Sylvia, that was beautifully stated and I so agree. We have volunteers in my town who do the same thing or Xmas. We wrap and deliver and have shoppers to buy specific items that are needed. They are beholden to keep them. All the labels are removed. Sad to have to do that for the few who would abuse it but it works. I'm amazed at the turn out every year of all ages of volunteers. It takes a village.

To be so excited over milk. Sweet boy, he makes me cry. Yes, everyone has a story. I'm surprised how rarely people stop to ask about/listen to them. Glad you got to peek into theirs. CPS might've made it so those kids didn't see each other. At least they had(have) each other.

Very well put and those stories are very believable. It's sad children and oldsters live through such tough times.

Very well said, Sylvia.

We helped with the gift trees.. And yes, it's ALWAYS a
problem of the parents AND FOSTER parents of taking the
gifts back and using the money for who knows what. IT's
always best to cut out the tags and take out of original
packaging when you give these gifts. really.

Thank you for taking the time to post this. I try and want to always keep an open mind but don't always do that. I hope the next time I get judgmental I will remember that things aren't always what they seem. God bless you for your work. Judy

Thanks for posting Sylvia.

After teaching school 28 years I can tell you that there are SO many stories just like what you posted.

On the other hand, my husband used to be a volunteer fireman. One thing that they did every year was deliver baskets of food for "Christmas Brings Hope". For this people had to call and request a basket. He delivered one to a young woman at the convenience store where she worked. When she saw it she asked him if he'd take her car keys and place the basket in her car. He ws driving a 5-8 year old truck with the paint peeling. She was driving a brand-new SUV! LOL When he got home and told me that, we decided that maybe we should have signed up!

That being said, I'd rather food/help be given to a few that don't need it rather than leave out the elderly or small children who DO!

Sylvia, those stories bring up so many childhood memories for me. Our family was SO POOR, in every way, that the state FINALLY took us out of the home and placed us in foster care. Until that time, we were dirty (didn't know it), hungry and out of control - 4 little bitty kids totally on their own.

Our mother was mentally ill and our dad was an alcoholic, and even though he worked a full time job, he spent almost all of his salary on alcohol. We lived in the country and had one neighbor, across the road. We would go there daily and beg for something to eat. We had NO IDEA there was a problem - we were just too young, and had never known anything different. I am surprised we survived until a teacher reported our situation to the state and they took us out of the home. DEAR GOD, THANK you for wonderful volunteers who try to help!

Kayjones your post is heart wrenching. Thank you for sharing. It is tragic what some have lived thru & survived.
Sylvia thank you for bringing up the topic.

Kayjones, your story is so similar to my girlfriends. In her case her mom had serious mental illness and her grandmother fed them until she and her brother were 4 and 5 respectively but then the grand died and they were on their own for the most part. They were never rescued and lived that way until high school and then she spoke to someone. They were put on welfare and able to help their Mom and they became successful adults but with so much baggage. I'm soooo sorry this happened to you. No child should have to endure that. Gosh I feel guilty almost that mine was so different.

So many organizations always ask for a "new-unwrapped" toy at Christmas time. This year I will be taking the toys out of their boxes and removing any tags. I never thought about this. Thanks for the heads up.

Kay, I'm so glad you grew up in a better place!
You've done us all a good turn by posting.

"We had NO IDEA there was a problem -
we were just too young, and had never known anything different."

See, I think this is a big obstacle in understanding people's actions.
We don't know what they had or what they didn't have, or what went on in the houses where they grew up.

A co-worker was telling us that she went to a child's birthday party & was disgusted to see that the parents, who were on food stamps, were grilling T-bone steaks for the party.

That's it.

no potatoes, no salad, *no birthday cake*.

meat.

Another co-worker, a thoughtful woman, said,
"You know, my parents grew up in the Depression & spent their working lives in much more affluent times.
They ate steaks & roasts as often as possible.
They equated meat with prosperity, & potatoes with being poor.
Maybe those parents on food stamps never had had birthday parties as children, & they were sharing the best they had with their guests."

Speaking of children's birthday parties...
My mother grew up very poor.

Not only did she never have a birthday party, she never had anything else, either.

When my brothers & I were *pre-schoolers*, my father's sisters urged her to have birthday parties for us, so she said ok.

& here came my aunts to the house with little presents, usually underwear...

& my mother served cake & coffee & chatted with the aunts while my brothers & I were sent outside to play.

Great post, Sylvia.
Thanks for the reminder. I do believe that how we care for our poor and sick says a lot about us as a society.

Spicey, I think that you are absolutely correct on that one!

Kayjones, that is a very moving story.

I have real concerns about well-meaning organizations who allow families to sign up for gifts. Often the organization is the local firehouse, or the post office or something like that. There is no way to screen the applicants. One time our office group decided to adopt a family through a program at the PO where people just wrote in letters stating that they needed items for whatever number in their family. We spent a lot of time and money putting together a beautiful spread of gifts, mostly practical but also some fun items for the kids. Then we went to deliver them. This family was by no means wealthy but they lived in a well-kept row house and had a big color tv. Their furnishings were nice and all were well dressed. They sure didn't look needy to me.

I think these programs should only be run by social service agencies who can confirm that it is a family in need or distribute the gifts themselves. Better yet, send a cash donation to these orgs to support their work or so they can buy what is needed.

I do entirely agree that in many cases their can be circumstances that we do not know.

"They sure didn't look needy to me."

but you see, you can't tell if they have $1 in the bank, if they've been laid off at work, if one child's medical bills keep them strapped...

& these things happen waaaay before the clothes start looking bad.

If the family had been living in a million $ home in Highland Park, I'd have checked back with the fire dept before I tried to drop off any presents, but a family living in a row house is often 1 or 2 paychecks away from destitute.

dedtired -- I agree. We only give to organizations that provide BASIC, HUMAN needs to well-screened applicants.

The problems with good-hearted giving without oversight come from many directions. I was dumbfounded when a tenant of my mothers confided slyly that he had a freezer full of turkeys. He volunteered every year to deliver Thanksgiving and Christmas gift boxes!

I know there are a lot of animal lovers on this site, and I am a dog lover myself. Still, I do not agree with the sums lavished on animals (or toys) while there are PEOPLE of all ages in desperate need of food, housing and medical care.

I am so glad you posted this, Sylvia. We normally participate in the church program and the Angel Tree program, and not once did I think about removing the tags from clothes because they might be returned or sold for cash. In fact, I always left them unwrapped but in the bag of the store they came from in case they didn't fit and had to be exchanged for the proper fit. What a fool I was.

This year I will most assuredly remove tags and put in brown paper or plastic bags.

Your lesson is also much appreciated. I have been guilty of jumping to the conclusion that someone doesn't truly need the food stamps that my taxes are helping to pay for. Now I will endeavor to think on your message when I start to think that way.

It really shouldn't matter what kind of home or what kind of clothes the recipients have. It's the heart of the GIVER that is important. There are always going to be those people who take advantage. Hopefully there are many more with the heart of a cheerful giver. If you only give with strings attached or with suspicion, why bother?