't think I was there enough for her. I'm glad she felt that way, and still does, but I feel like I could have done more. I love her very much and want her to be happy. So I would have been there more for my cousin, mentored her more, encouraged her finish college- she's a smart girl. I would have listened to her more, listened to her goals for herself and helped her make a plan to reach them.

I think the most disabling problem that some young people suffer from is low self-esteem. I wish there were a way to fix that for young people (and old people, too).

Rose

My DD has a young friend (girl) and my DD and DS have a cousin on ex husband's side (boy) that both have sad family stories. They love spending time at our house because we do a lot of things as a family - even if it's just spending time together at home. I always try to stress to them that we (me and DH) are always here for them if they ever need to talk about anything. And of course we talk to them about the dangers of drugs, drinking, doing the right thing, not following the crowd, etc.

I would have let my nephew live with me when he asked. He wouldn't have gone down the path he did. He's alright now but it was awful seeing what he went through, thinking I could have prevented it.

I will never forget one person, never knew his name though.
I was a waitress in a coffee shop in town, and we all had one table in the back where we took our breaks. This was circa 1977ish. This guy was cute too. Long hair, nice beard, and a pretty leather biker type jacket. A really mellow well versed kind of guy.
It is really hard to explain, but this cute hippie guy, was sitting in the table next to me taking my break and counting my tip jar after hours.
I must have been angry at my folks for some reason that day, and made mention of it somehow, although I don't remember that. Anyway, he brought to my attention, that my mom and dad were just trying to help me through life, rather than take my life over and be monsters.
We talked for a good hour, and when I went home that night, I had a whole new out look on my parents. We in fact, never argued again.
It is very hard to explain, but I will never forget this man, never saw him before or after in this old established neighborhood coffee shop, yet he was a huge changing factor in my life. Why he was there, or why he never came back I will never know.
Just this one person changed my life that very day.
I will never forget his face.
I would love to think that I could, in my life have that kind of impact on just one persons life.
One never knows.
Sorry this is not about how I have changed a life but how someone changed mine.

Trin

oh, Trin, what a great story! Reminds us we should always speak from the heart. It's so easy to vent, make off the cuff remarks. Sometimes words are spoken on a bad day and we think it doesn't matter, we'll never see that stranger again. But this reminds us it does matter to let our hearts guide us.

Was it Oprah who told a story on her show, or maybe one of her guests, about meeting the wife of politician (or such) who told her she had beautiful brown eyes and just that one compliment, word of kindness, has never left her. It's contagious, too, words and acts of kindness.

I try to remember that when I sub. Even though I may only see a child once, sometimes a few times, my words - good or bad - might stick with a child for a long time. Maybe because I know I might not ever see them again, I try to choose my words carefully and speak from the heart while I have the chance.

Sometimes it takes less than we think to affect the life of another. It doesn't always take huge gestures. Sometimes it's the little things that count.

I did,for many young kids a few years back.
The one I wish I could have done something for or had been around for about 20 yrs ago, is that young SO I was with the last few years.
He never got a break,was the "slow" boy that was born...but has turned into quite the man...and not because of anything his parents ever did for him.
He has learned more about life in general in the past 3 years than he did in the first 32 of his life...

I would have changed a young boy that I had in my third grade class. He was a problem then, had been before, and wound up growing up and killing an unarmed deliveryman. He had another one of my former students with him and got him involved in it, too. He's doing life without parole and he had SUCH potential.

When they were young, I always tried to listen to my niece and nephews when they couldn't find someone in the family to listen to them.

I encouraged them to pursuit of careers that they have talent or love to do rather than what their parents, or aunts & uncles, think they should do.

When they needed some advices, I normally give them the pros and cons of each decision and trust them to chose the right one. But when they failed, I give them my support and understanding. Thank goodness, it didn't happened often and they were minors.

A few years ago, at their college graduations, each one had sent me a special thank you card saying thanks for believing and always trust in them. There's no better reward than receiving those cards.

Greetings everyone,

Bless you to all of you who have attempted to be a good listener, and offer some suggestions/advice to various people, plus bringing a ray of sunshine into their lives.

As several have said ... sometimes a small thing can have a major impact in someone's life and bear fruit in their life for years.

Keep up the good work.

I regret that I didn't do a better job of letting my ex- know how important she was to me.

And have spent more time with my kids, especially my son, when they were young.

ole joyful

Trin, that is a beautiful story. We never know how a small gesture can change or at least uplift someone else's life.

Beautiful story, Trinity! And Steph, I sub too, and know what you mean about looking for something kind to say. I work in a high school with a very diverse population. With the most troubled kids, I always look for a strength. Even if it's an opinion they've shared about something, I try to respond in a way that says I can tell they've "been thinking" about it. I know it sounds so trivial! But to convey to a student that you've noticed something positive and that you've actually HEARD them can be more meaningful to them than we realize.