After a little research I am pretty sure what I have are paper wasps, they are a little longer and more slender than some photos of yellow jackets, and they don't really seem to be too aggressive, I tried photographing one that kept flying around and around my potted golden celebration (my rose with the most leaf damage) it was very obviously checking the undersides of leaves & it payed me no attention at all. It was kind of neat to see this in action, these bugs are obviously pretty intelligent and seem to remember finding the larvae in that area before. BUT don't get me wrong, even if this type of wasp is less aggressive than actual yellow jackets I am still terrified of these little critters. Especially after researching them and reading a few of those horror stories out there. I just hope I never happen upon these guys' nest, I don't see it anywhere on my porch or my yard, so hopefully it's in my neighbor's yard! Michaelg, when you say yellow jackets usually don't do that until October, do you mean that they usually don't show their faces until that late in the year, or that they seem to be more aggressive around that period of time?

Lynn we are in a very similar place about our house - it's too big for us at this stage of our lives. We use most of the square footage in some way - because it's there - but could easily manage with half ! Our youngest will be graduating from college next May and HOPEFULLY will be employed and able to support himself but who knows? Our older son works for the forest service but those gov't jobs are shakey, to say the least, so we always want to have a place where they can land if needed. So.... we keep the big old house - for now. Stuff? I reached a saturation point many years ago and continually work to pare down. But it's back to that big house thing again - I'm not going to live in empty rooms so there's still far more STUFF than I actually need. When my mom died and I helped my dad move into an apartment, tons of family stuff came my way. Eleven years later when my dad died, the rest of it came to me. We've all talked about this before - the pull of family items and how hard it is to get rid of some things. But it has to be done so over the years I've pared down to the things that have the most meaning and passed the rest on in one way or another. I have dreams (nightmares?) about moving into a small home and having boxes and furniture stacked everywhere because I didn't sort and get rid of enough before moving!! Gifts? I could write a book. Christmas at my in-laws used to make me physically ill with the insane buying and giving of cr@p. It doesn't matter to me a bit how much time is put into the shopping and wrapping, or what the item is. When someone (namely my MIL) is purchasing *stuff* because of a date on a calendar and is obsessed with getting the same # of packages for each person, because that's "just what you do for Xmas" I want no part of it. We'd been married only a short time when I told my DH that I was opting out. He was totally on board. It was a sore spot with everyone in his family for many years but we held firm. We just stopped buying. Our kids would get everything they needed and some of what they wanted all through the year at a time when it made sense to get the item, not an enormous pile o' stuff, all on one day, much of it to be returned, exchanged or donated. And that returning/exchanging all fell to me, of course. A few years of that and we started just donating everything, in the boxes, tags still on. Give me a quiet day, with my family cooking together, laughing and going for a long walk...... THAT'S the gift I want.

It sounds like a typical guy. First, he has a bond with his own child so there is likely going to be more affection & nurturing and he hasn't formed that bond with your child. Guys are not generally as nurturing as women... we tend to take care of anybody & everybody but guys, not so much. But, guys tend to think of themselves as disciplinarian... and that is probably why he is ready to lay down the law and it's always easier to discipline someone else's child than our own. That being said, your son should be your first priority. It's time to have a serious talk and let him know how you feel. He may not realize he is doing anything wrong but left alone, resentments will grow. Your son may resent the attention the other child gets. You may eventually resent your boyfriend. If your talk does not result with an epiphany & his willingness to try harder, get him out of your life ASAP because the longer you work at trying to get him to change, the longer both children are going to subjected to instability. Both children have already been through one broken home and these issues probably should have been discussed before he moved in.

Dear all, Here's a copy of email I sent to the three Kids: Dear SS, SD1 and SD2, SS, your father tried phoning this evening, left a message, and turned in for bed before 9pm. He did have an opportunity to speak with SD2 on the phone a bit earlier, and he went to visit with SD1 at (her work) for a couple of hours today. I want you to know that we would really, really enjoy having all three of you here for a few days to spend lots of time with each other and your father. I know you all would like it best if he would come to (SD's hometown) (either with or without me), but he's feeling pretty stressed, and does not want to travel at all right now. He and I had planned to have a couple of days in the motorhome this September. We had talked about it in the late summer, after it was evident that we weren't going to be busy canning our non-existent fruit this year. But now he doesn't want to go anywhere. He seems to forget about the plans we had made -- that's just how things are right now. It's been very confusing to him to have all the conversations with all three of you about how, where, dates, etc., regarding this visit and trying to explain how and why he feels like he does. What he would like best is for all of you to come here and stay in our home or cottage (which we are still keeping vacant until we hear the final plans). Right now he's most comfortable at home, and he can't think of being anywhere else. I think the best thing to do for everyone would be to just try and make this visit as easy as possible, as comfortable as possible for everyone, and just plan on having nice relaxing days "chewing the fat", reminiscing, and hanging out together. Going sightseeing, going on adventures, experiencing new things ... are out of his comfort level. He's unsure on his feet, is afraid of feeling confused, and can't describe how he feels at times. I know that I have many projects I can work on and things I can do on my own, which would afford all of you time to be there to talk, listen, and nap with your father as you see fit! Who knows, you might all enjoy relaxing in one of his two favorite rooms and close your eyes like he does! Maybe there will be a day where your father feels less weak, confused, agitated or stressed and he will feel like riding with me over to SS's town, SD2's town, or SD1's Island -- but that day is sure not now. Since I'm the only one here who can tell you what it's like to no longer have your parents alive, I'll let you know this: It's final. It's nothing you can wish or pray to change. There are no more opportunities to enjoy their presence. There are no more opportunities to say what you wanted to or should have said. And if I had to live with regrets for not doing what I knew I needed to do ... well, it would be unbearable. Please understand that I'm not trying to "guilt" any of you into anything ... I'm just trying to share what I've learned because I've recently experienced losing both of my dear parents. They weren't perfect; my father especially wasn't always easy; and I wasn't always the best daughter. However, next to your father, their wellbeing and happiness were my top priorities. Above all else, you must know that my love, time, energy, and money went to care for them and your father, as it does now for your father alone. I know that I tried to put myself in their shoes and do everything I possibly could for them, just as I would hope that my daughter and granddaughter will do for me someday. So, please do what you can to visit with him sooner rather than later. As we all know, "later" doesn't always arrive. And if you all can't make it here together (with or without your spouses) please know, again, that you are always welcome to come visit on your own. Love, Kathy ...................................... This is the email I received back from SD2: Dad and Kathy, I spoke very briefly to (brother - SS) this morning. He should find out within a couple of days when he has to go to (foreign country for work). I would prefer October 17 as I think it would be better for my work. Our freshmen are arriving tomorrow and school begins September 22. Its always crazy this time of year and I can feel the tension around my office increasing each hour. So IÂm hoping that (brother - SS) will know in two days (by Thursday) if he is available Oct. 17. If he doesnÂt know by then, maybe IÂll need to get bite the bullet and be brave and let (my boss) know IÂm taking Friday, Sept. 26 off (donÂt ask, tell her!!) and weÂll come that weekend. I want to know by Thursday so that I can book at least a one week in advance flight. IÂm leaning towards flying out on Thursday night but that will get me in to Seattle between 10-11 pm then I will need to drive to (your home). If I leave on Friday, half the day is over before I get there. I will be leaving Sunday evening whether we come Sept. 22 or October 17 to get back to work on Monday. IÂm sorry for all the confusion and seemingly indecisiveness. But itÂs just that all of our lives, like everyone elseÂs, is complicated with all 3 of our work schedules. I havenÂt spoken to (SD1) yet but hopefully sheÂs flexible. Love, SD2 ................................................. Here's the email I sent back to all three of them Dear SD2, SD1, and SS, Thank you both for trying to arrange things. SD2 and SS, I am willing to pick you up and take you back to Seattle airport. Your father might be willing to "go for a ride" since he usually reclines his seat and sleeps whenever we travel beyond (our home town) anyway. I'm accustomed to driving to and from the airport, and night driving isn't a concern for me. It's not my favorite thing, of course, but it's not too difficult as long as there's not rain. However, if both of you, SS and SD2, are able to arrange flight times close to each other and you'd like to rent a car that's fine too. I don't know the need for another vehicle while you're all here, but that's up to you, of course. Your father's still in bed, and I'm bringing coffee in to him and we'll sit and enjoy that. I'll let him know of the (still possible) dates. I know he'll feel relieved and happy to know that you'll all three be here. And SD2, the lawyer I worked with for so long (and who is still a good friend and I admire so much) had a lovely sign in his office. About "easier to ask forgiveness than permission". I think you'll find this true with your boss! Of course, we got most of our clients through that same adage ... trying to sort out their "forgiveness" because they hadn't asked "permission", but I don't think (your boss) will sue you about this! ha ha I'll put the cream in his coffee, and go visit with your father right now. Thank you both (and SD1, too) for trying to arrange this visit with your father. Love, Kathy .................................................. NOW, friends on the Stepfamily forum: I thank you for all your ideas, suggestions, comments, and opinions. My husband made his decision and spoke with all the kids about it. They discussed it amongst themselves. I sent emails and they sent emails. Everything is settled and, as you can see, all communications are friendly, proper, and loving. I am certain we will have a nice visit with them ... whether they arrive in a week or so, or later in October after we return from our one flight of the year ... to a grandson's wedding in Santa Barbara. PLEASE LET THIS TOPIC DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES, NOW. I hate to see so many of you going on and on about this. This is NOT what I needed from any of you. I don't think continuing this conversation is beneficial to anyone. I believe we all know where everyone stands now. However, if any of you would like to learn more about Dementia and/or Alzheimer's Disease, I suggest you do some research. I've read a number of comments that led me to believe some of you just don't understand the disease and its symptoms and behaviors. Now, to all, Goodnight! I'm joining my husband in the library where we will watch (undoubtedly) something on The History Channel, because that's one of his favorites! Kathy in Washington P.S. I'll tell you a perk of being married to a man who fought in World War II: learning my history from him! I know more about that war than I ever learned in school. And I have such a great appreciation for what truly was The Greatest Generation! Please ask questions of anyone you know who fought then -- they'd most likely be happy to share their experiences with you.