Panicky in PA--good choice to remodel??

14 years ago

I was just up with my teething toddler in the wee hours and could not go back to sleep. Thing is, we signed our contract with our builder...and he is set to start next Monday! Ack! There's no turning back, and now I'm starting to second guess everything, from the little details to the big decision to remodel in the first place.

Maybe I don't really need a better kitchen--people have put up with worse, for longer. And maybe I should have spent more time analyzing (obsessing?) over the choices. We have planned to go with Scherr's cabinetry, but I'm a bit nervous going with a company so far away. Maybe my layout needs more tweeking. Are my aisles the right width? What cabinet inserts shall I use? And now I have to look at sinks, lighting fixtures, and write one honking big check for appliances. Am I just commitment-phobic?

I like and trust our builder, but stuff inevitably crops up, right? We've itemized everything we could in the budget and contract, but let's face it, this is an old house. We don't know what's in those walls. And just today, the lawn sprinkler guy had to come out and mark all the sprinkler heads so that the builder's backhoe doesn't destroy them (we're excavating around the back exterior of the house.) And, we're going to have to move out with two little kids--it's just too much right now.

We refinanced the house 3 months ago in part to do this project, but now I'm wondering if we shouldn't have put that money toward other long-term expenses (kids' college tuition? retirement nest egg?) I do believe that one should enjoy and fully use one's house, but maybe we should not have allowed ourselves to fall in love with this home and would have been bettor off moving.

I know this coulda'-shoulda' thinking is pointless, but I am spiraling out of control here. It's like going down the rabbit hole. My husband is puzzled at my meltdown; he says,"It'll all be great, hon." Please shake me out of this!

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Comments (13)

plllog
14 years ago
It's stress. There's nothing like spending more money on a house you already have to make you second guess yourself. There's nothing like a teething tot to fray your nerves, as well. Having the sprinklers marked is a very good idea.

Advice? Try to get some sleep--four hours together--when you can. Everything is much easier if you've had enough sleep. Second, make nutritious meals a priority for yourself as well as your family. Especially for yourself. It's too easy to just snack while you're feeding the kids, and to skimp on the fresh, wholesome food when your life is turned upside down and you don't have your comfortable kitchen. Dust doesn't matter. Moving out doesn't matter. Sleep and good nutrition, and half an hour minimum of aerobic exercise three or four times a week (tag is good!), are necessary for your health, both physical and mental.

You'll get through everything else one thing at a time. Remember, there is no "perfect" kitchen. Try to stick to your budget. The hardest thing about all the decisions is those extra few hundred that the next one up would cost. Those extra hundreds add up, and there are always unexpected or unplanned for things that crop in in a remodel that you'll want your wiggle room for.

Now is a good time to do it, even though you have two little kids. The new space will be their home, where all their fond memories will dwell.

And check in here. Most of us are TKO and are where you are or have been or are going to be. We're with you.
inlauren
14 years ago
It is stress - and all the choices looming in front of you -and I soooo sympathize. I have been experiencing the same roller coaster of emotions (but our kitchen is bad enough that I know it HAS to be done.) Just keep picturing the end result. When I think about my family enjoying our new kitchen it really helps. It's also soothing to think that no matter what choices I make for the kitchen it's going to be much better than it is now!
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abananie
14 years ago
Oh my God!! I feel your pain. My husband and I are going throught the same plans and feelings. We refinanced to add on and they started digging the foundation 2 days ago. My husband came home yesterday and saw the yard a mess and started going down that same rabbit hole. He was asking why we decided to do this project; the house was fine the way it was; we should have just replaced the appliances; we sould have put the money in a college fund.... I am also stressed out trying to plan the kitchen and stay within a very tight budget. I can't vent to my husband because that will just upset him more. I told him to try to relax and think of the end product, that we will be happy that we did it when it's over.

I have a stress induced headache........
country_smile
14 years ago
lmfoodie - I second the advice that "plllog" gave you (get sufficient sleep, nutritious meals, etc.). Stress will wear you down, but you need to take care of yourself physically to be able to keep things in perspective. Take one day at a time. Stay close as a family and share extra kindness with them because you all will be under extra stress.

I remember second guessing many things, but that's human nature. It's an investment you're making and if you hold off on your remodel for a few years, the price tag will only climb higher. If you make the changes now, you'll have all those extra years to enjoy your home with your DH and children.

You'll make it through the remodeling and I predict that at the end you'll look back at your remodeling plans and agree it was the right thing to do. And, you'll have a huge SMILE on your face!!!!

Best of luck on your remodeling - from your friend in PA.
golddust
14 years ago
Imfoodie,

Contrary to all the advice given, I am a real listener to my gut feelings. That said, I am frugal and glad of it. I've watched too many people go into too much debt only to lose everything.

I lived with a harvest gold kitchen from 1989 until 2004 with no regrets. I had other expenses and priorities. Do you have any credit card debt? Ample savings? Living modest is 'in style' today. LOL! Personally, I always recommend people listen to their gut feelings. Human beings are the only species that don't do this.
sayde
14 years ago
Stressed out and sleep deprived here too. Have not weighed this little since junior high -- not a good way to lost weight!
squigs
14 years ago
I'm going through the same sort of panick and stress and second-guessing - no little ones to keep me up at night though. That's tough! All I can say is come here. This is a great support group. I just got talked through a meltdown here (thanks guys).

I have a feeling your husband knows what he's talking about. It will all be great!
southernstitcher
14 years ago
Raising my hand here too - can I join the club?! I posted a thread awhile back because I thought I'd have to back out of my plan completely. But, my Mom's house is closing on Aug 24 and I'm getting more money than originally thought, so it's back on. I will have that check in my hot little hands..... and as the days draw closer my feet are a little colder.
I belive what Suze Orman says. It's controversial - I can hear the collective gasp now: Leave the kids college funding (mostly) to the kids.
WHAT YOU SAY???? She recommends you raise them early on to not just make good grades, but to KNOW that they can and should earn scholarships, get student loans, part time jobs, work study, all of that. She has some good points about this. Oh I know we could argue about that, and I don't want to start all that. But, well, some of her points make sense.

Of course come to think of it, Suze probably wouldn't approve my kitchen remodel either.....
writersblock (9b/10a)
14 years ago
Yeah, well, Suze also told everyone about 15 months ago that it was a GREAT time to buy real estate in FL.
desertsteph
14 years ago
I agree with Suze on the college thing. I don't think I've seen her on a cooking show tho... but she isn't raising a family either - and cooking etc.
southernstitcher
14 years ago
LOL, writersblock.
Imfoodie, as long as you are putting away part of your income for retirement, don't feel guilty. Do save, and don't go overboard on the renovation, but get things you like. You bought the house you fell in love with, which is so important, and so renovating it - giving it the care it needs makes sense. If you know you'll be staying there for a while, get what YOU want, and don't listen to the Jonesers who tell you what you must have.
I have a house I don't like very much. Bad start. DH bought it before we got married. I have to hope the reno will make me like the house more. You already love your house, and will love it more once it is the way you want it to be.

Many days I have dark thoughts. I have a small galley kitchen and will never have an island, so why am I bothering? It won't look that much different than before. Am I overdoing it for this neighborhood? What if, what if, what if???? I can what if any decision to death, and then miss out totally.
I know in this economy people think all of us are nuts to be spending money on houses. While it's important to be prudent and careful, you really do only go around once in life. I am constantly reminding DH of that. He never takes chances, never goes for much excitement - can be very staid. I'm there to light the fire and get things going - and he puts the brakes on when I get overboard. I also agree with the poster who said it will only get more expensive. That is true as we see oil creeping back up. Get your quartz countertops now - that resin isn't getting any less expensive!! My quote from two months ago has already increased, and inflation is supposedly going to eat us all alive shortly. So, if you need to do this, do it now.

On positive days, I think, I deserve this. I have never ever gotten to take a kitchen or a bath and do what I wanted with it. I'm still putting most of the money away for retirement, and though I won't have what they predict I'll really need, I will still have more than most people my age. I'm 50 years old and deserve nicer appliances and cabinets. Even though my kitchen will never be the large open gathering place of magazine kitchens, it will be much more pleasant to work and be in there.
And I remind myself that with my last house, I refinanced to make some improvements. Not a whole kitchen, but a little bit here and there in the whole house. I waited a long time, had loads of equity, and waited till I knew what I wanted. I'm convinced my improvements and elbow grease really helped my sale years later.
lmfoodie
Original Author
14 years ago
Many thanks for your thoughts and stories. I'm sorry that others among you have had similar anxieties but glad to know that I'm not alone.

It is so true that poor diet and lack of sleep does a number on one's sanity! Plllog, how did you know that at least two of my daily meals consist of kiddie leftovers??!!

That's a tricky question: whether we "deserve" something or not. Who's to judge? Does one simply look at one's daily needs and activities, and those of one's family, and the years during which kids are at home, and then place a value and an urgency on a potential renovation project? Does one look at the opportunity cost of doing the project? Does one try to second guess the market (yeah, THAT'S worked really well the past year...)? I know it's a *big* mistake to compare one's situation to that of neighbors and friends, but it does make sense to make sure that one's house is not over-renovated for one's area.

We've been around the block sooooo many times on the renovation question. Really ad nauseum. Ultimately, the decision was based on our intention for this to be our forever house, and even if it turns out not to be, our renovations would benefit us in a resale. We are not compromising other areas of saving, though we could pay off our mortgage sooner were we not to renovate. However, contractors here are available and eager now, so we're hoping that, at least, the job will be relatively quick.

I've also heard Suze's advice regarding college tuition, but what can I say? I don't want to leave my kids completely on their own.

OK, I am now going to make myself a NUTRITIOUS breakfast, albeit one that is 3 hours late. I will then--calmly--make a list of decisions to be made. I have *lots* of questions on kitchen minutia, but I will put those in separate posts!
bob_cville
14 years ago
To allay at least one of your fears, I got my cabinets from Scherr's, and they were great to work with.

After "finalizing" my design with Leon (at Scherr's) I changed my mind about several details, up until the cabinets order went into production, such as adding two additional pull out trays to the pantry and changing the configuration and size of the wine cabinet, and every time Leon responded (usually within two hours!) that it would not be a problem.

Later 4 months after I received the cabinets and had paid in full, I finally got around to assembling and installing the cabinets, and discovered a problem: the pre-drilled holes for mounting the drawer slides were incorrect. I contacted Leon and he responded the same day, apologized, and shipped a fix for the problem within 2 days.

Scherr's makes high quality cabinets, and has the best customer service of any company I've ever dealt with.

Panicky in PA--good choice to remodel??

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plllog

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Panicky in PA--good choice to remodel??

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