Conflicted feelings about step-mother and inheritance
qwert522
17 years ago
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brass_tacks
17 years agosweeby
17 years agoRelated Discussions
I Inherited some Mother-In-Law's Tongue
Comments (4)You're right, they are pretty tough plants. This time of year I give them very little water,maybe once a month or less. I keep them in as much light as possible during the winter while they are inside. When the warmer weather returns, I move them outside and they do well with alot of sun but only after acclimating them to it gradually so as not to burn the leaves that have gotten tender from being inside. During the warmer weather they can take alot more water , maybe once a week or more depending on how much sun they are in. They can also do well with much less light if that is necessary, which is why they are often used as houseplants for lowlight situatons. I find they like more light but can do with less. The only thing they really seem unable to take is too much water during cooler weather. I will leave the fertilizer question for others because I am not real big on them...I may give my plants a little timed release all purpose fertilizer once in the summer but that is about it. Enjoy your new plants. logan...See MoreStep-Mother vs. Step-Daughter
Comments (5)Prior to DH and I getting married I had a wonderful relationshipp with my 10 year old SD. Her father is the custodial parent of her and three other children and has been since she was four years old - she has had an on again off again relationship with her mom since she left. I think that DSD was just as excited about our marriage as we were. We got married on December 15 and by Christmas she had declared an all out war against me trying to make sure that I understood her place in her dad's life. She did not like me sitting by him, kissing him (something she had seen plenty of times prior to our marriage) or being near him in any way. Everything was a struggle from who got to sit by him in the truck and at the dinnertable to her point blank asking him whom he loved the most. (He very diplomatically told her he loved us both the same amount for different reasons - NOT the answer she was looking for) We left for our honeymoon on December 26th and went to Disneyland taking all four of the kids with us and every single day and activity was a batttle for her dads attention. Sometimes I stepped back and let her have her time and others (like the time she insisted that he hold both of her hands, instead of one of each) I did not. She is a loving, sweet little girl that I love with all of my heart and I tried to place myself in her position and never battle back - just talk and explain and listen ans sometimes say "I'm sorry but this is the way that it is and this is the reason why." After just a couple of weeks she understood that I wasn't trying to take her place and she loved me again. Six weeks after getting married DH and I got a huge surprise and found out we were pregnant (while on the pill) We were thrilled, DSD was devastated and hysterical and again we just sat back and listened and explained and loved her and let her vent and sometimes rant and rave, and sometimes when she got out of hand we had to send her to her room to give her and us a moment to calm down and regroup. We knew we had to give her time and patience and understanding. Her dad never let her disrespect me in any way, and beleive me there were times I think she wanted me to go away and never come back, but she never said as much. It took her 4 months to accept the pregnancy and another month to admit she was happy - I am due November 7th and the first time she said anything about being excited about the baby was the fourth of July. I know for me sometimes it was hard not to get angry, and start telling her how she needed to be acting differently because of this and this and this, but then I would just remind myself how traumatizing all of these changes had to be for a child and would just sit back and bite my lips until the impulse passed. We now have the loving relationship (and friendship) that we had before and i am greatful everyday that I found the patience I needed to sit back and let her adjust. Hugs - Candy...See MoreConflicted by abusive step sons
Comments (14)Southernlights: I truly appreciate every single optimistic idea I am still VERY open to any other ideas. that you've presented. I do feel that isolating what would be considered more of my family unit is unfair to us and my DH. The visitation my husband has is not a few hours or a day, it is an 2-3 weekends (Friday-Sunday) every month, 6 weeks in the summer, winter holidays (alternating thanksgiving [extended time for after christmas] /christmas), and every springbreak, plus more. Additionally, the amount of time required for him to travel, at a minimum of 5hrs roundtrip, to meet up with the boys is not overly extensive, but is draining (physically) on a regular routine, and is added time that we are are seperating ourselves. All of these periods of visitation are extensive and I don't feel that it would be morally exceptable for my DH to give up any amount of time with his DSs. We don't have a location for my DH to spend in the town that the boys reside, or here where we reside. Financially we don't have the means to pay for lodging on a consistant basis or for extended periods of time (I hope I am not coming across as negative, this is our financial reality). I believe that I have tried to process options so that my DDs are not subjected to anytime of further abuse. My DDs have and will always be my absolute priority as I know it should be the same for my DH and his DSs. We may be his family, but even though his DSs appear to have SERIOUS issues, he biologically is connected to these boys and can not sacrifice any time that he is granted, especially recognizing that he was forceably removed from their day to day life by his ex because of her own intentions. I hope this added information sheds more light on our family dynamics. It is not my intention to push away the ideas presented so far. I am still VERY open and desperate to accept any other ideas presented. ----------------------------------- Sylviatexas: I absolutly agree with your opinion. Example #1 was not a planned or expected situation. We all were appalled, and I supported my DD, and I have been diligent to create, establish seperate boundries of personal space. We sat down with all of the children and admently explained the magnitude of the offense and enforced what we at that time "believed" were respect and safety standards. Obviously, we were wrong to assume that the 1st act was dealt with and would be the only. Not to take away from the seriousness of each incident, it is not what was stated a "romantic or sexual fantasy" that create the conflict. My DDs have developed a strong paternal relationship with my DH. He as I stated prior is an exceedingly amazing father figure, and my DDs have an emotional dependability that they were not able to establish with my abusive ex. Unfortunately, in reference to my personal sexual libido is absolutely gone for my DH. It's physically impossible to feel sexually attracted to him knowing that he participated in the creation of these boys....See MoreStepmother, inheritance, conflicting feelings
Comments (11)Does your Stepmother have an income? Does she depend on rental of the house she owns to pay her bills? Was she financially dependent on your dad? Did or does she work and have a pension? For instance, if she didn't have a job because your Dad wanted her to stay home or because she needed to be available for things he wanted to do -- a situation that is common for women -- she may have a very reduced pension if any at all. You say she took excellent care of your Dad and they lived together for at least 16 years. This is a long term commitment not a gold digger because presumably there is only a house left to inherit, no big stocks and accounts. What kind of circumstances will she be living in -- a one room apartment in a poor neighbourhood? Do you understand what I am getting at? You are young with life ahead of you and ability to make your own way. You say your father said he wanted to put your name on the house. Frankly, I don't think it's so simple to see what is "fair" here....See MoreJonesy
17 years agoqwert522
17 years agobrass_tacks
17 years agolondondi
17 years agosuzieque
17 years agoqwert522
17 years agosweeby
17 years agobrass_tacks
17 years agosuzieque
17 years agoqwert522
17 years agoDaniel Richards
7 years agocolleenoz
7 years ago
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