I wasn't going to post here but I need a place to just get it all out. :)

As some of you know, I was doing my 2nd (and final) IVF cycle in March after making sure I was healed from my D&C in December.

Everything was going as planned, follicles growing a bit slow but nothing that couldn't be helped with a few extra days on the stimulant meds. I had my egg retrieval and this time I netted 10 follicles with 6 mature eggs. (Last time I only got 2 eggs.) I was over the moon that my body responded so good this time (some younger women complain when they "only" get 20 eggs at retrieval...). I patiently waited for the follow-up call the next day to see how many would fertilize (sometimes not all of them make it). All 6 fertilized! I was both happy and sad as I will never have 6 babies no matter what happens but figure I'll worry about that later. (I have a letter here that tells me if any of my leftover eggs made it to frozen status, I won't open it yet as I'm too afraid.)

The decision was made to put the best 3 embryos back in. Since I'm almost 39, the doctors will take the chance assuming I probably won't get multiples nor will the embryos split once they are implanted. I anxiously await the 3 days until my transfer hoping they all make it that far.

In the meantime, I get a text from my sister saying my dad had been put on hospice care 2 days prior and was stopping his dialysis treatments. My father and I had been on the outs for about 6 months due to a lot of family drama but I immediately called my parents' house to try and speak to him, he declined the call. My mother and I do not have the best relationship but that's a story for a different day (and why couldn't she call me to say my dad was on hospice? Who does that to their children?). I knew my dad wasn't going to speak to me but it still hurt to know he was in his final days no matter how many were left. My mother and I ended up in an argument and I hung up, knowing the conversation would go nowhere.

2 days later I'm in the waiting room at the hospital for my egg transfer. I had been having issues with my phone so apparently I missed a call from my mother. But then my husband's phone rang and it was my sister saying my dad had passed away that morning. Here I am sitting in the hospital waiting room ready to bring potential new life into this world while his life was leaving this world.

I didn't cry until I was in the procedure room surrounded by my doctors, nurses, embryologists, technicians and of course my DH and the doctor said "I hope you have a nice relaxing day planned in front of the TV with some movies and bedrest." That's when I burst into tears saying my dad had died that morning and I had to leave the hospital to go to my parents' house. Obviously I am the first one they ever had say that at the time of transfer based on their reactions!

I have no regrets (at least yet) with how things ended with my dad. Of course I wish we were a great big happy carefree family with no grudges but that wasn't us. There was always something to argue about. I know I get my stubbornness from my dad and sometimes it makes me smile to know that we were so stubborn with each other because we were so alike. :) My dad taught me things in life that made me the woman I am today and for that, I will always be thankful.

I ended up telling my family that I had my transfer as it was too much emotional buildup trying to keep it all in. I didn't want to tell anyone as the last time I got my negative test, it was heartbreaking to have to tell people. But what could I do. We made it through the wake and funeral as best we could. It brought me peace knowing that my dad was no longer in pain, had the most peaceful look on his face, and most importantly, he finally looked happy. You know how you go to wakes and the person looks nothing like themselves? My dad looked like himself but better (if that makes any sense talking about a deceased person).

After an exhausting week of events, I finally was able to return home and get some R&R with my husband this weekend. Between the hospital and my parents' house/brother's house/funeral home, we spent many hours on the highway back and forth but it was easier in the long run.

My husband returned to work yesterday. His boss is a God-send with all of the doctor's appointments I have and he always makes sure I'm first priority for my husband over his pile of work. Well yesterday....there was a huge layoff at his job which included the boss and one of my husband's employees on his team. My husband's job was spared this time, thank God. But I'm heartbroken for him to lose his boss and his employee.

Today we found out his company has been sold. The new company said they want to keep everything as-is (except for yesterday's changes, of course) and run the business as usual. I'm so afraid my health insurance is going to change as I use my insurance card like a credit card these days.

How much change can a person take in the matter of 10 days? I'm hoping the prize at the end of this journey is a positive pregnancy test that brings all this stress and heartache full circle. I can't say I'm sad to see March 2014 go...this year has been nothing like I planned in my head.

I'll know by the beginning of next week if I have a positive pregnancy test. Right now I'm hyped up on estrogen patches and progesterone shots so my hormones are battling it out. Please pray the next week flies by.