Loss of Adult Son
sewluv2
19 years ago
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mcpaul311
7 years agojfalcone2003
7 years agoRelated Discussions
The loss of my son ...
Comments (19)bbear, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. All of your and your wife's feelings at this time are perfectly normal. When you lose your child, you have lost part of yourself and your entire being is affected and will be changed forever. I know the feelings because I too, lost my only daughter/best friend, just one week from her 20th birthday. She was trying to save the life of our dog who had been hit by a car. She was then hit by a truck as she was hovered over him and trying to wave traffic around him. I'll give you a link to her site if you would like to "meet" her. I imagine that your son, my daughter and all the others loved ones who have left are together now. It will take probably several years, and as much as you may believe that you won't ever feel better, I promise you, the pain does lessen. If it didn't, we certainly would not be able to survive this world. I would say that for at least a year, I was in a total daze. Looking back on the 6 1/2 years since she has left, I really don't know where the time went. I think I have been and still am in a fog. Night after night, I would even forget to eat. The hours passed by and I was there, but not there. I remember 7 months after Christin left, I was going to visit her at the cemetery and crossed a railroad track. I remember hearing something behind me the minute I crossed the track. I looked in my rear view mirror and a train zipped down the track where I had just crossed. I don't remember seeing it as I was approaching. In this state of mind, please try to be extra careful driving. As hard as it is to believe, the time will come when you will think of your son and smile. You will begin to feel happiness and gratefulness for the 20 years you had with him rather than focusing on how much you've been cheated of by losing him. It may take many years, but eventually, it will probably come. It is so good that you can openly cry. My husband does also and he doesn't care who sees him. I think this is a very healthy way to heal. Actually, he is more open with tears than I am. Those tears of sadness can come out of no where when you least expect them, but crying is supposedly cleansing.If you don't express your grief openly, then it will eventually come out in one way or another. I'm so glad that you found us and please feel free to post as often as you like and on any topic at all. No matter how bizarre a feeling you have may seem, someone here will probably have experienced it and can maybe help you know that you are not alone. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Lu Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site...See MoreXmas present for adult son who doesn't return the favor????
Comments (30)Sunnlover, I don't feel your statement about grown women being babies is fair. Many of us have raised our sons to have wonderful qualities, teach gift giving and sending thank you cards. Has it ever occurred to you that sons can be self-centered? It doesn't have to come from the mother, the self centered traits can come from the father, or actually neither parent. I raised my son without a father figure. His father was out of his life by choice. He married again and did not pay child support, because he made the decision to not to be in his son's life or support him. They connected later, before his father passed away at the young age of 52. Sometimes children are self made. Sometimes they are purely selfish, and only think of themselves. Unfortunately, it's life. If we're disappointed by the actions of our sons or daughters, we make the decision to move on with our lives, and forget about pleasing them anymore. After all, it's not one sided. We are not obligated to love unconditionally, especially if it's not given in return....See MoreMy husband doesn't like my adult son.
Comments (20)I am in the same situation. It’s New Years Day and I am lying here depressed. My adult son came to temporarily live with me and my new husband of 2 years about 7 months ago. He asked and my husband said yes. My husband decided not to charge him rent or anything, even told him he can eat what we eat, wash clothes, basically our home is his home. We have a written agreement which we all signed. My son takes out the garbage and cuts grass, clean his room & bathroom. He’s making plans to move back out as agreed. He has savings. Is my son perfect? No, but he is not disrespectful. Other than not walking around the house naked, nothing else has changed in our marital relationship. My husband took it upon himself to step in as a father to my son and even asked my son if that was ok. His biological father…didnt do his job and has no real relationship with him. My husband and son get along fine. However i know my husband is faking it. If my son makes one mistake or forget something, my husband is very critical and judgemental. He complains to me telling lies about my son and says hateful things about my son. i love my husband but this is unacceptable to me. i am beyond hurt and angry. My son doesnt even know how my husband really feels. What brought to this post…my husband thought my son had left and left the door unlocked at 2am. My son was actually outside. Anyway all i literally said was to tell him and immediately he accused me of coming to my son’s defense and starts going off. I am confused. If someone does something wrong or forgot something, isnt the natural thing to do is tell them? What did I say wrong? There is so much more I could say to paint the picture of everything that has gone on. I dont want a divorce but this is too crazy!...See MoreMy Husband told my adult son to get out of our lives.
Comments (10)Yeah, of course in cases like this, the problems are multi-faceted. From what we've learned so far, it seems the pain you are experiencing comes not only from being unable to enjoy a relationship with these family members, but more so from not having the power to do anything about it. That's the dynamic which would have to change. It could take years and a lot of patience, but if that is in fact the case, worrying about it will only make your life, and the lives of those around you, worse. In fact, you may never be able to fully resolve this issue. As for your son... he is a grown adult, and it sounds like he and his new wife need to be responsible for their own choices and actions. In regards to your grandchildren from the first marriage, you might want to try writing your ex-daughter-in-law and, for the sake of your grandchildren, express an interest in maintaining a relationship. However, keep in mind that as their mother, she may not feel that is the proper course of action. But writing letters, and sending cards, will let them know you care. Since much of this involves people's choices outside of your ability to influence outcomes, sadly perhaps, being concerned about resolving your own choices and feelings might be the best for which you can hope. Hang in there. First, try to get your own feelings under control and you'll be able to make clear decisions that the others involved can respect. That is from where your power to influence the others will emanate....See Moremcpaul311
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