Ya, I guess some might consider me cold hearted but I never give money to strangers who stand around and/or come right up and ask. I had a guy come up and ask me for money at a gas station once too - no sob story other than he needed money to buy gas.

The thing that gets me is that there seems to be some sort of 'network' or 'how-to' book for them. About 15 years ago, my sister called me up, telling me that her friend was approached in the parking lot of a supermarket near my home. They guy gave her a very involved, intricate, unusual story about why he needed money from her. The friend didn't give him any, but it had her so upset, she was worried about him, and thought maybe she should have helped him. It was quite a tale, seemed too involved to be made up.

Well, about a week later, we were on vacation--about 150 miles from home. Didn't 2 guys come up to us with THE EXACT SAME, VERY ODD, VERY DETAILED tale, asking for money. Needless to say, they got nothing from us--not even a few seconds of guilt as we walked away.

A lot of this petty crime that's happening today IS organized. I've mentioned the ring of purse snatchers operating in our area--they work in pairs, but keep changing personel, so it's hard to identify them; they steal the purses/wallets in one area, drive 10 minutes over the bridge to another state so it's a jurisdictional nightmare to charge them anyway. The police know it's a ring, know their mo, but haven't been able to make any arrests yet.

A lot of shoplifting is the same--various 'employees' lift the goods which are then sold for pennies on the dollar by the 'manager'. It's run like a business.

Don't feel too badly--these people are skilled and trained thieves, and you're biggest crime was having a kind soul. She only got $20, thank goodness. Just remember that you were the one who had good motives.

You did a good deed and that's where it ends. It's just like me and lots of others who give money to the 'homeless' standing on the corner - we turn our backs and they're coming out of the nearest liquor store! Feel good that you did a nice thing - it's her job to feel like crap!

Sorry this happened to you, but I completely understand your wanting to help. Last week as I came out of a business and got in my car, a man walked up and said, "Oh, sorry, didn't mean to scare you but can you spare some change or a dollar....or two dollars for a soda or a cup of coffee (after I started to pull $1 out of my wallet and he saw more in there I'm sure!). I gave him the dollar and then I saw he and another man walk right past the Salvation Army. Hmmm. He was nicely dressed,too.

Around here, two women were showing dupes a picture of a baby and saying that the baby had died and they were collecting money for the funeral. Lowest of the low, eh?

My question to you is: Why do you waste your time listening to the pitch? You know they are using the money for booze or drugs. The minute someone approaches you, say "I cannot help you", and if possible, report it to the store.

Here is a link that might be useful: dead baby scam

yeah, I keep telling myself not to feel bad but my mood hasn't improved yet. I haven't told DH because he will tease me the rest of the day. Besides, he's busy watching golf. LOL

Why do people go to such extremes for money? Isn't honest work a lot easier?

Got up too early this morning so I think a nap is in order.

You got it because you look like a nice person. My dh gets it a lot particularly at gas stations in Texas when we are on vacation. He'll be pumping gas and I'm hearding kids to use the restroom. It's the same stories over and over. We are sick of them. I've gotten the stories a few times too. I usually don't use gas stations where travelers from out of state would be.

I sometimes wonder what the real story is when you see these people holding cardboard signs stating the are homeless, or needing help..We live in a small community,but do have a Walmart, there are always at least 3 or 4 of these people there.
But if I were to find myself in a position like that, I would try to find a way to WORK for money...At one time there was this fellow in town that carried a pushbroom,he would ask buisnesses if he could sweep thier sidewalks for a couple of bucks... at least he was not begging..
Was not there a time when this was illegal? Pandering or loitering? I am sure it is tough for some people out there...but it just makes a person wonder...

You acted, and you acted on impulse. Which is something I wish I would have done this week. I'm wondering if I saw a man on his way to committing suicide but instead of investigating furher, I reckoned that he was okay and went on my way. Now it's bothering me day and night.

You'll get your money back, ten-fold.

You were trying to do a nice thing so don't beat yourself up about it. It was only $20.00, not that much money.

We have young boys in the parking lots, here, today, and I wonder where their money is going to.

Today they had pkg's of candy asking for money or a donation. I guess I didn't look approachable. If they had I would have asked where the money was going and IF they had a permit.

Sometimes you see them selling boxes of Krispy Kreme doughuts., Not getting my money.

Moonie, don't knock yourself over this. You are a nice person, wanting to help someone in need. Even if it doesn't turn out to be a need.

Meanwhile, pat yourself on the back, for being able to give that 20. Plenty of people can't afford to do so.

Have a cup of coffee, or tea, or what ever is your fav, get a good book, and hunker down for a bit.

With other words, do something nice for yourself now. :)

Moni

ditto Moni!

Most of those on the corners with their signs are making more money that way than if they have a job. A friend followed one and saw him get in a very late model vechicle.
They even brag they make lots of money and don't have to pay taxes, etc. A very few will actually need money but they usually go to places for help, churches, Salvation Army, etc.

When we were visiting DS in Ca several years ago and was gasing up our old RV, a woman approached my DH, he that believes all sob stories, and was asking for money and needing a blanket to stay warm. I did give him an old blanket to give her but told him 'no money'. DS was gasing up at another pump and came over to see what was going on and told his Dad to not give her anything, says she is always at that station for handouts and gets LOTS from people just passing through and don't know the story.

Moonie,
Don't feel badly. They do that scam because it works.
You could think of it as $20. that you invested in the education of you and everyone who you tell about this.
In other words, you really can help people with that $20.
Be of good cheer.

You tried to do a good thing. You did nothing wrong. That woman shoud feel bad, not you.

You were kindhearted and got taken, but you learned something and posting it here shares the lesson.
My husband frequently asks guys from the shelter or ones
holding "work" signs to do yard work. Most just want a handout and refuse the offer.

Around here, I figure they are financing a drug habit and won't give cash.

The same thing happened to my husband a couple weeks ago while we were at Starbucks. A lady approached him and said she was trying to get back to Orlando from Tampa and she was low on gas. She asked him if he could help her out.
I was already in Starbucks so he opened the door and told me he would be right back. The gas station was not in the area we were in - DH told her to meet him across the street and he would put the gas in for her. By the time he got in his car and started to back out, she was already out of the lot. He went on over to the gas station but she never showed up there. At least he didn't give her the money - so she didn't get anything from him. He said she looked to be in her 30's and told him she had made the trip over to visit her parent that was in the hospital.

Things like this happen. I've given in a time or two myself in the past even though I was sure it was a scam.. I've been duped by people I thought were friends too and out of a lot more than $20. That's the ones that hurt more than the stranger scams.

One of my dad's favorite expressions was "chalk it up to experience" and that's what you should do. Not suggesting you don't give to needy and worthwhile situations but you're learning about a way of life for some people. It often takes a lesson from the school of hard knocks to make it easier to toughen the heart at times.

I will suggest that if you obsess about it, you might be confused next time. You've analyzed it, so learn from it and don't feel bad to say "no" next time. Sad to say there probably *will* be a next time! It'll be easier and you'll feel better about not falling for their crimes. And it *is* a crime so saying no is fighting crime essentially.

A guy hit me up about a month ago. He had come to town from about 75 miles away, a guy was supposed to pay him for giving him a ride, now he has no money, boo-hoo-hoo. A sad story, he was crying (real tears too) and yeah it tugged at me a bit. But then it hit me that I couldn't imagine going to do something like this without something a little more definite. I stuck to my guns and said no. For me it's easier than for many since I'm a little more naturally skeptical than many plus have had enough life lessons that it's easier to doubt first, believe later when proven.

Relax. $20 isn't going to ruin your life but if you obsess about it, you might. Give yourself a hug for trying, slap yourself on the hand and say "learn from this sweetie" and go have a favorite beverage and a snack for being a kind person. Why tell your husband? He's likely blown $20 in other ways that you might laugh about too so don't bother. Maybe in a couple years when you've had successes, you could share it. Or not.

For what it's worth, I was just introduced to a new and improved version of the infamous Nigerian scam. I have to say, they're getting better with the ideas, although this one wasn't very talented at execution. But I'm sure it'll work on some. And it was amusing to work them back a bit too! And there was a sense of a compliment when they realized I wasn't going to bite.

Be on your guard folks. There's crap like this everywhere, large and small.

Good for you Moonie! I did something similar a couple of years ago right before Christmas, but this woman was trying to get to the airport to pick up her son who was coming home from Iraq. She also was trying to get a sick child to Children's Hospital and trying to get home to attend her mother's funeral......among other stories I am sure. The local news featured a photo of her and told the various stories that she had used. So I was taken too. But if I have to err, there are a lot worse things I could do than gifting $10 or $20 to someone in need. I'd rather make this mistake than not give to someone who truly needs it, and as long as I can afford to do so, I will.

Years ago where we use to live, one scam was people would jump on the hood of the car, spray some stuff on windshield, then ask for money to clean it off. In most cases it did not damage the windshied, but in others it did. They tried it with me, and I flat out told them that not only would the police be called, but I would sign a complaint, then went in to the manager of the mini mall. The police were called and they disapeared.
One other time a very clean cut young man asked DH for 5.00 for gas (at a gas station), stating he had to get his girl friend back home. I would have said no, but DH did give it to him. He immediatly went over to the pump, put the gas in, came back, thanked him again and drove away. Sure surprised us. We were in CA headed back to ND, and had a really good trip home. Felt good about it also.

Thanks, everyone! Sorry for all of you that have been scammed, but like some of you said, it's a learning experience. Just not used to that sort of thing going on here in my little town. And, I particularly liked what gardenspice had to say.

Took a nap, cooked chicken and dumplings, took the dog to the fields for a run so I'm kind of past feeling gullible. Still haven't told DH yet. LOL

marie - I'm glad your DH helped that kid out. :)

zeetera - I meant to ask if you would elaborate on what happened that has worried you so much.

This happened to us at Wegman's parking lot last week. Husband was putting the cart away, and I was sitting in the car ,when this lady knocked on my window and asked for gas money since she left her wallet at McDonald's a few minutes ago . When she called there, they didn't have it. Her mother was away, and her sister had $15 to last the rest of the month, She'd take my address and send me back double. We charged our groceries and he had only two $20 bills and I had no money on me, so we said 'sorry'. I'm pretty sure it was a scam because there was a guy in his 20's on the seat beside her. He had NO money?

A few weeks ago, a guy came up to me and asked for a couple bucks "for cigarettes". I looked at him and said "Cigarettes just killed my mother, I'm not helping you buy them!" He knew from my tone I was serious.

Don't worry about it, you did what you felt was right at the moment and now you've learned something.

We were in Seattle a little while ago and decided to take a walk around the block before dinner. We were approached 4 times in about 20 minutes by different people asking for money. One was a young woman who was just asking for money, no reason offered. Another was a woman with an infant in a stroller who claimed she had lost her purse and needed money to call her husband to come and pick her up. Another looked homeless and wanted money for food.

When we returned to the hotel (Fairmont Olympic) I mentioned it to the concierge who told me that Seattle was notorious for panhandlers and scammers. He said that there were several youth hostels in the area and that it wasn't unusual for the people staying there to hit the streets looking for contributions. He also said that since there were many young, wealthy people working in the area that they seemed to be 'soft touches' which just encourages the begging.

In San Francisco last year there was a young man sitting on a busy corner near Union Square with a sign that read "Need money to go home for Mom's funeral". He was still there 8 days later when we left and there were quite a few people giving him money.

Since I go into Philly often I'm used to homeless people asking for money and I learned early on not to give it them cash.

It has happened to me also.
We were traveling and stopped for fuel. A young man came begging with the story his wife and newborn baby was across the street at McDonalds waiting for him. He was broke down and needed $ for repairs of his vehicle. (He was traveling also) He promised he would send us the $ when he got back home. $30.00 and never a word from him again. That has been 5 years ago
Never again! I say NO when asked

Wow, I can't believe how many of you have been approached in that way!

Ever since an article was in the Toronto Star a few years ago, about a homeless woman, I've been extremely dubious about giving money/change to strangers.

This woman was downtown Toronto for years, and the 'regulars' often gave her money. It turns out that the cameras caught her son coming to pick her up in a Mercedes and they drove to a high-end condo. All that free, un-taxed cash adds up!

That gas-station scam has been in our area too, but I haven't witnessed it.

Unfortunately, being scammed by professional beggars makes us so wary that we might not help someone who is truly in need.

Many years ago, and I mean in the mid-70's, a guy in a suit came up to me,saying he needed 50 cents for the New York Subway (yes it was 50 cents back then, it's $2.50 now). I felt bad for him, he looked honest,and who on earth would beg for only 50 cents?) I gave him the money and felt I'd done a good deed. He certainly didn't look like a con man.

I usually help out with a few dollars. I'm a sucker for beggars with animals. The last time I was in NY there was a young guy sitting on the sidewalk with a dog asleep beside him. I reached into my bag and pulled out a dollar and as I put it into his styofoam cup I told him to treat his dog to something nice, as he was eating McDonalds.

The money didn't make it into the cup and as I reached down to push it in I heard a hearty thank you as the guy snatched up a twenty dollar bill. lol. What could I do.

Another time another one followed me into KFC and I told him he could get something with my order. He picked out something much more expensive than I was getting! I said noooo, pick out something cheaper. It was too funny.

Moonie, a man in a wheelchair was going down a slip into the river.

You just believe the best in people and were trying to help, which is a wonderful thing. Karma is a b#tch!

Forhgtv-You're right. The people that actually need help (or gas whathaveyou) won't be helped.

Costco here has gas stations. You can ONLY use your costco card with a debit card or costco AMEX. No cash. A woman in front of me at the pump seemed to be having some problems. She talked to a few people who shook their head and walked away. I saw a bill in her hand and figured she didn't know about the no cash policy.

I thought about this for a while and figured if she gave me her cash, I would charge the amount on my card. There couldn't be any way she'd scam me. I finally got out and asked if she only had cash. She said yes. So I offered to take the $20 in her hand and charge it on my card for her (I do it and don't let go of my card). She was so grateful.

She must have asked others to do the same but no one trusted her? I have to admit I didn't at first either. She gave me a $20. When she was done she said she had gone over the $20 and was searching for more money. I thought here it is-the way she scammed me. I looked at the pump and her total was $20.01. I said she could keep her penny! lol

So we've given some money now and then to people who are pulling a scam. On the other hand, how many people have we turned down who really needed a little help? It works both ways. I know that when I've helped someone out, I've felt good. And there are times when I haven't helped out and I haven't felt so good.

I'm a big believer in 'get a job' but things don't always work out in life. Jobs are lost. Kids are hungry. Maybe there are things we don't know until we walk a mile in someone else's shoes.

I have been approached quite a few time this way also.

The only time I have ever helped anyone was on Beale St in Memphis. Now I knew, and was warned about the panhandling in Memphis. When my sister and I got where we wanted to park a homeless guy approached us and told us where a better parking place was free afer 5:00. (it was only minutes til 5) But he wanted paid to show us....so I bit..a little. I asked him what he would do with the money if I gave it to him? Buy some food he said. (uh-huh...)So I offered to get him a cheeseburger and fries when we returned. He says "do you know I can buy bologna and a loaf of bread for what you spend on a cheeseburger? I agreed he was right, but stuck to my terms of the burger. He was sitting by the car waiting when we got back with the meal. He thanked me profusely and was genuinely nice. We did it again the following day and he watched our car for us.

My thoughts on this....if they need gas, tell 'em to get a gas can and you'll pump a couple of gallons in contribution towards their trip home.

A minister once told me NOT to give money to panhandlers on street corners. If people want to help the homeless, volunteer at the shelters.

It seems more scams are comming up perhaps due to this economy. It's nice to be nice, but realize guilt is a heavy motivator. Most people don't want to feel guilty about having more than enough, while others struggle. Don't give out of guilt.

The only time I recall giving money to beggars or other people, was either when I'm with my dd or years ago when I went to Nogales, Mexico to go shopping. So many poor, old women sitting in the streets with baskets for money. I went with a couple, the guy was Mexican American and he refused to bargain down the price of anything like so many people do when they went over there. Things were so cheap already, I couldn't do it either. I did give money to some of those old women.

A few years ago, Lauren, my dd and I had just eaten at Red Lobster in Lexington. We came out and there was a young woman in the parking lot asking for money to get home to visit her sick mother or father in the hospital (I can't remember which now). I told her no and walked to my car. Lauren was upset with me that I didn't help her out. Something about that woman told me she was lying and seemed very familiar, like I had met her before. Later, I remembered a young girl at the hospital I was doing clinicals at, who was pregnant. She came in demanding pain medication. There was nothing wrong with her, not in labor, nothing going on other than her long drug history. I don't know if it was the same person but I'm glad I didn't give her money.

I have helped other people, people who didn't ask for it. Like the older woman in McDonalds who ordered a cone and left her wallet somewhere. I paid for her cone and she was so embarrassed she asked me to wait for her to go get her wallet to pay me back. (I didn't) I think she had just gone shopping in the Dollar Store across the parking lot from there and thought she left it in there. Been a few years now so my memory isn't that good. lol.

My dd is a sucker big time and I worry about her. Every time we go somewhere and she sees one of those collection things for the humane society she always wants me to put money in there. We were in Nashville during Spring Break last year and she wanted me to give money to all the street singers/guitar players out there. I did give her a couple dollars to give to one we all enjoyed listening to, but if it were up to her I'd be giving to everyone on those streets!

I usually just give our stuff to the Salvation Army in town and last year I gave a bunch of stuff I was thinking about selling to the Humane Society here in town to sell at their yearly rummage sale. At least I know it's going toward something good and not going to support someone's drug or alcohol habit.

The thing that gets me is that there seems to be some sort of 'network' or 'how-to' book for them

There is a "culture" in the US that is organized. They are "travelers" and teach their children from toddlerhood how to scam. many live in very expensive digs when they are not on the road doing their thing. They do all sorts of scams from selling property they don't own right down to simple shop lifting and the infamous out of gas scam.

If you have a soft heart and think someone really needs help then give them what they need not what they ask for. If they say they need money for food, gas whatever offer to buy them a sandwich or offer to put a couple of dollars in their tank for them. Offer to call someone for them but never hand over your phone. Best one if they are really stranded I like to use this one on the "homeless" or out of gas women with kids people is to offer to call the police to get them to a shelter for the night. See how they run.

I watched a money change going on at the local Walmart one night. Tried to point it out but no one would listen. The perps caught on that I knew so they ended it early but I am pretty sure that register was short at the end of the night.

Occasionally I give a very small amount to someone on the street, but usually not.

I support various social service agencies, in earlier years I`d give them a cheque, but more recently transfer an asset that has appreciated in value to the local community foundation, then ask them to send most of it to various service agencies, which means that I avoid paying tax on the capital gain that had accrued to the asset.

When I was a clergyperson in a church, it was usually in small villages and I seldom had people come to the door asking for such help.

ole joyful

P.S. At the investment group that I attend, we call falling for a scam on the stock market, tuition`.

o j