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singerstepmommytobe

I can't take my step son much longer...

I don't even know how much longer I'll continue my relationship with my fiance because of his 6 year old son. (FYI, I have no children of my own)

When we first met, his son spent half his time at his mothers. Well then his mom decided to drop out of the picture- no support, she MAYBE sees the kid 2-3 days a month now, yada yada.

Then, my fiance got depressed and left me compensating for him, the house and the child. I ended up being the care taker, discipliner, home maker- WHILE working my own full time job, volunteering and going to school full time. Eventually my fiance got on medication and got himself and son into therapy. Then my fiance started picking up more of the slack at home- HELPING to clean and discipline. Things were getting better.

Then the kids "mom" decided that although she was ok with me taking care of, paying for, doing homework with, taking the boy to doctor appointments, paying medical bills, taking the kid to school, arranging play-dates, bathing her son, etc., she didn't like the fact that her son and I were developing a happier relationship together. So she told the kid that I'm the reason she and my fiance broke up (I MET my fiance after their divorce had been filed- SHE was the one whom had an affiar), that the kid should hate me and that I am not ANY kind of a parent to him. (I never told the kid to call me mom, he is 6 and although sometimes he's slipped I always corrected it by saying "I'm not your mommy, but I'm your (my name here)" because I didn't want him to feel pushed away but I never tried to take over the "mom" title, even though I've acted like one when she was off having sex with married men.)

Sorry for the rant but anyhow, after that the kid has gone nuts. He has ADHD, ODD, separation anxiety and a learning disability. All of which I was cool handeling (and even helping to approve according to his school and doctors)until he started at me directly. Now he tells me "He's happy when I'm sad" and that "he wants me to leave." He has even been getting physically violent with me and my dog- he has complete anger meltdowns nearly constantly- the mother won't let him go on medication despite the advice of the kids teacher, special ed teacher, speach therapist, the IEP's, his therapist and his phychologist.

Everything is just BLAH...

I love my fiance but his kid just makes me want to leave and never look back. It's hard to look at the kid right now, even. The kid's mother is a narcissist- I mean, who abandons their 4 year old and then denys them medication? Who physically threatens the women stepping up to the plate for their kid when they're too busy "having fun" even when the women asks for nothing in return except to be treated civilly? (Yes there was a police report made and I NEVER asked her for anything other than that- I never even asked the kid for anything more than that)(BTW, whether you are for or against meds, yes some kids are too easilly categorized for them but this kid sincerely needs them and we didn't just go with the first doctor to tell us that, we'e had many opinions whom all agreed.)

I just don't know what to do. At this point, the kid's father has to do everything for the kid now because I can't be left alone with him without him totally abusing me. I realize the child is young and I'm NOT saying this is his fault or that I hate him, but I have talked to his doctors and teachers and every other parent I know and I've run out of options to work with, and that's no way to live. We've tried counting to 3, taking away toys, taking away dessert, not allowing friends over, no use of the computer (he has kids games on there), making charts, using an egg timer to get him going in the mornings, making stuff into games to see who can get ready the fastest, we've tried positive reinforcement only, the nurtured heart approach, I've written authors and life coaches, etc...

It puts my fiance under the stress of TRUELY being a single parent, the kid as seemingly hopeless, the ex as foul as ever, and me feeling like I'm failing both of them plus my own needs.

Any others out there have anything to say? Support, suggestions? I'm exasperated. Thank you.

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