No. Our will was made in 1987 and needs updated but I can't get DH to do any of it. I have been thinking about doing a living will for me but haven't done it yet tho I have told DH and DD what my wishes are. And i am an organ donor that is on my drivers license.

Tami

We did all that and have a 5-year follow up with our attorney. All children have copies of HCPOA and our wills.

We also have long-term care insurance! No sense having to sell everything to pay for nursing home care.

Procrastinators here! Gotta DO it.

Tami,

Here is what I did to get the missus involved. We were on a 2-hour trip to her sister's house. She was trapped. I had printed templates from the internet. I started the discussion; we talked on the way there and the way back. A lot got done on that ride.

We made an appointment with our attorney and it was ready to go in a short time. He has the original in his safe. I have information at home as to where to locate the originals.

The cost (for what it does) is minimal. Kick butt! Get it done!

You should have the original POA's at home. Our attorney made the point that things 'in wrappers' (paper covers, often blue) should be in the safe deposit box, but documents without wrappers should be where you can access them immediately. Our wills, trusts and deeds to property are in the box. POA's are at home.

He also scorned 'fireproof boxes' for storing papers and jewelry. Yes, the boxes can survive high temperatures, as receptacles for ashes and melted gobs of metal.

We want to make a change to one of the charities that we've designated. I also need to make a change on my POA and HCPOA. My dad is listed as secondary if my DH is unable to fulfill the duties. He now has dementia and is far enough into it that he is no longer able to function in that capacity.

Other than that, everything is set.

chisue, I'm glad you posted this. I've been so busy taking care of my dad's affairs that I hadn't thought about the need to update that area of my documents.

I wanted to do a separate post to say that I know first hand how very important this is. So many people don't want to talk about these matters. I can speak to this from both a professional and a personal level.

I work in healthcare and part of my current job is auditing for billing compliance. Because of that, I read a lot of providers' notes. A lot of people either don't want to talk to their families about their wishes or simply don't think about it. Then they suddenly become very sick and are not able to communicate their wishes at the time. Their families are left to make these decisions, sometimes having had no prior communication with their loved one about this.

My mom fought cancer for ten years. It was not until just before the end that she signed advance directives and a DNR form.

My dad was one of those who didn't want to talk about this nor sign anything. He is a retired USAF MSgt and so has always wanted to control everything. I think that the thought of signing something allowing someone else to control his finances and healthcare was terrifying to him. I somehow was finally able to convince him and I'm so thankful that I did. A few years ago, it became obvious that he had dementia. He was finally diagnosed early last year and it was obvious by that point that he was no longer decisional. My sister and I were able to immediately start using our POA to pay his bills and take care of his affairs. One of the first things his long-term care insurance asked me for was a copy of the POA to allow them to talk to me. He is continuing to decline and a nurse practitioner from a palliative care program is seeing him. I was able to show her a copy of his HCPOA, discuss it with her, and the decision was made, based on the wishes he expressed in the document and the stage of his dementia, to make him a DNR.

Having those two items has made a stressful situation at least a little less so.

My dad's attorney sent me copies of the POA and HCPOA as PDF's. I keep them on my phone. Some places like banks, will obviously require a hard copy. I forgot my copy of his HCPOA when I met with the nurse practitioner. I was glad that I was able to pull it up on the phone so we could review his wishes together instead of scheduling another meeting.

Yep!

Something I need to do in the very near future.
I have been having a lot of health issues and DH and I have been discussing the what ifs.
Thanks for the reminder.

Yes. DH had a heart attack in late February. I dragged him to the attorney's office two months later, and we got it all done. :)

Many good thoughts here.

chisue, you probably don't need to guard your executed copies so tightly. Scans of signed originals are normally accepted same as the original. Check with your lawyer about that. Unless you're working with a small or one-horse shop, law firms usually have excellent procedures to safeguard and backup computer files and document images. They can scan it and email you the PDFs but keep the originals in their system. There's probably nothing safer than letting them keep it and it makes your copies less precious.

Let friends and family know who can provide copies of the paperwork for when the need arises.

Good luck to all.

Having these documents in good order is truly part of a great final gift to survivors. My mom did it, and my sister and I went through closing her estate with absolutely no troubles. Thanks, Mom!

Another thing we can do is stop collecting stuff and go through stored items and donate, throw away, give away, etc. so it's easier for survivors to deal with. DH is a hoarder. It troubles me to know what an ordeal it will be to go through his things.

Closing out someone's personal effects is a big job even when they are at a minimum.

Thanks, Chisue. Your post will probably do more good than you know. It's so important.

snidely -- Yes, I've provided copies of only pertinent pages of a trust in the past. We'll be providing *copies* of our POA for Health Care to our hospital/medical provider group.

I still want originals in my possession. An attorney's files can be purged after a certain length of time. I also want *the papers*. We are far too dependent on a presumption of continual electrical power.

Yes. Everything is done. We have our living wills. The hospital also has it on file for both of us, and the executer of our wills has a copy as would the lawyer. No changes need made as that was done too.

Now what "should" be done is downsizing but I can't get hubby to do that. Our executer is going to hate us when she has to dispose of all this "stuff".

All arangements have also been made and paid for, for the disposal of our remains....cremation. We have all of our "ducks in a row" so to speak. We also wrote out instructions for each other as to what is to be done after one of us passes.

Snidely.

Chisur is correct on having the originals. My father passed away last month I am in the middle of settling his estate. It consists of several trusts, real estate holding and bank accounts. To change the trustee name on the bank accounts they all required the original certificate of trust and death certificate. They made copies to keep. I needed that certificate of trust to get an EIN number for his estate to cancel my fatherâÂÂs Visa card, change the name on his utilities, sell his car, cancel his dish TV and will need it to sell his properties. ItâÂÂs the only piece of paper I have that gives me the absolute authority as successor trustee to do everything set forth in the trusts.

There estate attorney gave them all the original trust documents as soon as he and my mother signed them back in 1989 and said not to keep them in a bank deposit box. Had the original been in a bank deposit box the bank would not have let me in the box because his box was tied to his trust accounts and at that point I could not prove I was entitled to act as successor trustee. Sure I had copies but they wanted original even at banks that have know me for years.

My father was 93 IâÂÂve carried copies of his Powers of Attorney in the bottom of my purse for years along with a DNR he filled out a couple of years ago I never needed them. What was the most helpful were the HIPPA papers that gave me authorization to act on his behalf with anything to do with medical issues. I had those on file with every doctor, hospital, Medicare and insurance policy he ever used. My father even signed some paper at Social Security that gave permission for me to talk on his behalf and believe me it made it a lot easier when I talked to them after his death.

Perhaps the regulations for needing originals vary by bank or by state. We are dealing with three banks in three different states on behalf of my dad. One is quite a distance from us. All have accepted copies of our POA.

Once I have all the 'paperwork' in place, I need to write a letter to my DH and DS -- something they can read as a reminder from me if (when!) I am unable to act.

I want them to GET ME OUT OF HOSPITAL. I want to be allowed to die without providers lobbying for "one more intervention" to stall the inevitable. I need them to be strong and refuse to cave to that false guilt-tripping.

Chisue, I've informed my hubby and our doctor that I do NOT want to die in a hospital. Get me home, put me in my own bed. That is where I want to die. Provide me with any needed pain meds, oxygen and water if needed, and that is all.

We have both stated that we do not want kept alive by machines.

I feel somewhat different from Linda...i don't have a preference about where I die, but I do not want to die in our bed....I want to leave that as his bed..I would like to know that there may be another wife or companion after me that he will bring into that bed and I don't want her to have to know that I died in that bed....If I come home to die, I will make sure that it is in the guest room or in my sewing room...probably have to be the guest room because it has a connecting bathroom...but it won't be in his bed...

We had all of ours done after we move here and when we found out that I had cancer .and they really didn't know if I was going to live with the lymph node involvement...It's filed with the court(will) and everything else is with the son who is executor and I have discussed with my daughter my wishes and suggested that she might need to help my husband with final decisions...

This post was edited by ruthieg__tx on Tue, Jul 22, 14 at 12:20

Linda -- I need to find out more about what's 'natural'. I don't want to be intubated, but that might rule our pain meds. I know the dying would be shorter without water, and that swallowing may be impossible, but what about ice chips?

I think we need another thread!