I was so happy the day my mom's ophthalmologist phoned me at work to pick her up because he had just confiscated her license. I had been trying for months, maybe even a year to get her to quit driving. I kept her car at my house until I sold my car.

Rose, good for you and your persistence. You probably saved at least one life (plus your dad's). Let's hope he doesn't get that car fixed!
JoanMN

I'd say there is a big loop hole. Hope he can't find anyone to fix the car.

My dad only drove himself to cardio rehab less than 2 miles from home 3x a week. On his way home he got in the left turn lane and didn't signal. Cop pulled him over for it and told him she had followed him from the hospital and thought he really shouldn't be driving anymore. Gave him a ticket and that was enough.

Sheri

A friend of mine had a neighbor who was 88 and had macular degeneration. She was still driving everyday. When asked about her driving she would say "I drive slow and keep on the back streets" She drove to her eye doctors appointment and was told that she was blind in her left eye and could hardly see out of the other one. They let her drive home!! She was finally convinced to let someone drive her around. This is where I came into the picture. I drove her 2 days a week to all her appointments and shopping.

What a joy she was to me!! We became great pals and had wonderful times and laughed alot. She moved to CA about a year after I started to drive her to be closer to her family. She passed away last November. How I miss my dear friend Jane.

Rose, good for you! That is scary.

You did everyone in that town a huge favor, Rose. Thank you! Too bad it was so hard to do. My mother gave up driving on her own, she lost her nerve and we're happy to take her wherever she wants to go.

Um, do you know how to let air out of tires? That could help if Dad ends up finding someone to fix his car. Personally, I'd remove the little thing inside the valve stem, they unscrew. Makes 'em harder to fill back up!

My Dad passed away at 75, Mom hasn't driven in years. She quit after she ran into a sign in a grocery parking lot. But she renews her license to use as identification.

Here is a a resource to find out the licensing requirements for elderly drivers. My state has NONE.

Right now my father who walks with a walker and can hardly see and is on medication for alzhiemers, is still driving. My mother thinks it is OK since now she always goes with him and she does not let him drive alone. They drive as a "team". Yes. She sits there and tells him where to turn, when to brake for pedestrians, ect. Its unbelievable. They won't listen to me when I tell them their "system" is no good. So far there has been no accident. Yet. I don't know what to do.

There is a family friend who has been in SIX accidents over the last two years. All involving another car. All 100% his fault. He is a retired lawyer so he can talk so eloquently to the DMV when he walks in with his suit on.

I read somewhere that elderly drivers cause more crashes than drunk drivers but it is not politically correct trumpet this fact. I wish I could find the link to that article.

Here is a link for state by state DMV laws regarding the elderly:

Here is a link that might be useful: State By State Rules for Elderly Drivers

There was an elderly lady in our community driving after her family took her keys away and ran into the back of a car making a left turn. Pushed the Mom with 2 children in the car into the path of an 18 wheeler. Mother and 2 year old daughter died. 3 week old son survived after car seat with him in it was thrown out of the car. The truck driver was never able to drive again. If only her family had been as careful as you. She had found the keys where they had put them at her house. So sad.

Not to go into a long story, but my dad was a similar situation. Had car trouble (plugged catalytic converter) and got pulled over which started everything. Lots of stuff snipped but he failed the drivers test 3 times. Ironically he kept failing because he couldn't parallel park, which with a handicapped permit, he doesn't do anyway. But then he was convinced the world was out to get him and just drove without a license. After all, he'd been driving since he was 10 years old, and drove ambulance in WWII... Then he got caught without the license. Lots of frustration for many.

I've come to the conclusion that since we have a minimum age for driving, it's time we give serious consideration to having a maximum age for driving too. Or at least go to restricted driving and/or annual tests, or the like. I know that's going to go over like the Hindenburg, but it certainly warrants consideration.

When the time came to stop my Dad from driving, my brothers went for the weekend and made sure that his truck wouldn't ever run again. Simply as that...a family decision ...we didn't want him to have the opportunity to hurt my Mother or anyone else so we took his vehicle away from him. I don't understand why a family would need some authority to step in and do the dirty work. My Dad spent the next 6 months working on his truck and it actually gave him something to do and occupied his time and mind.

The main reason people want an authority to step in is to avoid personal conflict. An outsider has no emotional ties. My mom's doctor wrote a "prescription" saying, "Name is no longer permitted to drive." It about broke her heart, but she hated the doctor, not me who had asked him to do it.

And, yes, sometimes it takes extraordinary measures to force the issue, such as removal or disabling of the vehicle. My mom's sister didn't renew her license for years (her kids didn't realize it - how many of us pry into our parents stuff to that degree?). She was finally pulled over for a burned-out tail light and fined heavily at age 78. She had been driving illegally, without incident for at least 20 years, and without insurance. She just kept renewing her plates.

She got licensed and insured and continued to drive until she died of a heart attack when she was 80.

I generally just lurk here, but this thread motivates me to put my 2 cents worth in. My driver's license is up for renewal next February, on my 85th birthday. I am sure I could pass the test and get licensed for another four years, had one ticket and one fender-bender, both many years ago. I only drive locally - about a 6 mile round-trip. But I never was a very confident driver, it seems to me I can't believe my eyes all the time, so I shall quit.
I really do believe that old folks need to make other arrangements to get around.
But maybe I am just of that mind-set because I grew up in Europe and driving never meant to me what it it does in this car-culture.

My DH is an insurance agent here in Southern California. He had insured one couple for many, many years. Not long ago the wife called my DH to let him know her husband had passed away. She didn't know what she was going to do, she hadn't driven in years because of health problems so she depended on her husband to get them around. When my DH mentioned he thought her DH was legally blind, she replied, oh, he was so he'd drive real slow and I'd tell him when to turn, slow down, speed up and stop. WHAT???

Jodi-

I admire your persistence in getting this done. I know it couldn't have been easy. I hope your dad doesn't find anyone to fix his car. I know it must be difficult for an older person to give up driving. I'm sure they see it as an independence thing. And obviously just getting their license revoked doesn't keep them off the road. There are probably a lot of them who can't get a license or insurance but continue to drive.

My 88 yr. old grandmother is still driving. She's scared me for years. She thinks she's okay since she lives in a small town & only drives slowly on certain streets. I tried once to arrange for the pharmacy to deliver her medicine, but she didn't like that. She's had no accidents that we're aware of, but I think that's just a matter of time.

DH's grandfather has macular degeneration & drove long past when he should. He did finally stop.

My mom passed away at 85, which was 14 years ago. At the age of 72, she voluntarily gave up her license because she knew her reflexes, eyesight, and ability to drive well were compromised by her age. We had discussed it beforehand and I was willing to assist her in getting to and from wherever she needed. When I wasn't available to drive her someplace in particular, she made other arrangements. I was so proud of her decision and wish all older folks would be as unselfish as she was.
I sympathize with many older folks when they feel like their freedom is being "taken away", but it doesn't change the fact that many of them should not be behind the wheel of a car. I can sympathize but reality is still reality and I am a supporter of having a law that states there must be mandatory road , vision, and written tests every 3 years for those over the age of 70. I'll be at the head of the line if and when the laws are amended, and I'll do the same thing my wonderful mom did when the time comes. I live in NY and there are no stipulations for elderly drivers. It's really criminal.

I am sure there are many horror stories, but here's another one for you.

My niece was very, very overweight and had diabetes. (She has since passed away). She never drove. She married late in life and her husband, much older than she was, had something wrong with his shoulders. He drove the gas and brake part, and she sat as close to him as possible and steered. They came to see us one day...lived in east Texas, and after they left, we needed to go to town for something. We waited a long time, so hopefully they wouldn't be on the road anywhere near us.

Was going to town one day, and saw a red and white, older ford pick up coming right at me. I moved over to the right side of the road, and still it came. The road had very wide shoulders and then a ditch. I almost got in the ditch.
The man driving, just missed me. He had to be close to 100 years old....he looked ancient. I don't think he ever saw me or realized he had crossed the lane and gotten onto the grass on the other side of the road.

I still watch for that pick up every time I head out. I will give it plenty of room. Unfortunately, on days like that, I can never find a sheriff deputy or our town cop.

Thank you Rose. You are a good woman. That is the highest compliment I give out to anyone. Truly good men and women are scarce these days.

Just came home from work and noticed this post. I'm happy to see that so many family members are taking the effort to check out the driving habits of their elderly parents. My mom is in her 80's and it is just about time for her to stop driving. As it is now she has only been driving in the day time. Only on back roads (won't go on highways, or over 40mph), and to and from the grocery store. A distance of about 5 miles. She hasn't had any accidents....yet. Her reaction time is getting worst, and she will be having her eye exam in the next month. I don't think she will do to well. We kids have already started letting her know she should start letting some one else drive. For the most part she agrees. There are 5 of us kids that live near her(I live out of state) so between us and the in-laws, her younger friends, the church van, hospital transportation, taxi that give discount rates to seniors,etc. She will have no problem getting around. She lives in a rural town that has no public transportation. We as a family are doing our part to try and keep things safe for our mom and the other drivers and pedestrians on the roads. Thank you to all the others that are doing the same. I know it may be a hard thing to do but safety is more important then independence of driving. NancyLouise

I'm going to visit my 87-year-old mom in another state in a couple of days. She has had some health problems recently and has been unable to drive, but it's likely she'll do so again when she's up to it. If she's able, I'm going to have to ride with her to see how she does. It does seem like older people's perception of their driving abilities becomes skewed because they so badly want to keep their cars. In my case, only my one sister lives in town and she drives her around as much as she can, but there are times when my sister is out of town, busy, or Mom really wants to go by herself to the store, library, etc. I completely understand this, because in our society, our cars ARE our independence. I also think that alternatives to driving oneself are not good enough; the public buses and vans that drive elderly and disable people to their destinations are not ideal, as one often has to wait long after pick-up or drop-off times for the ride. Yes, this is far better than having scary drivers on the road; I just wish the service could be improved a bit.

Thanks for the many positive comments and great stories. As to why I'd turn to "an authority to do the dirty work," let me explain.

My brothers and I *demanded* that my father cease driving on the interstates three years ago. He promised he would. And then he drove to Richmond (about a two-hour drive). We then demanded that he cease driving PERIOD (about two years ago). He was under doctor's orders not to drive.

He ignored us again. And that's when we (my brothers and I) turned him into the DMV and filled out the form and asked that they suspend his license. DMV contacted him and asked for that physician's certificate and driving test (see above).

I listened to a doctor - a man my father loved and respected - give my father a 15-minute lecture on not driving and giving up his keys. BTW, I met with the doctor prior to the appointment and begged for his help. My father - in front of the doctor - said (with great humility and conviction), "Yes doctor, I understand. I'll give Rose my keys when we get home."

That's when he HID the keys from me. That night, he bragged to his friend that he drove to another town (about 45 minutes away). This was after his license was suspended.

It was the DMV that suggested I disable the cars, but that's a lot easier to do if you have keys (which are needed to activate the hood release). The tire thing doesn't work. Been there, done that. Triple A can have those things repaired and fixed in no time. And Triple A was NOT willing to refuse service to the old man. What DOES work is taking mega-monster tin snips and snipping off the valve stem on the tire. But you have to do all four tires.

I think sometimes that others just can't wrap their mind around what it's like to deal with a relative who will lie, cheat and steal to keep his driver's license. On top of that, he has dementia and I needed an "authority figure" to step in and help me wrestle the driver's license away from this scary, angry, enraged old man.

When he found out that his cars were disabled, he went crazy. Had I not had an "authority figure" behind me, I've every confidence he would have had me arrested. Sad, but true.

Rose

Just a note. I am 75, have good vision, but I have noticed that I am more cautious. After cataract surgery DH is very good now, but also slower. We are lucky that most of our driving is on slower streets, but we do feel confident on the freeways, mainly because that is where we learned to drive.
There are people here in this state, and in this town, I would love to go up and tear up the DL and dismantle the car. Driving too slow, on the wrong side of the road etc. I do hope that when I feel like I am a problem I will give it up. Anyway, my family will help me make the decision and I will respect it.
Another thing I really believe, and the AARP disagrees with me on this, is I feel every person over 70 take a driving test and get a medical certificate stating any limitations, restrictions every year. And if they don't the car should be impounded. They also should pass some type of written test, or be quizzed on the rules of the road. Also remember we do not need to talk on cell phones, to our seat mates, and the people in the back seat while we drive. We must turn off the radio, if necessary and concentrate on the traffic, watch the weather, and just pay attention. Especially during construction.
Just a thought

My Dad gave up his license voluntarily when in his late 70s, saying he knew he shouldn't be driving any longer. He did have my sister living nearby to take him to town and sometimes my brother that still lived at home, but his driving was worse than my Dad's could ever be.

What makes it bad is the elderly that have no close friends, relatives to take them where they need to go and there is no public transportation, which is the case in the area where I live. What do you do in that case?

We have to renew our license every 3 years after the age of 70, take a vision test and sign recognition test with every renewal. I'm 71 and feel that I'm still a good driver. I do all the driving when DH and I go anywhere as he has lost the vision in his left eye, he still passes the vision test but doesn't drive unless it's very local, like to our small town and back, 5 mi. round trip and on gravel roads.

We ran into this with my MIL. I must say thought that she was a very infrequent driver because we would drive her most places. It was easy to persuade her to let us drive because DH has a legitimate handicapped sticker so he could park a lot closer and she enjoyed not having to walk as her feet were sore.

When my aunt was wondering about stopping driving, we sat down with her and figured out her car expenses. It was much cheaper for her to take taxis than to have a car which was the deciding factor for her to consider stopping driving.

DH and I have talked about it and realize that the time will come when it is best to give up driving gracefully rather than have to be forced to give it up. We would hate the guilt of causing a major accident. It will be a sad day when we do, but there are other alternatives.

Posted by mariend: "Another thing I really believe, and the AARP disagrees with me on this, is I feel every person over 70 take a driving test and get a medical certificate stating any limitations, restrictions every year. And if they don't the car should be impounded."

Good lord. That would go against the Constitution of the United States. You cannot legally sieze property like that.

I totally agree with mariend.
Dilly_dally-It wouldn't be against the Constitution if it was a law,and it should be!
Rose-There are legal ways to prevent an elderly parent from driving.You said you dad has dementia.That is grounds right there.All you have to do is have his doctor give you that diagnosis in writing.Then take your dad to a lawyer that deals with Power of Attorney cases.He/she will talk to your dad and decide if he is mentally capable of handling his affairs and if not you can get POA for him.Then you can confiscate his car keys as well as his car and he will never be able to endanger his own life or the lives of anyone else.I did this with my parents a few years ago.With the proper POA you could even legally sell his car if you wished to do so.

My MIL, 86, had her license taken away last year when, after hitting a parked car, she didn't even stop because she was on her way to church and just kept driving. She felt she could do as she pleased. Thank goodness they took her license, she had gotten it renewed months before, I don't know how.

I had some health problems last year so decided not to drive any more. At age 85 I thought that was the sensible thing to do.

The thing is - if one has dementia, one is not rational and cannot realize that s/he has a problem. It is a function of the dementia. Those who do not suffer dementia recognize their limitations, make rational decisions about driving (and the rest of their lives), and act accordingly.

Those who have dementia do not realize and cannot be made to realize that they have dementia. It is part of the tragedy of the disease.

Posted by lilliepad: I totally agree with mariend.
Dilly_dally-It wouldn't be against the Constitution if it was a law,and it should be!

Yes, it would be against Constitution. You can't seize property without a trial.

There is no intentional *wrong doing* in failing a driving test. None. There is no intentional wrong doing with being in poor health according to a physicians assement.

What if it were a young person failing their driving test? Seize the Car!

People of all ages sometimes develop disabilities in their lifetime. Are we going to seize their cars too? Why stop at autos? Lets take everything away without a trial!

Yes, the states do sometimes create laws that are against the Constitution. Then the matter goes to the Supreme Court. This can take years of course to get the matter settled. Meanwhile an unconstitutional law is on the books and ruining peoples lives.

I know of no state at this time that will impound property without a person being charged with a crime eg; drug busts. After a trial if the person is found not guilty they get their stuff back. If found guilty, the property is confiscated as part of the sentencing. This is why you see cops driving around in BMWs and Teslas.

All that would happen if an elderly person failed a driving test, or was deemed to infirm to drive by a physician, is the person does not get their license renewed. Period.

Now IF that person drives again then they can be charged with a traffic offense and have trial. There may be a fine, jail time, community service, court ordered health care, monthly reporting to social services, ect. In my state, convicted repeat traffic offenders do sometimes have their autos seized as part of the penalty during sentencing.

There has to be a crime committed, a trial, and a sentencing for an auto to be impounded (or to seize property or to incarcerate an individual). No "law" can be created that goes against this. This is what out Constitution is all about.

A year ago this month an 85 year old woman almost killed my entire family!
She ran a red light at a very busy intersection and T-Boned my daughter's car on the drivers side! Both of my daughters and my granddaughter were in the car. The accident happened in front of an fire station so there was help there immediately! The old woman just had no idea how the accident happened and she didn't even actually realize that she was the one that caused the accident. She was on her way to the hospital to visit a friend...........I don't know for sure if she is still driving or not.....I hope not.

BDDT, with my dad about 4 years ago. He was far more cooperative than many of your parents have been. He had two accidents in a week plus a few others in the preceding couple of years. Mom did most of the driving until she broke her elbow. She was out of commission and he drove more resulting in the two final accidents. Mom agreed and we hired a caregiver who drove for them 5 days a week. Definitely expensive, but Dad used senior door 2 door transportation and discount taxi coupons. He agreed to a full neurological workup which after six weeks the doc INSANELY said that he was fine to drive. Mom wisely had the caregiver drive around the neighborhood with dad. She came back and said unequivocally that he was not capable.
Only one more time did he attempt to drive. I was called by the cleaning lady and rushed over, just in time.

I explained that he had worked very hard all his life for a comfortable retirement. Was he going to jeopardize all it? What kind of life did that elderly man have after he killed ten people at the Santa Monica Farmer's Market? After that we sold his car. He's never attempted it again. Sadly there is NO public transportation in their area of Los Angeles, but he's not physically capable now of getting on a bus unassisted.

MIL had her license suspended recently. She's 90 and fully capable, but nearly hit a pedestrian who called the cops, MIL got a citation and a notice to appear for a competency hearing. She had to take another driver's test and failed. She too is complaining about the inequity. She's fiercely independent and doesn't want to rely on anyone. She's had another hearing and has to go for a full medical eval. If she passes then she has to get a learner's permit and take 6 hours of lessons. She thought that she could just send in the med form for the doc to fill out. We're a bit more removed in this situation so we're letting the DMV sort it out.

Finally, my friend's FIL refused to stop driving (he had some dementia) and they put a club on his steering wheel so that he couldn't drive!

I like the idea of the club and if you put it on, you then have the key, presumably.

I live in Canada and we have a graduated system, when you get your first licence. I wish they had similar for older drivers - I'm one of them. I would like to see that once we reach a certain age we cannot drive on the freeways. Seems to me, that would promote more safety. I haven't driven on the 400 series for several years and am sure I could, especially in our area, but I think it is wise not to. There isn't any place that I would want to go, that I couldn't take other routes.

We have to take a written test and eye test when we are 80 but not a driver's test unless we have a problem.

If you live in a small town or the country, getting around is hard, as there isn't public transportation or taxi's. However, in the city, you are right when you say that the cost of driving and insurance, repair, depreciation, etc. will pay a lot of taxi fares and buy a lot of bus tickets, espceially at senior rates.

ivamae.

Dilly_dally-It might be against the constitution to impound a car just because someone is elderly and not competent to drive but a family member could certainly do it if they fear the aged,incompetent driver was a danger to themselves or someone else.I did with both my parents.I felt it was my duty to prevent them from driving because I had seen them behind the wheel.Neither of them liked it but it had to be done for them as well as all the other people they were putting in danger.

Our friend was selling produce at the Santa Monica farmer's market the day that man killed and injured all of those people, stepping on the gas instead of the break. Compumom mentioned that tragedy too -- local to both of us. The driver was so disoriented, he didn't seem to know what he'd done. I'm sure his family feels guilty for not stopping him from driving before it was too late.

My cousin took away my great uncle's car keys after he developed Alzheimer's and he was furious with her. I was very happy she did - he was a danger to himself and others.

Our public transportation here isn't the greatest, but I like to think that when the time comes, I'll give up my car keys without too much fuss. And yes, taxis are another viable option.

I'm proud of you Rose! My MIL used to scare me to death. She gave up driving before she had any accidents though.

You will all be proud of me ~~ I stopped driving almost two years ago at 65. I knew my eyesight was not as good as it should be (even though the ophthalmologist said my right eye was good enough to pass the DMV test). I knew my peripheral vision wasn't anymore. I thought my reflexes weren't as fast as they should be. I am lucky to have a daughter that will drive me and my friend wherever we need to go.

Rose,

Good for you!

I just went through this last month with my father. Dad had already taken Mom's keys about a year ago when she hit a parked car at the hairdressers. Dad has been declining and I kept telling my siblings (older, they both live in Canada and I'm in CA) that there was a problem. Dad still treats this middle aged woman here like I'm 15 yrs old lol and I was not having any luck with him ( he is 85 and from the old school). He has always taken care of everything and was "the boss" lol. Well, last month we got him to a doctor and he failed a test of 30 questions that the doctor gave him and at that point the doctor said that he was recommending to the DMV that they pull his license. A collective sigh of relief went though my brother, sister and I. Dad is not happy and we have found someone to drive him where he needs to go for the time being....but it all snowballed that week. He does need help as my Mom has als and has really declined. At this point in time, their house is up for sale (in Las Vegas on a golf course) and they are moving to an assisted living facility in Canada. This doctor was a God send to us. It's hard but it will all work out in the end.

To those of you that have already noticed your driving abilities and given it up....BRAVO!!!

I too agree that as one ages the renewal tests should be done more frequently at the DMV.

Getting older sucks!

Patti