You could have your son dictate his memories to you while you type--his earliest memory of daddy, going to daddy's favorite restaurant, dad's favorite foods, etc. He could draw pictures of his own, put in photos, ticket stubs, wrapper from Dad's favorite candy bar, pictures of Dad's parents or siblings, anything and everything which fits into a scrapbook. You could even draw up a family tree to put in it. It would be a satisfying project. I made two scrapbooks of my parents when they were both gone, one for each of my sons. We lost a dear family member, and my son and I put together three identical small photo albums of her to give to other family members as mementos. We chose the photos, the order of the photos, got them printed, and so forth. It was a good thing for us to do together instead of just sitting around feeling bad (not that you are doing that, please don't misunderstand). Take care.

I'd tell her she better go and snoop herself. Why would she send you instead of doing it herself anyway? And, why would he leave a prescription for Viagra laying around/wouldn't it be at the drug store or in his wallet? What could you tell from the "phone records" without doing a little more research? Don't they have a trash service at his office...or does it just not get taken out if he is out of town? Why wasn't your friend waiting with baited breath to see what you found if she knew you were going to be snooping? Guess I have more questions than answers to give you. Anyway, offer to watch her kids, and tell her she better go take a look herself.

Don't You Quit When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit- Rest if you must, but don't you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many a fellow turns about When he might have won had he stuck it out. Don't give up though the pace seems slow- You may succeed with another blow. Often the goal is nearer than It seems to a faint and faltering man; often the struggler has given up When he might have captured the victor's cup; And he learned too late when the night came down, How close he was to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out- The silver tint in the clouds of doubt, And you can never tell how close you are, It might be near when it seems afar; So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit- It's when things seem worst that you must not quit. *************************************************** He has been through so much hard stuff, that he must not quit now. He is so close to an age that he can build the life he wants. Help him to have hope in the future, that he has survived hard times, but he is almost there. help him to find a passion and a dream to hang in there for. Can he take the pain and write songs? Can he start a garage band where they can earn money on weekends? Something to help him get past the feeling of hopelessness, and get excited about the future and invest himself in it? I wish I had more to offer, but this is for those with much more wisdom than I have.

Thank you to bnicebekind, outinthecld, and amberjul for your response and insights. I want to say that first of all, I am protective of my son. I also worry sometimes that my son takes advantage of things and can be a bit manipulative. The day that I wrote my original post, my husband had gotten into one of his moods and there were a bad scene. This past weekend, however, while my husband was gone, I asked my son to do something (move some wood behind the garage) and he refused to do so. I should tell you that my son was in the store with me shopping one evening and he went to look at the baseball cards while I was in the grocery dept. When I went to look for him, I was paged. Going to find him, thinking he paged me, I found that he had been stopped for shoplifting--which was pretty confusing since neither of us had left the store and he had over $30 in his pocket that I had given him earlier. Anyway, the store made me pay $200.00 to them as they can charge the parent 10x what the kid is allegedly stealing. My husband and I agreed that he had to work it off. Actually, I was quite humiliated and upset and couldn't even speak. My husband actually surprised me and was the calm one and talked to my son. Since that time, even though it was agreed that my son had to work off the $200 with chores, he refuses to do them (usually when it is just me around) and this weekend when my husband was not home, my son got very angry with me, called me names, threw my kitchen chairs around, hit things, slammed the doors, etc. My son is getting to be a good size guy and truthfully, I am not sure I could live with him alone any more. AS for protecting my son, I do. When my husband went after my son once like he was going to hit him, I stopped him and I told him that he or anyone would ever put a hand to my son. I stood my ground and looked him in his face and he knows that I am dead serious about that. Yes, I do feel that some sort of counseling is needed so we can set some guidelines as to what our rights and responsibilities are. Such as, I would never spank one of stepgrandchildren and I don't expect my husband to spank mine...he sees it differently. I have again talked with my husband and I have taken the advice of a counselor in that if my husband loves me, I should be able to get him to see my reasoning. I think he does love me because I did stand up to him and say to him that I do not want to "castrate" him in our home and make him feel like he is not the man of the house, however; I cannot raise my son in fear. I told him that I do not like his temper; I cannot deal with people with bad tempers and if he did not learn to control his temper and learn to think a bit differently, that I would have to let this relationship go. I told him that I did love being married to him and I love the large family that we have together and I love the grandkids, but if that was the way that he raised his kids (I suspect it was and I suspect that was how he was raised, also), that he needed to think differently. I also came up with some compromises for my son and our rules, which he agreed to and I did let him know firmly that we needed to work on this and that I did think counseling was needed. His daughter told me that he had tried counseling before and it failed. I have been to counseling quite a long time for the depression, etc. of my first divorce, the relationship, tragedies, etc., so I do have insight into what needs to be done. I was a very self-sufficient, independent woman, yet now at my husband's request have lowered my income and work at home. This is all right as now I am here for my son when he gets home and I am here when he goes to school, too. I wonder if my husband doesn't have a hormone or chemical or sugar imbalance that brings on his moods as he gets very upset with himself when he gets upset. I am working on the rules and have talked with my son and asked him to work with me. My son knows I love him and I will try to look after his best interests. So, I do appreciate your comments and I wanted to let you know that I will not stick my head in the sand, I am workikng to resolve the issues, I am looking into counseling, and yes, I do protect my son. But, I simply needed to know if I was being one-sided towards my son as a mom and a stepchild myself, was I being unfair to my husband? The thing is, when you talk to someone, it can get you thinking...sometimes my son is in the wrong and sometimes my husband does overreact to things and goes way out of proportion. These are the issues that need to be worked on...now, just to find the right counselor to help with that. Thanks again