Don't cut off all contact with your children, always remember them at their birthdays with a phone call and a card with $5-$10 dollars in it. Just concentrate on getting your own head together. It is now time for you, so even if you have to deal with the kids, you can do it in a calm rational manner. Like stated above, try going to a house of worship, take craft classes, yoga classes or something through your park district to occupy your time. You don't say if you have a job, if you don't, get one, at least a part time job, to get out of the house. That way you will have a little spending money to buy some new clothes. Don't let anyone talk you out of it either. Good luck! You can do it.

"The mom is severe bi-polar, doesnÂt work, and has never even attempted to put her in a crib." Do you want to try to co-parent with a woman who is severely mentally ill? If she really is bi-polar, that's serious business. If she's merely a drama-queen, that's bad enough... (Ever had a toxic person in your life?) Do you want to help raise a child whose primary parent doesn't have a job and will therefore push for every penny of child support she can get? A parent who is likely to not have health insurance? To be able to pay for day care, school activities and other extras? To never be able to afford a nice place in a good neighborhood with good schools and nice kids? (Sure, it might not turn out that way -- but what do you think?) Do you want to be the stepmother of a child whose mother doesn't want the father to have any meaningful role in his daughter's life? And just how meaningful a role do you think BioMom wants you to have? And how far do you think she will go to keep your role minimal? Do you really want to spend your life dealing with the behavior problems stemming from a child raised by a mother with questionable judgement? I know it's too soon to tell for sure, but what do you think? I haven't bothered to look for proof, but I suspect most bad parents raise difficult children. I'm sure you've heard all of the lines about how when you sleep with someone, you are also exposing yourself to everyone he/she has ever been with. Well, marrying a man with a child is like that. I imagine you've made the connection that the man and his daughter are a 'package deal'. Please also realize that this package deal also comes bundled with a crazy BioMom -- you get her too. Is this really the best you can do for your future?

Welcome to this board! It is really such a great tool in keeping my sanity as a stepmom! The advice I give you is to really take things slowly and think about the worst case scenerio and decide if it is something you can live with. My hubby has sole custody of my 3 stepkids. But we can not erase her from our existance. She has moved out of state 3 times and come back only to leave again. Each time taking a piece of the kids happiness with her. She has made plans with them and stood them up without so much as a phone call. She has been gone 8 months now without as much as a phone call. We have no idea where she is living or how to get a hold of her. Her family knows which state she is in---which is no longer the same state as us, but that is about it. They can't even contact her! Each time she reappears with promises to the kids, which she does not fill. Then we are left picking up the pieces. At times the kids lash out at us because they are upset with her. But then they will talk to her on the phone and be nice as pie because they fear that she will disappear again if they don't. Its horrible to watch. So sole custody isn't a fairy tale ending. OR you could have a situation like justnotmartha or imamommy where the ex makes everything a fight. Imamommy has been in and out of court with her hubby and his ex. That can get costly. You could have a situation like doodleboo where the kids mom is a druggie and has bad boyfriends that you don't want the child around. You could have a situation like lovehadley where the mom is violent and drunk and uses the child as a weapon and excuse for everything. There is no easy part of stepparenting. Its twice the work of regular parenting and a very thankless job! Would I go back and never have married my hubby? NO WAY! I love him and the children. But I will not lie to you and tell you this was an easy road. It has been a struggle at times. And we have argued over the children and his ex. But we are always able to talk things out. Great communication is the key to success in any relationship, but more so in a stepfamily situation. I wish you a lot of luck and I encourage you to do a search on the posters I have mentioned and on my self on here to read some of our posts and what we have gone through. I also encourage you to come here often for advice or just to vent or share stories.

Here’s an updated photo of how it looks now. Her lettuce is growing so fast, we can barely keep up eating it! And everything else is growing well. We may have been a bit too ambitious with how much we planted but it’s a good experiment in intensive gardening. Here is what is in the bed from left to right: - radishes, we just planted more seeds as the last ones bolted in the heat we are having - corn - drying beans - carrots - peas - bell pepper - cucumber - tomato - green onion - lettuce I’ve started writing an ebook that goes through the full construction process of the bed/planter which I hope to have for sale by next month.