I am so glad that you feel well enough to post. I would have stayed home from church too, people mean well but you get exhausted. In my corner of Germany raindrops on your wedding mean good luck and a long marriage. Seems to have worked on yours, mine (in a couple of days) and maybe it rained some drops in the vicinity of mwoods, too. Mwoods,belatedly congratulations. Yes it is work over the years, but anything worth doing needs work sometimes.

I don't really like shrimp. The exception is our local spot prawns which are just in season for about six weeks in the spring. I left the shells on, but totally cleaned and split the prawns so that they would be easy to eat. The shells support the prawn, stopping it from curling and does contribute to the flavour of the finished dish. I also like coconut shrimp/prawns. Coconut Shrimp/prawns can be served as either an appetizer or a main course. Home Cookin Chapter: Recipes From Thibeault's Table Shrimp - Coconut-Crusted Fried Shrimp ===================================== 24 uncooked jumbo shrimp/prawns (about 1 1/2 pounds), peeled, deveined, tails left intact 1/3 cup cornstarch 3/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper 2 cups sweetened shredded coconut 3 large egg whites Vegetable oil (for deep-frying) Pineapple-Apricot Salsa . Using small sharp knife and starting at top of inward curve just below tail, butterfly shrimp, cutting each more than halfway through toward outward curve (do not cut shrimp in two). Open each shrimp (as for book) and press slightly to flatten. Mix cornstarch, salt and cayenne in medium bowl. Place coconut in pie dish. Beat egg whites in another medium bowl until frothy. Dredge shrimp in cornstarch mixture; shake off excess. Dip shrimp into egg whites, then press shrimp into coconut; turn shrimp over and press into coconut again to coat both sides. Pour enough oil into heavy large pot to reach depth of 2 inches; heat to 350ðF. Working in batches, add shrimp to hot oil; deep-fry until cooked through, about 1 minute. Using tongs or slotted spoon, transfer shrimp to paper towels to drain. Arrange shrimp on platter. Serve with Pineapple-Apricot Salsa for dipping. PINEAPPLE-APRICOT SALSA 1 cup finely chopped peeled cored fresh pineapple 1/2 cup finely chopped red onion 1/2 cup apricot-pineapple preserves 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice 1 1/2 tablespoons minced seeded jalapeño chili Toss all ingredients in small bowl to blend. Season with salt and pepper. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover and chill.) Makes about 1 3/4 cups. Bon Appétit

Trish, it was mentioned that the father should be the one caring for the son. I wonder about the background in this situation. If you've been with the mother for five years, he's been with you for three, and that leaves two years. That means he was 11 when you got together? What happened for those 11 years? How was his academic set-up prior? What was his mother's relationship with him? How long prior to five years ago did his parents divorce/split up? It sounds to me that he started failing his fifth year right around the time you two got together. (this is not blaming you) Yes. You nailed the timeframe. She and his father divorced when the boy was 2. When we met, it was revealed to me that he had just failed 5th grade and he was living with his father. He had moved in with him, at age 8 mid way through 3rd grade. From what I was told, though I wasn't in his life to witness to any of it, he had issues with school right from the very beginning and they only proceeded to get worse. In third grade he really began showing signs of defiant behavior; throwing books at his mother, knocking over a dresser, hitting her and running away. At that point she took him to see a doctor who diagnosed him with ADHD. The boy apparently begged her to go live with his father and given her frustration level of not being able to control him, she discussed it with the father, who at the time had just remarried and the new wife, who both thought couldn't get pregnant thought it was a grand idea to "have a son" come live with them. Now, they live in a rural area of South Carolina; mostly woods and not much to do. His behavior calmed down for about 6 months. Then, the wife got pregnant and at the same time, this boys behavior began to reveal itself at his father's, the same way it had at his mothers. Someone else here mentioned ODD. I think that's entirely possible too, though when I mentioned it to his mother, she reminded me that his behaviors had only been toward her at the time. Now these behaviors have "evolved" to include all adults, most of the time. I understand the separation you are trying to make re: woman/mother. Good, because that's all I meant by saying that I hope one day she'll realize that she should have done more to remind me less that she's a mom and more like a woman. I don't think that was too much to expect. Children are by nature self-centered. Boys mature much later than girls. I try to stress to my dd that I have feelings, hopes, needs as well as she does. I point out those needs pretty consistently. Last night it was "Mom, come play with me". I had made her dinner while she showered, then she ate while I cleaned up, then I ate (a grilled cheese, and pretty much standing up-one of those crazy get home late days) I had just finished, and I was ready for a shower. I asked her what we had just done. Well, she said, you drove me to activity, got home, made dinner, cleaned up... and I looked at her and said, yes, and I love doing things for you and with you, and now I need some "Mommy time". When I get out of the shower we can play. She understood, and we continued. Same with bedtime. She has a set bedtime so that "mommy can go to bed" at a certain time, and it's set up that way so that DH and I have time alone in the evenings.My point is that I understand. A mother has to have "personal time" as well as "spouse/lover time" and has to balance those times with "mommy time". A mother wears many hats and it is really difficult (for me, anyway) to know where to draw the line between me as an individual woman, me as a love interest and me as a provider. Ideally they would merge, but more often than not it's robbing Peter to pay Paul. Every time I take "me time" is time I could spend with one or another of my loved ones. Every time I relax with my spouse as a lover is time I could be with my child, and v.v. This conflict is painful at times, and the mother is the monkey in the middle. It's nice to be popular but sometimes I feel everyone wants a piece of me. Our therapist kept trying to tell my partner from the beginning that our relationship needed "adult time" and that it was encumbent upon her to provide it. Her daughter was 8 when we met and she didn't do a whole lot to get a babysitter just so we could go out once a week. I should have known then that this was an issue but I tried to ignore it. My partner's personality is very introverted and isolated. She has no friends to speak of. I'm it. She does'nt like being around people and she has extreme body image issues. I don't understand it because she's a very attractive, very pretty woman. She looks like Julia Roberts with blond hair. She's gained weight since we met, but that's never bothered me and I've tried to tell her that it's not a big deal. It bothers her tremendously but rather than do something about it ( I bought her a gym membership) she doesn't do anything. It was revealed in therapy that she has Adult Attention Deficit, inattentive type. If any of you have this, it reveals itself in ways that are frustrating to normal adults. There's an inconsistency that is enormously overwhelming. There's no organization to people who have this and they tend to be incredibly forgetful. I remember when we met and she burned dinner a few times, and paid a bill to the wrong account, but I didn't really think twice about it. These people get really overwhelmed by things we don't. This is why her son runs circles around her and gets his way. Because she can't deal with it. When the police brought him home another time, he went to the refrigerator and rather than tell him to get his @ss to bed at 1AM, she told him what she cooked earlier; "I cooked porkchops earlier". I found that to be an absolutely absurd response to the situation, and she knew it; but she told me that she has placed a wall up to him so that what he does, doesn't effect her. She can't do the same with me, so when he acts out, I have a visceral response to it, and she can't put an emotional wall up to me and she's told me that she feels pulled between the two of us. On an airplane, the instructions are to place the mask on your face before helping your loved ones. If you have no oxygen, you will be of no help to others. I get the feeling that's what's going on right now. Your lover/wife/girlfriend/mate/partner has placed the mask on her son first and asphyxiated the relationship. This is a fantastic metaphor. I think we both asphysixated the relationship, but I kept telling her that she was neglecting it with her inconsistent attempts. We could never get the time we needed and all conversations evolved around children. She doesn't have any friends or hobbies nor does she do anything other than work so she really doesn't have a whole lot to talk about. She loves techno gadgets though. I like politics and discuss current events quite a bit. I also worked on and completed my Master's degree while we were together despite the escalating problems in order to try to shield myself from the behavior but eventually nothing could help this. So now I'm sitting here in a rather empty house. Where do you want to go from here? Do you foresee a future with this woman once her son is no longer in the house? She does, but I'm not sure. She told me over and over, that she wanted to save the relationship and the only thing she could do was to remove him from my house and that this was the last chance to save what we have. She simply disagreed about sending him back to his father except if he quit school; which I see coming. I'm not sure if this will help or not. Sure, I'll finally get some peace and some perspective. The problem with this is that I'm not sure it will help. It may, but you know, we never got a chance to adjust to each other after we moved in here. The boy came a year later and that was entirely too soon IMO. I'm just not sure what other problems his behaviors overwhelmed to the point where we never got to deal with anything else. We've discussed moving back in once he's gone, but now, were both so overwhelmed at what just happened. It's an amicable separation though. We're not fighting and I didn't scrutenize what she took out of here as she's told me she does intend to come back once she's done with him and is keeping a lot of her things here. Our yard is a gardner's paradise. She rented a place with no yard so that she could take care of this one. We're very much trying to heal and doing alot of talking and she and I and her daughter went to dinner last night. I am just so relieved he's out of my house though. So relieved...

Good for you! Dh and I were married on January 1st, 1985. We don't ever go out to eat, and we don't exchange gifts either - it's too close to Christmas for gifts, and waiters in restaurants might well be hung over, LOL. We celebrate together, at home, with no fuss. A nice dinner, a good bottle of wine pleases us both. Of course, after this many years, there are very few material items we either want or need.