A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding
anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - As Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah" she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads,
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

On their wedding night, a young couple finally retired to their hotel
room. After making her preparations, the bride left the bathroom to
find
the bridegroom on his knees in front of the bed. "What are you doing?"
she asked.
"I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man.
"I'll take care of that," she replied. "You better pray for endurance!"

hahahahahaa thank you

Ha ha ha Good ones AAA!

Shamelessly stolen from another board. I hope I don't get sent to the teacups.............. but for you Kat, I'll take the risk.

Nursing Home Sex....
Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home.
Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, 'Do you know what I miss most of all?'
She asks, 'What?'
'Sex!!' he replies.
Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!'
'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.'
'Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was okay..
She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood!
Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?'
Old Harold smiled happily and replied, 'Parkinson's'.

Feel Better Kat
((((Kat))))

rotflmao! LOL

Blonde Jokes

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the
first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the
first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other
and
shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn
up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid,
you know. We're going at night!"
>============================================================================================================
>A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys
would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license
and
then today you expect me to show it to you!"
>============================================================================================================
> A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
>============================================================================================================
>A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his
bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!" "NO," the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"
>============================================================================================================
>The blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her
right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am,
are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why,
officer?" "Because your breast is exposed." "Oh. my God", says the
blonde. "I left the baby on the bus!"
>============================================================================================================
>Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said,
"Look
at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and
says, "Where?"

Chinese Torture -rated R

> A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon
> a small house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old
> Chinese man with a long grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man,
> "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese
> man said, "but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on
> my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese
> tortures known to man."
>
> "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty
> old as well, and entered the house.
>
> Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,
> beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted
> to the young man as well, as she couldn't keep her eyes off of
> him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he
> ignored her and went up to bed alone.
>
> During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her
> room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back
> to his room so the old man wouldn't hear, exhausted but happy.
>
> He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he
> saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read:
> "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."
> "Well, that's easy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man
> can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the
> boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he
> did so, he noticed another note on it that read:
> "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."
> In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already
> getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was
> better than castration he jumped out of the window after the
> boulder. As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large
> sign on the ground that read:
> "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post."

Age-O-Meter:
How many do you remember?
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P. F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with levers
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulbs
20. Beanie and Cecil
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive45;ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 Cheer up - you're still young
If you remembered 6-10 Hmmm - you're getting older
If you remembered 16-25 You're older than dirt!

OK. this joke might get pulled, but I'll chance it.
There was this old couple, still very much in love and still desired each other. One Sunday morning the wife had to call the medics, her husband had collapsed and died. Then she had to explain what they were doing when this happened. She said, because of their advanced age, admittingly, they have slowed down, to one passion session a week....on Sunday mornings. They found if they timed their session to when the church bells rang, and used them as sort of a metronome to keep pace with, neither one would get too tired. Ding.....in, Dong....out, Ding.....in, Dong....out, ect. That plan worked well, too, until an ice cream truck drove by.

Kat.... I don't have any good jokes (or bad, for that matter) but these were a hoot!
I just wanted to tell you to hang in there, and take one day at a time. I know that those are cliches, but there is a lot to be said for the thought, taking it step by step.

You have many many friends on here, and we are all praying for you.
DH and I have had a lot of medical expense in the last few years, in spite of what 'used to be' a good health insurance plan. Seems they increase the premiums and co-pays, and decrease the benefits, year after year.

Take care of yourself, and try not to stress too much over the financial aspect of your treatment.

(((((Kat))))) I'm sorry about the price of the meds, that sucks.

Here- Give this to your man-

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law."

"You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The effing funeral director would be my first guess."

A senior citizen and his wife go to the Social Security Office so he can file for Retirement Benefits. The Social Security Officer asks the man "How old are you?" And he answers "65". The Officer says "Prove it". And the man pulls off his shirt. "Look at all the gray hair on my chest". "Okay, you must be at least 65." Then the wife says "You should have pulled off your pants. They'd give You Disability Benefits." By the way, Aunt Audrey, I remember everything you listed, as well as 33 and 78 RPM records. I still have a record player in my house that will play 16,33,45 and 78, and something called "cassettes", but not CD's.

This is one of my favorites--may have read it here.

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out..
'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put
talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!! !

Did you hear about the senior who goes to the doctor and when asked, how is your sex life?
The man responds," it is infrequent"
The doctor asks, infrequent...Is that one word or two ? LOL

Some good jokes here!! LOL

I just found this Kat:
Co-Pays for Chemotherapy or Autoimmune disorders
Patients with insurance but needing help with co-pays on expensive medications for chemotherapy or autoimmune disorders can contact the Patient Advocate Foundation Co-Pay Relief program at www.copays.org or call (866) 512-3861color>
Hang in there!

hahahaha, thanks everyone! very funny!

Thank you Lydia, We probably wouldn't qualify, Dh does okay
It's just a hard one, money seems to be flowing out and not coming in as quickly. I WILl go check out their website, though.. thank you!

Lydia,
I went to that website and started the process. All I had put in was lymphoma, and I had insurance and my zip code and this is the answer I got...
"Based on the information you provided, it appears you may be eligible for our program; however, the disease category you requested is fully allocated for this month. Therefore, the Co-Pay Relief Program is not accepting any more new applications for this month. Please note, however, that the Co-Pay Relief Program has a look-back period of 12 months. We encourage you to apply again the first business day of next month"

So, I will try to remember to do it in July, but I'll be busy with the harvesting, so we will see! lol I still think that DH probably makes to much money, not poor... so we'll see. You never know! thank you!

Maybe between the crazy cost of the medicine and what your DH makes you could still qualify... at least maybe for part of the medicine cost. Good luck!

I just checked out the leukemia lymphoma website for copay help. And if you take out my meger earnings from last year, we would qualify. But I need to ask DH what his year to date is this year. to see if we qualify. The apps need to be in before June 30th. So it will be tight as I don't get my first shot until the 24 through the 1st maybe the 4th.. it's going to be very expensive. I don't have a final figure yet. I'll get that info from Dh and send in app. I know we have to include last years 1040 and I hope they will subtract my 15 hour a week job! lol