Kathyd, what an awful day you have had. And all of it on top of a heavy teaching load and department obligations. No wonder you feel frustrated. I'd skip the chocolates and go straight to the hard stuff!

However, while you can vent away all you want about your "idiot boss" here, as a fellow academic, I'd advise you to be well-prepared with hard evidence about exactly what university services you have performed when you see him on Friday--dates, times, duties you performed, etc. And I'd be prepared to offer to do more or to do other things if the bottom line is holding on to your job. If my experience is any indication, the boss has the upper hand in these cases, and while I understand that you are very angry right now, going in with an "I'm not having it" attitude is not going to work. I know that right now you'd rather kick your boss's a$$ than kiss it, but finding a middle ground might be your best bet.

As for your "mom's friend" on another committee, remember that she is only one voice and her primary allegiance is not to the daughter of her friend but to the university.

Good luck, Kathy. You have some hard days to get through.

Pidge, that's just what makes me so mad. Boss and I had a chat a few weeks ago and I thought we concluded it by saying that we'd work together to improve communication. Then I get this letter yesterday. The things he's criticizing are already in my annual review as "done" or "about to be done" or not there because they didn't happen. He is strongly criticizing me for not going to things that didn't happen, which is 2 out of 5 service things on my list. I have checked with other faculty, they know these didn't happen last year, we didn't have a recruiter to organize them! Unfortunately, my boss is a well known pita on campus.

I have asked what other service I could do. He came up with nothing at our last meeting. I still don't have any invites to campus events!

I've already started documenting my case against him but this is so tiring and frustrating. My job is supposed to be teaching and service. Teaching was so stellar and yet he still found things to nitpick! Mom's friend and her whole department know what type of person my boss is, the one in particular is already prepared to speak for me during the college review. I think that plus a rebuttal should help.

At least, I hope so. It's frustrating and I so wish I worked somewhere sane. "It's not me, it's them" is my mantra lately.

Here are my random thoughts on your situation you are probably much more intellegent than your your boss and have a greater handle on the situation in your job than he/she does. I have never worked in academia but two of my daughters have as computer consultants. They are hired for their expertise and than stimied when they try to help by there so called bosses. There- you have my sympathy - Your boss feels threatened by his lack of knowledge hang in there Ellie

Kathy, I am so sorry this is happening to you.

Pidge made some very good points.

In the meantime may I suggest Margaritas and lots of them.

Courage, and play the cards you have been dealt.

Michael

This doesn't happen only in academic circles, but everywhere. It usually does boil down to a power issue, and has more to do with the power figure's psyche than brass tacks. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a situation. I had an old boss who hit the nail on the head when we got together to discuss how an otherwise enjoyable job had turned to a trip to hell each day. He said "personalities, it's ALWAYS about personalities". In this case I had asked him to peel his wife off my back or I'd quit. Poor man. He did, and I admire him for the backlash he must of gone through on that one.

I know or have several friends who teach and this sort of situation is a common complaint. There is little can be done to keep politicking out of the system. Good luck and document, document, document.

Thanks for the support. It truly is frustrating. Ellie, you are totally right. My boss is utterly incapable of working with women. I have to have someone else confirm or deny that he's already been sued for some sort of discrimination.

suzy, given your background, you'll appreciate this. You know that my boss is a prof of engineering! Troubles working with women anyone? :)

So far, I'm on page 5 of documenting.

suzy, given your background, you'll appreciate this. You know that my boss is a prof of engineering! Troubles working with women anyone? :)

That's so sad, Kathy. It's still a common misconception that women's brains are not wired for logical thinking. Old ideas die hard and especially hard in that circle, more so than in the pure sciences. I was one of 40 females enrolled in an all male engineering school. When I hit one civil engineering course, there was just myself, an African American fellow, and the rest were white and male. Guess who ended up lab partners out of default? I am glad it turned out that way. Working in engineering for about eight years after that, I also ran into the few die-hards who didn't resent me as much as hate my guts, simply because I had "no business" taking a man's job. They bank on the principle that you will put your tail between your legs and give them a whipping post. They sometimes find out differently, and that's why the documentation is necessary. The wonderful news is that these people are in the minority and are a dying breed. Really intelligent employers look past gender, handicaps, race and go straight to the bottom line, and the ethics their employees use getting the results.

They definitely banked wrong. The response is now six pages long. I think I've addressed each item and several others that prove my boss is incommunicative. I have to wait until tomorrow's meeting to see if he can cough up the dates and times I've requested from him. I sigh deeply when I remember my advisors who were genuinely the sort that respected women. But at least I know they're out there and that not all men in the sciences/engineering are like this.

I'm contemplating buying myself a treat for enduring this nonsense. Which finger do you think I should put it on?href>

I had these kind of problems about 10 years ago. It won't be much comfort to you, but I lost my job then (single mum with a mortgage and a 5 year old) Was a huge trauma, of course, actually the stress left me in intensive care (another story) but since - I went back to uni, added horticulture to my academic record, got married, bought my cottage in the country, had a dear little baby girl, and I'm now building up a herb business. I'm in the garden most of the day with toddler following, and none of that political nonsense.
Do you really want to stay with this boss if you're just gonna spend your days getting accused of the ridiculous, or would you rather find a nicer place to work? You can always vote with your feet.

Kathy,

Do not count on the support of anyone. Document, document, document. Find out if it is legal to take a tape recorder the other person doesn't know about (this varies from state to state). If it is, record all meetings with your boss without telling him. Assume that he will lie like a rock when talking about these conversations. Decide if you want the job enough to fight and suffer for it. Try to find out if other female subordinates have had problems with him. Contact EEOC and ask for support and or advise. Realize that if you have to fight to keep the job, even if you win you will have burned a lot of bridges, not only where you work now but through the old boy network at other institutions. See if you can hook up with women at your institution or others who can provide support. Try an end run if possible, for example if EEOC says you have a good case go to the dept chair or college vp for example, and say, "I think this could be a bad thing for everyone, can we work this out?" Remember it is not wrong to be practical and say, even if I win I will lose and just move on. Listen very carefully to any advise you get from people who have no ax to grind even if you don't like what they are saying. This kind of educational politics is very tough to fight. Good Luck!!

I can't add anything to the advice everyone has given, so I am sending imaginary chocolate and cyber hugs!!!!!!

Jan

Kathy:

I read your post at work earlier today and I didn't know how to respond... other than I know your pain. I've experienced it first hand, through Steve, and through close friends.

I like the advice you're receiving... esp. the simplicity of what Dorph said.

I just want to say that, no matter what happens, focus on the strategical rather than the tactical, don't burn bridges, just because this twerp makes it personal doesn't mean you need to accept it that way, and more often than not, being "let go" is the best thing that's ever happened to the people I know and love (and am).

Stay calm. Stay strong. You know you do (and did) right by your students. In the end, that's what really matters.

While you're documenting, update your resume and get ready to hit the road - you can spend a lifetime protecting yourself from an insecure user, and still lose the job.

After nearly a year of back and forth accusations and defenses, my good friend finally got fired for coming in early. It was never her performance, it was the company's bottom line sagging into the red, and they needed to pare down the staff - chose to do it with tearing down complaints rather than honestly admitting business failure.

By the time you've defended yourself several times, the committees and decision makers wonder if perhaps where there's smoke there's fire, and at the very least its a constant distraction. Cream always rises to the top.

I'd put that ring on my social finger!
Kathy, I know it's hard to be hit in the face with
all this.
I remember how hard you studied night after night to
pass exams and finally get the reward you spent years working for.
The first time on a battlefield can leave you pretty bruised and battered, however it will make you stronger
and better prepared for the next one.
You know you are a brilliant young woman and you know in your heart you've done the right thing for your students.

The others have given good thoughtful advice.
I've always lived by the play the cards you've been delt
rule.
Unfortunately there will always be insecure men in the world. Those I just picture sitting in a nursing home
drooling down their chin.

The problem with these people is that once they have started being irrational, no amount of facts gathered will have any impression except to annoy them. The logic birdie has flown out the window....
Sounds like you are brilliant, and he doesn't like it, and being more brilliant and rational will make him like you even less. The good news is that there will actually be people out there who appeciate your skills and would be thrilled to employ you.

Symapathies Kathy! And people like that always get their come-upins, always. I hope you get to see that happen some time. Steer clear all you can, and keep clean. My best advice, used for the control hungry person here in my bureaucratic work world (also a university, just not on faculty).

You are all so dear to me...if only I could work with you!

I don't think I ever posted this part. Three weeks ago, I was trapped in my office for office hours and thought I was starting to hear voices. Yeesh. Then I heard them talking about this program that I've objected to. And it sounds like my nemesis, Dr. Donuts. So I was going out for a smoke and it got louder. And I realized I could hear my review committee through the air conditioning vent! I heard Dr. Donuts bad mouthing me for nearly two solid hours. I'm quite sure this is why I got voted down in the department. But of course, it's a sealed meeting, I'm not supposed to know about it so I can't defend myself. Ok, now that you have the background here's today...

I went to Dr. Boss' office to request the documents. Of course he says, "Sit down" and "Do you mind if I close the door". Typical of his administrative personality. He claims that he cannot provide such documents because basically, it's not in his job description, he can't possibly locate them. Then he goes on to attack me for:

1. My students didn't attend Dr. Donuts lunch. This is part of Dr. Donuts hating me. I excused myself, retrieved the emails and said, "OH really, Donuts said that? It's right here in the email that students did attend." Hm. No reply. So he changed tactics to...
2. Well you're not on campus, Dr. L was inviting you to events that happened on Saturdays! Oh? Hm. She never did.
2. "But I hear things and I don't want to upset you but I hear you canceled classes". Oh? Date and time please? Well there was one day when you were sick and you called at 9am. That's a good reason for missing work but you must understand, we had students in the department...

You get the idea. Sure you can be sick but do it at a time that's easier for the department. Of course it's a valid reason to miss work but I'm going to punish you for it anyway. This is typical of his style.

I just couldn't take it any more so I just calmly said, "Excuse me Dr. T, I came here to pick up the documents that you cannot provide. I really need to eat lunch and be ready for my noon class" and I left!

Basically, he gave me three more pieces of ammunition! I can include Dr. Donuts nonsense that I wasn't supposed to know happened! I emailed Dr. L right away and she confirmed that she never invited me to any Saturday events. Then two other faculty memebers plus our recruiter were able to give me the documents I needed that show he didn't invite me to the major service event in question! Dr. T is responsible for inviting me to that service event and is saying I didn't attend when he is the one who didn't invite me. BOTH YEARS! :)

Did y'all send sunflowers or something? Boss man stepped in it in a big way today.