I'm with you on that rant. Last year we moved out of our house for a reno and the purging of stuff that I did was unbelievable! I got rid of so much "stuff" both when we moved out and when we moved back in. We put most of our stuff in storage because we were moving into a furnished place and I didn't miss any of our "stuff" which is why, when we moved back in I got rid of even more.

And now for Christmas and Birthdays we give cash to the kids instead of more "stuff" (they're 22 and 24 and they prefer cash anyway) and Dh and I only give each other specific needed things. My sisters, girlfriends and I are also down to the nice meal idea for birthdays.

There was just so much clutter in the house and no more.

Some stuff I kept because I figure I "should" - you know the stuff that your mom gave you, or that family keepsake. But who am I kidding - when I die or go into the home - my kids will be throwing it away. (or hopefully giving it to one of their aunts)

On the same page. When we packed up the garage, kitchen, and spare bedroom for the remodel/addition I purged tons of stuff. And like Blfenton, a lot of what sat in storage for a year quickly became expendable.

I refuse to start accumulating again. We've stopped all gift exchanges with the exception of dh's 3 brothers/wives ... and I make that gift-giving easy on myself by duplicating it for all of them. I'd love to stop it completely, but such is life.

We have, over the past couple of years, purged a huge amount of stuff (well, not really huge- we're not hoarders) from our house and have finally gotten our kids to remove a lot of their stuff. I now have several empty drawers and cupboards, don't have a basement and nothing in the attic. I used to dread Christmas because it added so much to the stuff. Not anymore.

I get a ridiculous amount of pleasure from getting rid of stuff! And I still have a big box of sentimental mementos for each child- schoolwork, stuffed animals, clothes, etc that I would never be able to get rid of. Don't need whole rooms full of it. And I always keep a box going for the salvation army.

I do think one feels more like this in the middle of their life, so yes, in that way, it's a mid-life crisis. (I also think the economy makes those of us who are blessed, and know it, feel just a little guilty.) I'm in my 50s and feel like that.

I'm preparing to craigslist a bunch of stuff I keep because I love, but truly have no need. We have a basement the same size as our house so storage is no problem. It just feels so constricting. My drug of choice is furniture, so when it comes to holidays, I usually ask for personal items, such as jewelry, which I don't spend money on the rest of the time. I also walk away from every home accessory which catches my eye when out browsing, something I didn't do in the past.

Just as an example, I have a grandfather clock and an antique settee and a Henredon side chair in the guest room because I have no room anywhere else in the house. And, we just sold our weekend home so I have a whole bunch of THAT stuff to get rid of. I sold all the log beds and the outdoor furniture with the house just so I didn't have to deal with it.

And, as morbid as this sounds, I look around my parent's home, who are 86 and 91, and think, "What are we going to do with all this stuff?" It's painful to think of getting rid of things my parents have had for 65 years. Maybe that same feeling is translating to my own home so my kids don't also have to deal with a mountain of stuff when our "time" comes.

Years ago, my elderly neighbor died and two days later a "Got Junk" truck was parked in their driveway. I threatened my kids then to never do the same or I'd haunt them!
Dee

Very timely, as I put out about 6 large trash bags, 2 boxes, and some small furniture items for the VVA pickup today! I felt so... liberated when I saw the truck pull away with all my discards!

I just moved to a miniscule house. There's a big room upstairs (the attic was turned into a large bedroom) for the kids to stay when they visit and stash their stuff if they want, but the downstairs is about 750 sq feet. I have thrown away, donated, etc. and it is wonderful to just have a manageable amount of stuff.
Great thread!

Funny, I was out to dinner with some friends last night, and this is what we talked about. Not only does the stuff seem like mere clutter now, but mainly, we no longer have the mental energy to keep track of it. We're at that age where our kids are moving out of the house, some temporarily, some permanently. The kids still want to cling to things from their youth, but store them at Mom's house. We're wanting to purge & simplify, to move on to other things besides micro-organizing our families' stuff.

We did a major purge 9 yrs ago when we moved to this house. Then again when we remodeled the kitchen and our MBR and bath 6 yrs ago. I have empty drawers and cupboards in the kitchen and sunroom. We only have 2 closets in the whole house !! Ours and the other downstairs bedroom. That one is empty except for the camping gear and my racing bike..it has to be in doors.

We have gotten rid of so much stuff and yet...I don't know what will happen to the art work and the Persian rugs, the turned wooden bowls...the great-grands china and silver... and the thousands of old family pics. I have only to think of the "junk truck" and believe you me I lose all desire to get anything else. DH thinks I am surely being morbid...I am only 60...hopefully have 3 decades left..if genes hold true. But I don't want to burden anyone with all this stuff. I already know no one wants it.

I am going to be wrapped in my running shirts and my shawls...in the end it is all I can take with me. c

There must be something in the air today. Maybe it's the cool, crisp air of Fall? I love these 50 degree nights!

This afternoon I cleaned out the big closet in the LR. It's all shelving, no coats or anything.

However, I only threw away a tiny bit. WhatI mostly did was organize and put some items in certain rooms for storage.

Dee, your feelings are normal at this age. When my MIL died back in January, we were overwhelmed with the "junk" she had accumulated over the years! We donated a lot to GW. It was a long headache, that's for sure.

I'm good at chunking things or giving them away to friends and family to make room for more junk. lol

I do have to comment on one thing though. It saddens me that you and Natal want to stop the gift giving and receiving. :( I love doing it, and it's part of the meaning of Christmas. I love wrapping presents by the fire on a cold winter's day! And it's fun finding the right gifts for the recipients personality and the color of their home decor.

Natal, when you say you buy duplicates to "make it easier" for yourself, maybe it's time to stop giving? I wouldn't want a gift if I knew it was an unjoyable task from the gift giver. It would really hurt my feelings knowing someone didn't want to do that for me. Now if it's finances that's another story altogether which everyone understands.

But I do love accumalating junk. Today when I was sorting things I got tickled to find something I forgotten about. It was like going shopping for free!

While cleaning out the kitchen and DR linen drawer today I found a table runner I bought for last Winter and I had completely forgotten about. Another little happy dance!

Whew! I didn't mean to write a thesis! lol.

Oh boy, do I hear you. I have lived in the same house for 37 years and haven't had the opportunity to purge like those who move every so often. My house is small but it does have a basement, attic and garage. Those three spaces and my walk-in closet are full of "stuff." I had insulation blown into the attic last year and had them leave a small space for storage, but there is still plenty of stuff from the attic sitting in one of the bedrooms.

My son and his girlfriend are coming to visit in December, so that will motivate me to clear out that room.

The stuff I find hard to deal with is the sentimental stuff. I did get rid of a few things and I took a picture before tossing them. One was a baby blanket knitted by my late SIL that was now full of holes. It had no earthly use.

Even when I do get rid of stuff, the space seems to fill up again. My one son in particular seems to think that any empty space is a good spot to store his stuff!

I also have to deal with my mother's enormous house one day and I hyperventilate to think of it.

Oakley, feel sad all you like. It's just more meaningless stuff. I know you have a Christmas thread running right now. You get into that sort of thing ... I don't. I'd rather enjoy the season without the unnecessary gift-giving obligations. IMO, gift-giving/exchanging has nothing to do with the true meaning of Christmas. I'd also rather receive a personal photo card than a mass-produced Currier & Ives print. To each his own.

Yes, as Trailrunner wisely noted...we can't take it with us!

I've been "doing the purge" since my early 30's and I'm 48 almost 49 now. Do many of the things mentioned here, especially regular donations of clothes, books, furniture, kitchen items, etc. Have even in my life dontated three well-running cars (a Honda, a Subaru and a Nissan) and gave a beautiful antique piano to a soup kitchen.

It's easy for me to give stuff away. I've used it, enjoyed it, paid for it, so here, you can have it now! Can't stand clutter, so my "giving" is really self-serving rather than than generous!

As far as Christmas, I am so scroogy that I'm sure I make Natal look like Santa Claus. This sounds awful to many I'm sure (Oakley close your eyes!) but with every passing year for over a decade, my Christmas "Spirit" has dwindled more. I'm at the point where I just wish it didn't have to happen. I so want to tell my family that I don't want to participate in our (admittedly scaled down) gift exchange. I'd love to just visit, look at people's trees (though I don't put one up myself) and leave it at that. We shall see if I get brave enough to announce that I am not drawing a name this year!

The way it works is each "adult" draws and name and gives a gift to another adult. Each adult is also expected to give a gift to each "child" (all in their 30's) and the child's spouse/significant other/their offspring.

It's a sticky situation. I don't want to cause a stir or hurt feelings.

Anyway, this thread shows me that maybe there are more of us who feel this way than I realized!

I completely understand Lynn. My side of the family stopped Christmas gifts years ago. None of us really "needed" anything. It wasn't fun anymore trying to come up with something just so you could give a gift. We stared adopting a family, or adopting a couple of kids and buying for someone who wouldn't be receiving gifts otherwise. To me, that's the meaning of Christmas. We've also contributed to charities, etc. in lieu of gifts. To me, the meaning of Christmas is not about gifts, it's about family and friends, and for me personally, the religious meaning of Christmas. I would rather enjoy the company of family and friends, a good meal, etc. than gifts. And really, I am like you Lynn, most of the time if you ask me something I want or need - I can't think of anything. Hubby and I always still do something for each other - maybe gifts, maybe something for the house, maybe a little get-away trip, etc. And is is fun to spoil each other. I've also started doing something special for my dad during the Christmas season, since he's on his own now, but it doesn't have to be a gift.

Oh and about gift giving for friends, etc. I do pretty much the same as Lynn. Except for one very close friend (from over 30 years), I don't exchange Christmas gifts with friends. We get together for a meal, an outing of some sort, etc. and celebrate. Our close couple friends, we will usually have them over for a nice meal, maybe go to one of the Christmas festivities, etc. What few gifts I do give are given alot of thought and have meaning for the recipient, not just another piece of " where do I put this"? LOL or another perfume or lotion, etc.

tina

I just completed a huge purge of stuff from my basement, garage and closets. It feels so great! I will never accumulate so much again. Even though I donated the majority of my stuff, I know that alot of it ends up in landfills and that bothers me. Sometimes I didn't rid myself of things (especially clothes) because I would have to admit that it was a waste of money. (For some reason the fact that it was still in the house meant that it was in use.)

As far as Christmas, I think it is such a materialistic holiday. People just giving others stuff the majority of the time. How many coffee mugs, sweaters and smelly bath beads does one need? Give me a good Thanksgiving meal or a 4th of July picnic where presents are not required. Those are the good holidays!

We run a small resale shop on ebay so it is so hard to keep the garage and parts of the house used for basic working storage under control ..... sigh. Some items sit around for months because they are in the online shop .... sigh.

Just finished yet another cleanup. Very hard -- I have no problem getting rid of items but DH is a "keeper" as well as a seller .... of stuff. ((well -- he IS a "keeper" too LOL!))

I have been in de-aquisition mode for years. There are lots of similarly-minded posters on the Organizing the Home forum.

I recently cleaned the house of an elderly family member who is a hoarder with early stage dementia while she was in the hospital. I just threw away the obvious garbage that she piled up intending to put out for recycle. Her life serves as a cautionary tale - seeing all the "good stuff" piled up and forgotten with price tags still attached is enough to keep me on track with my own personal purging. Hundreds maybe thousands of items of clothing and nick-nacks piled up and long forgotten - and she is still buying more. A Big Lots opened within walking distance of her house - sigh.

Give me either a consumable present or donate to one of my favorite charities, please.

With both of my kids in college now, I'm seizing the opportunity to pare down and clean out. Every day I try to tackle a small project--a closet, some drawers, a shelf here and there. It is very satisfying.

Like others here, I dislike the gift-giving aspect Christmas. I don't need more "stuff" (and my family and friends don't, either). I prefer to give consumables--foods or items that won't sit around and gather dust. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving--surrounded by family, with no gift shopping or wrapping involved!

Yes, I do! Just last weekend we had a casual dinner party and my girlfriend brought me one of those big Woodwick (can't remember the name for sure, and too lazy to go look) candles IN MAUVE for a hostess gift! Just something else I have to get rid of, cuz it won't be out in my house anywhere. I'm sure it was re-gifted-HA!

Oh yes, I'm right there with the rest of you. I'm pretty good about routinely purging and paring down but sometimes it gets to me that there's still more stuff to handle.

Luckily, there's a thrift store truck that comes to my neighborhood every 8 weeks. I keep a pile of stuff on a laundry room shelf waiting for their call. That mauve candle would be in that box before the dinner party was over.

And add me to the long list of people sick of Xmas presents. I think a shared experience or a nice meal together is a better idea. But to each their own, if exchanging gifts brings you joy, good for you.

The year my DH was sick I suggested to his family that instead of buying more stuff, why don't we all just donate the money to the Leukemia society. I think it was the first time in 16 years that my FIL agreed with me about something. But, sadly, MIL & SIL couldn't cope with that idea. To add insult to injury, Xmas with them has become mostly an exchange of gift cards. Instead of cash, that I could use how I wanted, I get fake cash that forces me to shop where they want me to shop.

It depresses me to even think about Xmas and the pile of odd gifts and gift cards.

I should go clean out my closet so I can counter that feeling with a sense of accomplishment. I can add to the small pile of clothes & purses that I have for the women's charity shop.

YES!!!! I knew I wasn't alone in feeling this way, but it's so good to hear your thoughts on it!

A few more thoughts myself . . .

Re: elderly parents and their stuff~ last February when I went to stay with my parents at their winter home in Florida, it made me shudder to think about having dealing with all of their accumulated things someday in the near future. I don't want to do that to my own children! I also don't want to have to clean and organize it all while I'm here (LOL)!

Re: our own adult or almost-adult kids . . . they're now saying to us the same things I remember telling my own parents many years ago, "Please don't sell our family home because it's full of memories and it will be our gathering place to come together with you and our own families someday." (Sigh!) I feel guilty even considering it but, on the other hand, this is a really big home and acerage for 2 people to rattle around in . . . let alone clean, maintain, heat and air condition! We haven't made any decisions on that one yet, as DD is still a hs senior.

Re: gifts . . . I totally think that it's just fine to like giving and receiving gifts. But, if you personally don't, I think that this is ok, as well. I never meant to take anyone to task for not feeling the way I do.

But, you know what got me considering that possibility in the first place? The many friends, family members and acquaintences I heard commenting about how much they LOVED Thanksgiving because it was so relaxing and was just about getting together with family and /or friends and sharing a very special holiday meal and day together. No worries about having to find/buy gifts. It got me thinking that THIS is what I wanted our Christmas to be about (that and our personal religious beliefs that we celebrate): enjoying a special time with family and friends without the stress.
I think that we were all a bit worried before that first Christmas with no gift exchange, but it turned out to be wonderful for us all! It was everything I'd hoped for and more. Everyone commented afterwards that it was just like another Thanksgiving with no stress, just a fun, festive, beautiful celebration together with a great feast, fun games, and good talk with wonderful people. Anyhoo, it works for us.
Lynn

olliesmom: Candles ARE consumables. Just light that sucker some winter's day, let it burn all day and evening (maybe 2), then tell your friend how much you enjoyed it. Problem gone.:)
Dee

I agree Lynn - for those that enjoy sharing gifts, that is great. It's just not our focus anymore. As we all get older, things have changed.

My grandmother is in assisted living, will never come back home (she's 94). I am her POA and my sister, brother and I will inherit her home. I have had on my mind lately to start cleaning closets. She was such a good housekeeper till recent years and with mild dementia, she started hiding things. In moving her, we found clothes that had not been laundered, hung back up. Last year at Christmas, I was up there looking for a beautiful hand-made angel she always put out at Christmas. I wanted to use it. I was shocked at the condition of her closets. Never in my life had I seen her closets in such a mess. I am dreading going through them but think I will start on them soon. She has alot of nice clothing, purses, shoes, etc. that we can donate. It will be nice to have that chore done, then when she is no longer with us, we will just focus on house and contents (furniture, etc.).

I don't even want to think about my parent's attic. We have helped my dad go through a good bit in the house since my mom's death, but none of us have ventured to the attic.

tina

I started opting out of affluenza decades ago in some respects as we have more than enough "things." I've even stopped wearing most of my jewelry except for special occasions. I'll still give cash or some useful item to DSs and DILs at Christmas, but only because they haven't yet internalized what I told them almost seven years ago about foregoing presents. I'd much prefer that we would all just spend time together enjoying each other without the burden of consumerism.

Now I still have too much furniture as some is stored, though like SG I've donated a grand piano and given away some other items. It's hard to get rid of some pieces that we've acquired over the years as they are unique and beautiful (to us) with memories attached, so I guess I'm still a bit too attached. OTH, having lost all my parents' possessions to Katrina, I truly know that only the loving bonds between family and friends are of any real value.

Although we have enjoyed living in beautiful, large homes and have consistently up-sized until moving last year to a smaller home, I'm almost at the point where I'm ready to truly downsize. When DH became seriously ill while on vacation last year, we rented a 1 bedroom condo for six months while he recuperated. I realized then how little space we really need, but nevertheless bought a home that could accommodate our family, friends and most of our furniture. I'm seriously considering culling down and moving across the country once again, this time to a much smaller home.

I know I still am a bit addicted to affluenza though when I read Caroline's post and thought, "Please tell your children I'd love to have your turned bowls!" Sigh.

affluenza - LOVE IT!

Lynn - Love your ideas about holidays being a time of little stress, just being together, and sharing your own traditions and values as a family. Before my parents passed away, that's what our family get togethers were like, and that's what I want my own family get togethers to be more like (harder to do when you have small children). I only wish I could get hubby's family to think like that. They only recently went to drawing names and everyone STILL buys for the children. They just end up with so much stuff. I shouldn't complain but it is totally opposite of what we're trying to teach them. I'll always treasure my family's Christmases, going to a short and intimate candlelight church service together, eating a meal together, having a small gift exchange for adults and children and the kids stockings were always hung over the fireplace with small treats and toys inside. The kids played together and enjoyed being together while the adults chatted and ate too much dessert. I'll never forget the year my Dad bought every grandchild (11 I think) Star Wars light up lazers/noisemakers. They had a blast and drove us nuts all night. Sorry to ramble, your post just took me back for a minute.

As I am younger than many on this post, the place I am at is slightly different. I definitely do not want more videos. I am looking forward to making the transition towards more digital things, books, music, movies, etc.

Right now I want to transition to the point where the stuff I have is the stuff I want and really like, not the just make do stuff or the stuff that was a gift or even the stuff that was an heirloom given to us because somebody did not want it but did not have the heart to throw it out, that is just passing the buck. I am ready for my home to be more of a reflection of me and my family but only with stuff I truly, truly like.

My problem with gift giving is it is often done out of obligation (sometimes real, sometimes imagined) and there often is not a true appreciation. We feel obligated to give gifts, showing that we are thinking of somebody but often that somebody does not really appreciate the gift. DH is not close with his brother's family or niece. The niece is an only child and really does not need anything but the family relationship still demands a gift (which is often not acknowledged later with a thank you). The in-laws do not need anything at all, but giving a gift is still expected. I think often that the sacrifice of gift giving is often over-looked. It is something that I will be wrestling with quite a bit as the holiday season approaches.

Hi Abundantblessings! Good to see you. I don't think you're suffering from Affluenza because you'd like to have Caroline's bowls set aside for you...I want my name on her rugs!

Once we pare down our belongings we become more selective. Our appreciation of the things we do choose to keep or buy is enhanced, I think. Only the nicest items make the cut, so Caroline's treasures would surely be a welcome addition!

I think there's a gypsy in you lady! You're thinking about moving again? Keep me posted! Hope your DH is feeling well these days.

I read the book, Affluenza...good read. Great term to coin...one word that says a lot!

I come from a very large Catholic family. Mom & Dad were and still are wonderful, loving parents and we all love to spoil them because, well, they deserve it. But, like many of you've mentioned, they really don't need a much of anything at 81 & 83 years old. Every year I try and talk my siblings and their spouses into NOT buying more stuff for our parents to have to find a place for. Even with two (small, down-sized) homes (in FL & MI), the places seem so cluttered to me!
A couple of years ago someone here started a fantastic thread about consumable and practical gifts. I LOVED that idea!! That Christmas, I had a gourmet food/meal company send them some really nice frozen meals. They loved it! For their birthdays this past year, I hired a local limousine company to send a private car & driver to pick them up at their Florida home, manage their luggage, etc. and take them to the airport as they flew up to their summer place in Michigan. In late-Sept, the same car and driver picked them up at the FL airport and drove them home, bringing in all their luggage. That was a huge hit with them as a gift and one I've already promised I'll repeat every year.
Last year, I gave them gift certificates to dinner at their favorite restaurants for their birthdays. I've also found a really practical, usable gift for them awhile back: one of those folding garden bench/stools for each of their homes. They're sturdy, lightweight and they're great for helping them get up and down easier, inside and outside their homes. Both were having a tough time getting down to access their lower cupboards and their garden beds.

I wish they lived here by us, as then I could gift them with homemade meals that I made. I could gift them with hours of gardening and yard work for them. Or running them to the doctors or grocery stores. Or taking them out to eat. My parents are well-off so, for me, it's all about gifting them with things to make their lives easier or happier. Gifts like that don't have to be expensive. They just have to be used/consumed and work for that person or couple.

Actually Natal, giving gifts is part of the re-enactment of Christ's birth.

I still love the unique (not mass produced) cards though. Not only are they beautiful but it helps to keep many artists employed.

My card this year is a reproduction of the original artist who made the first Christmas cards. I'll do all I can to keep this tradition going, even if it means one day I'll have to draw my own card and send it to myself! lol

I still feel sorry for the people who get your gifts though. They have no clue, do they?

Natal, one more thing then I'm finished with this topic. You said I already have a Christmas topic going. Are you saying I'm not invited to talk Christmas gifts in this topic because of that?

It was you and Lynn who brought up Christmas in this thread. Just saying.

Actually Natal, giving gifts is part of the re-enactment of Christ's birth.

I think you're confusing Santa with Christ unless you're giving gold, frankincense and myrrh.

And ... there were no hidden meanings in my comment about your other thread. I was simply saying that you had one.

Here is a link that might be useful: the 3 wise men

Once grandchildren come into your life, the focus changes, and holidays, especially Christmas, becomes the Christmas *you* remember as a child. Brings that kid out again, but it's still hard to keep a 'handle' on not overbuying. Seems as I grow older, I enjoy giving the little ones things I never had(or my own kids didn't have),but still don't want to spoil them with too much, too soon. My kids are the ones who try to keep me in line. ;o)

I am getting out stickers...send me emails with forwarding info . :) c

Oh silly, silly Caroline. Your rugs are not "stuff." Put my name on some stickers for those gorgeous rugs of yours. (I'll duke it out with Stinky if we disagree on which ones we get.)

I will never forget your post when you had them all outside for a washing. Those rugs can get heavy. You must get a workout when you clean them.

For the family I keep an eye on what is wanted through the year. Will buy it then and becomes both birthday and Christmas. No one here really "needs" anything. And we are all on tight budgets. I certainly need nothing.

Holidays were wonderful in past and Christmas my favorite. But the addition of family members along with dcattered distance has changed all. I let them alone with schedules on who they have to celebrate with.

What didn't work and wish it did was asking the kids to gift something they created, rather than bought. Wish it had worked, they don't really have the time.

My daughter and I get together a cook tons of candy a week before. Even this has gotten off budget, but friends and family look for our creations. They even ask when it is going to happen. So guess we do still give gifts.

There is one special gift I am making this year for my oldest son. A quilt from his flight suits, with all the pockets filled with memories of childhood, some of his remembered soldier events and notes from his brothers and sisters. There must be 3 dozen pockets in those.

And I got off the subject. My mother had purged quite well, the only interest I had when losing her was a set of small figurines she bought in Denmark. A word from my experience though. Cleaning out the house I found her jewelry stashed under a cabinet kick plate, inside a brown bag. Don't know why I even looked there, jewelry wasn't on my mind during the emotional move of all. I knew she had and wore some at different times, but not the amount found. I haven't worn any of it and still can't let go.

Also live in a small home and downsized. But there are a lot of items I wish had not been let go of and still think about them. Does anyone else have this happen.

Good point Emagineer, especially since my grandmother was known to hide things.

I love your idea of the quilt for your son. What a special gift. These kind of gifts have so much meaning. I would love something like that over a "bought" gift. Your son will cherish that always.

I also like to bake and share the goodies during the holidays. I have great memories of my mom making all kinds of goodies, candies especially. I can remember the year she burnt her mixer motor up making divinity, among other things!! She had friends and relatives who looked forward to her treat boxes each year.

Lynn we are in a very similar place about our house - it's too big for us at this stage of our lives. We use most of the square footage in some way - because it's there - but could easily manage with half ! Our youngest will be graduating from college next May and HOPEFULLY will be employed and able to support himself but who knows? Our older son works for the forest service but those gov't jobs are shakey, to say the least, so we always want to have a place where they can land if needed. So.... we keep the big old house - for now.

Stuff? I reached a saturation point many years ago and continually work to pare down. But it's back to that big house thing again - I'm not going to live in empty rooms so there's still far more STUFF than I actually need. When my mom died and I helped my dad move into an apartment, tons of family stuff came my way. Eleven years later when my dad died, the rest of it came to me. We've all talked about this before - the pull of family items and how hard it is to get rid of some things. But it has to be done so over the years I've pared down to the things that have the most meaning and passed the rest on in one way or another. I have dreams (nightmares?) about moving into a small home and having boxes and furniture stacked everywhere because I didn't sort and get rid of enough before moving!!

Gifts? I could write a book. Christmas at my in-laws used to make me physically ill with the insane buying and giving of cr@p. It doesn't matter to me a bit how much time is put into the shopping and wrapping, or what the item is. When someone (namely my MIL) is purchasing *stuff* because of a date on a calendar and is obsessed with getting the same # of packages for each person, because that's "just what you do for Xmas" I want no part of it. We'd been married only a short time when I told my DH that I was opting out. He was totally on board. It was a sore spot with everyone in his family for many years but we held firm. We just stopped buying. Our kids would get everything they needed and some of what they wanted all through the year at a time when it made sense to get the item, not an enormous pile o' stuff, all on one day, much of it to be returned, exchanged or donated. And that returning/exchanging all fell to me, of course. A few years of that and we started just donating everything, in the boxes, tags still on. Give me a quiet day, with my family cooking together, laughing and going for a long walk...... THAT'S the gift I want.

dlm - that's what my Christmas is like with hubby's side of family, except since we live a little farther away, they're into gift cards and money now. It makes me so mad that my kids look as forward to Christmas with them than with their own parents because of the $ they know they will get. They undermine the REAL meaning of Christmas. And do you want to know the real kicker? They can't even afford it. It's all just so stupid. So hard to try to enjoy time together and catch up when you don't see them very often and this is the result. We do the bare minimum and hope they will get fed up because it's not recprocated. My husband is the peacemaker, that's who he is. His mom has already passed and we don't see his family very often so he doesn't want to make waves. Unfortunately we have an annual fight about this. But Thanksgiving is MINE! (So is Christmas when it's just us) Love cooking together, being together in our jammies, our own traditions. I hope THAT is what our kids remember and cherish one day. - I fondly remember my Mom's homemade fudge. She spent weeks making it and DID wear out many hand mixers. My sister has taken over making it and sends us all fudge at Christmas. My side was a big family and Mom and Dad couldn't spend alot. Being together, the gifts of fudge, the long talks, that's what I miss.