Thank you, thank you, thank you to Silversword and lamom. You get what I am saying. I was not trying to "goat" anyone into anything or stir up the pot. I really was posting my deep thoughts, kind of like a journal to myself while at the same time trying to explain the situation. The reason I wrote the stuff about the BM being proud of being 'white trash' was because I was trying to explain about what I am dealing with here. That is all. I am the furtherest thing from someone who is all high and mighty and I don't think I am better than anyone else. In fact I am more of the black sheep in my family partly because I am not so judgmental and I am the rebel. I have tattoos, moved out at 17 on my own, don't like people to tell me what to do, etc. And yes I freely admit I am a control freak. That is something I am working very hard on. After the first post I was just adding details and my mind and thinking were changing. I am glad that my tune has changed since last Sunday. I am feeling much more optimistic now. Honestly I didn't think I was even going to come back to this site and I told myself today ok just go see what was said but don't post anymore. I am glad I did come back because both silversword and lamom made feel better and realize that not everyone here is so judgemental. I can take criticism and I was really thankful for the first few posts that told me to grow up because that is exactly what I needed to hear. And I do not get off on or enjoy writing inflammatory posts. I am sorry I was just writing my story and the quotes that sylviatexas posted that I wrote on the first day I registerd were written because that is what was said. I was not making anything up, that is my story and I am sticking to it, lol. My DH did not graduate but I don't hold that against him. I still love him very much. He also had a drug addiction in his past but you know what he is stronger for it and has proven how he can overcome almost anything. People do change and I do not hold their past on them forever. When I say he went through a bad period that is what I was referring. There is, of course, way more to the story and lamom is right you can not describe it all in one post, or even probably in 100. But what matters most is that this site did help me. I got a change to write my thoughts down and try to figure out what in the world I was really feeling. The more I wrote about SS and what HE has to deal with the more I found that I do care about him. I really do. It is still going to take time to build a relationship but I think it is all going to be ok.

@gerina, lh, mattie and FD, First, the bday party was fine. No fireworks, no confrontations, like I posted above, I treated BM like an invisible woman. It was held at SD's home so she invited whom she wanted. Yeah she paid for 1/2 of the party but so did I! Not my place at all. I'm sure SD invited her because she is trying have us "all just get along." Why BM keeps showing up is a mystery to me other than these functions are being held at her daughter's home, which is not a good enough reason. I basically told DH afterwards that I will not go to any more functions where BM is present unless they are major like a wedding or a funeral. They don't understand boundaries and why BM keeps her hand in is the weirdest thing to me. DH clearly doesn't want to rock his adult kids boat. Why they want to keep her in OUR mix is beyond my understanding. Father's Day was a whole different situation not surpisingly. I did not call his adult kids or even text them about it. DS7 had a gift he made at school, I gave him a gift and DH even got a joke gift from our dog. No gifts or cards from the adult kids. Just a text from SD and a call from SS. DH later called SD. I'm not family soooo...I left my two cents out. DH was happy with the gifts from DS7, me and the dog, we went to a nice lunch and kept it moving.

OK, So, I acted the fool on the day after Christmas with my SKIDS. After some (ok a lot) of eggnog, wine and not that much food + not positive encouragement from my friends at a previous engagement, I went to SD36' home for the post Christmas encounter with her, SS30, GF-babymama and StepGKs 8 1/2 and 2 1/2. DH was still running around buying 13th hour gifts for the crew so I entered the lion's den unarmed, alone except for my DS7 and a fortified blood alcohol level, if you know what I mean and I know you do! We are in LA so it was warm enough to play outside and so we did. SS30 made a few remarks about the gifts of the past (see my other posts on this, they have complained about and/or returned many VERY NICE gifts from me.) The fact that they had given SGS 8 1/2 a bike after telling me a year ago the he HATED the bike I gave him burned me up. The SGS loudly announce that the pogo stick that I also gave him had been given away too! GF-babymama leapt in saying that SGS was using it as a weapon, which is probably true but SGS said his parents said it took up too much space which was probably true too. Not that it took up too much space, just that they said it. After that came the other comments about the other gifts. I, unhelpfully, made a crack about the new bike and the story that SGS 8 1/2 had learned to ride it miracoulously in ONE DAY. The final blow was when SS30 made a derogatory crack about DS7's new hair (he lost his hair to chemo, see other posts re: DS7 then 6's cancer, it has since grown back in a different grade, color and length.) I left after that, leaving DS7 to his people. I turned around and came back to basically give SS30 a HUGE piece of my mind but SD36 ran interference, strongly suggested I calm down and confront him later and took it upon herself to say that she would speak to SS, her brother, herself. Luckily, I was not so fargone that I did not take that great advice. Yes, I acted the fool. Yesterday, I stopped by in the morning, since SS and his crew live way out, they are staying at SD's for a few days to make up a bit. They were a lot more friendly although I wouldn't put much up on the sincerity scale, I was friendlier even coming bearing gifts, a big coffeecake and a fruit salad. Did I mention that they did not give any of us, including DS7 any gifts at all? DH is taking them all to see the Princess and the Frog today. No doubt he will slip some cash to SS plus the almost whole ham from us, all of the leftovers and the extra gifts he ran out and bought. Good grief!

All, I went back and reread a few of my old posts especially the ones from when I first started to write here. As I read them now, I feel that if I hadn't lived through all of this with my DH and adult skids, I wouldn't believe it. And as I reflect on all of the other drama that so many of us experience in the stepfamily scenario I really breathe a sigh of relief. Two Xmas' before I posted the above, I bought Christmas stockings with my skids, stepgrandkids, DH, DS and my names on them. Hung them over the fireplace with stocking stuffers DH and I bought, the whole routine. This past Xmas when I unpacked the decorations I found them. I offered them to DH to give to his brood as they are very nice wool embroidered stockings, too nice to throw away. He tossed them in his trunk saying "That was your thing." The whole togetherness, holidays, Brady Bunch scenario I tried to make happen. He was right, I was the only one who really ever wanted that. There is a gentleman who is interested in dating me but things are just too fresh right now, and the divorce isn't done. However, the BIGGEST thing by far that is making me look hard before I leap is that he has an 11 year old daughter for whom he has joint custody. He has told me many times he thinks I'm a good mother vs his ex. Oh boy, totally the wrong thing to say!!!