Bad people - and a WARNING! (long story)

15 years ago

At midnight on June 13, 2009, my cell phone rang. When the phone rings at midnight, you take a deep breath and say a quick prayer and answer it with your heart in your throat.

My friend - my 85-year-old friend - had just suffered a home invasion and sexual assault.

Prior to this, she had lived alone for years and her health had deteriorated. She was on a walker and could barely move. I visited her once a week and ate lunch with her. She loved those visits, and I did, too.

Thanks to the kindnesses of friends and neighbors, she remained in her own home, housebound, but still, making it alone in her own home. One's lifelong home can be the sweetest spot on earth.

And then June 13th happened. The attacker had been watching her and knew she was elderly and alone. During the fracas, he picked her up and threw her to the ground, breaking her hip. After the assault ended, he tried to rob her and demanded money. Finally, he left, leaving her bloodied and bruised but - thank God - she was alive.

When the phone call came, I jumped in my car and drove to her house. I met another friend there. We sat with her on the couch, pleading with her to call the police. She refused. Finally, she reluctantly agreed.

I spent a couple nights with her at the hospital. Nights were tough for her. Every time the silhouetted form of a janitor walked by the door, she'd grab me and scream, "That's the man who attacked me. He's in the hallway. Get the police. That's him."

Four weeks later and two surgeries later, she left the hospital and went into a nursing home. Several months after that, she moved in with a family member who built a "Mom-in-law suite" on the back of the house, just for her.

Last month, we went to the trial. The "man" who attacked her was a young, inner-city, no-account criminal. He was in his early 20s. He smirked during the testimony. He was accused of doing this to three other women, but the police suspect he was involved in many more. (Many elderly women refuse to submit to hospital exams and many refuse to testify or even call the police.)

Two days after the trial ended (and he was found guilty), I was still raw inside. The trial was wrenching and his "modus operandi" was the same with all the women.

Later, I was talking to another elderly friend (a man), and I told him, "Promise me if someone pounds on your door at midnight and says he's hurt and needs help, you won't let him in."

My friend said, "Yes, I'd let him in. I don't believe that most people are that evil, and more to the point, I can't see someone hurting and not respond."

I talked with him for a time and told him, "You can help without letting him in. You can be a good Samaritan without risking your life. Ask him the location of the trouble and tell him you'll call 911 for him."

After a long conversation, my friend agreed to do this.

Which brings me to my point: The criminal who hurt my 85-year-old woman friend got into the house by banging on the door at 11:00 pm and saying, "I'm hurt and I need help. I'm begging, please help me. I'm bleeding."

The second she turned the deadbolt, he burst through the door.

When someone bangs on your door, do not let them in. Think about this now, and figure out what you're going to do before it happens. An aside: These attacks all happened in very nice neighborhoods.

A PS to this long story: We heard the testimony of other elderly women who'd been attacked. Like my friend, this attack ended their ability to live alone in their home. They all ended up in assisted living, and two of them ended up (like my friend) with more severe physical and mental medical needs after the attack.

A hidden cost of crime.

In conclusion, after dark, don't open the door to anyone you don't know. Call 911 and let them sort it out.

Rose

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Comments (19)

dotmom
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Oh, that is so awful. I hope and pray your friend will be OK both physically and mentally. As for the piece of crap who did this to her, It is too bad abortion can't be retro-active.
iowagirl2006
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
That is such a tragic story - but so good of you to post the warning Rose.

I think it is our instinct to help people - but you have to think twice about it now days.

Your warning may save lives!~
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FlamingO in AR
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I don't even open my door to strangers in the daytime. There's no law that says you have to answer your door. Times like that, I love my 3 barking dogs more than ever.

That said, it's a great warning. What a creep, I hope he got a good, loooooong sentence!
country_sunshine
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
That is so awfull.... and a good warning to anyone whether young or old... and like flamingo... I am so glad to have two dogs that will bark and will bite if either Bob or I are threatened...
lynn_d
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Rosemary, I'm so sorry that this happened to your friend. Another sad result is the loss of independence and their faith in humanity. A client/friend of mine had a similar occurence about 20 years ago, she was also in her 80's at the time (needless to say she is now deceased). Her name was Helen and she had traveled the world after her husband passed away. This was a woman who climbed the Great Wall, sailed the Nile and prayed at Gethsemane, alone. After she was raped and robbed she went into a nursing home and lived in fear. The invader stole her spirit.
User
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Even tho my barking dogs can be annoying, I bless them when they bark late at night. Your poor friend. My heart goes out to her. There are so many pieces of trash who are walking around, sociopaths thru and thru with no regard to their victims. I never answer the door at all unless I know the person.
ont_gal
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
God Almighty
Kathsgrdn
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
That creep needs a bullet in his head. Too bad we will have to pay to keep him locked away in a comfy cell with a gym, tv, library and whatever other comforts he will be provided.
mariend
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Sending prayers to your friend and I too never answer the door day or night unless I see who. Coming from a big city to a small town I still lock my doors and now Minot is getting crime increase due to the influx of a variety reasons. Construction workers and oil is the main reasons. But the majority of these peole are great and work with the communities but it is always that one person that causes bad feelings for all.
kayjones
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I am so sorry for your friend - GOD bless her!

This is the very reason I have a security system, security lights in the yard, a big dog and wrought iron security gates on all my doors!

My little Chi could wake the dead when she barks. My big dog shakes the windows when he barks, which is rare, unless something or someone strange comes near the house. I leave him out in the florida room when I go to bed at night. I also keep a can of mace by my bed.

I wish all homes had these features - they are not that expensive when you consider what could happen, especially if you live alone.
lindaohnowga
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
A male like that doesn't deserve to live. Tie him up, let the families have at him, and if they don't kill him, the firing squad can....an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, as the saying goes. I'm soooo against taxpayers paying to support these ruthless criminals. Stealing a loaf of bread is one thing, but assulting and/or killing another person or animal deserves death. And don't even mention "rehabilitation" to me.
jannie
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I never answer my door after dark. Not even on Halloween. My kids have keys and cellphones. My husband is with me but I can't depend on him for "protection" as he is physically disabled. Most people are good but there are a few bad ones. If someone appeared hurt, I would definitely phone 911.The police would help in an emergency.
User
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I completely agree with Kathsgrdn and Lindaohnowga's posts!!
joan_mn
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Wonderful advice, Rosemary. I'm so sorry about your friends.
wine50
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Rosemaryt, I am so sorry about your friend. We had a similiar incident in our neighborhood. An elderly man opened the door (7:30 p.m. on a Wednesday night) for someone who needed help. The two assailants pushed him inside the residence and commenced beating him with a tire iron. They didn't know his wife was there until they saw her calling 911 on her cell. They fled the scene. This is not a crime ridden area. My neighborhood is considered a very safe and the most affluent part of town. We had the police chief come to a neighborhood meeting. His advice was simple. Keep your ourside lights on and DO NOT OPEN YOUR DOOR FOR ANYONE. If someone knocks on your door for any reason seeking help, tell them that you have called 911 and someone will be here shortly to help them. They should go to the end of the street and wait. DO NOT OPEN YOUR DOOR.
cynic
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Holy mackeral! She must have been totally out of it to be able to get from the floor onto the couch and sit there (and talk!) with a broken hip! I've had a broken hip and know what it's like. Wishing her a speedy recovery, physically and emotionally.

Good time to remind of some basic information. One thing this reminds me of though is if you are going to call 911 you should try to use a landline if possible for a speedier response. Most if not all 911 dispatch will have your address as you call - they won't have that with a large number of cell phones. Cell phone is fine if you don't have a landline but the first thing you say is your address and include the zip code, repeat it even, so they have it and can do a 911 transfer to the local authorities and they can then dispatch assistance. Program yourself to say the address, zip, assistance needed and your name. Practice it if you're that afraid because if you're panicked you might not remember things. Write your address, phone # and name if need be on your landline phone so you can give it to them. Calling from a cell, having to trace the towers and location of the call if there's no tracking on it and trying to find you wastes a lot of time. There's been how many disappearing people, kidnaps, etc, where they have to try to trace and guess locations of people.

I know it varies from locale but in Minnesota, cell phone calls are sent automatically to the Highway Patrol dispatch, not your local police. It'll have to be transferred to the local, which takes time, then repeating things, more time, and if the person is not communicating well, then even more time.

Also, one of the simplest safety devices is the little peephole in the door. Refusing to open the door will not stop a break in and having a description of the suspect so you can call 911 (via landline preferably) will help a lot. Pay attention. Is there a vehicle in your driveway? How's your outdoor lighting?

Stay safe all.
Cherryfizz
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
How sad that happened to your friend Rosemary. I am glad you were there to comfort her.

On Friday night I watched 48 hours or Dateline can't remeber which show it was but it was about the home invasion
Watching that show disturbed me so much I got up and shut my front door and locked it. I keep the door open because that is the only way I get fresh air into the living room. You never know who is watching you or who will follow you home. I have had people come to my door because they say their car has broken down and I wouldn't let them in my house but have handed them my phone to use. They could have easily pushed my door open but thankfully I have a big dog and when I say 2 certain words to him he puts his guard up and will snarl and look dangerous. LOL I don't open my door to anyone now unless I know them or wait for them to leave the porch, look out the window and if I know who it is I open the door and shout out to them. If my dog recognizes who is on the porch he has a happy excited bark. If he doesn't know you he will gutteral deep bark.

I worry about an elderly neighbour. She used to open her door to anyone and invite them in. I try to tell her to never open her door, she has no family so it wouldn't be anyone she knows, a few of us neighbours have keys so we can look in on her but for awhile there we could just walk in the house because her door would be unlocked. If I notice anyone around her house or on her porch I go and see what they want. I know her habits so when lights are on when they shouldn't be on I go and check on her and the same if her lights or tv don't come on at night.

I don't live in fear but these days you have to make sure to take steps to keep yourself safe from intruders. I am glad I live where I do. If anything goes amiss in this neighbourhood or see strangers hanging around or sitting in cars someone knows it and is watching to see where they are going or watch them until they leave.

Anne
User
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Rosemary, thank you for posting this as a warning to others. Hubby and I are not elderly, but mid-fifties, and although I would not even dream of opening the door for someone I don't know, hubby WOULD! He has this 'I'm a man and I can handle it' attitude. I will most definitely tell him this sad, sad story and hopefully it will strike a chord with him.
angela_nor_calif
15 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
We NEVER open the door when we don't know who it is - no matter what time of day. It's a sad sad world we live in that you can't trust people anymore.

Bad people - and a WARNING! (long story)

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dotmom

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