My fiance and I have been together for 2 years and engaged for about 5 months. We have already had 2 children in our 2 years, I have a 3, almost 4 year old boy from a previous relationship, and he has two girls from a previous relationship as well. Since my son was so young when we met, my fiance is really all he knows as a "male figure" in the household. His biological father has been in and out, and although he knows who he is, he just isn't there. Every since we first started dating my fiance has had issues with my son. I worked with it mainly because he was ignorant and had no idea how to be in a blended relationship. After all, he'd never been in a relationship with someone who already had a child, and his parents didn't do a very good job of raising him to have an open mind. (They seem to think that anything different from what they do is just wrong or doesn't make any sense.) Because I was raised in a blended family with step-siblings and half-siblings, I am very open minded and the thought blending famililies never seemed like a challenge to me. Even before I met his daughters, I embraced them and loved them, and still do to this day. Anyhow, my open mind is what has kept me around all of this time, and the hope that with education and experience he would finally get it and not be able to keep himself from loving my child as his own. BOY WAS I WRONG!!! I feel like I am always being the ref between the two of them. I am always at my son's defense about everything, because I feel like my fiance is always singling him out and attacking him, whether it is at home by ourselves, or out in public with other people, or especially when we get his daughters on the weekends. He lets them get away with pretty much everything, but doesn't skip anything my son does. We have a one year old daughter, and a 2 week old son (his first biological son)with our daughter, he always talks about how much he just loves her, and how he plans to do all kinds of "father/son" activities with our son. Now there is nothing wrong with him wanting to do things with his son, but what about the fact that his brother is just being left out. He never talks about anything like that with my son. Their relationship is pretty much nothing but discipline...he's always ready to go off on my son for something, but doesn't acknowledge anything good he does unless I have to boost him. I believe in positive affirmation all of the time, and while he affirms his 4 children, my son doesn't get anything...unless I make him affirm him. I'm sick of it. Everytime my son comes around, I watch him get uneasy...even if he doesn't say anything I can tell he doesn't want him around. When he comes home from work, if my son is in the living room watching TV or something, he changes the channel and makes him go into his room to watch his own tv. I respect that he should be able to watch tv when he comes home, if we've had time to do it already, but I really feel like its just an excuse to get him out of the room so that he doesn't have to be around him. My son is very intelligent, and I can clearly tell from his actions that he knows what is going on. He sees how happy my fiance is when he's around his own children, and he feels the difference in treatment. With that being said, his whole attitude around my fiance has changed. Instead of wanting to talk to him and hug him or hang around him like he used to when he was younger and unable to interpret things like this, he is very distant from my fiance, he hardly talks to him, he used to run to the front door when he came home from work to greet him with a hug, now he doesn't even say hello to him when he sees him. My fiance won't say hi to him either, unless I intervene and make them say something. My fiance acts so stupid (for lack of better words) he wonders how my son who is so young can even know to have those feelings. He even had the audacity to tell me that part of the reason he is the way he is toward my son is because he feels that if he gives his full love to my son, he will be doing his other 2 daughters who don't live with us wrong. I was furious when he told me that, and I told him that it wasn't my son's fault that his previous relationship ended causing him to only see the girls a couple of times a month. He doesn't deserve to be punished for that. There are so many things that happen, I could just go on and on. The more I type, the more upset I become and I feel more and more sure about the need to leave this relationship for my son's sake, but my other 2 children come into it, and I think about how it could be taking them away from their father, and not to mention I am a stay at home mom with no income of my own which makes it all the more complicated to get out. Someone please give me some advice...in addition to the well known fact that I need to leave him!
theotherside
imamommy
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