Oh wow! Now that *does* sound like it was a good day! That's fantastic Judith. Now go forth and empower thyself! But just one thing - if he is enjoying his job, I do hope you can work out a situation that will be mutually satisfying whereby he can *still* enjoy his job. Upon re-reading your other posts, I realized that your DH has a consultant's job or a consultant-like job. I'm so sorry, my dear, but work-fixation, being on-call and frequently being away *is* the life of a consultant. You still do NOT need to be running interference for him with his kids or stalled out/in a holding pattern until "the time is right" (euphemism for: I'll do it later which is a euphemism for: never). You've already articulated well that your personal development needs to factor in as well - obviously since your own personal goals are not being realized and that is making you chafe. But I do so hope you can manage something where he doesn't have to give up what he likes about his new job. Say, a question for you: Does his job lie in New York and does he only return to Boston for the family or does his job extend here too? If it is the former, would you consider moving to New York? It may be easier all told - for both of you. Your children are not so old that it would be difficult to move not to mention, there is something quite culturally and intellectually enriching and exciting to move to a different city, state, country ... I also liked what geogirl wrote - not just in evaluation of your scenario, Judith, but it was eye-opening for me too. Perhaps it will seem less contentious if one realizes that it is not just good advice for a marriage, but good for any relationship at all. Work relationships, friendships, as well as marriage often respond similarly to the same actuation ... no surprise there since the same people are involved, only the pairings are different. Matter of fact, geogirl's advice made a few things click for me regarding a great friendship I had once had that soured - and soured spectacularly and rapidly. Interestingly, there are shades of the same issues that Judith summarized about the path of her life with her husband that are common to me with this friend of mine. (Aside: this was a perfectly platonic friendship, no hanky-panky to cloud issues or muddy waters). We were probably both to blame that our friendship became quite cancerous (well, almost certainly, although I like to think that I was a really good friend to him and he - well, not so much) but the bottom line is that it was wrong for me to simply assume that because I'd tolerated my friend's moody, temperamental, cross-patch phase when he was going through a tough time, that at a much later point in time, when he was back on even-keel and when life-things became burdensome for me that it was alright for me not to bother to hold my own temper and irritability in check with him. And I can be quite temperamental and very quick to temper. So it isn't exactly what geogirl was talking about but metaphorically and euphemistically - I did see a parallel and it was quite clarifying for me. In the meanwhile, good for you, Judith. Good for you for taking some time for yourself. You need to put some vim and vigor back in your life! Glad you went to the gym. I'm heading out for a run myself. Say, I'm right in the Boston area myself. Maybe I'll be running past your place! :-)

If you are going to school full time, AND working part time...do the hours add up to less than working full time? Just wondering... I do understand that you want/need to finish your degree since you are very close to finishing. I also understand that you now have a home for your children, that you may or may not be able to provide without his help. I also understand how valuable it is to have someone to share your life with, and help you raise your children, instead of trying to raise them alone. Especially since he is a good man, who treats your children well. And "I get" that his children have a choice in their behavior, and they are making your family life miserable. However...as a parent, do you understand that if he turns his back on his children, he has failed in his role as a father and a parent? That these next 6 years are the most crutial years in the development of his kids, and will determine who they will be as adults? That as he chooses you and your children over his children (both he and his children will understand that he chose you over them) that will in and of itself create "issues" for both he and his children. Raising teenagers is enormously difficult for ALOT of people, even those with intact families. His children are acting out, of the anger and pain of what has happened in their life... I understand that you feel that they should not "win" and ruin what you and your fiancee' are trying to build...that their bad behavior should not be rewarded by getting them what they want...which is you and your children to leave. However, as a father and a man of integrity and honor...he must fight to hang in there and finish raising his children...whether he feels like it or not. Perhaps they do need to live with their mother...I don't know. But he should not give up on them because it is hard. And he is right in demanding that they treat others with respect, and that includes you and your children...but it also includes their teachers and others, or life will be hard for them...because in life, we must treat people we work with, and for, with respect, whether we like them or not. This is tough because their mother is teaching them one thing...but he needs to teach them what he sees as important...and do his best. The rest will one day be up to them. I wish you the best as you try and do what is right for you, your children, and your fiancee' (and his children). He is in such a tough spot because he loves you, and does not want to lose you...and yet his own children need him...but their behavior is destroying everything he wants, and the life you two are trying to build. But as the kind and good man you know him to be...which makes him a man of honor trying to do what is right...by both you and as a parent. What a hard, hard spot to be in. He will need to be strong, wise and walk through this. I wish you both better times ahead.

Oh my gosh. Get out of there. Now, I wouldn't give that advice if you were saying that you're a willing participant and like that kind of thing, but you're not saying that. Get out, get out, get out. BS that it's for you! BS that he'd just trying to make you happy. BS all over the place. Kids aren't stupid and they know when their parents are unhappy. Although I've known a number of divorces that screwed up the kids, I've known an equal number that the kids thrived later because they were out of that unhealthy environment. How would you feel if your boys found out what your husband's having you do? Do you really want a husband who wants to share you? Suzieque

If you make a certain number (or percentage) of returns, Amazon will stop shipping to you, or so I have heard. The good thing about Amazon is that I can take my returns to Kohl's for return shipping. I bought some beach sandals that did not fit and had to return them. I've bought shirts on line from Banana Republic, Macy's, and a couple of other places, just because the selection was better, and I've not had to return any of them. I do not buy pants on line, except for lounge pants/pajamas with elastic waistbands. There are hundreds of shoe stores very close to me with a wide variety of styles, and so I do not buy shoes on line either.