Wow, a lot of issues here. Part of this may be that CS rules are tougher now, and govt does more to people who dont pay.

I think you should ask yourself.

1. Was the original court order fair?

2. Did you sacrifice, have less savings, less retirement savings for you, because you had to sholder it all?

3. Did you children incur student loans in excess of what they might have?

I dont know what to say except why didnt they take his liscense and income tax refunds? Or does he not have either?

I am a little confused.

In your post you say...

"This is a very absent BD... never had much contact with my children through the years, although I attempted to keep in contact with him to keep him informed about the kids and what was going on in their lives. I made attempts through the years to take the kids to visit him and/or his mother. A few years ago after his mother's death, he pretty much disappeared. My kids, who are adults now, have attempted many times to contact him, with very limited success. "

But on a previous message, you posted this....

"We live approx. 6 hours away from both my ex and his ex (we moved because of a job offer for my hubby). We meet halfway for the EOW and holiday exchanges, so kids are still on the same visitation schedule as they would have if we lived closer.
My ex is so easy to work with pertaining to schedules, child support, kid's needs/wants, etc... it is GREAT!"

Do you have more than one ex husband? if not, which of these two posts is correct? Either he works well with child support and visits with you, or he is a disengaged dad who never sees the kids and doesnt pay support.

As I said, I am confused

Yes, I have 2 ex husbands. The one I am referring to in this post is my 1st husb. It was one of those situations where I was a stupid teenager who thought I knew it all and married my HS sweetheart at 16! That marriage only lasted 3 years. Things got very scary and weird with him and after we split up he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder/borderline schizophrenia.... Because of his behaviors, I never really pushed too much contact but at the same time refused to cut him off purposely from my children... no matter what, he is still their father. He, on the other hand chose to cut himself off and to this day chooses not to have contact with my adult children even though they make attempts to have contact with him.

He is the type to work "under the table" for cash, file fraudulant tax returns (yes, their is a lean on them for CS), use fraudulant SS# (he actually tried to get his sister to let him use her child's SS# in the past), and many other fraudulant means to stay "lost" as much as possible to the system. They will find him and collect a little bit of CS for awhile then he will get tired of paying and get "lost" again for many, many years. Sometimes his family members (who are all supportive of me and my children in this issue) don't even know where he is.

These are all reasons that I had pretty much given up on this issue many, many years ago.

Wimom27,

Many women have inadequate retirement savings. Please, if you had to support kids with no help from X, and that precluede you from funding retirement accounts, please, please do not walk away from this.

I had a deadbeat dad. We had endless struggles. His back child support arrearages were also dismissed once we became "of age." We could have used the money when my mom was struggling with trying to feed two kids and provide a roof over our heads while working a full-time job and a part-time job making minimum wage. It was his obligation to contribute monetarily (however, he excelled at working for cash and/or quitting jobs once the state located him). Personally I would have preferred a pound of flesh... Guess I'm still a bit resentful!!!

Don't let him off the hook.

Unless there was a modification in Oklahoma, or the order was registered ( by you) in OK, Oklahoma does not have jurisdiction to waive arrears. You should have your lawyer send the OK court, notice that jurisidiction is held by MN>

Unfortunately in MN, unless your husband has made a payment within the last ten years, his arrears will be non enforceable. If he has made payments, the ten year term starts anew, but if he hasnt paid, you will be SOL in Mn.

HOWEVER...Oklahoma has no statute of limitations, so if there was a modicfication in the past in OK, it is OK's jurisdiction and you still have a claim.

I beleive if OP's X had a subsequent Xwife, OK could take jurisdiction. Also other events could move jurisdiction. But your points are very well taken, and OP should not get her hopes up. But if I were her, I would either be there, or send represenattation. Especially if he has provided any funds, no matter how small in last 10 years.

I would definately look into this matter. The fact that you had to do it all on your own for so many years, and you had to be the only one supporting your children entitles you to whatever may be coming your way. I have heard of men being ordered to pay cs from years ago. Even if you do not need the money, it may help your children with student loans or down payments on homes, etc. And if you could use the money then you deserve it! You struggled all those years to raise kids without his help and we all know that you did not create the kids on your own :)

How do I find legal information on this matter? The CS agency actually did find him and collect some small CS payments for about a year about 5-6 years ago. Then, those payments stopped as quickly as they started!

There has NEVER been any court proceedings in OK. I have never lived in OK. I do not understand why OK is filing anything anyway! We do not live in MN anymore and I'm not sure I could afford a lawyer to write up anything on this issue right now. Can I do anything pro se on this issue?

I had wondered how/why this court proceeding is taking place in OK in the first place! I will have to do some research and calling and find out what in the world is going on.

I have never heard of a "call-in" to a proceeding. If they gave you a phone number on the notice, the first step I would take is call it Monday morning, and ask if you are allowed to file a statement. If you get lucky, the person will indicate what to file, where to file, etc.

At a minium, I would put togethor a brief summary of situaiton.

1. Amount ordered (ex. 200 per month for 12 years, total of 24,000)

2. Amount paid (400)

3. Amount still owed. (20,000)

End with a statement that you are also requesting interest, penalties for the late payments to the extent the court allows.

sign, it, get it notarized and send it in. Make certain to have any and all contact informatin for you, if you cant or dont want to take calls at work, give cell, but try to give a daytime number, give email and home address. If you have a copy of the original order, I would send it in (copy, not original). If you live near where order was issued, and can do so, if you dont have copy, see if you can go to courthouse and get.

I dont know if it pays to get attorney (sounds like this guy avoids paying, may be money down the drain).

Always assume that the court personnel are overworked, lots of cases, and dont have time to call other states and get paperwork, so if you can send copies it will help.

If you have a MN order, you must register it for enforcement in Oklahoma, since that is where he lives. I believe there is only a small fee of less than fifty dollars to do that. Call the MN child support enforcement office and ask them how to get the paperwork, which you can do yourself, and the enforcement office will assist you at no charge.

UNder UIFSA ( which applies because you are both not in the original state), Oklahoma will then have to enforce Minnesotas order. Since he made some payments a few years back, he is still on the hook for the support.

The Oklahoma court has no jurisdiction to cancel arrears, because it has no jurisdication to modify the order.

You can do this without a lawyer, and there is provision in the federal UIFSA legislation for the child support enforcement office in the state where your ex resides, to assist you with this. THe only thing is, it takes a longgggggggg time.

As for the phone testimony for a proceeding, that is also a provision of UIFSA. Because it is designed to adjudicate when the parents are in different states, it allows for phone, video, fax or other such testimony to be admissable, when it would not normally be in regular proceedings

Where can I find the information to back up the claim that Oklahoma does not have jurisdiction to cancel the arrears?

I do not want to spend the time or money on a lawyer, so would like to gather as much information as I can myself and would like to have something legal to refer to in this matter.

Thanks!

In California, there are family law advisers at the court house. In our county, they also have a weekly session for people to attend where they can ask questions, get the right forms & learn what to expect. Check your local court or the state bar association.

This question is to (lonepiper). What do you mean his child support was dismissed when you became of age.How do you know this?

Lonepiper,

Child support arrears cannot be "dismissed" except in a few exceptions (the only ones I know of, I wrote above) The arrears would be owed to your mom, not you. If your mom dies, then they may still be owed to her estate, you may want to check with an attorney in your state. My ex moved from state to state and job to job (mostly under the table) but as far as I know, there is no way to get away from paying support owed.

Addressing Kathline...How do you know this info? My DH's Ex, has a DUI warent out in Colorado, has not paid CS in 4 years.Should I register it for enforcement in Florida where she is? Would be nice to get one lump later in life but she's an alcoholic and I'm afraid she'll die before that. Which begs another question. If she dies what happens? Her parents are well off,is there any way we would get her inheritance and would we have to fight for it?

Onedown, your DH can (and should) have the child support judgment transcribed into the jurisdiction she lives in. If she happens to own any real property anywhere you should certainly have it transcribed to that county as it will attach as a judgment to the title of that property.

As far as her inheritance, the kids would have a claim to it as her issue, but DH would not. However, if the judgment were entered into the county of her death that judgment would be a lien against her estate. If she doesn't own real property or have any substantial assets to her estate this may not get you far though - probate will likely not be done. Of course laws very from state to state, so it may be a good idea to check with an atty. in the state she lives in.
Hope that helps!

That did help.Thank You. I would still like to hear from Kathline though.