We just celebrate Mothers Day on Mothers Day. My skids bm lives out of state so they always spend it with us. And when she lived in state she never asked to take the kids for mothers day.

Whatever they make in school they give to me (even when their bm lived in state). And we usually see my mom and my mother-in-law that day with the kids.

I never heard of a "stepmothers day". I just thought of mothers day as a day to celebrate anyone who mothers a child....which we all do in one way or another!

Last year ... the night before I announced tomorrow was my "day off". Since I am a SAHSM I officially get no days off ... I will not be doing anything for anyone... day off no cooking no laundry etc.. et.. my SS12 flipped out went "telling on me" to hubby and his mom how I wasn't going to do anything for them tomorrow.... BM said well what did you get her for mother's day? he said nothing she said well then thats your present to her a day off...

I had taken the kids out to get mom a present but nothing for me... hubby got me flowers ...

Maybe to get them doing something I will tell them about SM day :)

I have never heard of it, but I like it!! :-)

SD as always with BM on Mother's Day (whole weekend) per our custody agreement, and always with DH on Father's Day (whole weekend). When she was younger and made things at school for the occasion she always gave them to me. Now she, the boys and DH will usually do something for me during the week and then it's just me and the guys on Mother's Day - we usually go to see the grandmas or take all of them out.

I always took SD to get something or make something for BM, but now that she has a sibling I think it's okay that I leave that up to her step dad, don't you think?

My stepkids always call on Mother's Day to wish me a happy one -- which is very nice of them, I think, considering I never really 'mothered' them.

For my son's stepmother, I make sure he gets her something nice, because she earns it!

Is there a Dads Wife Day on that calendar??????

I am not an official stepmom, yet :) However, my SO's daughter and I do something on Mother's Day. Her mother has not been in the picture since she was 1.

She did tell her Dad one time that it is nice because now she doesn't feel bad when they do crafts in school for mothers day b/c now she has someone to give it too.

My first official Mother's Day came with nothing from the kids and even my husband missed the opportunity. I freaked out because my SS lives with me full time and my SD was living with me at the time too -for the summer during a college break. When we talked about it, they admited that they worried that getting me something would have upset their mother. And they only got her something little and "knew they couldn't get something more for" me than they did for their biomom. I explained that 1) she would never know; 2) if you don't view me as a mother, what am I around here -- a maid? a taxi driver? bank account? They understood my hurt and have since recognized me too........however, I have always made it clear to the kids that they do not need to feel conflicted on that day -- even though their mom moved away and left her 12 y/o son....he should still spend Mother's Day with her (or she'll whine and cry because she IS the mom....deadbeat or not....). Do I like it? No way....I have my SS all but 4 days per month (and usually even more than that...). But, I don't want to put him in the horrible position of feeling like HE has to choose...

Sometimes it really stinks........!

I have never received anything from my stepchildren on Mother Day. Not a call, card or gift. They have both lived with us and I have done many many things for them and they nothing for me. Their BM would not let them live with her.
BM left DH and her kids for another man and told DH "you take care of the kids. I am tired of it."
Just recently my adult SD asked DH for a college graduation party. SD gave DH a list of what she wanted for the meal. Guess who makes the meal, me. There were some items I did not have a receipe for had to look up on the internet. I did call her and ask her some questions about some of the foods she wanted. I wonder if she realizes who does all the work for the meals?

Reading this over I guess some kids are not so self centered and appriciate there step moms. It nice to hear that not all SKs are inconsiderate, unappreciative and have hearts.

I just wish once the SKs would say Happy step moms day! Just to let me know they appreciate everything I have done for them.

Sunny,

One of the things that my husband agreed to early on in our marriage, is that if one of our kids wants/needs the step parent to do things for them (because the parent can't), then the child has to ask the step parent, not the parent.

When my son wanted a co-signer on a car, I couldn't help him because I had just started my own business. I talked to my husband and he agreed to help but I felt that my son should ask him, not me. My son did ask him and got the car with my husband's help. My husband does the same with his daughter. If she wants something from me, she has to ask me. She still asks him all the time and he tells her, 'you have to ask SM'.

My sons got angry a while back because they don't like when my husband has an opinion about anything. They think he should stay out of 'our life' but then I remind him that he's my husband and he is a part of 'our life' and I remind him of the things my husband contributes and that they don't mind when he does something where they benefit. They don't like it but they know it's true.

What your husband should have told his daughter is that she would need to ask you to cook the food because he doesn't know how or can't do it all by himself. It really is up to the parent to expect their children (even adult ones) to respect their spouse enough to ask for themselves instead of going through the parent. It's much easier for kids to let themselves believe that their parent is doing everything for them and they don't need the step parent if all they have to do is ask the parent who then asks the step parent. Then they don't really appreciate the step parent because they can tell themself that their parent is the one doing everything for them.

It's funny that my son will ask me for something and when I say, you need to ask stepdad yourself... he'll decide 'I don't really need it.' He has been giving my husband a hard time and would rather go without than ask my husband, well, that's HIS problem, not mine.

I love imamommy's advice. Its great. I don't like the idea of stepmothers day. Can't you just picture the Hallmark cards? ich--Cinderella holding hands with her stepmother with the 3 snarling sisters in the background?
If you have little kids, give them paper and crayons and help them make several mothers day cards--one for you also. Take a digital photo of them and print it on a paper first. Easy, fast and put it into an envelope now. Then when mothers day comes open it and look thrilled. If the kid is older you can help them buy a gift for mom and one for you. Spend the money yourself. Help them wrap both. Look surprised. Its good practice. Write a thank you note for their effort. The thank you note can be on their dresser, u don't have to mail it.You are training them how to treat you.
With today's blended families its smart to learn to do things on days other than the designated holiday. You can go out to dinner and your husband can give you a mothers day card on the Saturday before Mothers Day or the monday after. Who cares? If you have four kids when they get married they are not all going to have turkey with you on thanksgiving. We stagger all of the holidays. Just make sure that the event on the holiday is the "A" ticket so everybody really wants to go to that one.

The girls have already spilled the beans that they have made me a "surprise" at the nannies house:) They couldn't stand it. I am sure daddy will take the girls "shopping" for me too. They LOVE wrapping and giving presents. As for what they'll do for Bio-Mom....she isn't allowed over till a court hearing so I guess we won't be seeing her on Mothers Day at all. We won't advertise it to the girls as "Mothers Day". I think daddy and the nanny are calling it " Cupcake Day" which is what J and the girls call me:)

Am I unreaslistic and selfish?!?

I don't have any kids of my own, but I do have two young step-children. Last year I was hoping to have a small surprise (something that the kids had made for me with their father), but I got nothing, not even a 'thank you for everything you do for me and my kids' from my boyfriend. :(

I know I am not their mother, but it hurt not to be recognized on such a special day for all of my efforts thoughout the year. Is that unreasonable? I didn't mention anything to my boyfriend at the time, because I felt silly. But here we are again with another mother's day approaching...

I love ima's advice here... Kids should be facilitated in learning the things stepparents do for them (if they don't already know) and should ask questions about favors, etc. to their stepparent directly. Parents should not circumvent communication between their kids and spouse. The spouse isn't someone in a warehouse taking orders - they have input, too! What a good tip for better communication and less hurt feelings/unreasonable expectations all around. Not to mention, this is how the real world works...

Kri mack,

no you are not being selfish. I think your BF should encourage his kids to recognize all you do. However, you say step children but he's your boyfriend so I am assuming that you aren't married yet. Technically, you are not the step mom yet but it's something that you should definitely discuss before you get married. Even though you aren't the step mom, they should still recognize your efforts and if they don't, just remember that you don't have to do anything for them. We do things for our children because we have to. We do things for other people's children because we want to. If you don't tell anyone that you expect to be acknowledged, then you will have less right to complain about it when you are overlooked. Learn to teach others how you want to be treated.

I've never heard of a stepmom day. But i guess i wouldn't celebrate it cause whenever i do somethign positive for these kids their mother just twists it and i get the silent stayaway treatment the following weekend.
I have gotten mother day cards from SD inteh past. I didnt' get one last year. She did wish me a happy mothers day though. THis year we do not have the kids that weekend.
My Dh actually brought it up in the car when we had them and we were driving around. He asked when mothers day was. I said May 12th and we both have the day off i told him so we'll go out to a restaurant.
Her face went white. Which confuses me cause that weekend she is with her mom so she'll be celebrating with her mom. I don't understand why she would get offended if my husband and i celebrate mothers day. I am a mother now to my son. She's always been reminded by her mother that i am not her mother. Which i todl her once as well. I'm not your mother and never will be. You have a mother and i'm not here to replace her.
i just don't understand why she got upset. Maybe cause she was going to miss out on something???? Thought she was told not to come around me by her mom. And she's kept her distance. Her behaviour in the last few months are horrible. So its been shaky since 2 months now. Cause her father set her straight. Told her to respect everyone under this house roof.
Well i am going to celebrate mothers day may 12/08. I am going to lunch with my hubby and at night when we pick up our son i will paint with potatoes and carrots! Its gonna be messy!:)
Technically if stepmom day falls the weekend after than its perfect timing with the stepkids. But we'll see if they do anything or acknowledge. I dont expect anything from them. Never have for that day. So i was always surprised when i did receive a card. i've kept them all.

DH and I have been married 9 years and I have 2 DSS, ages 12 and 14, and I've never gotten any acknowledgement from the steps. (I blame DH b/c DSSs were so young when we married, and he could have/should have encouraged them and didn't.) DSS live with BM and visit EOW. Even DH's mother told him way back when that he should get me something for Mother's DAy from them and he ignored her. I've never asked him straight up what that is about, but I guess it's just the simple fact that I'm NOT their mother. It is consistent with the way they have always treated me--I'm there to buy and cook them food, get them drinks, etc. but they never show any appreciation or acknowledgement. It's very out of character for my DH, who is otherwise an outstanding father and DH. Since our DS, 6, was born, DH has always gotten me Mother's Day gifts from DS and him. However, I am fairly certain that, if I had not had my own DS, I never would have gotten anything for Mother's Day.

By the way, come to think of it, for Father's Day, I ALWAYS get a card AND GIFT for DH's step-father, a man his mother married 20 years ago when DH was in college. (His father had died about a year before her remarriage.) DH does usually call his SD if we don't see them on Father's Day. If it weren't for me, I doubt DH would buy him a card or gift. I guess he just considers "step parents" and NOT parents! It would trouble me if I didn't have children of my own, but I do get recognized on Mother's Day by them, so I guess that's ok.

I will be officially a stepmom to my husband's 43 year old son for the first time. I don't expect to receive a card or wish from him. That is okay but those of you who are helping to raise and support step children deserve to be recognized on Mother's Day. The Cinderalla story really gave stepmoms a bad name.
My mother died whenever I was 3 and I was raised by a step mom. I remember how other kids used to tell me how mistreated I was. Now that was in the 40-50's. She fed me, sewed my clothes, and took care of me whenever I was sick. We had issues, but I am here to say, she always was honored on Mother's Day. She deserved it and so do all of you. Happy Mother's Day! I hope that Hallmark misses their mark with emphasis on "Step Mother's Day".