SGS9 is spending part of this weekend with us for the first time in over a year to year and a half. I am picking him up after school today from the far out burbs and bringing him home. DS7 will be at an afterschool playdate while I am driving just to keep things simple. DH will take him home Sunday before church. DH has committed to spending time with the boys, taking them to the park, possibly Disneyland. I think Disneyland is going overboard but hey, I'm just happy he wants to take them somewhere together HIMSELF. If the weather is nice it just may be the beach for bikes and volleyball. Planning this little visit has put me back in touch with SS30 and GF/babymama. It's weird talking to them now but the conversations have stayed on the logistics of this visit. GF/babymama told me that BM said "how nice of LAmom to take him etc etc." Blech! Both parents asked me if other kids will be around as they know we often have playdates with a bunch of kids but to keep things simple I'm not planning that. SGS9 has already asked how many kids will be at our house. Sigh, just you and DS7 this time. We have a long way to go before any more parties. SGS9 has just been put on a three week detention at school for fighting, again. Poor kid is so troubled. DH and I discussed and decided that it is for SS to discipline his child in whatever way and that we would just play the indulgent grandparents. I've laid in some treats I know SGS9 likes. I plan to play it light and loose. DH will be at the helm for whatever activities not me. However, all have agreed that if there are ANY problems, SGS9 goes right back home. A separate but interesting development, SD36's high paying job is at major risk and she may be getting a pink slip as early as Monday through no fault of her own. We had a nice talk yesterday and she may go to work for DH as early as next week. My idea and they both like it. I know, I know, when will I learn? If she works for DH I will talk to her everyday practically and start seeing her often as I will be training her on DH's business needs. Hmmm...for the good? Good for her, she needs the work, good for DH, he needs the help, good for me and DS7 as we will start seeing her a lot. She's been the nicest to us so I was glad to help her out this time. Interestingly she volunteered that BM is going to help her financially for the first time in her life! She said that BM, SS and his crew are going to have to wean themselves off of her support, I just listened without comment. She doesn't even want to see SGS9, her nephew, during his stay this weekend since it usually means clothes buying, video buying, restaurant going gimme gimme. Wow. She lives less than 10 minutes away but said "drive the long way around with him." Wish us luck.

phth, "babymama" is SS's SO, they have never married but live in a family situation. Yes, I once liked my SS a great deal. I've known him since he was 14. For many years, I defended him to DH saying he would grow out of this, helped him with things like money, tried to help him find a job, when his first son was born I babysat, took him places etc. The 8 year old has had many emotional problems since he began to talk at around 2. He has been diagnosed with ODD, was kicked out of headstart programs, pre-schools and suspended several times from his elementary school. He is an angry child and very hard to handle. He bullies, is defiant with adults, destructive, I could go on and on. He once deliberately stepped out in oncoming traffic to force me to step out there with him to "save" him. The same day he broke a clock and ran DS's bike in to a wall because he couldn't ride it. I "saved him" but that was the last time I ever kept him by myself. Yes, my skids mother is still alive. I don't know what role she has in all of this now, years ago she accused me of being a homewrecker, told skids this as well as her family. This was untrue, I met DH 2 years after they separated. He confronted her publicly about this when we found out and she recanted publicly in front of her kids. They did not come to our wedding 11 years ago in solidarity with her. Yes, I think SS resents not getting the support and involvement he feels he needs from DH. But, as I have said before, the situation is complex, DS is only part of it. DH disapproves of how SS29 is living, not working, incomplete education, 2 kids, public assistance, etc etc. He loves his first son but there is a lot to it. DH is a doctor, SD35 a JD with a masters degree and SS29 is a freshman college drop out. The first child was accepted as an accident, not the second. DH paid for him to complete a great trade school program, he completed the course then did not pursue the jobs laid out for him. I believe SS29 has distanced himself due to his jealousy combined with a general lack of maturity about DS6. I know that many people, parents, sibs and close friends distance themselves from very sick people due to fear, lack of understanding, lack of commitment and so on. It still hurts a lot. I have done a lot for SS29 and his kids, especially the 8 year old, over these many years. I used to genuinely like him. For him to turn away like this now is inexcusable. Maybe not unforgivable, time will tell.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Silversword and lamom. You get what I am saying. I was not trying to "goat" anyone into anything or stir up the pot. I really was posting my deep thoughts, kind of like a journal to myself while at the same time trying to explain the situation. The reason I wrote the stuff about the BM being proud of being 'white trash' was because I was trying to explain about what I am dealing with here. That is all. I am the furtherest thing from someone who is all high and mighty and I don't think I am better than anyone else. In fact I am more of the black sheep in my family partly because I am not so judgmental and I am the rebel. I have tattoos, moved out at 17 on my own, don't like people to tell me what to do, etc. And yes I freely admit I am a control freak. That is something I am working very hard on. After the first post I was just adding details and my mind and thinking were changing. I am glad that my tune has changed since last Sunday. I am feeling much more optimistic now. Honestly I didn't think I was even going to come back to this site and I told myself today ok just go see what was said but don't post anymore. I am glad I did come back because both silversword and lamom made feel better and realize that not everyone here is so judgemental. I can take criticism and I was really thankful for the first few posts that told me to grow up because that is exactly what I needed to hear. And I do not get off on or enjoy writing inflammatory posts. I am sorry I was just writing my story and the quotes that sylviatexas posted that I wrote on the first day I registerd were written because that is what was said. I was not making anything up, that is my story and I am sticking to it, lol. My DH did not graduate but I don't hold that against him. I still love him very much. He also had a drug addiction in his past but you know what he is stronger for it and has proven how he can overcome almost anything. People do change and I do not hold their past on them forever. When I say he went through a bad period that is what I was referring. There is, of course, way more to the story and lamom is right you can not describe it all in one post, or even probably in 100. But what matters most is that this site did help me. I got a change to write my thoughts down and try to figure out what in the world I was really feeling. The more I wrote about SS and what HE has to deal with the more I found that I do care about him. I really do. It is still going to take time to build a relationship but I think it is all going to be ok.

@gerina, lh, mattie and FD, First, the bday party was fine. No fireworks, no confrontations, like I posted above, I treated BM like an invisible woman. It was held at SD's home so she invited whom she wanted. Yeah she paid for 1/2 of the party but so did I! Not my place at all. I'm sure SD invited her because she is trying have us "all just get along." Why BM keeps showing up is a mystery to me other than these functions are being held at her daughter's home, which is not a good enough reason. I basically told DH afterwards that I will not go to any more functions where BM is present unless they are major like a wedding or a funeral. They don't understand boundaries and why BM keeps her hand in is the weirdest thing to me. DH clearly doesn't want to rock his adult kids boat. Why they want to keep her in OUR mix is beyond my understanding. Father's Day was a whole different situation not surpisingly. I did not call his adult kids or even text them about it. DS7 had a gift he made at school, I gave him a gift and DH even got a joke gift from our dog. No gifts or cards from the adult kids. Just a text from SD and a call from SS. DH later called SD. I'm not family soooo...I left my two cents out. DH was happy with the gifts from DS7, me and the dog, we went to a nice lunch and kept it moving.