Hey Igloo! Long time no see. Hope all is well. I am firmly a Katherine Hepburn. I have always admired her independent spirit. I wonder what all of us being willing to take this quiz says about us AND why so many seem to be Katherines. I love these kind of quizzes. I need to find the others I have & post them for fun. One is about what your dessert choice reveals about you. The other is your personality based on how you wear down your lipstick.

Mine is an example of me perhaps being someone's worst date: My good friend and former roommate Jeff, had been dating a woman named Glenda who knew Stephanie through the horse world. All four of us happened to be at a party at the house of a woman, Lynn, who worked at the same place as Jeff and who also had horses. I remember having seen Stephanie at the party but being my usual shy, fearful self, I didn't interact with her. Reportedly after the party Glenda was talking with Stephanie who was complaining about not finding anyone she liked, and Glenda suggested that since I was at the party alone, that "Bob" might be interested and/or available. "Who's Bob" Stephanie responded. She emailed me shortly thereafter, introducing herself and after a short exchange asked whether I'd be interested in going to see Laurie Anderson in concert at the Wexner Center at the Ohio State University. I responded "I love Laurie Anderson, I have several of her albums. In fact I'm already going to that concert with Jeff, he has two tickets." She suggested that perhaps we could go out to dinner before the concert, and we decided upon Falafal House, a Middle Eastern restaurant at the south end of the Ohio State campus. We met at the restaurant, and she brought her roommate Jenny with her. The three of us ordered and chatted while waiting for the food to arrive. And chatted more during dinner. Finally, glancing at my watch, I said I have to hurry off to the concert, I don't want to be late. I said, "Bye, I had a great time." And I left. She and Jenny walked back to their apartment together while I went to meet my friend Jeff at the concert. Now anyone with even a bit of sense would probably ask, "What were you thinking?" "Why didn't you simply tell Jeff, 'Hey man I need your ticket' or tell him 'I have other plans' and just get two tickets yourself? My only response to that is: there were probably good reasons why I was single. I was painfully shy, emotionally immature, and terribly frightened of being rejected or looking foolish. I couldn't convince myself to ask someone out, and even the few times I did go out with someone I usually screwed it up somehow through my cluelessness. This time seemed it was going to turn out the same. While she and Jenny were walking home they were talking and between them they had just about decided that was it for me. Big red flag. Fortunately, Stephanie decided to give me another chance and emailed me the next day asking how the concert was.

You have to walk into the situation with your head up, and be aware of all the land mines. The son's attitude. This kind of behavior will destroy your relationship w your gf or wife later. Children will set you up in a triangle, because deep inside they are carrying so much the wish of having that family together. Best if you can wait until he is 18 and out of the house before talking about marriage. Even then, certain serious discussions w your gf to make sure you both can agree on how to deal with the step son's situation like college funding (who is responsible, what sort of help or entitlement, or expectation of the son ...), whether he can stay with her after 18. ect... The son will challenge and test you. You cannot win by dealing with it directly like he is your own son - he is not. So, don't take his bait and you have to take the high road and let the mom deal with him. If he is heading toward disaster, then just let it be and let the bio parents deal with that. You are just a stranger so don't try to a hero. But if they live with you in your world, then you will have to set some boundaries to protect your sanity like chores, safety concerns ... The problem is also w your gf who has ENABLED him to show such a disrespect toward with foul language. She needs to establish (not you) boundaries with him. A child can voice an opinion or displeasure of the task but she/he cannot be disrespectful with curse words toward the parents. That should have some serious consequences. If you gf cannot deal with that, then I think you should begin to walk away because you don't want to or will not break that parent-child bond. All you will hear is guilt and anger and you will be set up to take the bullets from both sides. Parents have their own right of raising their children the way they want, even if that way is bad. Just let them be and accept that as their fate and destiny. If you marry to her then you should move to a new place for both of you, where the son cannot feel a sense of owner of the place, or turf issues. By the way, teenagers have so many problems as they try to grow up and gain independence. One of the key issues I have noticed is like you mention, entitlement or laziness. Guess what, if you are not careful then he will be back at age 18, then 22 then 25, he thinks he can find a place to live and eat for free. You and your gf have to AGREE that you can help him but he has to step up to the plate as well. At certain points, the parent(s) has to cut the cord. There are so many books on blended family out there. Take a quick stop at the local library and you will lots to read. use search like :blended family, boomerang children, how to cut the cord, step wars ...

Except for the fact the child exist, I must have missed the parts where the child is really doing anything 'wrong' or anything to upset your world so much. Are you sure it is not just your hormones going a bit crazy? Or that you rushed into this marriage too quickly without thinking it through and got pregs on top of it? My DH raised his son by himself (with Gma assisting from afar during work hours) for the first 9ish years. Not all fathers spoil nor play into the mommy abandoned kid routine. You've been married a year, been in counseling with DH a year...was there ever a time in this relationship that you accepted and loved the father and child or was to change and fix everything always your goal? Sorry, not trying to judge or second guess, but to me, that's how you are coming across. You sound as if you were handed this man and his son of which you must shape up to suit your ideas and preferences. Love of a stepson does not come instantly, but is there anything at all you like about this child? How did you interact with the child during your dating his father time? You knew when you signed on that the child was going to be around 24/7, right? Sounds like you need room in our home for yourself. TV, bed and computer all in same room...in a short time add a new baby to that mix and you'll really be pulling your hair out. Most ten year olds don't go off to friends all day, day after day. DH and you jointly need to find things and ways to see the child has things to do that don't cost a lot. Kid needs his own space with his own things that he can go off into that you a bit of 'down time'. He's 10, you don't have to entertain him all day. But I get the feeling it all has much more to do than with just SS. You're broke, you don't get alone time with hubby (gonna be broker and tied up with an infant soon)...what sleep is dad going to get with a crying infant? I think you really need to step back and look at everything (not just the SS) as it does not sound as the child is really the problem for you. Cramped quarters, boring diet selection, no money, no time alone, a child demanding of your time and attention (the baby) would still be all there confronting you even if this child were not. Are you sure the child is your issue in this relationship/family.