Abusers isolate their victims from friends & family. One of the most effective ways to do it is to convince the victim that her friends & family don't really love her, that *they* want to control her & that they resent him for freeing her from their control, that they're jealous of what she has with him, etc. While he's pouring that poison into her ears, he's also being so obnoxious to her friends & family that friends/family cannot stand him. If he can, he'll provoke them into an ultimatum such as... until he can act respectful, he can't come into their home... Then the victim gets indignant & angry & "realizes" that he's right, her family is no good, they just want to control her... & she severs the family ties herself. & it works great, for him, since he can't be blamed for the rift; *he* didn't do anything, *she* made the choice to sever ties. I think this girl is under the control of an expert controller/abuser. If you approach her directly or if you try to address the issues, you're a goner; she's "in love", she believes everything this guy says, & she's convinced you're the enemy of the most wonderful man in the world. Keep sending her chatty emails, call her on the phone, don't push her at all, but make sure she knows you're still there. I wish you the best.

Hi I'm 16 and know all about it! All you parents think you can just talk to your kids keep them to limited time with there boyfriends and have there trust to go to the moves malls ect.. but strict parents only make sneaky kids leaving the places they say they are parents don't really know what they are doing unless they are there to watch them summer school its not hard To leave and meet up with a guy and do stupid things... its not really in the parents control when their son/ daughter is going to give up their purity. Do you really think our generation is that stupid we do have brains not always doing the smartest thing but we do know what's right and wrong trust me I have done everthing my parents thought they could prevent from happing condoms are something u should give ur kids no matter how much u think u trust them or before u know it they will be teen moms/ dads witch could have been easily prevented but its better to give protection because we don't always think before we get warped up and there's nothing u can do after!! That one kiss that goes too far might be the one that changes their whole life!!! Think about it.

So you moved in to be the cook and maid? Not in my world. I don't wait hand and foot on my own DH of 30 plus yrs let alone my own children. So what skills does daughter have? Is she going to school? Does she have a job? I'm a mean momma that makes kids work outside the home and pay a small rent from the second they get out of high school (they worked on their own desire during high school). I knew I'd not be doing my 'job' as a parent if I did not take the role of preparing my children to launch. Does the daughter have emotional scars from abuse? Any counseling? Is there any reason she is 26 and 'helpless'. Except for she's a lazy slob, you didn't really give much information. I agree the daughter needs set goals and a timeline to complish moving out. But a month might be a bit soon without knowing more details. Job hunting and housecleaning/picking up after herself would be a mandatory immediate. You yourself would not be the perfect person to discuss becoming self efficient with the daughter though. It'd be rather counterproductive to lay out 'you must get a job' when you yourself are a stay home GF who is dependent on her father. The daughter will blow you off as the 'do as I say not as I do' lady. Another thing to question is, is this the way your BF and his daughter have always lived their life? Though BF says he wants it to be different (her move her) his actions don't follow his words. Could he be very content with how he and daughter are and how they live? If so, no matter how much you whine and 'flip out' nothing is likely to change. You've voiced your opinion over the situation for a year and no signs of anything improving or Dad taking a stand with the daughter. I doubt a family meeting will get you changes either, unless Dad is serious about it. If you're physically able, you might consider job hunting for yourself and earning some income so that you can become less dependent on BF. if you can't 'change' them the one thing you can change is yourself. It'd give you a way to leave if all else fails. You're unhappy and so far BF/daughter don't particularly care. That's not a good sign that there is much of a future in your relationship.

Hi Everyone, Wow, it's been a revelation reading your posts. I can commiserate. I've been dating a man for a little over two years. He has 3 children, and the 12 year old daugther (the oldest) is giving me problems suddenly. I have two kids, so we're talking FIVE kids here. Anyway...we waited a LONG time to meet each others' kids and introduce the kids. We all me last May, which was a year and three quarters into our relationship. It could not have gone more beautifully! We've gotten the kids together about 6 times since then, and we are always careful to be sure that we don't occupy every weekend we have our kids TOGETHER; it's important that my kids have alone time with me, and important that his kids have alone time with him. Last month, the sweetest thing happened....his 12 year old said "I love you" to me! It floored me!! She has always attached herself to me, wants to be in MY car to talk to me (rather than her fathers....heck, we have to take 2 cars with 5 kids!), and talks non stop about stuff with a lot of smiles. ALL OF THE SUDDEN..BOOOOOM! This past weekend I was at his house helping take care of his kids while he met a deadline (he's a tax attorney), and as soon as I got there I was met with coldness from her. I was kind of floored. She was misbehaving with her younger siblings, and he saw all of this. He tried talking to her a few times and she keps saying "I'm just tired". Well, finally he had it and they went in a room to talk. She started venting and crying about how her life has changed, she wants him to move closer (he's 30 minutes away). He handled it beautifully with her. I went in to talk to her at another time, as well, and just told her that she can always talk to me, even if it's about me, and that it's important that she get her feelings out and not bottle them up. I also told her that I understood if she didn't want me there that weekend because we've been seeing each other a lot lately, but I was only there because dad was in a pinch and I was helping. She told her dad later on that she "didn't want to talk to HER, because SHE"S the one I'm mad at!!!". I had given her some books as a gift, and she told him "Why did she even give me that? I didn't want it! I told her I didn't want it!". So, how is it...HOW is it that a month ago this little girl tells me she loves me, a few days prior she was telling me all about her first dance, and then BOOM...she doesn't like me? I'm really frightened that this will tear apart our relationship! THe divorce and ensuing time has been fraught with nastiness and bitterness from her mom, who never ceases to badmouth my bf in front of the kids (and in front of whomever happens to be around, even at PTA meetings...it's awful). My bf and I think (are pretty damn sure) that this badmouthing has now been about me, as well, and GOSH only knows what she would be telling this child! I can't control his ex (neither can he, apparently, which is also driving me nuts), and I certainly can't control his daughter. Tonight when I asked him how she could suddenly not like me, how could she have said "I love you" just a month ago, he said, "well, maybe the i love you was just a reflex because she's used to saying it before she says goodbye to people". I was just hurt by that....it feels like he took that away from me, dismissed it as a 'mistake'! And, he couldn't understand why I got hurt! Any advice? I'm at the BEGINNING of this stuff that you guys have been through already, and it sounds like some of you have gotten through it with your relationship in tact. My bf is a wonderful person, and I don't want to lose him, yet I feel rather hopeless. After all, this is the 1st of 5 kids who will all become teens and go through this stuff! With the ex having the kids the vast, vast majority of the time and able to influence them without conscience, I feel like he and I have yet one MORE mountain to climb. It's bad enough dealing with the ex and her antics. Advice....please?