Yup. Seems like it happens on almost every decision. :(

Problem is, Hubby and I have either very expensive tastes or very different tastes. There are still some things that we're fighting over. (He wants to stuff a laundry room into out planned master suite space. I DO NOT want a laundry room in the middle of the house. I also don't want to give up any of the rather limited space for it.)

I waited until my divorce was final before I started on my renovation (actually a few years after), or I probably would have killed him. Of course, a jury of women in the middle of a kitchen renovation would have found me not guilty!!

Oh yes...DH and I just discussed this recently. There are a couple of examples, but the one that sticks out is on how decisions are made. Take our pendant lights and our backsplash. He was upset because he felt that I didn't involve him enough in the decision for the pendant lights. I explained to him that the lighting store was closer to my work and it was easier for me to visit it. I was pissed because I spend so much time searching for the perfect this or perfect that and narrow down the options for him, to make it easier, and felt I always showed him the options so we could decide together. He never took the initiative to do that on his own, so I thought that maybe he wasn't interested. I also phoned him before I purchased the lights since they were such an investment ($$$). He sounded fine with it, but it turns out he wasn't paying attention because he was in the middle of something at work. (Of course I've been tempted to say, tough s@$#!!!)

What we realized together was that he was upset that he wasn't consulted on the technical details - what size of light they should be, how low they should hang, etc. The backsplash was one example where I messed up and didn't order enough, and I was angry because he felt he could have done a better job of calculating it, which is probably true.

The kitchen renovation just brings out the touchiness of choices and who makes the "better" decisions. In the end, we both love what we ended up with. But it can still be very irritating when you're trying to choose something and the other person puts doubts in your head, or has a different vision that what you have. The main thing I realized is you have to keep an open mind to the other person's opinions, not put it down because it's conflicting with your vision. Everything is joint, like it it or not, unless the other person truly doesn't care about something and defers the decision to you.

Also, consult with your spouse on the area they feel they have the "expertise" in. It's not different than at work - if the task is touching on something in that person's area, then you will socialize it with them before making any decisions. Otherwise, you will hear and get hell for it.

I'd have divorced my husband too if he'd insisted on an above the island pot rack! I'm only partly kidding; I really could not live with one of those. (different strokes, I know, some people love them.)

In past projects, my husband and I have had some major struggles about decisions and decision making. He *used* to be known for saying "yeah, yeah fine" and then once the project was done, hating it and complaining. It was not good.

Luckily he has reformed, and in this major reno (one year total, major addition of laundry room, 3rd garage bay, 2nd floor family room and backstairs PLUS remodel of 2 bathrooms, mudroom and kitchen) I am pleased to say we had only one major issue. That is when the dumba$$ took one look at the custom designed desk built to HIS specifications and declared "we have to tear it out and redo it - it is way too big". I thought his days were numbered, seriously. He's lucky I left to visit a friend who has a very large and well stocked wine cellar. That cheered me up :)

That desk *finally* left my house today. It has been sitting in my dining room ever since we removed it and had a new one built to his revised specifications. Today I finally found someone to take it FREE on craigslist. It took me what, 6 months?, to get to the point where I was more bugged by it being in my way than I was by the colossal amount of money he wasted.

He is lucky I'm such an accepting and lovely person. And he's even more lucky that he essentially gave me carte blanche with the rest of the remodel -- it greased my forgiveness wheels greatly!

Anita

LOL! Pbrisjar, I hear ya - we have an innate ability to pick the most expensive [fill in the blank] in every store we visit! Many decisions were being made while DH was away on business, so along with the endless hours I spent online, there were my endless emails ( with pics :-) for him to weigh in on. I think if he had been here, there would have been more head butting but also quicker decision making, as I can't stand not to have every option exhausted (and I mean exhausted!)

He's back, we're in the home stretch and I have been very happy to give up my part time job of riding herd on our crew .... I can't afford a divorce now! :-)

Eliz

I think this is tru of every renovation. My co-worker said she was almost divorced over a tile flooring choice. I laughed at the time.

Now we are totally redoing a house we just purchased, ripping out all the carpeting, installing hardwood upstairs, new crown moulding, big basebords. Re-tiling all the bathrooms and downstairs kitche/family room. We also are having a pool installed concurrently with a kitchen re-do.

I've had to stop myself from hitting him with the hammer at times. I'm sure he's had to restrain himself as well. I've dragged him along on flooring choices, except for the tile which was a special on sale - discontinued item. It was so cheap and worked so well with our current shower tile, I couldn't pass it up. He was pleased with the price.

He's a shop around forever kind of guy to find the cheapest price available. I'm concerened with the carrying costs of 2 houses and want to finish the new one as soon as possible, so we can move in. He's also not good about articulating if he has a design idea. He has ideas about certain materials, but put together in a room would be too busy or distracting. At least I think so.

So far we've been okay. But there are times I could strangle him.

I wish I could laugh about this, but it hits too close to home. The renovation was VERY tough on my marriage. I was very excited about everything... really into making all of the choices and wanted to share the excitement with my dh. He could have cared less. With a few exceptions it was like pulling teeth to get him to weigh in or show enthusiasm for the process.

I'd have loved to have gone through this with someone who thought it was as much fun as I did. The kids and I sort of sailed through it and took it all as an adventure, but DH hated to have to move out to the cute little rental, and took the changes and need for flexibility pretty tough.

In the end I think he would have just stuck with what we had, but I contend that going through every winter with an unheated kitchen and frozen pipes several times per week, just wasn't going to do. On the surface our kitchen looked fine, but it was hardly a pleasant space to be.

Despite the fact that our renovation has been complete a while, I still see the stress of having had to adapt in my DH... it is subtle but there nonetheless. It makes me sad to think a marriage can sustain such damage just from improving one's living space... who'd have thunk?

SSH -- sorry so heavy :(

I'm glad to know we weren't the only ones fighting over the details of the renovation project. Basically I was accused of taking way to long debating and researching the options for each item in the kitchen and then shopping endlessly for the best price.
My husband is also very skilled and could do a lot of the work on the project himself. While this is great and saved us a lot of money, it also meant that when I looked at his work and found something wrong I had to endure his anger to get it fixed. When I find something wrong that a contractor did I can say "Hey, that's not what I'm paying you for--fix it now." That is not an option when DH put several hours of his weekend into roughing in lighting in the wrong place.

Our biggest blow out was over the under cabinet lighting. I know, it seems stupid and its such a small thing, but he was convinced that it was fine if the puck lights under our peninsula cabinets hung down below the light rail. I stuck to my guns and kept telling him that the light rail is there to hide the lights. You should have to lean down to even see them. After he accused me of not respecting his work he finally looked at it and decided maybe I was right and we needed to get lights that could be recessed under the cabinets. In the end the under cabinet lights turned out great, but that was not one of our better days.

My husband also hated sharing our house with contractors and unfortunately we hired some rather shoddy contractors on this project. As the weeks of packing away our dogs every morning and clearing out of the house drew on and on he got more and more frustrated. Our last day with contractors here was probably the best day I've had all year (well, maybe not as good as the day I became a partner--but damn close). We're so much happier and relaxed now that the project is basically done. We are waiting on my third set of pendant lights now and he has warned me that this is the last set he is going to install (he zapped himself off of a ladder installing the last set!) I sure hope they work this time because I'm enjoying peace in my marriage again.

I guess my husband and I are the exception, our kitchen remodel (without the help of a KD) was one of the best couples experience in our 35 years of marriage! I'm sure it helps that we grew up together as childhood neighbors and share similar values and expectations.

We got to spend every weekend together, shopping and making decisions, some of which were quite challenging for us (I don't *ever* want to have to choose pendant *ever* again!:-). But then, a typical non-remodel evening or weekend for us is, him on the tennis courts, and me sitting in front of a computer. Not very couple-like.

Our remodel has been done for 10 months and I still long for the camaraderie it allowed us. As such, I'm pushing for another major home project or a remodel of our rental property kitchen. I've got to put some of this great info and learning experience to good use before I forget it all!

Jodi-

"When I find something wrong that a contractor did I can say "Hey, that's not what I'm paying you for--fix it now." That is not an option when DH put several hours of his weekend into roughing in lighting in the wrong place."

Oh man, I can sooo empathize with this. Hubby is doing the vast majority of the work and is very, very opinionated. It can be really hard to convince him that something is not right. It's why I wound up living with a cabinet color I couldn't stand for so many months. If I'd been dealing with a contractor that stain wouldn't have lasted at all.

Then we have the times where he discusses the technical details with me. Most of the time I don't even understand what he's talking about and 99% of the time I don't really care. All I care is that it functions, will last and looks decent. Yet if I don't give input he gets upset.

It's good to know I'm not the only one who's cried over uc lights or had my DH blow a gasket over my asking him to reinstalling the DW. Granted I could have asked nicer vs "it's not straight, how do you not see that?"

pbrisjar, laundry in the master? I don't know how many times I've asked my mudcaked DS to strip down on the deck and carry his close directly to the washer.

Anita, I was ROTFL reading your post. DH actually just walked into the office and asked "What's so funny?" as I was wiping tears from my eyes.

mamadadapaige, I'm sorry you can't laugh about the reno yet. Hopefully time will make it better. You know what they say - If we all remembered how hard childbirth is, no one would have siblings.

jodi, you lucky, lucky girl. I've already started hanging out on the bath forum, but I'm definitely not going to lay that on DH for at least another 18 months.

In one way I feel lucky because my DH leaves all the decisions to me. He knows I research everything to death and am not one to spend our money carelessly and so trusts my decisions. Luckily, our tastes are very similar ... we always seem to point to the same photos in magazines and say, "Ohh that's the one, I love that." He also gets very excited about anything house-related, even furniture purchases, and is always very interested in whatever I'm working on.

That being said, my dear hubby is not a person who deals well with inconvenience or setbacks. His household growing up was pretty chaotic, and now he puts a premium on peace and predictability in all things. I'm constantly saying things like, "be a willow, bend with the changes." Needless to say, he more often breaks than bends, poor guy.

I dread washing dishes in the bathtub for weeks, the dust and displacement. But mostly I'm afraid of how he's going to handle it if the renovation doesn't go smoothly. I really, really wish I could send him on a cruise for a month or something, because I truly believe the stress of dealing with his reactions will be 10 times worse than the stress of the reno itself. Karen's comments about her DH leave me feeling even more apprehensive. Could this reno cause lasting damage to my dear hubby? Will I end up wanting to kill him and put him out of my misery?

P.S. hugs to Karen

Well, not technically *in* the master (though he did try that one). We're taking over the room adjacent to the curent MBR to make a master suite. That room will become the bathroom and closet/dressing area (a space that's about 10'x15' including the current tiny master bath). Hubby wants to take away space from that area to make a laundry room. It would be more of a hallway than an actual room and would be smack dab in the middle of the house with no ventilation (bad for my allergies) and no easy access to outside (bad for all the hanging laundry I do).

Hubby has it in his head that there's enough space. Thing is, we've sketched out a floor plan and it just does not fit. For some reason he just can't grasp that fact.

Currently the laundry is in the garage and that works OK for me. Problem is, Hubby wants to take over the garage as his shop.

When we get closer to that stage I figure I'll post over on the remodeling forum to see if anyone has any grand ideas as we'll be eventually changing quite a bit of the floor plan.

No worries about kids at least. It's just Hubby, me our three chihuahuas and one Timneh African Gray parrot.

Oh yes I agree with everyone. We started July 2007 and it has never stopped. Started with painting every room in the house, myself as DH doesn't paint, but first had to tear all the wallpaper off 2" pieces at a time. Then new living room furniture, central air, a new bedroom set. The house was built 23 years ago and we did not do much to it over the years. When my youngest son graduated from college we wanted to update. Well one thing led to another and DH and myself were burnt out. August needed a new roof, they were ripping off the roof the same day the kitchen was being gutted. So many decisions to make and DH couldnt understand why we needed to update, everything looked fine to him so I got no input.

Well we no sooner finished everything else up when we had a leak in the kitchen wall, a few cabinets were ruined, laundry room underneath it, what a mess. I didn't think I could make another decision but was forced to. Thats when the kitchen started and thank God is almost done. My husband gets mad as soon as I get on the computer on this forum. He can't believe how I have to research everything. He looks at one thing and says its nice just get it. We usually never fight and spend alot of time with each other, but it definitely has taken its toll on both of us.

I have to add it was all worth it. I love coming home to my house as it looks so much brighter. I painted all the brown doors and molding dover white and tore every room of wallpaper off and painted.

My kids laugh at us because a few years ago for Christmas I asked for a drill and DH asked for a toaster. That will tell you something LOL....

Well... mines not even an official DH and we haven't even begun our remodel yet. However, I'm anticipating this upcoming experience to be a make or break ordeal. I've given up alot in my dream remodel to accomodate his wants regarding not moving too much plumbing, leaving a sunroom for relaxing, not creating an overabundance of interior work. And, with the help of my forum friends; I/we/rhome came up with a layout I really like... that'll be very functional. I haven't completely shared all the details with him yet.... some but not all. There's a little bit of wall removal and plumbing "tweaking" but not a crazy amount. When I mentioned it (a bit) he balked for a moment but then seemed to concede. If we can get past the layout... I'll be home free on material choices. Basically, he trusts me implicitly in that department, despises shopping, and quite frankly... if left to his own devices (which he has less then zero interest in) would probably pick out hideous stuff. He loves "themey" things. In fact, just yesterday he states, "hey honey... I got a great idea. Can we get one of those dolphin mailboxes?" Mind you, we just painted the outiside of the house. He wanted bright white and a darkish gray trim. This is a little Florida style ranch. I choose a taupeish white called snowbound and a taupey gray trim. He can't believe how great it looks and feels so proud. SO...(and please, no offense to anyone who might have one). Just imagine a giant dolphin with his mouth open to put the mail in. Then..."how about a golf maibox". I told him... given the two options... I could live with golf.

Whooo,

This also hits a little too close to home for me too. DH has taken this week off work (paid work that is) to spend some quality time getting things finished here at the he**hole we lovingly call our reno from he**!

So, Sunday night I (very nicely, I thought) asked, "what are your plans for this week- are we working on the house?" (I coach nights, and work from home, so my schedule is very flexible). Yeesss. OK, are we working a real work schedule or the usual weekend schedule? (2-3 hour breaky, 1-2 on computer, head into town to HD for supplies, and then finally begin work late afternoon..)His reply, if this is just going to turn into a fight, I'm leaving (the LR_ to go onto the computer). Needless to say, touchy subject.

I had to use all my negotiating skills to let him know that I plan to do whatever he wants- just let me know ahead of time, so that I'm not frustrated thinking we're going to work many hours a day, and instead only 1-2 hours gets done.
Anyhow, glad to say- two days have gone by so far, and filler strips are up in kitchen (that only took a year), window sills and trim have been cut, (I paint them),lintels are up over doorways (OK, he put one in upside down, and REALLY resented it when I insisted he take it off and do it properly...:>), and the real biggie, he's taken the carpet off the stairs, and is planning on how to rebuild them. It takes so long to do this stuff- so unrealistic when you watch HGTV and whole rooms get done in a weekend or a week or so!

I'm heading off to the pool now wearing eau de paint thinner
but happy that things are happening on the homefront, we getting closer to the finish line- yippee!!

Oh man, those HD trips are deadly. I think the intentionally make things hard to find.

On the good news front, It looks like we'll be getting rid of our horrible popcorn ceiling sooner than expected. Got a referral from a neighbor (who has the same house/floor plan as us) who had it done by someone that doesn't charge an arm and a leg. Hubby had been hesitant as he didn't want to do it himself.

Won't hijack but parent-child dynamics don't make it any easier. I came this close (picture it) to commandeering the HD PA system to set things straight when the kitchen consultant told me they all assumed I still lived with my mother - how humiliating. I swear some of them still look at me strangely.

Remodelfla--that is absolutely hilarious. I live in Tallahassee now (so not to many themey mailboxes here--a good selling point for the area) but the neighborhood we lived in on the Gulf Beaches had them in abundance. If you're going with an aquatic themed mailbox though you really should consider the manatee mailbox instead of the dolphin--the manatee says that you're concerned about preserving endangered species while also being kitschy! Good luck keeping him away from the wacky mailboxes. I'm sure there are people outside Florida who can't imagine these mailboxes, its just another one of the wacky quirks of living in the Sunshine State.

Oh yea... he did bring up the manatee as an alternative. Manatees in water... a good thing... attached to the front of my house... not priceless.

Yikes... demo starts soon and we were bickering just packing
up the kitchen! Great stories from everyone, 35 years of marriage
we have had plenty to bicker about...but THIS should be fun cause
we have waited so long! I have to keep reminding him of that...
this WILL be fun...this WILL be fun...
vic

Precious and I aren't doing too badly. We had one huge blow-up at month three, got through that and here we are on month six and settling in for the (very) long haul.

We are lucky that we both like similar things, and we have learnt how to manipulate each other to achieve desired outcomes (in nice ways - not mean ones). It seems we have adopted the philosphy that if one of us likes something we will own it unless the other one really, really doesn't like it.

We're going to have to stop ignoring the budget though. Right now we're running about 300% of estimate; but God is in the details, and as we are fond of telling each other "If we're going to do it we might as well do it properly."

We were suffering from a bad case of "while we're at it"'s and because we're doing most things ourselves, we don't have to convince a GC to change things. Hence, we've altered and expanded as we go along.

Those times we feel guilty about the amount we are spending we just log on here and look at some of the kitchens the rest of you people are doing - and we feel positively thrifty. :)

Erika,
thanks for the hug!! I needed that! There were a few other stresses on top of the renovation that sort of exacerbated everything. We are both good people so I have no reason to believe we can't work through this... it is just stunning to me though to find myself in this situation. I wouldn't have predicted it at the start of all of this. sort of makes me wish we moved (to house with a heated kitchen!!) instead of renovating. the silly house isn't worth anything compared to my marriage.
Karen

My husband was uninvolved in the project, other than bankrolling the entire operation, for which I am extremely grateful.

I know that what he has disliked most is the amount of time I spend on the computer doing "research." Sorry, friends, but I am going to have to seriously curtail my GW time in the near future.

We haven't killed each other through tis terrible couple of years remodeling. We've had two major hospital stays for our baby during that time, and more disasters with contractors than I can count. I broke and arm, we lost a baby....the remodel stuff just isn't that big of a deal with everything else.

In general DH has been supportive, although whiney on occasion because he hated the kitchens he as forced to work in (he's a snob chef I've learned). And living out of boxes makes him nuts. But in general, he's pretty much ok, although he likes expensive crap and has killed my budget.

Now on that laundry in the bedroom....I will say, we added one (a stackable in a closet that only holds the stacked laundry) and I LOVE IT! But then we have five levels and the other laundry room is is on the first (master is on the fifth). I think your space sounds a bit small (I agree with you there) but if push comes to shove, keep that in mind at least.

We've mostly been in agreement on things, although there is some give and take. Mainly I agree with what sailormann said - if one of us is really in love with it then the other is okay with that. I'm still not sure about our backsplash, but he does love it.

Our contractor told us at the start that a remodel can be rough on a marriage. He says he knows of another contractor that requires couples to be in marriage counseling before he'll do a remodel for them.

We're fortunate that we generally have similar taste. I'll be glad when it's done, though. The little inconveniences add up, as do all the decisions.

What about "it has to be done before Friday when the inspector is coming" don't you understand? Oh, you didn't HEAR that?

i-chic - We have considered a stackable. But that really takes up just as much space - just vertically. Doesn't solve drying rack space issues or ventilation issues or anything else, really. We've got a very simple one-story suburban home (currently 1500 sqft) so I just can't see something like that.

I do have to say that the evening after we had our latest round of "discussions" on this issue, Hubby was busy measuring and planning. I've told him that if he can figure out a way that I don't lose any functional space and a way that provides adequate ventilation that I won't object to the laundry room. But it would be soooo much easier (and probably cheaper too) if we went with the other idea of putting up one of the really nice sheds and making that his wood shop.

We've got at least two more years of this, I think. *sigh*

pbrisjar... The home we'll be remodeling is similar in size to yours... in fact, smaller. Do you have a decent amount of property? My guy got a 12x24 shed, complete with 3 windows, a garage door, and a regular door. Now granted, this was given to us and we just paid to have it shipped and moved into place (maybe a grand or so). DH is doing the rest of the work to retrofit what he wants. My point is, they have a ton of these things on craigslist. Maybe you can find one to put on your property to have him use as shop. Our garage was turned into a bedroom/music room so our laundry will now be in a mini extension/shed that was built onto the house by the renters. It butts onto the old laundry room which will become part of my kitchen. Hold your ground on this one. And if it helps... we orginally had planned to build a glorious bedroom/bathroom/laundry room extension. DH had a meltdown and we decided to go with the existing footprint. It'll work... I've conceded enough... and I'm going to hold firm with what I know will work for what will essentially be my space. It's ironic... yesterday I was helping him with plywooding (new word) the shed walls. He started talking about running electric, layout, etc. I said, so you're going to do what it takes to make it functional for you? And he said he needs a work and then hobby space because he enjoys it so much. I pointed out... how then can you look at me and say "what's the difference if you get an electric or induction cooktop or why do we have to move the stove... can't you just have a counter to the right and none to the left.. it worked for me?" I said... cooking/baking... my space... my hobby... my enjoyment. He stuttered a bit and then got real quiet. From the tone of my post... I guess I"m still harboring some resentment over all his reactions thus far... sorry guys... I've had a REAL rough couple of weeks.

remodelfla: I'm there with you. You know I've been following your layout posts. Oh and I so totally agree on the hobby thing. He's all into getting these nice tools for his work but expects me to use a castoff electric stove for my cooking. Heh. We haven't fought that battle yet. (Now with that being said he has almost conceded on getting me my Velos so cross your fingers on that one.) I just want the same thing he wants - decent tools for the job at hand.

We've got the space for a shed. It would in fact solve one of our problem areas. Hadn't thought about checking CL for a used shed. Will have to look into that.

I hear you on the resentment thing, too. Hubby has made some irrevocable decisions which still make me really upset (i.e. unilaterally deciding that a 5" overhang on our peninsula is fine). OTOH the more we work on this together and the more we talk, the more he is listening to my ideas and the more I am finding ways to work with him. I came up with one just the other day which I thought he'd never go for and he bought into it whole-hog right away*.

*At some point in the future we'll be adding on a great room and the window behind the sink / the sink wall will go away and become a pass-through to a wet bar area. I am proposing we do a curved butcher block shelf/extension there. He loved the idea.

We're building, not remodeling . . . but in our 45 years of marriage we've survived 3 major remodels, then a teardown and build, and now a move 8 hours away and another build. I sometimes wonder how we survived. Right now, in the new house, we're just getting to the insulation stage. Still making decisions. Still seeing things totally differently.

The main thing about this build is that DH is essentially retired and willing to go look at/for things. Every other time I've done all the prelims and then he pointed and said, "I like that" or "I don't." I hated that, and struggled with resentment.

One problem this time is that I learn so much from reading here, and he doesn't always want to accept what I've read -- whether it has to do with bad experiences with appliances or things like Kerdi!!

We'll ALL get to the end of these things, and I keep saying to myself, "Hangeth thou in there . . . this too shall pass." Unless I "pass" first.

Arlene

My husband is generally pretty easy. I pick out what I want, figure out to make him think it was his idea, and he's all for it. The only problem with this situation is that he truly has no idea what anything costs. When we bought this house there were 5 major projects that we wanted to happen. Well, we decided to put more down on our house so there went 2 projects. Found out I was pregnant, there goes another project. Economy tanks, that takes another project. So now we are down to just doing the kitchen and the adjoining family room. The kitchen is totally gutted, and we will be getting new everything (cabinets, 130 sq. ft. of granite, hardware, sinks, appliances, new electric, new plumbing, new windows, etc...). Our original budget was just under $100,000.00 for all of the projects. Needless to say that has dwindled. Yesterday my dear hubby comes in and tells me that we are only going to spend $12,000.00 on our kitchen. Really??? Seriously??? I can be thrifty and cost efficient, but I am fresh out of miracles! :) So, I'm predicting our first major disagreement will be tomorrow when I tell him that our $12,000 budget won't even cover the cabinets (that by the way have already been ordered)! Say a little prayer! :)

I only skimmed through the other posts, but still got a very good sense that I have not been alone in my remodeling He!!

Our biggest arguements were about DH's DIY skills. He insisted on doing 90% of the work himself to save $$ and when things weren't right, guess who I got mad at? REALLY mad at?

I feel the worst about our children having to live through all of this. If I could do ONE thing differently, I would have simply waited until they were all older before we embarked on this (currently 9, 6 and 2). They definitely felt our stress and witnessed too many of our squabbles (I'm ashamed to admit.) Just a few weeks ago I was really in a tizzy over our floor and after I simmered down, my 9 yo DD asked me, "Momma, why did we ever start all this remodeling, anyways?" She was genuinely curious. It was like she was searching her mind for just a glimpse of how things used to be pre-reno, as if she couldn't understand how we even got here. And I just wanted to bawl - because I knew what she was feeling. "Why can't we just go back to the way we were?" And we actually had a conversation about how maybe the whole family learned a bit of lesson about the "important" things in life.

I know, this all sounds incredibly negative, and I don't mean it to be. We love all the results from our work, honestly - and hopefully, now that we have the really intrusive tough stuff done, things can go back to normal. But this whole experience taught me a very big lesson - that the best things in life don't cost a dime, and that the people you love and their feelings are more important than how pretty your house is.

gardenwebber,

There were several times that I had to apologize to my kids (ages 9, 7, and 4) because I lost my temper specifically because I was stressed about remodel decisions or mess. I even said to my oldest how bad I feel because it isn't about something important that I'm upset, it is *things*.

I'm so pleased that our remodel is finally 95% done and order is being restored in our house...I'm more relaxed, everything is more organized, and it WAS all worth it.

igloo, your post above had me laughing my ass off. Your husband likes expensive things and ruins your budget, huh? I have the distinct impression that you're attracted to the finer things yourself, Miss-lure-anita-with-a-gorgeous-chandelier-then-tell-her-it-is-antique-and-costs-$$$$$! (not that i'm bitter or anything :)

Anita