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Too much to ask? Just simple manners!

16 years ago

Wondering what to do! My SD 9 1/2 WILL NOT say thank you to me for anything. I don't want bells & whistles~just a simple thank you. DD will make a point to say it so SD hears & remembers but still nothing. I want to stop going out of my way & have her ask BM & my DH for things. SD won't say please to me either. I'm done having this 3yr long conversation. The rest of us in the house say please & thank you all the time but she still won't. Any ideas? Is it horrible to stop doing & buying things for her to make a point?

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Comments (7)

mom2emall
16 years ago
How does your dh feel about this? I think that as a stepparent our relationship can be difficult enough with our stepkids without being the "mean" one. I would let your dh deal with this. He needs to enforce the please and thank yous.

I do not think it is horrible to teach a child respect and common courtesy. I think it is something each child needs to learn.
colleenoz
16 years ago
When I was a nanny I told the children I would not be able to hear requests which did not include a "please". And if I didn't hear "thank you" they would be losing whatever it was they had just received. And if they needed to interrupt, "excuse me" was mandatory. And I followed through. You'd be amazed how quickly those children's manners improved. Their father's staff (he had an in-home business) even commented on it to me :-)
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Saphire- It wasn't the same neighborhood, but it was the same town, within 3 miles distance. Actually, my house was in a better physical location. The house that sold for 725k was the smallest on that other street, which was off an older neighborhood with smaller homes. Mine was one of the larger five homes on my street. Nothing better than mine sold on my street, except for the 2 worst homes on my street, so the comps weren't great for me. The people who purchased the similar to mine, but more expensive home (725k)never looked at my home because they qualified between 700-800k. My house was for sale for 569k. Realtors usually don't bother showing homes for much less if you are qualified for that much. That's what a realtor told me. Ironically, we (in the NE)got caught in a bad market bewteen Sept & Dec 2006. Only the homes under 450k and over 650k to a lesser extent were selling. The in between were not being looked at, or sold. Where I live, we have a few neighborhoods. Most of the newer construction (last 15 years)consists of one or two streets in between older streets. In our town we don't have much land left. Lots are at a premium, that's if you can find one. My point was that "comps" can work for you or against you. It's not good if the first house on your street has to sell quickly & the owners need to bail & give it away. That sets the standard for your neighborhood. I think comps should be done with a fine tooth comb, not just a colonial is a colonial. I can tell you stories from meeting with a few of the realtors, how they would start comparing 2 houses never being inside of them! I don't believe that you should pay 175k more for the same sqft on another street, just because some of the surrounding homes may be valued at 700-800k. I can see the neighborhood carrying a house an extra 25-50k but not almost 200k. I definitely think that the other party got taken. I've been in that other house & it was not worth 725k. The realtors must have worked hard to get price. To the OP- sometimes it works for the seller to list high. After all, realtors will show their house to a party that will be qualified in their price range, however skewed it may be. The savvy buyers won't fall for it. But there is a $.... born every minute & they listen to what the realtors say ;)
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yabber
16 years ago
Yes I agree DH needs to sort that one out. Don't stop doing things for her, it will make things more complicated.

Hopefully DH is not undermining you by letting SD get away with it? I know my FDH sometimes does and it's hard for me at times. He doesn't want to undermine me, it's not about me, it's about not wanting to be the bad guy for the kids (for fear of pushing them away for example).
justmetoo
16 years ago
As your SD has ADHD and is on meds, I have to ask. Is she deliberatley withholding these words to spite you? How many times in one shopping trip, or during one session of any issue is 'thank-you/please' being expected? And is she being encouraged and praised when she does pop forth with the expected words? Are you the only one she refuses to use 'manners' with?
sweeby
16 years ago
The I really mean it! manners lecture would be better coming from Dad. If he'll support you on this, I'd arrange it with him so that he sees SD not thank you for something you do for her in front of Dad, then have him correct her then and lay down Colleen's simple rule.

My boys both have attention issues, but that doesn't absolve them from good manners. I find a long look is all it takes to prompt them that something's missing...
ceph
16 years ago
My SS is 10 and also has ADHD. He is expected to use nice manners to everyone, at all times, and he can *usually* remember.

But occasionally, when he's pulling attitude with me, DH needs to remind him that nice manners are for everyone.
sandstone
16 years ago
The please is easier than the thank you...
Do NOT respond to any request that does not include please. You will be suprized by how quickly please comes out of the toughest little kid, when they are not given the object they are wanting.
The thank you will take time due to the fact that they already have said object =) however; if they are already saying please thank you comes much easier.

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