I just need to vent

16 years ago

to those that will understand . . .

You've all heard about the self centered NCP BM who is involved to the extent that it doesn't infringe on her time, money, wants, etc. I won't rehash for the purpose of my vent.

Last Friday SD had to make a run home before going to BM's for the weekend to get tennis shoes to wear Monday in gym class as BM won't get her any to keep at her house because she doesn't have the money. Mind you, this is the same BM who takes her to the mall EVERY VISITATION WEEKEND (this is not an exaggeration) because BM needs a new _______ (fill in blank, it's different each time) The same BM who talks to SD about how I make so much money I should be able to buy SD anything she needs, and questions how with our "big house" and "nice cars" we won't buy SD every thing she asks for.

I digress . . . . this same BM emailed us just to let us know she would be taking SD on a cruise this year as her Christmas present. She goes on at least one big trip a year . . . but can't afford shoes. Last time I got on a plane was my honeymoon.

But I'm not bitter . . . .

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Comments (4)

lonepiper
16 years ago
JNM, if you find resolution to the problem, let me know - I'm in the same boat. However, their mom may have a cruise ship once a year, but it's us and our daily-used rickety tug boats that keep our stepchildren afloat... It's a thankless job but as the cliche goes, somebody has to do it and despite everything else, we love our stepchildren and want what is best for them. So we will continue to take the backseat when their respective mom's occassionally weave into their lives when they have the time, we will wipe the tears as their mom's leave again and we will resume our job of helping them to grow into the wonderful adults we know they will be.

They may not know the cost of your generosity, selflessness and loving nature, but I do and I think you're great!!!
sweeby
16 years ago
Oh, I hear ya!
How's this one?

SIL and her new husband recently left for a two-week luxury safari in Africa, leaving DD 17 and very troubled DS 16 with 80 year old Grandma. Grandma's wonderful, but must live very frugally on her small fixed income. SIL leaves behind no money for groceries and no credit card for emergencies. During the two weeks they are gone, DD's college applications are due, and DD (a kind, responsible honor student) has no way to pay for them! She had to call us to bail her out. Of course, we're happy to help her, but furious that her parents would put her in that position! Talk about priorities...
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Sorry to hear things went poorly for you denninmi. I've found your suggestions in the past very helpful especially since you garden not all that far away. Things have been slow over on the SW side of the state because of the cooler weather, also, but critters have been less than last year....that was a huge problem then. Trapping and a neighbor who is a good shot helped alot with that. Unfortuantely, a new critter(s?) is causing some trouble....13 lined ground squirrels aka gophers. Guess it is time to trap some more which I don't enjoy. We had only six corn plants grow in 8 rows planted by 50 students....and I know they planted more seed than recommended. The gophers or something else tunneled through the area and ate/took most every one. A replant germinated successfully but the plants are still small. The cool July did not help at all. Not sure if there will be a corn harvest or not. I garden at two sites about 15 miles apart. The rain certainly has been splotchy over this way, too. I'll work at one garden in the sun and dry sand and come home to find that a major storm hit at my home...with clay loam...just the reverse of what I'd order. My gardens are much smaller than yours and can be easily watered if need be. And the past few weeks they definitely needed it. Hard to imagine how dry they would have been if the weather had been warmer. I'm looking to put in some fall crops this week. It doesn't seem like it is time for that since the hot days of summer did not come yet. But I'm ready to try another round of peas, cabbage, and broccoli to go with the beets, carrots and onions put in today. If it finally warms up I may have to rig up shade cloths. On a positive note, one garden has awesome zinnias and marigolds. Today I saw three hummingbirds darting around from one zinnia patch to another. Very fun....much better than looking at the scrawny corn and green tomatoes on plants with dead lower leaves.
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You are all so dear to me...if only I could work with you! I don't think I ever posted this part. Three weeks ago, I was trapped in my office for office hours and thought I was starting to hear voices. Yeesh. Then I heard them talking about this program that I've objected to. And it sounds like my nemesis, Dr. Donuts. So I was going out for a smoke and it got louder. And I realized I could hear my review committee through the air conditioning vent! I heard Dr. Donuts bad mouthing me for nearly two solid hours. I'm quite sure this is why I got voted down in the department. But of course, it's a sealed meeting, I'm not supposed to know about it so I can't defend myself. Ok, now that you have the background here's today... I went to Dr. Boss' office to request the documents. Of course he says, "Sit down" and "Do you mind if I close the door". Typical of his administrative personality. He claims that he cannot provide such documents because basically, it's not in his job description, he can't possibly locate them. Then he goes on to attack me for: 1. My students didn't attend Dr. Donuts lunch. This is part of Dr. Donuts hating me. I excused myself, retrieved the emails and said, "OH really, Donuts said that? It's right here in the email that students did attend." Hm. No reply. So he changed tactics to... 2. Well you're not on campus, Dr. L was inviting you to events that happened on Saturdays! Oh? Hm. She never did. 2. "But I hear things and I don't want to upset you but I hear you canceled classes". Oh? Date and time please? Well there was one day when you were sick and you called at 9am. That's a good reason for missing work but you must understand, we had students in the department... You get the idea. Sure you can be sick but do it at a time that's easier for the department. Of course it's a valid reason to miss work but I'm going to punish you for it anyway. This is typical of his style. I just couldn't take it any more so I just calmly said, "Excuse me Dr. T, I came here to pick up the documents that you cannot provide. I really need to eat lunch and be ready for my noon class" and I left! Basically, he gave me three more pieces of ammunition! I can include Dr. Donuts nonsense that I wasn't supposed to know happened! I emailed Dr. L right away and she confirmed that she never invited me to any Saturday events. Then two other faculty memebers plus our recruiter were able to give me the documents I needed that show he didn't invite me to the major service event in question! Dr. T is responsible for inviting me to that service event and is saying I didn't attend when he is the one who didn't invite me. BOTH YEARS! :) Did y'all send sunflowers or something? Boss man stepped in it in a big way today.
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Let me begin by saying I would never defend this company if I hadn't experienced the same thing with positive results... NOW - We could start a club!! I ordered during their spring sale - one of the first days of the 2009 sale. I had never ordered from them before. I received an email on a Friday, stating that my order had shipped. It was HOT HOT HOT then... I was so mad, I went to the UPS website and calculated shipping time if Bluestone Perennials had waited until Monday to ship. I think I did receive a tracking number, or maybe I called and was told that it did ship...My memory fades...Waiting until Monday would've had them arrive on Thursday, vs Wednesday, and plants would not have sat in a UPS warehouse or truck over the weekend. My plants arrived, on Wednesday, and some looked like lettuce does when you store it in a plastic bag and it goes bad - mushy green stuff. I called, still all mad, and a lady was super nice. She said they would replace all dead plants. I cut the mushy stuff away and planted - in the HEAT!! Stupid me. I have to say, it's been months and I am still irritated about the shipping timing, but the plants ALL look great!! Perhaps their experience shows that the quantity of plants that truly die, after crazy shipping practices, are minimal. Someday I'll get over the shipping, which I think is ridiculous but maybe necessary with the numbers of orders they receive, and I definitely will order from them again. If I order again during less then plant friendly weather, and of course I will since that's when they are on sale, maybe I will opt for expedited shipping; maybe not. Customer service is great there. Unhealthy plants would never have survived what mine order was subjected to - the shipping and then immediate planting in 90 degree heat. STOP WORRYING:)) I fretted for no reason...
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I just need to vent
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Comments (2)
Well, we've all been there. I'm glad you have this forum in which to vent and (hopefully) not be judged too harshly! I'm the same way w/ my skids and them borrowing my things. I'm so over-polite and the answer is always, "Sure!" then I seethe to myself or gripe to my mother! I just wish I was semi-assertive, but I never want to be the bad person and I'm not comfortable saying "no" to them! It's my problem, no doubt about it. I just wish people would treat me the way I treat them. I don't ask to borrow their cars, clothes, or jewelry. Sometimes, I'm not even asked, but their father is - like, "Can I borrow Dana's car?" Once, my SD who lives w/ me now took my car from church! Can you imagine that? I nearly called the cops! My DH said, "I figured you'd know she borrowed it and that your parents were going to church, so you wouldn't be stranded..." I was livid! I've also found my clothes in her laundry that she forgot about, so needing my washer, finished for her....Sheesh! Keep doing your best, posting here when you're going to burst, etc. BTW, a loose bracket can be put off for a day w/o any problems.... Good luck, Dana
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justnotmartha
Original Author
16 years ago
Lonepiper - thank you. I so needed that support and validation. I'm feeling a little low and silly about it, but upset just the same.

Sweeby - don't you just love the self centered actions of some? Wouldn't you love to blow off your responsibilities like that without a care? Amazing, isn't it??
hecallsmemom
16 years ago
I'm third in the boat. SD's BM can't afford to pay for the personal loan she took out for SD's braces (and a car audio system we later found out) so she calls DH. Rather than let SD's braces and teeth go unattended and bad he pays for the loan. SD goes to BM's for the weekend and comes home with 4 HUGE bags full of clothes (that she can't wear to school because they wear uniforms of jeans and polo shirts with no logos), hair stuff, perfume, makeup, and shoes (some of which were heels that she's not allowed to wear). And she couldn't afford a $100 personal loan payment for her daughter's teeth? Are you kidding me???!!??

I was pissed! We have full custody and pay for everything, BM does not pay CS and never will, but she can afford to buy SD new clothes (that DH won't buy) and perfume and makeup (that DH has told her she's not supposed to wear), but not pay for her braces? And that wasn't the first time that had happened.

I don't think I'd have been nearly as mad about the whole thing if BM hadn't come into my house carrying the bags for SD and announced that they'd done a little shopping. But she did and then she had the nerve to ask DH if he'd made the payment on the loan yet!

So ladies.... do we have paddles or just a stick to push us up this creek?

I just need to vent

Comments (4)

lonepiper

sweeby

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I just need to vent

Comments (4)

lonepiper

sweeby

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