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Etiquette Question

15 years ago

This morning at church I was given a handwritten invitation to an engagement party (by the young woman who is engaged). There is nothing on the invitation saying that the couple is registered anywhere. I have never been to an engagement party, but I was under the impression that gifts are expected. Is this correct?

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Comments (8)

sheilajoyce_gw
15 years ago
My daughter was honored at two engagement parties, which are my only experiences with such. At one, a group gift was given to her--a traditional group gift of Waterford toasting goblets from this large circle of adults who hosted the party in her husband's southern home town. The other one included NO gifts.
vannie
15 years ago
Since it didn't listed where she's registered I would think it's a no gifts party. There will be a shower, and if you choose, a wedding gift, so I think that's enough. Of course, I'd ask around and see what others are doing! But my gut instinct is no presents.
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Sounds to me like the husband opened the evite, didn't mention it to wife, wife was embarrassed and got snitty with husband. Now, husband is defensive and unconsciously tries to make it your fault. Or, he's one of those people who actually deletes emails and vaguely remembered the evite but not the particulars. In any case, your wording seemed clear enough for me. But, I also know from experience (over two decades in the restaurant biz) that it is fairly common for awkward situations to occur once the check comes to the table. You never know what bad experiences people might have had or even what flea might have bitten their butts on the day you encounter them. I have learned in life that when people are rude, prickly, or difficult, it generally has more to do with what is going on in their lives than in anything personal. I'll join the crowd and suggest some fruit, nuts, cheese, chocolates etc. Make it things you would have a reason to use as leftovers, since people probably won't eat much after a good meal. I don't think you have to offer too much in either the way of variety or quantity. If you had cocktails or wine with dinner, I would make sure to put out a tray with a pitcher of garnished ice water and nice tumblers so people who don't care to drink any more alcohol can have something that looks/feels "festive" in their hands. A restaurant where I dined recently served their water with slices of cucumber and strawberry in it. Very pretty, different, and surprisingly fresh tasting.
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stephmc72
15 years ago
I was thrown an engagement party and didnt register for it. The thought never even crossed my mind to do so, and even if it did, I wouldn't have. Not for an engagement party. Most people brought gifts but I didnt expect them or plan for them.
carla35
15 years ago
According to ettiquette, you are not supposed to note where you are registered on any kind of invitation. That being said, I doubt the couple has even registered yet if this is only their engagement party.

I would bring a gift; I think most people will. Yes, you may have actually come up with an idea on your own, but isn't that what gift giving is really all about!

Here is a link that might be useful: Gift Ideas
mary_c_gw
15 years ago
Here's a site explaining engagement party ettiquette. Hope it helps! Gifts are not required.

Here is a link that might be useful: engagement parties
waddles
15 years ago
You can check some places online to see if they are registered anywhere.
donna_loomis
Original Author
15 years ago
I will definitely take a gift. But because I will most likely attend a shower and the wedding and will also bring gifts to both of those events, I'm thinking of something a little "lighter". What do you think about a nice picture frame with a hearts theme or a newlyweds cookbook?
azzalea
15 years ago
Yes, here, one always takes a small gift to an egagement party--something smaller than a shower or wedding gift. Your ideas are exactly the sort of thing that's appropriate--here, at least. As we can all see through this thread an others, though, practices do vary throughout the country.

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