Cat mom and all, no one's saying the cat WOULD become a biter but only there is a real RISK of aggression problems or other personality changes. Is it worth the risk when there may be options with a more certain or sure outcome? The point is you shouldnt think of it as a "last resort," because there is a real chance it would NOT solve the problem. How I manage a similar situation is to do sort of a time share - my old 20 yr old cat stays in the bedroom 8 am - 8 pm, then gets the run of the house 8 pm- 8 am when I put the new cats downstairs in the basement (there's couches and stuff downthere and I feed them when they go downstairs so they have pleasant associations. What makes this work is that its so highly routine - cats just LOVE routine and predicatability, same things happening at the same time each day. What was NOT working was just trying to keep them separate in random, unpredictable ways. Everyone has settled down knowing they each have their own space and own times for occupying the "common area." In the wild, cats often make these same types of arrangments to "time-share" an area. If youre not up for that.... do consider finding another home. Ive done it many times, found home for cat in an unfortunate situation. There is a way of screening people and making sure its a good home - I could tell you more if you want. There's always the long difficult process of getting cats used to each others smell, and build up their tolerance for each other. But Im thinking because the ragdolls are so passive and unable to defend themselves (are they? Ive never had one) that might actually be triggering the other cat's dominance and urge to drive them out of the territory. Nature and feline territorial behavior is not pretty sometimes. In my case I decided I just could NOT put my old 20 yr old cat, deaf and arthritic, through the attacks she was getting from the 1 young new cat I brought into the house. She could not defend herself and she was literally getting knocked down, clawed, bitten and terrorized and she started peeing out of the box she was so freaked out. Now, Im happy to report, she is feeling secure again and her old self.

Mom 2.5, A or B, Seriously, I pick tommorrow I m the ho....Five years and she wants to wave the white flag after a half decade of PAS? Hmm , would give me pause..Up to something, no, I dont think I d give her a quick sneak outta town on her weekend. Would she do the same for you?

Nope. The shoes remain in my closet. DH got another text from grandma... this time all sweet & nice since being nasty didn't work... telling him to have SD wear them back & they will keep them there for her to use. At this point, they've made such a big deal over those stupid shoes that it makes it harder for me to give them back when she does earn them. I really want to avoid the appearance of BM or grandma being the reason SD got her shoes back. That is what really pisses me off about the whole situation. We are trying to teach a lesson & they are too wrapped up in fighting with us to see that. If they are going to undermine everything we try to do, I've been inclined to ask DH to let BM have custody so it can be her problem. BM is teaching SD how to behave, but then complains when she misbehaves at her house. Our influence goes out the window when BM tells SD that what we say doesn't count. One thing I noticed when going through all our court documents from the past four years is that when DH asked for support & BM started making accusations that I am abusing SD, she also said SD was doing terrible in school. This was just toward the end of SD's 1st year with us when she was finishing 3rd grade. In reality, SD was actually improving. She had problem at the beginning of the year, I think because she was so devastated that her mom moved away. But, I worked with her a lot throughout the year & she was doing pretty well that year. When we pointed out she was actually doing better, BM's argument that she needed custody because we weren't helping SD with school went out the window. Coincidentally, when SD came back for 4th grade and immediately began failing. Five months later, she admitted to her counselor that she was failing on purpose so her mom could win custody of her. Hmmm, I wonder where she got THAT idea? I could have argued a little harder & gotten him to give me the money Judgment, he had no legal basis to deny it since she admitted she wrote it and offered absolutely no justification for it. It wasn't about the money at all because I would not likely ever collect on it anyway. It was about her being told what she's doing is wrong and hoping that by having a Judge telling her, not us... that it might sink in. That's two Judges in two weeks that have told her. She still told the Judge, in a tone like I was the bad person, how SHE put her phone on speaker while I was saying bad words to her and her kids heard the commotion & came running in to hear it all. She really expected the Judge to admonish me? Her attitude was like "how dare Ima talk to me that way in front of my kids!" but the rest of the world can put it together that SHE put the phone on speaker, knowing what I was saying... SHE left it on speaker when the kids came in & she allowed the kids to keep on listening because she wanted the kids to hear how bad Ima talks to mommy. What the kids heard was Ima telling mom to "be an F-ing mom to your kid!" and if SD has a problem with me for that, then I can live with that. I have only tried to do what I hope is best for SD & while I probably should have hung up when BM got on the call, I feel I said stuff that needed to be said & it was in standing up for SD.

Crepuscule is a rose that thrives in daylong full sun and would benefit from heat. I don't think Reve d'Or is quite so picky. If only one spot has those characteristics, give it to Crepuscule. It will not please you in a semi-shaded position. After all, you originally de-selected Reve d'Or, so you could pass that one along to a gardening friend if you don't really want it. Rosefolly