How would you handle if your loved one were transgender?

12 years ago

ColleenOZ brought this up in the subject about if a loved one were gay, so let's take it a step further: if your loved one was transgender, how would you handle it? I think what Chaz Bono did and many before him less publically is so completely brave and admirable that I hope he is a hero to people who haven't been able to come out as a transgender person.

The steps you have to take, the psychological testing, the pain of the surgery, the ridicule that is inevitable, I find these people some of the strongest human beings I have ever encountered. I would be proud to be a part of someone's progress.

Do you agree with changing genders, or is it something you were born with and that is how it is meant to be? Birth defects happen all the time, I believe this is an, albeit major, birth defect. I don't think the right chromosones were in place at conception.

I hope no one disagrees on this, but I know many do, so please let your voice be heard here. My first posts may have been a little strong, but what I really am here for is to learn from a large and varied group what people's feeling really are. I promise I won't verbally attack, but please expect a good argument if you are up for it!

Signed, the new, softer Michelle

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (21)

lazypup
12 years ago
I have a friend in Ohio who is 26yrs old and currently going through the 2nd year of the mandatory 3 year psychological adjustment and hormone therapy before he can have the actual reassignment surgery.

He/she and I were friends for about 5 years before he made the descision to undergo the procedure and we have talked about it at great length.

I have come to realize the problem is that most ppl think its a gay thing, but in truth,, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, gays who seek the procedure for their own pleasures are not even considered as candidates.

The truth is, for a real transgender candidate as you stated, it is a genetic thing. Jimmy has been thoroughly tested and it is confirmed that he was born with the physical attributes of a man, but psysiologically and psycologically his brain is female.

All I know for certain is that Jimmy is my friend, and when he completes the procedure and comes to my door as Jasmine, she will always be welcome.
azzalea
12 years ago
Of COURSE I agree with changing genders if a person born trangendered. It's not a choice, or a whim--there's been medical evidence that shows that there's an actual, physical difference in the brains of transgendered people. It's so sad to think of anyone feeling trapped in their body, and knowing they and it don't fit.

If my child felt that way, I'd move heaven and earth to help them get things in line so they could live their lives in happiness and contentment.

Interestingly, one show I was watching on transgender people stated that there's a significant number of them who find that after the surgery, their sexual preferences undergo a change as well (before the surgery, they were attracted to women, afterwards attracted to men or vice3 versa). Not all, but it was surprising how large the percentage was--wish I could recall the exact number.
Related Discussions
Did you dislike your shingles when they were first put on??
Q
Comments (11)
Oh, superchick, we were not happy at all when we first saw our shingles. We had chosen a Tamko Heritage shingle without seeing a sample (didn't have it in this area) so we had to order them after looking at them on the internet. The lumber yard called my DH and said they couldn't get our color in the 30 yr, but could in the XL. The day the roofers started, we drove over to the house with such anticipation! When we pulled in the driveway, we were so disappointed because all we could see was red! We spent that evening going in and out of the house, hoping we would like them more each time we saw them. I posted a message here and on the paint forum with a picture asking for exterior color advice and got this great message from funcolors: "The roof is not your typical neutral roof color selection. However, it could be fabulous with the right colors on the body and trim. A serendipitous roof color choice." After looking up the exact definition of serendipitous, which means making a fortunate discovery by accident, I began to think of new and different ways to paint our Hardiplank. We came up with a completely different color scheme than we had intended to use but I think it will be really pretty. And, in the meantime, the roof has been completely finished and we are really happy with it now. So, give this some time and let your eyes adjust to the new colors. Then be open to something different on your exterior. I hope your roof turns out to be serendipitous too! The link below shows our roof at the beginning stages and the Hardiplank is still not painted yet! Susan Here is a link that might be useful:
...See More
How would you handle this?
Q
Comments (37)
Gellcom -- Thank you. Although, I do feel a little guilty about complaining here!! I do want to point out that I said I was incredibly stupid for making the choice to spend so little on my own child and spending it on the shower. That was my choice and I cannot hold it against them, you are right about that. But it does make me sick that I made that choice and as I said -- I feel stupid for that. However, had things turned out differently, I would have felt better about making that sacrifice -- make sense? But no, I cannot blame them. If they would have been upfront and said "We're really looking for a kegger and not at all a baby shower and by the way, we'd like to enjoy extra beer for the superbowl too." Then, I would have had a better idea of what I was getting into and would have made better choices...It's not that I didn't want to give them what they wanted, it's that what they wanted was over and beyond what I had signed up for and I didn't realize this until it was too late. Then they insisted despite us explaining that we didn't have the money for this...Well, it's a bit different than trying to force what I think they should want on them, don't you think? (I know you were agreeing with most of what I said...So, I'm not feeling attacked...Just explaining the situation as I see it.) And, the only reason that I wanted to explain things to the parents-to-be was because I've been made to look like the "bad guy" that didn't want to give them their keg and marg machine. So, there is that part of me that would like to explain where my heart was in all of this. But, I won't...I did that here instead!! Chase -- I agree. It's just never easy when you really value people in your life and then you are shocked by their behavior. I am not the perfect friend by any means -- I am flawed and have a great deal of baggage, so I always try to cut my friends some slack. I don't know how I will feel about this later, but I know that I have lost a great deal of respect...not just because of the keg that they could not live without, but because of the issue with not caring about the hostesses, the gift return scheme, etc. I definitely have some re-evaluating to do in terms of the friendship and as upset as this has made me, I think it might be a matter of self-preservation to just remain cordial. We'll see what happens...After feeling the need to email me about how important the alcohol was, they may not want to be friends with me at all!!
...See More
If this were your kitchen what would you do? Starting remodel!
Q
Comments (19)
Wow thanks for the quick responses and great ideas. You guys rock! megpie77 - exactly what I was thinking about the old white/off white color for the cabinets. Thanks for the link to the blog. I love reading those and am addicted to reading the decorating blogs. Absolutely, positively getting new lighting for the tray ceiling. That ceiling fan is obnoxious as are the florescent lighting. I saw redroze's kitchen. Awesome. I am thinking white marble for sure on the island and something else on perimeter. I also like the idea of gray to pick up the grout colors in the brick. They are brick pavers but fool everyone who sees them thinks they are real brick. I don't want to play up the earth tones too much in them. Thank you for the info! Lascatz - yes i can fit a 36" in either the oven space or the existing fridge space. We actually are talking about flip flopping the ovens and the fridge for better flow. I am worried about the Shaw sink because the cabinets. How much room does the 36" one take in height? I really don't want to tear much up in the way of cabinets. I do love Allison's F&B french gray island and have tested that paint color and may use it. toomuchstuf - love your screen name. I can relate. Yes, i am going to add a custom hood or chimey hood to vent the wolf cooktop out. heistaflames - great, great suggestion on the long cabinet run. I hadn't thought of new doors with glass on the top to break it up. I also like all of your other ideas especially using 2 or 3 colors. If I painted all those cabients white - it would be horrible. andrea - the flooring is real brick paver and they are really pretty. Not usually a choice on this site but, very popular in my town in Louisiana as A. Hayes Town architecture prevails all over here. It would be too expensive to take them up. They are traditional and nuetral so I am keeping them as they also run down both hallways and are in my living room. I hadn't thought of putting a whole range where the cook top is but, am considering now. I will be getting rid of over the cooktop microwave. Don't necessarily need 2 ovens. We really grill out more than we cook. I definitely don't back unless it's a holiday or I cooking slice and bake cookies. Thank you all. I soooo appreciate the input. more to come later. Anyone have any suggestions on a blue paint color that is not too pastel. I am testing Farrow & Ball Light Blue with a dark glaze for the island and I like it but I wish it just had a little more brown or gray in it. Blue is soooo hard. I never knew that... I am in love with the color of my linen fabric that I am using in my living room with is Swedish Blue in color. It is a green/blue. F&B light blue is close too it. I'm just so scared too have it come out too pastel.
...See More
How would you handle this, or would you ignore it?
Q
Comments (13)
This is not the first time I have heard of someone other than the owner of the store browbeat a person new to quilting. It happens.....why? Reasons could be as different as the people involved. Maybe the person "beating" you in that manner wanted to appear superior to you, as in "I know more than you, so listen to me." Maybe that person was just trying to drum up more business for the shop owner. Maybe you weren't yet one of their store's groupies and she didn't have the time to deal with a newbie. Who knows...... Questions for a new quilter: are you planning to make a large bed quilt your first time out? Perhaps you could make a few blocks to see if the Log Cabin block is really for you? I agree that watching videos on beginning quilting and the Log Cabin block would be helpful. I made a baby quilt using the Log Cabin block and do not think it would be difficult for a beginner. I agree with Beverly that buying jelly rolls for your project might not be the best. They could be cut incorrectly and not on the grain of the fabric, and, learning to correctly cut your own fabric pieces for the quilt block is a very important part of the learning process, in my opinion. We're here to help you in any way we can. Teresa
...See More
wildchild
12 years ago
I know a couple of transgender male to females. One I met after and another mid way through the process.

It's like Azzalea said. I'd move heaven and earth to help them. It is not an easy decision even though the desire is strong. Anyone going through the process would have my support.
carla35
12 years ago
I'm just going to post that I find this question kind of boring and am not going to really answer it. Normally, I wouldn't post this but I thought you may like to get a feel and reasoning why people may not post here.

Maybe a lot of people have strong opinions on transgenders, I just don't and don't want to waste my time with a long post. This had not effected my life and will most probably never effect my life in any way.

I know I could just stroll on by but I thought you may appreciate knowing I think it's by far your most boring question... And maybe that actually tells you something...
curlysue
12 years ago
I don't know anyone who is transgender, but I think I would welcome them with open arms just like anyone else. I'm kind of one of those people, I care more about the inside than the wrapping.
curlysue
12 years ago
I got side tracked, the original post said if it was someone you loved--without a doubt, I would keep on loving them and supporting them, not a problem. When I sent the first post I thought it just meant transgenders in general
caroline1947
12 years ago
I would treat them as I would anyone else. Whether I agree or not on gay/gender change etc.it is between them and God.
sleeperblues
12 years ago
I don't think the question is boring. It is hypothetical, so anyone can answer it according to what they would do. I would love my child no matter what. I would probably feel really bad and blame myself, actually, that something I did caused the gene malfunction. That is probably not rational.
curlysue
12 years ago
I laughed at your last statement a little bit, Sleeperblues. We, as mothers, are not always rational.
Adella Bedella
12 years ago
I'd probably handle it the same way I would if someone were gay.

I don't particularly admire the way Chaz Bono has handled it. Chaz could have come out as a strong, respectful person. Instead he has been a whiny, talentless brat and everyone else is a 'hater'. I've seen enough shirtless pictures of him. He needs to start respecting himself. I could care less if he wants to be male or female.
User
12 years ago
My feelings are that God makes no mistakes.
heather_on
12 years ago
There are a few babies in this world that are born with ambiguous genetalia. Mostly it is easier for surgeons to make these babies into little girls when in fact their chromosomes may be male. I often wonder how these little ones made out in their later years. I would certainly accept them and probably love them even more because they are special.
des_arc_ya_ya
12 years ago
I think the key phrase in your question was "loved one". I'm sure that I would vacariously go through all the bumps and rough places in life with my family member/friend, etc. as I would if they had CP or clinical depression or cancer, or anything else.

If I love you my love is unconditional. Need new clothes? Sure what are we gonna buy now? Dress pants or a cocktail dress?
michelle_phxaz
Original Author
12 years ago
Carla, sorry to have bothered you. And you are welcome to post something that isn't as boring as this was for you, I look forward to seeing what you post next.
Jasdip
12 years ago
MEEOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!
bulldinkie
12 years ago
I wouldnt handle it well,dont agree with it..Thats my opinion..
carla35
12 years ago
michelle, come on... I only posted that comment due to your post on the other thread about homosexuals and why others aren't posting to it. I have never posted anything like that before and I wasn't trying to mean. I was really just giving you a reason why people may not be posting here.

It seems you like to stir the pot and like to post controversial issues and then like to slam people. I think you need to look at yourself a little more and quit with the sarcasm. It seems most posters here are handling your somewhat controversial posts well with the exception of you. You sure can dish it out... but you can't take it too well.

Considering I was truly trying to be nice... your last comment to me wasn't funny sarcastic, it was just mean.

ps..I find it odd how often you don't post your opinions on the questions you ask. It's almost like you are "trying" to stir the pot or start fights amoung people.
michelle_phxaz
Original Author
12 years ago
michelle, come on... I only posted that comment due to your post on the other thread about homosexuals and why others aren't posting to it. I have never posted anything like that before and I wasn't trying to mean. I was really just giving you a reason why people may not be posting here

Carla, if you had continued reading you would have seen my apology for making a bad connection.

It seems you like to stir the pot and like to post controversial issues and then like to slam people. I think you need to look at yourself a little more and quit with the sarcasm. It seems most posters here are handling your somewhat controversial posts well with the exception of you. You sure can dish it out... but you can't take it too well.

I don't post to "slam" people and I don't think I have ever been sarcastic on this forum. I think I am a pretty good person and don't need to "slam" anyone. But mostly I start my threads with knowledge from experience. And yes, I truly love to stir the pot, not in a bad way, but to bring back the days where we could post and not get feeling hurt. I post honest questions that make people think from their insides, and what is really important than what this forum has become. And I absolutely can take it as well as I give it.

Considering I was truly trying to be nice... your last comment to me wasn't funny sarcastic, it was just mean.

Carla, I wasn't trying to be mean nor sarcastic in my last post to you. I would love for other people to chime in with posts that others find interesting, I was inviting you to come up with some good, thoughtful posts, not trying to be mean at all. I am sorry if you took it that way.

ps..I find it odd how often you don't post your opinions on the questions you ask. It's almost like you are "trying" to stir the pot or start fights amoung people.

Most of my threads I do give an answer immediately, there are just times that I choose to post the question and then I will answer later.

I never meant to hurt anyone's feelings, but I guess I will have to tread even more lightly. I truly am sorry, Carla, I never meant to upset you.
renee_fl
12 years ago
des arc ya ya said it best - love is unconditional.
samkaren
12 years ago
Doesn't matter to me one way or another. If it makes them happy changing....so be it.

it is unfortunate that many people who would like to go through the transformation can't afford to do so. Guess Chaz had it a little easy with being the son/daughter of celebrities.

I also find it unfortunate that many religious people (not all mind you) think of gays/lesbians/transgenders as sinners. They should also live and let live. Always willing to speak out against but who knows what dirty little secrets go on behind their own doors.

So, to those who have made the choice...GOOD FOR YOU! BE happy and to Heck with what others think.

SamKaren
your resident DJ
petaloid
12 years ago
A former schoolmate is transgender, and seems so much happier. It was kind of a long process, but worth it for her (formerly him).

How would you handle if your loved one were transgender?

Comments (21)

lazypup

azzalea

Related Discussions

wildchild

carla35

curlysue

curlysue

caroline1947

sleeperblues

curlysue

Adella Bedella

User

heather_on

des_arc_ya_ya

michelle_phxaz
Original Author

Jasdip

bulldinkie

carla35

michelle_phxaz
Original Author

renee_fl

samkaren

petaloid

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

How would you handle if your loved one were transgender?

Comments (21)

Related Discussions

michelle_phxazOriginal Author

michelle_phxazOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

michelle_phxaz
Original Author

michelle_phxaz
Original Author