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julia2008

Adult Step Son controls with anger

15 years ago

I don't really have space to give a proper background on my step son who is 48 years and was always spoiled. I married my husband 15 years ago when he was a widower. His favorite child is a son who has always ruled the family with his temper. My husband refuses to see this as a problem and is his son's enabler. For fifteen years I kept my mouth shut when step son bullied his family (his wife finally divorced him several years ago). He had a major surgery last spring and had to stay at our house. I did everything for him as did my 75 year old husband. After he came to our house from the hospital he developed a cough and a fever. He had open heart surgery and I knew that infection was a real possibility. I insisted that he go to doctor and we ended up in the emergency room with him. It took several hours for him to be treated which they did with an antibotic IV and wanted him to stay. He became nasty with the staff and when we got out the door he yelled at me for running his life and insisting that he go to emergency room. He also demanded to taken home. He couldn't even wipe his ass without his Dad's help. He was over his angry outburst the next day but never apologized for his behavior. My husband never stuck up for me. When he was well and back to his home, he seemed to think I would take his crap like his father and sister do. I finally stuck up for myself last summer. He has always had a habit of taking things that belong to us and not returning them ie garden tools, household items and anything that he was too cheap to buy. I told him that the expensive tool I gave his Dad would stay at our house because we needed it. He became angry and left. Never to return for months. Since he has no friends he used to spend most of his free time at our house. I resented the lack of privacy. Not having him here several times a week was great. We invited him to Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas dinner and he refused. Now that Christmas is over he wants back into our lives. I really don't think I can go back to the way things were. I had always hoped he would change but that's not going to happen. I feel bad for my husband. How can I deal with this jerk? BTW his 45 year old sister couldn't be nicer to me. I think she is secretly happy somebody has stood up to her brother. She is married and has a full life with friends. I've asked my husband to treat his children equally or I will leave. At my age(61) that would be difficult but I'm getting too old to be used and abused. My husband absolutely will not stand up to his son. He will choose me over the son but I really don't want to put him in that position. Any thoughts?

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