My guess is you like to be liked, and are uncomfortable being disliked....for me being dislijed doesnt register w me but needy or selfish peopke do get under my skin. Our buttons get pushed due to childhood stuff mostly.

I have a coworker who it seems is friendly with other staff, but clams up when I'm around, so I know how you feel. It's a bit disconcerting, but so far, I haven't taken it to heart, because I'm not a real open person either. I'm friendly to her, and she's polite etc when I say hi, so I figure, that's ok. No hostility, she just seems to keep me at a distance.

I live in an upscale town. We are regular people. It took years to make real friends here. I have had similar experiences. There are some people who feel they are better than others due to their economic level. They might belong to not one but two country clubs!
I found one woman friendly outside of the neighborhood. We happened to be at the same WW meeting. Then when I saw her again, she barely acknowledged me. Almost as if she had an image to maintain and I wasn't up to the standard when back in our home town.
Another possible reason is that you might remind her of someone that she had a bad experience with. It could be something simple like your name. Or your voice, mannerisms etc.
Things like this should not bother us, and for some people they don't. But for the rest of us, we have to dig a bit deeper to understand ourselves and why these things bother us.
For me, it was being in an area where many people lived such a difference life. It is easy to become intimidated.
Would this women be someone you could invite out for coffee?

There are a couple of people I interact at my job who are like that. I think it's probably something like, they know someone from their life outside of me, of whom I remind them. They dislike them and transfer it to me. But I more like Amy. I don't really care. I'd rather people were friendly, but it's not something I can "fix" with them. They have to want to be different. They just don't. There other people who are friendly to me, whom no one else likes or can talk to. Weird.

For me, I would think being ignored is more the problem. If you want to dislike me, dislike me. But don't be hot and cold. Why ignore me one time and the next be friendly? What happened inbetween? People are strange! Including me.

I had a gal like that our DD's were on the high school swim and water polo teams and she would never speak to me. Ladies usually sat in a group at practices and talk as ladies do and she would just NEVER respond to anything I said and never said hello~~~she and her family also had just moved into our neighborhood 3 blocks away when the girls went into HS, I had to pass her house several times a day being as she lived on the only street into our area, she nor her girls ever waved. And she dated the boy up our street, he also was on the teams~~ she and her girls were people we saw daily at school and in our neighborhood and none of them ever responded in any way to me or my DD.

Very Odd~~~~to this day 17 years later she could look me in the eye and not speak???

All of us must have these people in our lives. I have two--both of them at church of all places. It used to bother me more than it does now. I have decided that maybe they have mental health issues and I really can't do anything about those.

Just put a smile on your face and give a little wave if she looks your way, then busy yourself with another person or task. Don't spend time worrying about it.

Here's my view - when someone goes out of their way to consistently ignore you or acts like a jerk, then for sure something's wrong.

Whose got the problem? The other person, certainly not you.

Laugh it off when these things happen and consider yourself lucky to be more well adjusted than the problem person. It puts a smile on my face to think about how much such people must agonize over their imagined problems with others.

Complexes and bad attitudes are free and numerous. Getting along with others and being happy about it takes much more work.

Sad to say I have been that way especially since I have move here. Never that way on the west coast but have given and taken that mood because of small town culture here. Trying to be better but hard. Just my thoughts.

I have a neighbor that does that with me too. She never looks at me, or engages in any conversation with me, even though we may be at the same table. I always wondered why she is so distant. It's not the kind of thing I would just up and ask her. She just moved to the neighborhood a year ago, and we haven't had any issues. Curious situation.
Oh well. Her problem.

I had this woman who said to me, "I saw you when I came in and thought you looked so young........then I got up close." (Now I know how old I am and don't pretend otherwise) I let that one pass and kept on being friendly to her. She asked me to do her a favor and I was going to do it...I didn't "want" to do it because it was going to be a lot of work for me, but I was going to do it for her. Then...all be darned....she came up to me and said, "You look so young today........from the neck down." I quit speaking to her and you can bet I cancelled out on that favor. I probably should have told her what pi$$ed me off, but I didn't think she was worth the effort. She seems to act as if this has hurt her feelings, but tough taters...she doesn't talk to other people like she talked to me. Maybe I'm the only one she thinks looks old...but, she can keep it to herself, and I won't have to hear it again..that's for sure.

I worked part time at a grade school, and the new principal just wouldn't acknowledge me AT ALL. I resolved that I would get that woman to say hello to me of her own free will, and I worked on it until she did. First I would make eye contact as we passed. Another time, I would make eye contact and say hello..and so on and so on, until FINALLY one day, she actually said hello to me FIRST! We were never "friendly" per se, but at least I got her to acknowledge my presence. It was a personal accomplishment for me.

Treat 'em like you would a water or blood blister - needle 'em!

Slip a needle under your skin, near the blister, slide it along under the skin til you've reached the blister, then turn it up to move into the watery/bloody area ...

... then remove it.

The water or blood should follow the needle out, with a bit of pressure exerted ...

.. which should relieve the pressure from under your skin.

Seriously ... don't take the whole thing too seriously.

Be friendly: how they react is up to them/their problem ... don't make it yours.

ole joyful

Yes, rob333 it's the back and forth thing I don't get? It's completely random. She seems so overly friendly to other people and then she turns it off.

I do like to be liked and I want to understand her reasoning for her behavior? I try and smile at most people, even if it's someone I don't know (or those people you see often around your neighborhood or gym, but really don't "know").

I can work myself up over it and then realize it's pretty dumb, I'll probably never know why she acts strangely and I shouldn't waste my energy on her! There will always be odd people out there. Oh well, her loss!! :)

it was really noticeable when dh was coaching at one of the hs...there is usually this core of families you see everywhere...school, church, civic..and I really mean you couldn't get by without them...then there would be this second group who only supported their kids...finally the third who never showed up to anything...

if they lived in town long enough you could follow group 1 from kindergarten to hs,,,but then they also were so tight knit when newbies who had been supporters in other places they could be downright mean to them....it was so hard to try and adjust to all 3 and remain neutral as a coache's dw....

The hot/cold effect makes me wonder if this person has a mental problem. Could she have a vision problem?

I can't stand people like that either (hot/cold). Most people I know that are like that aren't nice people, but they like to take advantage of nice people. In fact, I can't stand rude people (like others on here described). Something is seriously wrong with a person who can make such rude comments and ask for help. And what's wrong with the principal who can't even say hello to a staff member? Ugh!!!

I doubt anything is seriously wrong with her or her vision. (We are in our 30's) She seems fine in every other way, she has volunteered with the school and got projects done. (I even helped her out before thinking I might get on her good side-to no avail)

I know what you mean about the tiers of families. I see that in school and swim team. It feels like high school with the cliques that don't want to allow people in their inner circle. I don't see the point of that nonsense, but I don't think that's the case here. Our kids are the same age, so we "entered" together, but we've known each other for 5-6 years. Her husband is nice and will talk to us when we see him. He's probably talked to me more then she has.

You never know what's going on in another person's life.

She may be dealing with any number of problems that don't show on the surface. Maybe she's unhappily married or has an emotional problem. Maybe she has physical pain that is worse some days than others.

Chances are it has nothing at all to do with you.

Some people get a feeling of superiority, "I will decide to take or leave you!"
Maybe it's time to analyze why this bothers you. Things that have hurt us in the past have a way of rearing their ugly head many, many years later.
We had a neighbor while my kids were growing up, that basically made our lives miserable. I did one thing to slight her, that I learned years later, and that set the tone for how she treated us while she lived on the block. She had frequent parties and we were not included. She once had a party for her daughter and did not invite mine. Mind you, many of their mutual friends were invited. Luckily I was tipped off and we went up to our weekend house. This would have been very, very hurtful for my daughter to look over two houses away and see all her friends at this party.
So for me, although I did not even want this woman as a friend, it brought up my past feeling of being excluded. Once I figured this out, I was able to get past it.
Fortunately for us, she moved off the street. To this day, when I see her I am polite, but I do cringe.
It shows you that some adults don't do the right thing and can be petty, vindictive and immature.
You, for example, would never think to treat her in anything but a respectful way. Just shows you how different people are.

This is a very interesting thread. I have a neighbor that was friendly to me for a long time and then all of a sudden she stopped talking to me or even acknowledging I was right in front of her.

It really bugs me. I don't know what happened to change her attitude towards me. We weren't close before, so it's not a big deal, but to have someone actively ignore you is kind of disconcerting.

For those of you who have answered that you have people that treat you that way, would you consider speaking with that person, nicely without an air of negativity or judgment, and quizzically saying that you've noticed it and genuinely asking if there is anything wrong, if you offended them in some way (I'm not saying you did .... but it's a gesture-type question) or anything you should apologize for that you're not aware of?

Again, I'm sure that it's not you, but at least this way it would let the other person know that her behavior is noticed and not appreciated, and generous of you to offer an olive branch.

Is it possible she is jealous of you for some reason? Probably not--some people are just a mystery. I had a friend for 25 years and she suddenly dropped me. Hurt like anything, and I'll never understand it.

Really interesting situations and comments.

My MIL has never liked me and I've never figured out why. I do know that I wasn't *her* first choice in a bride for her son and I tried to be civil and inclusive for years but the snide remarks and gossiping remarks that came back to me finally did me in. She lives 10 minutes away and I finally made a conscious decision to never see her. We've been married 30 years in November despite her.

The elementary school that my kids went to was very cliquey and i could never figure out why. As someone mentioned I left high school behind many years ago and have no wish to live it as an adult. Mmmm - maybe that's her problem - maybe she figures she's an in-kid and for some reason you are not so she is dismissive of you.

I think Sjerin might be onto something. Maybe this lady's husband has said something complimentary about you and she is exhibiting misplaced resentment? Or could it be something physical she is jealous of, are you slim and she is a bit overweight, etc.? Not that those would be acceptable reasons to be rude to another person, but people are weird.

Arent women just simply awful?

Cold shoulders and mean girl snotty ness.... Its so lame.

I remember a nurse I used to work with who was friends with all of my friends, and she couldn't stand me. I could never figure out why, since everyone else liked me. I used to try to win her over by giving her workout tapes, and making walking tapes for her (back in the day of mix tapes, lol). Turns out she was in love with my husband, seriously in love. She thought he would leave me for her, in her delusional mind. All made sense then. In fact, she married someone who looks amazingly like DH, expect about a foot shorter. Weird. So you never know someone else's motivation.

I've thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread. Let me tell you about it from the OTHER side.

I work with a woman who is needy, has a grating voice, and has several things she does that are beyond irritating (she clears her throat every 30 seconds, she is constantly sniffing, she blows her nose at the lunch table, she interrupts business discussions, etc.).

She says mean things to many people---supposedly she just doesn't "think" before she speaks, but she will cry at the drop of a hat if anyone even so much as looks at her cross-eyed. She has told bald-faced LIES about me to our office manager, and is a known "tattler" among our coworkers - and she's in her 60s!

I no longer speak to her, but will respond with one-word answers if she speaks first. If she's in the lunchroom, I wait until she leaves before I go in there. Being nice to her is exhausting and I just can't deal with her. I'm not the only one who feels this way, but she has tenure so she's there until she retires.

Perhaps there is something about you that she just can't like no matter how hard she tries.